


Edging

by NichePastiche, wisteria_lodge



Series: Jimmyverse [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angel & Vessel Interactions (Supernatural), Angel Vessel Consent Issues (Supernatural), Castiel and Jimmy Novak share a body, Dean Winchester Has PTSD, Dean Winchester Wears Panties, Dean Winchester's First Time With a Man Since Hell, Dissociation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Slow Burn, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, Kink Negotiation, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Past Alastair/Dean Winchester, Past Sexual Assault, Polyamory, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Praise Kink, Rimming, Sexual Dysfunction, Sleep Deprived Dean Winchester, Smut, Subspace, Two Minds One Body, Virgin Castiel (Supernatural), Wing Kink, discussions of consent, discussions of daddy kink, hurt exists in the backstory, mostly comfort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:34:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 117,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27582116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NichePastiche/pseuds/NichePastiche, https://archiveofourown.org/users/wisteria_lodge/pseuds/wisteria_lodge
Summary: It was probably a decent idea to back off, give him space. But the second he did, one of Cas’ arms curled around him and it was like backing into a wrought-iron fence. Cas stared at him, head to the side like he had been asked a question.“Cas. It’s - I’m…” Dean could do this. “Good to see you. Really, really good timing.”He could make this right. He could call Sam, tell him he’d been an idiot for saying they should split up. Make it so that nightmare future never happened. Take better care of Cas.… but then there was Jimmy Novak.(Authors' note: The fic is complete and updating weekly.)
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Castiel/Jimmy Novak (Supernatural), Castiel/Jimmy Novak/Dean Winchester, Jimmy Novak/Dean Winchester
Series: Jimmyverse [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2016169
Comments: 41
Kudos: 66





	1. The End

Dean pulled Cas into a kiss. Didn’t even have to think about it. The night was quiet, the neighborhood empty, they were somewhere on the outskirts of Kansas City. But they could have been in the middle of Times Square. Dean still would have done it.

Sure Cas had been dead before, dead and splattered over the walls of Chuck’s house like sick modern art. That had been bad, but he’d gone out fighting. This time... Dean had watched him die in that bleak, bombed out future Zachariah sent him to, that future where Lucifer was wearing Sam’s body, and where Dean turned cruel. The sort of person who sent Cas to his death casually. For nothing. For a distraction. 

So if Dean’s arms were around Cas now, trying to protect the body that could take a knife or a bullet without flinching - if he had to _kiss_ him to let him know that he _did_ matter, that _this_ mattered - and say sorry to that other Cas, who a few days ago, five years from now, was throwing orgies he was too high to remember with women whose names he didn’t even know…

Well. Dean had never been the poster boy for healthy coping mechanisms. 

All he knew was Cas’ kiss didn’t taste like smoke or absinthe. It didn’t taste like anything. And Dean kept it going, until he managed to convince himself that it was real. _Mostly_ convince himself. 

He broke off the kiss, and felt Cas as silent and rigid as a statue in his arms. It was probably a decent idea to back off, give him space. But the second he did, one of Cas’ arms curled around him and it was like backing into a wrought-iron fence. 

Cas stared at him, head to the side like he had been asked a question. 

“Cas. It’s - I’m…” Dean could do this. “Good to see you. Really, really good timing.” 

He could make this right. He could call Sam, tell him he’d been an idiot for saying they should split up. Make it so that nightmare future never happened. Take better care of Cas.

...and then there was Jimmy Novak. 

Dean was guilty of looking at Cas and seeing, well, _Cas._ Not the normal guy who let an angel wear his body and got a whole lot more than he bargained for. But he sure couldn’t ignore the broken bits of Jimmy floating around Cas’ head in that awful future. Like a ghost haunting its own body. Dean was still replaying that heart-stopping moment when one of those pieces seemed to surface, and all Jimmy Novak could do was scream. 

“Hey Cas…” he said, not even trying to fight the angelic strength. “Is Jimmy okay?”

Cas looked confused. “You are referring to my vessel?”

“Yeah. You know. Is he... how’s he doing?”

Castiel gave Dean a strange, glazed look. Then the arms holding him shook, the body temperature cooled. Dean had zero idea what was going on, but didn’t have time to do anything about it before the grip around him was different. Now the body leaning against him had a totally normal, totally human amount of strength. And was breathing hard.

“ _Jimmy?_ ”

“Hi.” Definitely Jimmy’s higher voice. “Dean. Nice to see you. Ah...” He swayed. “Castiel just dropped me in, didn’t give too much warning. It’s good. I’m fine. Give me a second.” 

Jimmy was having some serious trouble with balance, so Dean slipped an arm around his waist to help him with his sea legs. And sure, Jimmy’s breathing was slower and he seemed calmer. But he only held on _tighter._ His face slipped away from Dean’s collar to press into the skin of his neck. 

There was a lot Dean needed to say. But no idea where to begin, and every time he tried he couldn't get words out. He was trying to talk, but it just wasn't _working_. The not-talking thing had been real bad when he was a kid, after the fire. But it had been a long time since it happend in front of someone who wasn’t his dad or – well, Missouri was psychic and Sammy did most of the talking anyway.

Dean tried to pat down the mess that was Jimmy's hair but just made it worse. The guy looked like he’d been sleeping in his clothes. Like Dean looked after he’d driven through the night for a week.

"You’re looking pretty out of it, man. Does Cas even look in the mirror? Or look at you in the mirror? When's the last time you had a shower?" 

"Um. Time, it – gets weird for me. Not in a bad way. But, probably not for a while?” Jimmy looked embarrassed. “I don't think I sweat anymore though.”

"Okay, right, so I need to ask Cas a question, but then you two are going to get cleaned up, got it? No more molars in people's hair."

Jimmy nodded. And his weight _fell_ against Dean. It took about five seconds for the grip on his shoulder to get a whole lot stronger.

“Cas," said Dean, hoping he was reading the situation right. "Can you bamf us someplace private until the coast is clear and I can go pick up my car? Someplace we can get you cleaned up? Don't know if your angel mojo needs to recharge or what. But…” If he was going to do something about that future, he needed to know _when_ Castiel started to lose his abilities. And _why_. “I'm gonna need to ask about that time Raphael turned you into meat paste, back at Chuck’s. If it’s the kind of thing you only want to explain once, I’ll get Sam. But whatever works. Just... don't overdo it.”

Cas nodded. Then made a movement with his shoulders that could have been a stretch, except angels didn't stretch. Locked eyes with Dean, reached out. Three layers of cotton and corduroy separated him from the red handprint he’d burned into Dean’s shoulder as he dragged him out of Hell. The hand felt right in a way Dean didn't question too closely, and those eyes – looking into them for too long gave him the same reckless joy he got sitting behind the wheel of his Baby, flooring it down a long stretch of road. 

There was a sound of wind, or wings.

And then they were standing in a tiny, dark living room with matching fake-leather couches and nothing on the walls. The place was cold and impersonal, a timeshare where no one could agree on the decor. And it made Dean nervous. Especially those three huge floor-to-ceiling windows, looking out over the dark, empty street. They made him really nervous. 

Cas’ hand was still on his shoulder. Dean covered it with his. 

Then looked away and cleared his throat.

"So. Where are we?"

“A place with running water that has not felt a human presence in some time. A place we will not be disturbed.”

"Yeah. And, uh - when he's not driving, how much is Jimmy..." Dean angled his head, trying to catch a glimpse behind Cas' eyes. "Around? I'm just kind of, you know... asking."

“He is as aware as he chooses to be. As the proceedings cease to interest him, he fades into my being. I could construct worlds to content him. But for now, I seem to be enough.”

Dean couldn't put this off any longer.

"Hey, Cas. Are _you_ okay?"

Again Cas tilted his head. "I do not understand."

“Okay.” Dean tried again. "I mean, it sure seems like your mojo took a hit after..." 

After Cas and Jimmy died trying to protect him.

“... after you died."

Cas went completely, inhumanly still. His voice went precise and cold. "Angels do not _die_.” He took his hand away from Dean’s shoulder. “To die means to go to Heaven or to Hell. We fall, or go to where there is nothing. We cease."

“So I got the wrong word. That's - not the point. Jimmy was dead. You were... not alive. Better?"

"There is no right word for what was done to me.” Castiel looked at the dark room, and for a moment looked lost. “I am returned to you. This could be a punishment. A reward. I might be here by the will of God, the will of Michael, even the will of Lucifer. I have heard that my older brothers were given the ability to create angels. I do not know."

Dean couldn’t help it. He squeezed Cas into a hug. Probably too tight, but he didn’t have to worry about squishing a literally indestructible being. Castiel stayed still. 

"I'm sorry Dean. I wish I had an answer to give you." A slightly bitter edge to his pack-a-day voice. "I wish I had _any_ answers to give you."

It was like someone had poured a bunch of liquid nitrogen into Dean’s veins. Maybe - that didn't have to mean what he thought it meant. There was the kind of fear that kept you from being stupid and the kind that _made_ you stupid. You had to keep them apart.

And maybe Cas had noticed him freeze, because he carefully reached out and folded a hand over Dean’s shoulder again, like he wasn’t sure he was allowed. "Tell me what I can do for you.”

"Just..." What could Dean even _say?_ "Say no to drugs."

Castiel looked at him. Then the space between his eyebrows crinkled. 

"My... vessel thinks that's funny. He says he is too much of a..." Cas paused. "Too much of a 'chicken-shit' for drugs? He is now comparing me to drugs. Favorably."

That horrible, broken-mirror version of Cas had said Jimmy was afraid at the end, afraid until he couldn't be anymore. If drugs were too scary but Jimmy and Cas took refuge in them anyway? Tagging along in the brain of a slowly falling angel must have been a worse trip than the most over-the-top _Reefer Madness_ flick. 

Cas took his hand away from Dean. "We are discouraged from caring for vessels, or humans. Nephilim have been a problem. But I do care. It is selfish."

"Cas, if Jimmy were hurt or sick or something, you'd want to know how to help. You’d want to know if it was going to keep getting worse? Even if there wasn’t anything you could do?”

Castiel was making intense eye contact. He didn’t usually do that for whole conversations. Normally, he talked facing odd directions and let Dean talk to the side of his head. Which meant he was probably doing it for Dean’s benefit, but this was already not going to be an easy talk. Dean closed his eyes. He wished he could do this sitting next to him, so they could be close but not have to _look_ at each other. “Sometimes humans do this thing where we sit down before big conversations. I think it has to do with dramatic fainting women."

"You have meaningful conversations in your car.” 

"Yeah, and if she weren’t in some kind of angelic impound lot with Zachariah, that's where we’d be now."

Dean sat on a sofa that felt like it was made of cardboard and plywood, but at least it didn't break. He shifted and patted the space beside him. Cas walked a few steps over, sank down. "This is very uncomfortable." He glanced once at Dean before looking straight ahead. "Should I turn on the light?"

"Nah. Leave it. Whoever owns this place is clearly an exhibitionist masochist. What’s with those windows? No curtains! And the best couch is facing the street? Weirdos.” The longer Dean spent in this room, the more he did _not like_ those windows. “Come on. Let’s check out the top floor.” 

He was up the stairs and at the - well. It didn’t feel right to call it a landing. It was just the master bedroom, except there was no door. Dean and Cas just stood awkwardly next to each other in the middle of some insane architect’s floor plan. At least the _bed_ looked clean. But it was also the _only_ piece of furniture in the room, which had Dean thinking - would it be weird to sit on the floor? He tried to picture it. Instead of Cas in a trench coat, looking totally out of place, all he could see was that Frankenstein's monster of a person, stitched out of the remains of Jimmy and Cas. Telling a group of women to go get cleaned up for the orgy.

Cas walked across the room and pulled thin curtains over the tiny window. Warily, he sat on the bed. Then relaxed into pillows piled against the headboard. 

A long sigh of contentment. 

" _Dean_." Jimmy's voice. _"_ They sprung for the good mattress. Oh dear sweet Heaven. Promise me that if he tries to get up, you'll do a holy oil circle around us, ‘kay?"

Dean had already started taking off his shoes. _“_ You have no idea how crappy the last bed I slept in was. Scooch."

Castiel's body started rubbing a pillow into his face. " _Thread count_ ," Jimmy moaned. "Oh, I don't _care_ if these people are weird exhibition fetishists, I _love them_ …" He devolved into non-verbal contented sounds.

Dean flopped onto the mattress. Made a noise that sounded pained before shifting enough to get his feet on the bed. Then he starfished out completely, not looking as he slung an arm haphazardly across Jimmy's body, pressing his face against the sheets. Trench coat. More trench coat. Chin. Dean made a muffled noise that conveyed the idea _didn't mean to hit you. Lying at a weird angle and can't see_. Found Jimmy’s face, and ran a hand down his neck until it got to his tie. “Look, I get the whole not-getting-up thing, but no way you’re not sick of this by now." Dean started to pull at the tie, but he was at an angle and using his non-dominant hand so wasn't making much progress. "You could take your shoes off." His feet hurt just thinking about standing around in dress shoes that long. "Or make Cas do it."

"Cas? Can you smite my shoes?" said Jimmy.

“That’s freakin' adorable, dude."

"He says no and I don't know if it's a 'he can't' or an 'abuse of his power,' but he does say he can make me warmer."

Dean grinned. "You just like undermined my cuddling plans. I was totally going to cop a feel."

"Hear that Castiel? Now you definitely have to take off my shoes for me."

As if in response, Jimmy's body sat up. And it was strange to watch him struggle with shoelaces, but the tie was easier since Dean had started it. The coats joined it on the floor. And then Castiel carefully started undoing the buttons down the front of the dress shirt, a white tee showing underneath. "Does my vessel like _any_ of his clothes?" 

"You're not even going to get up, are you?" Dean laughed before rolling off the bed, not graceful. Moved his shoes to the foot, and began to shed his outer layer with military efficiency.

And then he stopped. His jacket was almost off before he. 

Thought better of it.

Castiel had finished with his dress shirt and Jimmy - the way he moved felt more like Jimmy - flopped back down on the bed.

Pulling the jacket the rest of the way back on, Dean started over. He'd gotten naked in front of enough people to have a pretty good idea of how to make it look good. Or at least, not boring.

Jimmy was staring at him. And for a split second his eyes got bigger, and Dean almost stopped. But then Jimmy wolf-whistled, and crossed his arms behind his head. 

"Hey there, sailor!"

Dean threw the jacket at him. " _Hey there_ , sailor? Pretty sure it's 'Hello, sailor.'" He used a comedically sultry, not totally unattractive, Jessica Rabbit voice. 

Jimmy gave Dean a thumbs up. "Two tickets to the gun show, _please_."

Dean very deliberately bit his lower lip before glancing up through his eyelashes and - in what he considered to be a _genuinely_ sexy cadence - "On a scale of one to ten..." Pause for effect. "How confused is Cas right now?" He had to bite his lip to keep from breaking character. He was out of his jacket now, and playing with the hem of his shirt. Probably he should keep it on. It _was_ cold. But the belt was coming off. And so was the concealed carry holster. Dean wasn't trying to be sexy anymore, as Jimmy crawled forward.

"Is that a _holster,_ man? I was only _kidding_ about the gun show!"

"You're lucky it’s not loaded."

Jimmy was smiling a little coyly. “I mean, is that a gun in your pocket, or are you happy to see me?”

“Yes.”

Jimmy smiled wider. "Okay. I'm going to leave this job to the professional. You've probably got concealed knives in all kinds of crazy places. Don’t want to risk it.”

Dean rolled his eyes.“Yeah, yeah. You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Hate to break it to you Jimmy, but the deal with concealed weapons is they’re supposed to be _concealed_. And unlike _some_ people I know,” Jimmy and Cas were like two kids hiding in a giant trench coat sometimes. “I wear clothes to show off what I’ve got.” There wasn’t really a way to look sexy while fishing a holster out of his pants, so Dean threw it onto the pile of clothes like the world’s least aerodynamic frisbee. “There. Totally unarmed and defenseless.” Glance back at Jimmy. “As far as you know.” 

Jimmy moved from his ankles to his knees. Dean didn’t think he’d ever seen him in so few layers before, and didn’t even try to keep his eyes from wandering. 

“Unarmed and defenseless, huh?” Jimmy looked like a kid just dying to tell a secret. He must never be allowed to play poker. The look on his face said _I have a royal flush._

He reached over, curious, to poke at the discarded holster, with the crown of his head almost touching Dean.

And then, quick as anything he pressed up, got his back against Dean’s chest and an arm around his shoulders. And _flipped him_ onto the bed in a corkscrew take-down. He was definitely cheating, probably borrowing on angel strength. But now Dean was sprawled, butt on the bed and legs off it, with Jimmy lying across his body, keeping one shoulder down with the weight of his torso.

“I was on the wrestling team in high school,” Jimmy said, panting. He looked impossibly smug. “Junior year, we won regionals.”

"I think I’ve got you exactly where I want you." Dean rolled his hips slightly, with no intention of trying to escape.

He had kissed Cas. He still needed to kiss Jimmy. This wasn't some stupid fairness thing. He needed to know Jimmy was still in there, that he was okay. That he would keep on _being_ okay. And so he pressed up, and kissed the only two people who'd ever had him at their mercy without making him feel helpless.

It was a kiss that went zero to sixty _really_ fast. Jimmy kissed him back like he was trying to win a prize, like he was trying to distract Dean from noticing his buddies were stealing a car across the street. He let up on the shoulder, and slowly drew a line from the waistband of Dean’s jeans _up_ , pushing shirts out of the way so he could touch skin. When his hand was over Dean’s solar plexus, he kept it there.

"You're so calm. How d'you do it?"

Dean wasn’t calm. Jimmy's hands were leaving behind a trail of lightning. It was just hard to _think_ when your heart was doing the bungee jumping scene from _Goldeneye_.

He let his hands explore the muscles of the gorgeous thighs Cas and Jimmy kept hidden under all those layers. He was such an ass for leaving them standing on the side of the road all night. He leaned up into the kiss, hands kneading along the tense muscle until they got to Jimmy's ass, made good on his promise of copping a feel. Was this turning into the weirdest threesome ever? Dean had no objections. He would check in with Cas to make sure they were all on the same page before things got too hot, but for now - he was okay trusting Cas to let them know if something wasn't working for him.

Jimmy caught his breath to whisper right over Dean’s ear, "Can you push me back onto the bed? Gonna overbalance."

Dean got a hand under his thigh, shoved him until he was straddling his hips. “I got you.”

Jimmy made a noise low in his throat. “Well, these are coming off.” He started scrabbling at the buttons on Dean’s shirt, pulling at the grey tee along with it, getting things tangled up. He stopped – frustrated - and sat up, took his own t-shirt off over his head.

"Wait." Dean put out a hand. "I … do you know about the burns? I don't think Cas had a body back then? Except, maybe he did, since he used your hands to do it..." 

Jimmy stopped pulling. Dean instantly regretted saying anything. Should have just left his shirts on and not explained why.

"Burns? If it happened in the first month or so of me being a vessel... I didn’t know which way was up or down." Jimmy shifted, uncomfortable. "Gimme a second. I'll get Castiel."

He looked upwards, not at Dean, and seemed to get bigger somehow. Heavier. And when he looked back down - it was Castiel straddling Dean's body, and Castiel's eyes looking at him. He put two hands on the offending garment, ripped it off like a band-aid. Surveyed Dean beneath him. Put his hand over the handprint burn mark. Just needed that one arm to pin Dean to the mattress.

"Why did you stop my vessel? Why did you not want him to see this? Why do you think there is any part of you he would not find beautiful?"

"That's not - I just thought—" Dean finished processing what Cas had said. Blinked a few times. "Beautiful?"

"Is this news to you?"

Dean tried to refocus, "Uh… never mind. Not important. I meant -"

Castiel touched the skin over his shoulder, and then very deliberately lined up his own fingers with the handprint.

Dean was suddenly very aware of the fact this was Cas. And Cas was shirtless. Straddling him. Dean had thought about this. He'd be lying if he said he hadn’t, but he had expected it to be sexy. Instead, it was breathtaking. Dean could feel how small he was on a cosmic scale and yet Cas was _here_. Holding his hand to the mark that was a record of the first time they met. What was he supposed to _say_?

Castiel was still touching the burn mark. Then he bent, and it felt like a bow, and kissed it.

Then he kissed Dean’s lips. Not for nearly long enough.

Dean unconsciously tried to follow when Cas broke away, then let himself fall back against the pillows. He considered doing an exaggerated swoon, but decided not to. He didn't want to confuse things. And, he wanted to let himself enjoy this. "If we're gonna do this, we're gonna do it right." Dean took one of Castiel's hands and brought it to his lips. There was something about Cas that made him want to do weird old fashioned sappy shit like that. "Tell me how to make you feel good. I want to make this good for you."

Cas took Dean's hand and studied it, running his fingers down the wrist, then the underside of the forearm, up around his biceps. Cas seemed fascinated by the planes of his chest, the muscles and the tendons, the way it all fit together. All of it, equally fascinating.

"I have never done anything like this before," Cas said, passing a thumb over Dean's nipple with the exact amount of attention he was giving everything else. He had a brief look of concern as he sat up, ran a hand down his own chest. "I have never seen this body without clothing." 

He looked at Dean. "But yours, of course. I know very well."

Dean was trying to figure out if this was Cas’ version of dirty talk. He had to know that "know" didn't exactly mean "know" when they said it in the Bible, right? But it was really hard to tell, and in case it wasn’t dirty talk - Dean didn't want to make him self-conscious.

"It is good to see you so hopeful and whole,” said Cas.

Okay. Not dirty talk. That was a relief. They really needed to focus on the basics first. Communication. What felt good, what didn’t. Jimmy could probably help with some of that. This was his body. But then again...

"So an idea here? Cas, I'm thinking that it might be good for you to get to know Jimmy's body too? If he’s up for that. I can give you guys your space, or stay. I mean I'd like to stay, but if you don't want me to stay I get it. Only..." Dean trailed off as Cas' eyes went from confused, to the fuzzed-out non-focus of the Cas-Jimmy in-between.

"Hey." Jimmy’s voice. He took a long exhale, and flopped down so his head rested his head in the dip of Dean's shoulder. “Castiel is a little confused right now. But he'll be okay." Kneaded Dean's bicep, a tiny unconscious gesture. "How you doing?"

"How am _I_ doing? Are you serious? You see who I have in my arms right now?” He surprised by how familiar this felt, considering this was the first time he’d ever head Jimmy like this. “How are _you_ doing? We haven’t scared you off?"

"You wish. Of the two of us, I'm the guy who has an entire angel inside him right now."

"Kinky."

"About your… idea. Uh. Are you serious about… hanging around? I mean, I think – I think Castiel could probably benefit from multiple perspectives on human sexuality?"

“It’ll be like _Dirty Dancing_. With more dirty, less dancing, obviously. But the same deal. We’ll have him dancing the horizontal mambo in no time." Dean could picture it. Him behind Cas, carefully correcting his technique while “Hungry Eyes” played in the background. Touching him a whole lot more than was strictly necessary. 

Jimmy turned his head into Dean’s neck, either shy or embarrassed. “I'd like to do this for him. Make him feel good, I mean. Being inside him when he's all safe and powerful and.. it’s just, it’s good. And he feels that way around you a bunch, so. Thanks.”

"I didn't know that." Dean chose his words carefully. "It’s good I help him feel more... the way he wants to be." He turned on the mattress so he and Jimmy faced each other. Dean brushed the hair out of the way to kiss his forehead. "He does the same for me." Cas was in there, somewhere.

Which reminded him.

"I know Cas is invulnerable and everything, but he got hurt somehow. You don’t have to talk about it, but you'll let me know if it gets worse? I know I’m paranoid and overprotective. It’s my job." 

And before Jimmy could answer, Dean kissed him. He misjudged slightly, and it landed a bit to the side. He kissed the other corner like he would bracket a target, and then kissed Jimmy properly. "Cas and me are supposed to watch over people like you. Fight the stuff that wants to hurt you so that you sleep at night without having to think about it. And we're supposed to have each other's backs, and make sure we both get home okay. So you promise me you'll let me know if whatever is going on with Cas gets worse." Having finally said what he came here to say, Dean came down for one more kiss. But this time, Jimmy turned his head to avoid it.

"He misses the other angels.” He was curled up into Dean's side. "A lot of them were bad and dangerous, but a lot were cool. Watchers. Healers - they've got cupids even. They know all sorts of things. Crazy _,_ being at the edges of that, just for a second. And now he can't talk to them. He's still himself, he's still a soldier. He’s not _less,_ he’s just... without." Jimmy did a short little laugh, no humor. “So you know. If we get clingy. That's why."

Damn. No wonder Cas had been such a wreck.

"It’s good he talks to you about that stuff. It's okay that he doesn't talk to me. I didn't know them. You at least got to meet them. And sure he misses them, even the a-holes. They're still your family. If that ever happened to me I'd-"

A fire. A hospital room. His brother screaming from down the hall. A body. A crossroads. Dogs he shouldn't have been able to see. Pain. A knife in his hand. A sunken room with a drain in the floor that was backed up more often than not. A pool of blood that reached his ankles. Burning pain in his shoulder and something with wings and impossible edges hidden in the shape of a man. A box and too much earth. Another body, this one partially eaten. Someone is wearing Sam and a white suit in a garden where nothing can live.

A body again. This one real. This one here. Dean was trying to remember how to breathe as he held on to Jimmy. It only lasted for an instant, but time worked differently in Hell. He focused on the feeling of Jimmy’s heartbeat and the gentle rise and fall of his chest. Dean tried to match his breathing.

"A window. The floor. My shoes. Some ugly curtains. A handsome man. That's five.” Dean was coming back to himself. Putting some space between them, he used a thumb to try and smooth out the slight, worried frown on Jimmy's face. "Your stubble. Your lips." Dean's hand explored lower until it rested on Jimmy's chest. "Your shoulders. Your heartbeat. That’s four."

Dean was starting to feel enough like himself again to not bother with the rest. "And then three things I hear, but I'll skip that one in case there's dogs." He buried his nose in Jimmy's neck and breathed in. "Jimmy, and Cas which counts as two."

Dean could feel his face burning with embarrassment. He wanted to pretend this had never happened as soon as he possibly could so they could get to the fun stuff. He kissed Jimmy quickly. "Also you. Okay done. Right. Where were we?"

Jimmy exhaled, and at the end of his breath unfurled against Dean's body, pressing too tight and pulling the cracks and kinks out of his back like a very mean masseuse.

"Look, _I'm fine._ Forget this happened. I have nightmares and this one hacker guy told me it helps if you list what you see, touch, and hear, and it's mostly bullshit because you have to say it out loud and it doesn't even work every time. Usually I list the five things I can see and then switch to like, Zeppelin's discography or steps to stabilize a spinal cord injury, but you're a civilian and I didn't want to scare you with the spine stuff and um..." Dean was sure his ears were red.

"I should have talked to you." A rough, scratchy voice. Cas. "Both. Either. My vessel is not wrong in his assessment of the situation. But he has frightened you."

"Oh. Hi. Cas. I thought - well, you _were_ Jimmy but... um, yeah." Dean hoped Cas understood. "I just need to know you’re not - I don't know - bleeding out or something? I don't know how this angel stuff works." 

Cas put a hand under Dean's neck and arranged him, so his face rested in his body and Cas didn’t have to look at him. 

"I am not wasting away,” he said, finally. “I still have my grace. I did not cast it away like Anna. I do not know whether to call myself an angel, since I hear the song of Heaven so faintly. I feel sometimes that I might call myself a powerful demon, if it were in me to define myself fairly."

"Thank _God._ " Dean didn't know whether to laugh or cry. 

“You are relieved that I might be a demon?”

“I’m relieved that you’re not dying! And I know, angels don’t die, I don’t care…”

"You should know that whatever vision Zachariah gave to you, it is not true. He is not an archangel. He cannot access the future. He will take your worst fears, and pare them down to the ones that serve him best."

Wait. Did this mean - _Cas and Jimmy were safe_? Dean wasn't too late to save them? _It wasn't too late?_ He felt a little hysterical, but was too relieved to care. 

“Cas, I thought—"

"I thought what he showed me was real, for millennia."

Dean kissed him. He wasn’t going to stop being afraid of that future until at least 2014, but Cas had fought against thousands of years of that. For him. 

"Whatever I am,” said Castiel. “Whatever I have left to offer. Is yours." Unexpectedly, he laughed softly into Dean's hair. "My vessel says if I were going to start making elaborate declarations of love, I should have given him some warning."

"Tell Jimmy - I thought you were going to die and you were carrying around parts of him and having drugged up orgies because the angels left _-_ "

"My vessel thinks this version of me sounds much cooler.”

“Jimmy. You don't... He was so _broken_. I was torturing again and... he started a _cult_. And you were _dead_ but it happened _slowly_ and he felt _everything_. You know how good it is to see you both happy and okay right now? I could kiss you!"

"You should know that my vessel is trying to picture you naked. He knows this is an inappropriate stress reaction, and is guilty that you now associate this body with inappropriate sexual acts. I am sorry Dean. I am selfish. He wants to speak with you but I cannot bring myself to let you go. I hope my compromise to his voice is not upsetting."

"It's okay. This is good. If we're talking..." Dean brought Cas and Jimmy’s hands to his chest. "I'm still looking forward to seeing you get to know his body, but… if you both wanted to get to know mine first… I'd be happy to introduce you."

It was like Jimmy exploded out of Cas.

" _Finally._ Cas can sit with you for three hours and look at the stars _later._ " He tipped forward, and tackled Dean backwards into the mattress.

"Okay, buddy. What I've heard is that you nearly died, Castiel nearly died, I _did_ die, this Zachariah has been screwing with everyone, but I've got you right here. World is crazy, you're doing an amazing job. So _somebody_ should be kissing you."

“The pants _are_ coming off, I know that,” said Dean. “And I mean... you did promise me a show earlier?” 

"Sorry, you gotta remind me. It's been kind of intense in there in the last couple minutes, no thanks to you. What show?"

Dean just raised his eyebrows and mimed jerking off. "You and Cas were going to get to know each other? You asked me to watch? He's never even touched himself. I don't know what he looks like to you, but from what you've said, he's gonna light up like a Christmas tree."

Jimmy nodded, rubbing his face, smoothing his hair. "Right. Sure, yes. Castiel, I'm running kinda hot, can you... bring down my body temperature, a little? Is that a thing you can do?" Fuzzed out eyes, a sigh of relief. _"Thanks."_

"Did he _literally_ just change your temperature? I don't want to rush anything - but how do you feel about edging? Because if he can do _that_ there is some serious potential," said Dean.

"What’s edging?”

"Right, so it’s basically this thing where you stop _right_ before your partner climaxes, and you do that a couple times and like... that’s for later."

Jimmy paused, clearly processing on a lag. He pushed himself out of bed, leaned his forehead against the glass of the tiny ugly window. Blue moonlight from outside cut around his profile.

"I think it needs to be you two, right now. Yeah. I want to watch you touch our angel. I think that's right. I'll be here, and I'll help things along if I can. It'll be his movements, but I can help."

" _Damn_ that's sexy. Yes. But before you go, he did say he knows my body completely, and _you_ wanted to see me naked." Dean was still lying on his back, and undoing his pants as slowly as possible. Half way through, he paused.

Jimmy inched on top of him, and reached out to bring the zipper down the rest of the way. His hands slid along the edges of Dean’s hips, pulling off the boxer briefs and jeans. Until there was nothing left. 

He sighed. "You're an unfair person, you know that? I'd say something about being sculpted by the gods, except that I actually know you were put together by an angel."

"That was corny even for you." Dean pulled Jimmy down. "Cas and I were torn up over losing you, you know that? That other me? Cas and him weren’t even talking and I think he was only sticking around for however long he needed to get the job done."

Jimmy blushed.

"Um. Thanks. Sometimes I do feel like one of those Greek myth girls, you know. Like Zeus showed up and wants to sleep with you, but he's a shower of golden coins or something, and you're just there with your goats. But now you're here. And you like me. For some reason."

"Because you got caught in the crossfire, and you didn't let it change you? You’re _badass._ I've seen other people do the same kind of thing, but they just end like me, or Cas. And you're just kinda here."

Jimmy smiled. "I am going to ride a firework in a minute, and it is going to be good. But um. Is there something you don't want to happen? Because the, limiting factor here - it’s not Castiel. There is - he would. _Anything._ "

"Yeah, uh. See. See, that's what I'm afraid of. I don't...." Dean took a deep breath, "I've hurt people, Jimmy. Seriously bad stuff. So I just want to make him feel good. I want him to tell me what he wants. No idea’s too much. And I’m not going to be able to do this if I don’t know you’re on board too. So... what I need, at least for a while," Dean hooked a finger into the waistband of Jimmy' pants. "Whoever is driving this thing is going to need to keep me up-to-date on how the other guy’s doing. And _before_ we do this, both of you need to know that if you want to stop, we stop. Don't need to give a reason. We uh... don't have any lube, so that means no butt stuff. Not right now at least. And um - this mattress is amazing even if the rest of the house sucks ass. But I'm not sleeping in the wet spot so try not to jizz on the sheets. We’ve got a perfectly good shower and I’ve got a perfectly good mouth. In me or on me is fine. Just not in my eye or something. Also maybe not the hair? I’m assuming you’re clean? Doesn’t matter, Cas would have fixed it if you weren’t. And before you go away and I can't talk to you, I want to know if there's anything you’d be really into. Because I'd be happy to _lend a hand_. I kinda want to take him apart piece by piece and see if he like… fills the room with static electricity. But no choking, painplay, watersp-“

Jimmy’s eyes were getting bigger and _bigger._

“What, why – Oh, right.” His brain caught up with his mouth. “You didn't know what edging was. Look, I haven't _done_ all that stuff, just.... yeah, there's a lot I don't want. What... what kind of things were you thinking?"

Jimmy blinked a few times. “Geez, guy. I was mostly trying to see if you’d be okay with giving Castiel a blowjob.”

"Just remember the no choking thing. I can't deep throat and trying is just going to end up with a lot of vomit and me crying in a corner not knowing how I got there."

“Well, nobody wants that,” said Jimmy, as he climbed up onto the bed and leaned against the headboard, cross legged. "And um. If you want. Kiss me – him – on the inside of the wrist. Or behind the ear, too. It’ll drive him crazy. I know it drives me crazy."

Dean braced his arm against the headboard and leaned down to whisper in his ear, a little smug. "That so?" He let his breath ghost across Jimmy's skin before moving away. "I'll be sure to keep that in mind." Deciding not to be a complete tease, he took one of Jimmy's hands - brushing the tip of his nose against the pulse point, before bringing it to his lips.

Jimmy hissed in a breath and made a kind of squeaking sound, and then very suspiciously brought both his bent knees up to center. Dean just smiled, entirely too pleased with himself. "Okay. Enough mushy stuff. Just so we're clear, because I still can't believe I get to do this, I'm going to watch him touch himself _for the first time ever_ while you give him advice?"

Jimmy nodded, and then swallowed. "Yeah," he said, pitched too high. "Yeah. That. You - go sit over there." He sort of vaguely moved his hand at the end of bed. "Gotta do my thing, you know. Angel stuff. Call Castiel."

Dean kissed him softly on the lips before retreating to the foot of the bed and doing his best Burt Reynolds impression.

It wasn't actually very comfortable and he felt pretty self-conscious.

"Hey? Toss me a pillow?" He felt kinda exposed until sudden inspiration struck. "Wait." He crawled over to the side of the bed, grabbed Jimmy's trench coat off the floor. Putting on the coat and nothing else, he repositioned himself on the bed so he was covered up, but still giving Jimmy a view. "How do I look?"

Jimmy blinked at him.

"I sort of got my brain stuck picturing you in a feather boa, but this is good. You're gonna... gonna make a fine visual aid."

"I know, right?" Dean ran a hand down his chest, over his hip and along the inside of the thigh. "Couldn't figure out why you were rocking the sexy Inspector Gadget look, but I think you might be onto something."

"Oh shut up. That coat is a wardrobe staple."

"You're cute."

Jimmy scrunched himself back up against the headboard. "I'm gonna let Castiel deal with you now."

"Love you too, man."

Jimmy's knees - still in his slacks - were bent, and he rested his wrists on top of them. "Yeah. See you on the other side. Call me if you need me." He exhaled long and slow, tipping his head back.

Then Cas opened his eyes.

He was looking at Dean with such intensity that it was more like being touched than being looked at. His hand moved, to drag down the zipper on his pants. Jimmy had apparently been more than half hard, and now there was his erection in Cas’ hand. But those eyes didn’t move from Dean’s. And then his thumb moved down to where Dean couldn’t see it any more, in one long stroke.

"Oh, fuck."

Only then did Cas look down, fondly, indulgently, and moved to strip off the rest of the clothes. That left him reclined, completely naked, running hands down Jimmy’s stomach, kneading into the muscles of his thighs, paying attention to little moles and scars, tracing the slim line of hair that started at Jimmy’s belly and went down. When he was done touching the dark curls, the hand came to rest at the juncture of his thigh, the other casually balanced on his bare knee. His thighs - were spread wide apart. And between them, was his cock. Medium sized, pretty much all the way hard now. Cas’ face came back up to hold Dean’s gaze, and the picture he made was completely shameless.

There _was_ something about him spread out like that against the ridiculous satin quilted headboard that made him look kind of like an emperor. Or Zeus, like Jimmy had said. Dean bit his lip and tightened his grip on his knee to keep from touching himself.

Cas smiled. "He's very beautiful, isn't he?"

Dean's only reply was to fall back against the mattress, and throw an arm over his eyes, face turned skywards as he gave an irritated groan. The muscles of his abs fluttered involuntarily. He laughed.

There was a sound almost like kissing as Cas sucked his own fingers, experimentally. “Apparently, I need salvia.” 

Dean moved the arm blocking his vision. Propped himself up on one elbow to get a better view. "Seriously. I'm not complaining, but you have the whole headboard. Can I have one of the pillows? I was kinda hoping to be able to sit back and enjoy the show." 

Cas took the finger out of his mouth and curled it into his hand, an unconscious come-hither gesture. "You could help."

Dean sat up and shed the trench coat before giving a salute and a wink."Yes sir." He was in the middle of crawling over to Cas before he realized what he'd said, and his reaction was instantaneous.

"Eugh, _no_. God, no. I can't _believe_ I just called you the same thing I call my _dad_. Jesus! That's one more thing. No daddy kink. Not my thing. REALLY not my thing. Oh God, you have no idea."

"... please stop saying my father's names, Dean."

Dean couldn't help it, he started laughing. "Fucking Chri-" Dean snorted and crawled over to sit against the headboard with Cas, not even trying to look sexy anymore.

"Okay. So God and Sir are banned in the bedroom from now on." He snaked an arm around Cas and placed a kiss on his angel's shoulder, simply because he could. "Okay. Let’s brainstorm. List sexy things until we find one to call you. We could do Angel, but that seems kind of… would that be like you calling me 'Human' or Jimmy ‘Meat-suit?’ Master’s out. What's something sexy that means you belong to someone, and like... is something you're into?"

Cas brought a hand up to Dean's face. "Beloved. Adored. Highly favored." He shook his head. "That sounds better in Aramaic."

“So your kink is just.... love or something? I... guess that could work?” Dean wasn't sure he was comfortable with that. But it was also as far from anything he’d called Alastair as you could get.

"You are those things to me,” said Cas. “I would hope I am those things to you."

"Oh." When he put it like that, Dean couldn't exactly argue. 

"Yes… love."

Cas put out a hand to turn Dean's face towards him, holding him so he couldn't look away. "My beloved." 

Dean found himself leaning his face into Cas' hand without meaning to. "I'm sorry. Should I call you that? Is that what you were calling me? I'm a bit....confused, maybe? Hard to describe."

"You are my beloved."

"Oh. Okay. Nice."

Dean felt like he was watching everything from slightly further back than he should be. His stomach felt weightless.

He turned his face to kiss the inside of Castiel's wrist.

Cas closed his eyes and hissed in a breath. His hand came up to Dean’s scalp, the other around his face. Dean's eyes closed, as he hummed in contentment.

Cas pulled blindly towards him and kissed him, hard and deep, opening him up. Fingers twisted into Dean's hair. And Dean himself was soft and pliant, a warmth melting through every ache in his body. Cas took the momentum from the kiss and used it to straddle him, pushing Dean back and down into the mound of pillows. His limbs felt heavy, and in the total absence of pains he hadn't even noticed he felt, he could have sworn he was floating. He meant to say something, but instead it just turned into another soft, almost sleepy noise of happiness.

A hand came up to Dean's mouth, thumb starting to explore his lips.

That point of contact felt like the only thing keeping Dean tethered to reality. He realized he had shut his eyes, and opened them right as he caught Castiel's thumb in his mouth. Dean imagined he could feel the texture of the fingerprint on his tongue. He absently wondered if that was even possible.

"So good,” said Cas. “We didn't even have to ask."

A full body shudder danced its way up his spine. Cas must be doing something to him. Whatever it was, he hoped he _kept_ doing it. Dean's thoughts were muffled. It took work to make them form words. It probably wasn't worth the trouble. He'd rather just float here.

He stifled a moan. Looked into those eyes, like a physical tether between them.

What was this?

"Please. Want to make you feel good." Dean stumbled drunkenly over his words.

Cas’ voice was even and calm. "Will you kiss the rest of our fingers, beloved?"

Dean obeyed without thinking. His mind was so quiet for once. Wasn't listening for potential threats or scanning the exits. Didn't have to try not to think, about things he'd rather forget. The stillness was effortless. Cas played his other hand through Dean’s hair, pushing it back and away from his face. 

"I don't want you to go." Dean felt a bit like he was falling. It wasn't as pleasant as the floating feeling. "Cas, what... what is this?" Dean felt drunk. He _sounded_ drunk.

Cas took his fingers back, and ran them down Dean's body. "You seem to have entered some alternate meditative state. I am reminded of Tantric Buddhism."

"Will I be okay?"

"Yes. We are here, the ones who love you."

"You too. So much. I don't deserve you."

"You have taken such care with me, and with my vessel. All this is because of you."

"Want to take care of you. Want to keep you safe. You keep me safe. I like being the one worth rescuing... love..." That last part was supposed to be an 'I love you' but Dean was mumbling.

He raised an arm that felt like it weighed twice as much as normal and managed to pull Cas closer. "Should be scared of this. I'm not." His speech was less slurred, he wasn't quite as dizzy, but he still felt a pleasant warmth pooling in his arms and legs. The muscles of his thighs felt like they had been soaking in a hot tub for hours. Completely relaxed in a way he didn't think - he ever had before.

"Fear not. There is only joy here."

"Don't think I can feel fear right now? Didn't think I was scared before. But way less scared now. I think we were doing something important. Hard to focus."

Cas bent down to kiss Dean again. When he broke it - "We would both love to touch you. Is that too much?"

Dean felt tired. Tired like when you ran until your muscles gave out. That was the closest thing he knew to this. A runner's high, but different. "Can you kiss me again?"

Cas easily pulled Dean up from the pillows. His kisses didn't stay on Dean’s lips, but traveled over his jaw, and neck. Cas tipped Dean's head backward over an arm, so he could kiss down his entire throat, starting at that vulnerable soft spot just underneath the chin.

Dean tried to move his hand, and stopped. "It goes away if I move now. Can I…" He closed his eyes and just enjoyed breathing deeply. He wasn't sure how long it was before he realized he didn't finish what he was saying "...stay. Feels so good right now. Don't stop."

Feathery warmth all over Dean's skin. Cas draped Dean's arms around his shoulders and lifted him off the bed completely, holding his thighs. Through it all, he kissed Dean’s collarbone and his chest, every kiss slow and deliberate, like Cas was trying to systematically catalogue every inch of skin.

Then he laid Dean out on the bedspread, arranging him so all his limbs were spread apart, and continued, kissing along his stomach, and hip bones, and groin. He laid one little kiss on just the head of Dean's cock, before continuing down to kiss along Dean's inner thighs. And with that finished, he arranged himself in the pillows as carefully as he had Dean, so there would be the least amount of jostle possible, when Cas laid him across his chest.

He listened to the beautiful slow sound of Dean's calm breathing, and was glad that angels did not sleep.


	2. Morning After

Dean didn’t want to wake up. His entire body was relaxed, he was cuddled up to something warm. He felt safe and secure and was going back to sleep. Vaguely, he remembered there was something he wanted to be awake for. That could wait. He moved to snuggle more deeply under the covers. What could be so important that he would want to leave this feeling? Nothing. That’s what.

Wait. There didn’t seem to be any covers, and the chest he was asleep on seemed to be attached to a person. Which, all things considered, was better than the alternative. He had been right, about that reason to wake up. Cas must’ve have done something, because this was the best sleep he’d ever had in his _life._ As soon as he could wake up enough to remember how talking worked, he’d have to ask his secret.

But Dean didn’t bother to open his eyes. He’d get there eventually. For now he just pressed a sleepy kiss to the very comfortable angelic vessel he’d been using as a pillow, and smiled to himself. 

Fingers stroked the back of his neck. “You sleep so easily in my arms, Dean,” Cas rumbled. “And my vessel slumbers just as soundly. I was considering taking you to watch the sunrise. Somewhere no eyes could see you. The center of the Grand Canyon, perhaps.”

Dean said something entirely unintelligible. He made himself wake up a bit more. "Don't gotta impress me, Cas. I'm good." A pause. "Not squishing you?"

Dean's words were gentle, teasing, the same as his lips as he familiarized himself with slopes and planes of Castiel's chest and shoulders. He reached the dip between the collar bones. "Seriously, Cas. Thank you."

Cas' arm tightened to pull him closer. "It is my honor. And my pleasure."

"You get any sleep? Or just watch me the whole time, ‘Every Breath You Take' style?"

Cas hummed, and rocked Dean against him. "In a sense I stayed here, aware of you. In a sense also I took my vessel into me, and we slept."

Dean thought about making a joke, decided against it. "Does that mean we got to sleep with you in the middle?” Multidimensional cuddling.

"You slept in the middle. You and my vessel. I exist around you as always." Cas sighed, contented. "He sleeps still. I did not wish for you to wake alone."

Dean closed his eyes and took a deep breath, hiding his face against Cas. "Thanks." He wasn't sure if Cas was being considerate or careful. He decided not to ask. Drawing away only as far as necessary, Dean admired those stunning eyes and the ancient being that looked out of them, who saw Dean as someone worth saving.

"I didn't think I would ever have this," he whispered, into the quiet stillness. "Not before. Definitely not after. I wasn't sure I could."

Castiel's arms felt safe around him in a way he'd been afraid they wouldn't. The hand on Dean's neck felt heavy, and moved over his back and shoulders, kneading into the muscles in a way that felt diagnostic more than therapeutic. Dean didn't know if that meant Cas could see everything he'd done written on his soul and was still willing to touch him. Or if maybe he just didn't know. Either way, Dean found the thought reassuring.

"I put this body back together,” Cas murmured. “I held your soul within me. I do not know how you did not become a demon, Dean, in that place. I do not know how you remained yourself so well.”

Dean had to remain silent for a moment.

Quietly, not wanting to wake Jimmy, he finally said, "You sure I'm not a demon?"

Cas pulled back to look at him with an expression so skeptical it was almost funny.

"I _enjoyed_ it." Dean was surprisingly calm. "I just wanted to stop being hurt, and I didn't care who I had to hurt to make that happen. What does that say about me? That I could enjoy _that_ , without even becoming a demon?”

"It says that you do wrong and try to do better. That you are weak, and work to be stronger. That is what it is to be human. Compared with you, angels are nothing. Stagnant. I –" Cas turned away from Dean, and instead looked up. “I am allowing myself to think that what has happened to me could be a gift. A way to be more."

"I think you're already more. Like you said - they didn't like you caring about people." Dean shifted so that he could place a kiss directly over Castiel's heart. "I don't like that they hurt you. But I'm glad you left."

Cas gave a tiny nod, or maybe a twitch. Either way, he didn't seem totally able to speak.

The air around them seemed to get thicker and take on a different - texture maybe, something more like crushed velvet. And at the same moment - the curtains closed themselves, the chest of drawers slid, pivoted, blocked the no-door doorway. The lamp on the nightstand fell over.

And Cas' arm curled protectively around Dean.

 _Dean froze_. Silent, motionless. He wasn't armed. He didn't have anything to defend them with. He hadn't even thought to search the kitchen for salt. He tensed, didn't let go. He was going to have to trust Cas to get them out of this. Whatever _this_ was. He’d would rather die of embarrassment butt naked in the middle of Bobby's kitchen than backed into a corner by a demon. Or another angel. In which case Dean's answer was still no. The only angel he wanted inside him was Cas.

“I’ve frightened you. Do not fear me. _Please_ do not fear me. I only wanted - ” Cas completely detached himself from Dean.

Dean was diving for his shoes and his knife. It must have fallen under the bed somewhere when Cas knocked over the lamp. And his pants were gone. Did he need a crucifix for holy water if he had a literal angel? He didn't know. If they survived, he'd find out.

"Dean! Stop. There is no danger."

Dean looked up. He'd been about to snap a leg off the bedside table.

Cas’ voice sounded tired. "No danger. Only me. Reacting... badly. Reacting... too much."

It took a few seconds for Dean to understand the words, and a few more to try to make sense of them. 

"They left? Did they know we were here?" Calm, but high alert.

Cas looked in a completely different direction. Nowhere near Dean at all. "I wanted to make you feel safe and then I... did the wrong thing."

Dean's confusion vanished. In a moment, he closed the space and wrapped Cas in a hug. "You did fine."

"I am no threat to you." Tentatively, Cas put his arms around Dean. “It may be true that being around me puts you in more danger. But..." now slightly more hopeful. "You are already used to being in danger and I - I am very good in a fight."

He pulled Dean closer so he didn't have to look in his eyes. "Are you able to forgive?"

"Cas. There's nothing to forgive. We're good. And come on, _being around you_ got me out of Hell and kept me from dying. Kept me sane in that dream-future. _Being around you_ let me say no to Zachariah, because there was no way I was going to let you go through that alone. I really want to kiss you right now but I need to put my knife away first, or one of us is going to get stabbed and Jimmy's going to say I told you so.”

Dean felt Cas nod against him. So he got a quick peck on the cheek and a slap on the ass before Dean went to stow the silver knife. "Get that beautiful ass back in bed and we can try this again, starting from right before I freaked out on you.”

He considered going to look for salt before deciding it wasn't worth it. Cas was right. Alastair was dead. And even if he wasn't, Cas could just smite him again. They were going to be fine. Dean took his cell phone and put it on the nightstand, gathered their clothes into slightly more orderly piles to buy himself enough time to figure out how he wanted to handle this.

Cas was sitting in the exact center of the bed, looking tense and miserable.

Dean put wedged one foot between the mattress and the boxspring and jumped, landing so that he was behind Cas. Dean leaned forwards enough to playfully shoulder check him, before scooting closer against the angel's back to rest his chin on his shoulder. Like a large dog trying to cheer up its owner.

"Penny for your thoughts?” Dean pressed a kiss to Castiel's shoulder and waited.

Cas fumbled behind him until he found Dean's wrist, and then Dean's hand. He pulled it forward to hold in both of his. Then he bent his head down, uncurling Dean's fingers, admiring them in the greyish-purple light, memorizing.

"You are here. I am grateful." Cas kissed his palm, holding the hand too tightly. Dean took advantage of the opportunity to kiss the back of Castiel's neck.

"Beloved." Cas said it like a question and not a question, tasting the shape of the word.

"Sure seems like it. Don't know what that says about your taste in men, but I'm not complaining."

"My last vessel said she had terrible taste in men."

Dean took a moment to process that. Then decided he'd be better off keeping his mouth shut. He ran his hand along the entirely too tense looking muscles of Castiel's back.

Carefully, and cautiously, Cas leaned back into Dean's arms, turning his head to nuzzle whatever skin he could reach, mostly Dean's bicep and shoulder. 

Dean was smiling, couldn't have stopped if he tried. "Don't usually do this feelings thing. I mean, I try not to. It's not usually worth it. But this right here," Dean held Cas a little closer, and kissed the absolute mess that they had made of Jimmy's hair. "Worth it. And I’d say that I want to stay like this forever or some other chick flick thing, but I really need to move my leg."

Castiel nodded against Dean's arm, and sat up.

As soon as his leg was no longer trapped, Dean pulled Cas back into his arms, and fell backwards against the mattress. 

"Worth it."

"I will do everything in my power to make sure you never regret this."

"Dude, consider it done. No way I regret this. I promise."

Cas twisted onto his side, supporting himself on one elbow. Looking down at Dean's face, his expression was sharper and closer to the avenging angel than it had been a few minutes ago.

"You said you wanted to kiss me. When you were no longer holding the knife."

There was something about the intense expression and the way Cas talked that made the hair going everywhere even funnier. Dean thought about trying to straighten it out, but changed his mind. Instead, he tried to get both sides to match. He was aiming for a mohawk, but now it looked a bit more like a badly drawn Wolverine.

"I did say that, didn't I?" If Cas couldn't tell he was teasing, Jimmy could probably clear things up. He wasn't being subtle. "Does that sound like something you'd be interested in?"

Castiel made an expression that sat right at the crossroads of frustration, annoyance, and pouting. "That is a foolish question."

Dean ran fingernails across Castiel's scalp before bringing his hand to rest, fingers threading through the hair at the back of his neck. "I'm a foolish guy." Dean locked eyes with him, used a feather-light touch to draw his thumb across the soft skin there.

Cas was getting flustered. His eyes fluttered, then flicked to Dean's lips, the rest of him almost vibrating. He pressed forward, searching for a kiss-

"Say please.”

Cas scrunched up his eyes as though he were in pain. " _Please._ Please, Dean. I beg you-"

Okay that was hot. Like... Cas begging was not something Dean had ever even considered, but he was pretty sure it was going to feature in his fantasies from now on because _holy hell_. Lifting his head slightly, Dean claimed his angel’s lips. The kiss didn't start out possessive, or demanding, but certainty was written into every movement of lips and tongue.

Cas relaxed into him, pure relief as hands came up to pull Dean closer with angel-strength. He plastered himself along every inch of Dean's body, kissing deeply enough and with enough tongue that Dean was pretty sure Jimmy was in there having his say. There was a unique kind of heat behind the kiss. It wasn’t a spark or even a fire. Instead, it spread from every point of contact between them, like dark black metal left too long in the sun. The gentle press of Dean's hand at the back of Castiel's neck contrasted with the kiss’s intensity, and he rolled his hips experimentally, untangling his fingers from Castiel's hair to slowly drag them down the length of his spine.

Cas rolled Dean on top of him like he weighed nothing, and the kiss broke as he landed with a bounce between Cas' bent knees. Dean had not been expecting that, but it was definitely a welcome surprise. Cas laid back to stretch luxuriously beneath him, paying attention to every link of Jimmy's back and neck. Then one of his ankles hooked around Dean's, locking him in place. Cas moved delicately into the friction he created for himself. His eyes were there again, huge, unblinking, blue and cosmos-deep, and he made a _sound_ , small and birdlike.

Dean moved so that he was supporting most of his weight on one elbow. "Like that, huh?” Dean's lips sought out the pulse point on Castiel's neck, while his hips sought out more of that glorious friction. There was something incredibly sexy about knowing that the only reason Castiel was pinned like this was because he was _letting_ himself be. "You're so gorgeous like this, Cas. And Jimmy's pretty fucking sexy too."

Hands pulled Dean forward, just a little jolt to give him friction from Jimmy's body, and allow Cas to move his fingers down, off the swell of his ass around the curves of his inner thighs. His touch there was so light that there was almost nothing to feel. But then his hands got heavier, bringing Dean's legs just a little bit farther apart.

And a stray thought was all it took. And suddenly Dean wasn't sure if he could do this anymore. He was still ready to try – but made himself stop. Whatever he was trying to prove didn’t matter. If this went badly Cas would blame himself. Dean couldn't do that to him. 

He captured Castiel's lips once more, but the kiss was softer now, an apology. If he was being honest he was still sort of spooked from earlier, and the strength he could feel in those arms wasn't nearly as sexy as it had been a minute ago. Dean hadn't realized this would be a problem, but apparently it was.

It made sense if he thought about it. He didn’t want to think about it. Ever.

With more than a little regret, he brought a hand to one of Castiel's wrists and moved it away from his ass, to rest at the small of his back. It had been fine, it had been _fine_ and then it wasn't fine. He left their foreheads touching. "I _want_ this. I do." And he _did_. He tried to remind himself that this was Cas. The hands on his body belonged to someone who would sooner die than hurt him. Everything was okay. He'd been enjoying this. There was nothing to worry about.

He wasn't going to let Alastair ruin this for him.

He took a slow deep breath and tried to focus on _anything_ other than the tendril of fear curling through his belly and the shame he could feel in his face at the realization _he was afraid_.

"I'm sorry." Dean rolled off of Cas and curled up on the bed, facing away. 

He _really_ didn't want to talk about this. It shouldn't be this hard to figure out what was going to trigger him and what wasn't. He wished there was a blanket or something he could hide under, but settled for the next best thing, and grabbed a pillow to hide his face. He felt like crying, which was _stupid_. He wasn't even upset. He was mad at himself. Cas had been upset because he thought Dean was afraid of him, and now Dean had to go and make that _true_. How the _hell_ was he supposed to explain that he wasn't afraid of Cas, when he also wasn't _not_ afraid of him? This fucking sucked.

He was going to need backup, wasn't he? There was nothing else for it. God, he was so pathetic.

"Jimmy?" Dean said, voice muffled by the pillow. "I-I love you Cas, but I'm dealing with some stupid human crap right now, and I kinda need to talk to another stupid human. 

There was a rustling over Dean's shoulder. 

"Hey, hot stuff," said Jimmy's voice from behind him. "You made our angel go feral and non-verbal, so you get to talk with me. You know..." He paused. "Yeah, this is ridiculous, we've already messed up the bed. I'm getting under the sheets."Jimmy stepped onto the floor, and very messily and inelegantly began to undo the hospital corners. Dean got up just long enough to grab Jimmy's trench coat before climbing back in. 

Now, safe under the covers and the familiar coat, Dean curled up and buried his face in the pillow again. But still kept his back turned.

"I'd kill for a pair of sweatpants," Jimmy said to the dark room. He shifted in bed, and turned towards Dean.

"Hey buddy." He put a hand on Dean’s shoulder, but only made contact for about a second before pulled it back. "Sorry. You were putting on your clothes and... "

"No, it's fine."

Jimmy's hand was on his shoulder again.

"Yeah?" He didn't actually say 'is this okay,' but it was in his voice.

"Thanks." Dean's voice cracked. He curled up even smaller and hid his face again. "Sorry. Keep talking?"

Jimmy rubbed Dean's back through the coat.

"Sorry if this is weird, but I've never actually been with a guy before." Jimmy picked up his hand for a moment, embarrassed, before putting it back. "I was actually..." He laughed. Dean was starting to think he did that when he was nervous. "Kind of relieved when you said that thing about no butt stuff, because the rest of it. Like I've had sex with ladies, and with myself. But I'd at least like to, read a Wikipedia article on anal? See, a diagram? Sorry, that sounds stupid. I took a test once, said I was a visual learner."

Dean turned over so that he was facing Jimmy. But took the pillow with him.

Jimmy stared at Dean and honest-to-god blushed.

"It's harder to talk when you're looking at me!"

"Same." Dean blinked a few times before hiding his face in the pillow again.

Jimmy patted his back. "So anyway. I thought you had been with a guy before. I know it's dumb and stereotypes and all. But you've got the mysterious stranger thing, and a high adrenaline lifestyle, and I don't know, in my head you saved some attractive guy from vampires, and he was really grateful, and nearly died. And I just couldn't picture you saying no."

Dean knew the vampires Jimmy had in his head all had Transylvian accents and capes, and the thought did make him smile. He was going to think about that. Because he wasn’t going to think about Alastair, and he _definitely_ wasn’t going to think about the attractive guys he’d saved. Or the ones he’d gotten killed. 

"Castiel has an absolutely bonkers view of human sexuality," said Jimmy. "I'm not sure if he sees any body part as any more or less bad-touch than any other body part. He doesn't want to accidentally create a nephilim. That is as much thought as he’s put into it, so - "

"Jimmy? Can we...." Dean's voice caught in his throat. Not this again.

Jimmy, who was just starting to talk about how he hadn't _technically_ masturbated since becoming Castiel's vessel, shut up.

Dean gave up trying to speak, and made an irritated noise before just wiggling his way closer. He kept hold of the pillow, only letting go enough to pull the edge of the trench coat so that it covered Jimmy a little too. It was stupid, but Dean felt safer that way.

Laying there with him, in the dim light, under that familiar coat - Dean felt like maybe he could talk. He still didn't want to, but maybe he could. Jimmy pulled the sheet over their heads into a tent-like situation. 

Dean took his hand. And he let himself have a few moments more, his breathing unsteady. It wouldn't have been so upsetting, if Jimmy didn’t so obviously have _no idea_. Dean was starting to realize that - _Cas_ might not even know. He said he knew every atom of his body, but Dean hadn't _had_ a body in Hell. He didn't want to think too hard about the implications about the state of his soul.

"Permission to speak freely, soldier?" said Jimmy.

Dean kissed his hand and nodded.

"The problem isn't guys is it? You were fine with me." Jimmy closed his eyes for a second, and said low: "Give us a minute, okay?" His eyes opened, and looked at Dean. They were blue like Castiel's but they weren't Castiel's.

"The problem is Castiel. Somehow the problem is Castiel. And it's not his... Castiel-ness. You were fine when he - we - were...." Jimmy blushed, and didn't seem able to finish that sentence.

"I'm sorry." Dean was _not_ going to cry. 

"That thing where he was showing off with his telekinesis. You didn't like that. And - oh I'm so dumb."

Jimmy leaned forward over the pillow, to touch his forehead to Dean’s. And Dean was holding onto Jimmy's hand for dear life. 

"It's an angel thing," Jimmy whispered. "Oh shit, it's an angel thing. That's why you wanted to talk to me, I - I _knew_ that Zachariah was messing with you, you _told_ us so. Oh Dean, what did he do to you?”

Dean let go of Jimmy's hand and shoved the pillow out of the way.

"It wasn't Zachariah. Gotta say this. Could you maybe just... hold me for a sec? But first....uh, I need to get something." Dean sat, and rearranged things so that he was holding the trench coat like a child would a blanket. His ears were burning with shame, but he didn't know how else he'd be able to get through this. 

"Cas knows I love him, right? This isn't his fault. I'm not scared of _him_. I'm just..."

Jimmy pulled Dean into his arms, and tucked his head under his chin. "Come here, you. Castiel knows you love him. No question. That was a big deal, what you did last night. But I have to know. Is this guy... still alive? This guy who isn't Zachariah. Because Castiel is going to want to kill him. And by Castiel, I mean me. But Castiel will get there first."

Dean was a little guilty about how he felt safe now, when earlier he'd just felt trapped.

"Nod or shake? Our angel’s going to have to know."

"Pretty sure he's dead.” Dean snaked an arm around Jimmy. “I was unconscious when it happened."

"Sam killed him?"

"Yeah. It was kind of a big deal."

Jimmy snuggled Dean deeper. "Castiel can bug Sam for details."

"Nah. He, um...." As much as Dean didn't want to hurt Cas, it was better than his brother finding out, "Cas was there and... Sam doesn't know."

"Not Sam? Actually - sure. That makes sense. Forget I said anything. Wait. _Castiel_ was there?"

"I thought he knew,” said Dean. “But that's not important.”

"The thing is- " Jimmy stopped, then started. "What you’ve got to know _is_ , Castiel used to be - a lot more – what are the rules, what are my orders. Harder geometry, more edges. And now he... it's better. If he didn't realize what was going on with you, it was because he didn't know how to yet."

Dean sighed. "I know." He didn't know where to start. "I'm kinda glad he didn't know? I was worried maybe he could see it on me or something."

“You don’t have to say anything,” Jimmy backtracked. “You can, obviously you _can_ , but I don’t know if I’ll say the right thing. I’m not a therapist. Hey, wouldn’t that be great? If Castiel’s vessel was a therapist?”

"I like you." Dean kissed him. 

Jimmy kissed his forehead. “I like you too. He will have to know though. It’s not that I wouldn’t keep it secret, so much as I can’t.”

"I can explain. I _will_. Just need to ask how… how much do you know?"

“I figure you were sexually abused by some real powerful something-or-other. In Hell. Maybe a demon. Maybe Lucifer. No not Lucifer. Sam killed whoever it was, and Lucifer’s still alive.

"Right. Just... Don’t know how on top of things you were back then, but you saved me from him. Twice. And were there when I woke up. I mean, _you_ weren't there. I didn't know _you_ , but Cas was there. And it was your body. So you helped." Dean got a little choked again.

“Oh.” Understanding on Jimmy’s face. “You’re talking about the torturer.” 

He grabbed Dean, and kissed him, hard.

And Dean melted into the kiss. Jimmy knew. He _knew_ , and still wanted him. But Cas – would he be able to look at him anymore? Would he be afraid to touch him? 

Dean felt safe enough to abandon his grip on the coat, to splay a hand across Jimmy's chest. "Nobody's going to be able to come at me when Cas is there, you know? It's just... for a second, it wasn't Cas. I thought... Your hands feel totally different, and I was fine, but I couldn't stop remembering. Which _sucks_ because things were just starting to get interesting."

Jimmy kissed him again, longer this time. 

"Not going to lie,” he said, when he broke away. “That was... really hot."

"I made a literal angel beg. I mean, hot damn! You should have seen yourself. I know he's in your body, but I'm serious. Have him jack off in front of a mirror for you or something, because those eyes are somthin' else.

Jimmy smiled, a big goofy smile. "I'll let him know.”

He flopped backwards onto the pillows, crossed his arms behind his head, and gazed up at the ceiling."This -" he made a vague hand gesture at the room. "This has been good for us. Our, you know. Relationship."

"This ugly-ass house?”

Jimmy just looked at him.

“You might have noticed I'm great at thinking in a crisis. Thinking in general? Not so much."

Jimmy lightly punched his arm. “Since my partners are both so very direct – I mean the saying things out loud so you can look at them. And also the sex. I mean, sue me. People sex is good, and I wasn't having any with Castiel, and now I am. So that's good."

"Isn't it weird riding shotgun in your own body for that?"

"Right so, don't judge me, it's stupid, but have you ever done that thing where you sit on your hand until it kind of loses feeling and goes pins and needles, and then you use that hand to jack off?"

"I'm not judging you, but I haven't and that's totally weird, but you're hot so I'm into it."

“Well it's like that. Is my point.”

Dean just laughed and kissed him. "Don’t need a blow-by-blow. Just wanted to make sure you were okay. And maybe fish for a compliment.”

"Hey man, if you want compliments just say so. I was holding back because you already know you're a good looking bastard." Jimmy yanked the sheet down, revealing the top half of Dean's chest. "Just look at this. And your stubble. And your _mouth._ "

He traced Dean's tattoo, idly.

"Castiel would like to check on you," he said. "He's being really good about staying at arm's length. But he'd like to know you're okay."

"I'd like that. But... can I get another kiss before you go?" He _could_ have just kissed Jimmy himself, but he had a point he wanted to make, and it would help to have an example.

Jimmy smiled, and raked one hand through the hair at Dean's temple. He pulled his face closer and kissed, biting playfully at the bottom lip, going deeper and deeper with his tongue as his nails ran across Dean's scalp. Then he pulled back, and kissed Dean one more time, softly and sweetly.

"How are you so good at that?" 

"… just imagine how good I'll probably be at giving blowjobs."

"Clearly I got the best deal out of the three of us. But as fun as this is, I still want to talk to Cas."

"Right. Give me a second, he's far away. I'll get him." Jimmy closed his eyes. He breathed against Dean's skin, long and deep. Dean just cuddled them, and waited.

Then he felt two hands, one on either side of his face. "Dean," said Cas, a low raspy whisper.

"Cas. You okay?"

Cas smoothed a thumb over Dean's cheek, like he was wiping away invisible tears. "Yes."

"What did he mean you were far away?"

"My vessel thought it would be better if he talked to you without my emotional shadow. He was right. I would have been angry. It would not have helped. So I stretched myself in a long line out from him, and spent time in the clouds. The sky was beautiful."

Sometimes Cas just said stuff like that, which took some getting used to, but it was nice to be reminded that something so far beyond his comprehension found him worthwhile. 

"You heard what we said?"

Cas nodded. "I had it all at once, when I came back to my vessel's mind. Emotions. Some details. Emotions matter more to him." He smoothed his hands down Dean's neck and shoulders. And ended, of course, at the handprint.

"Any details you need me to fill in?" Dean was aware that Cas might take that as an invitation to find out everything. He hoped he didn’t. But Cas seemed more fascinated by Dean's skin.

"You were tortured. You did terrible things to survive. You did survive. Is there more to know?"

"...I think I get what Jimmy meant about you not getting human sexuality. Let me think of how to explain." He thought about what Cas had said about somehow being both connected to Jimmy and able to see the sky, even with the roof in the way.

"So... I don't really know what your true form looks like or how it works or anything, but is there a part of you...." Dean searched for the right way to describe things, "somewhere more vulnerable? Jimmy kinda made it seem you two were having brain sex or something, and I don't know how that works, but I figure there's parts of you that you share with him that you wouldn't want to share with someone else?"

Castiel looked down at his hands. "I am... very large." His eyebrows were all concentration. He mimed a roughly spherical shape. "And I am not... solid?" He wrinkled his nose, unhappy at that particular word. "Energies... souls... other angels penetrate me. At the outside of me, this is pleasant. Easy. Stimulating. But if I were to let those same energies go deeper - as the soul that is Jimmy Novak sometimes does - they could choose to warp me and break me. Or heal me."

Okay. That was something. Dean tried again. "Imagine if someone horrible were able to force you into the same connection that you have with Jimmy. And it's just as personal, and just as strong but it's _bad_ and you don't want it. Everything that should feel good about it hurts. And it keeps happening, but you keep finding yourself grateful to them anyway, because the _other_ way was letting a hundred people who wanted to hurt you do that same thing. And after a while, you start to seek out that horrible person, and ask for it. Even though you don't want it, just because afterwards you feel less alone for a while. You figure you hurt so much already, it doesn't really make much of a difference." Dean had to stop for a moment. Catch his breath. "It was like with Alastair. And that's why I sometimes... react bad to things. Sex isn't just about making more humans. It's also something that can be used to warp break or heal."

Dean hadn't meant to say quite that much. It was too late to take it back now.

Cas tilted his head to one side, trying to understand. "A corrupted connection is better than no connection at all," he said slowly. "And if that is your only connection for long enough, another connection - will make you think of it. Make you feel it again. Sex is that for you. Not only you. Humanity."

"That's... way more accurate than I was expecting. Yeah. Sometimes it's not a big meaningful thing, but it's supposed to feel good, at least. You aren't supposed to use it to hurt people. But some people do."

Cas nodded. "Is there a ..." He paused for a good six seconds, looking for a word he liked. "... _safer_ way to form a connection?”

"There's other ways, sure. But I don't want to let him take this one from me."

Castiel closed his eyes and inhaled. Said nothing.

"Remember how you wanted me to kiss you earlier, and I wanted to kiss you, but I asked you first? I was mostly just teasing, but it was good, right?"

A shudder ran through Cas. For a second he seemed to have trouble forming words.

"Yes."

"It's a lot easier when we talk about things. And I asked Jimmy to kiss me before he went to get you, and it was really good for both of us. This can work if you tell me what you want. Some people think that's not sexy, but some people are idiots, and I can prove it. Want me to?"

Cas' eyes were bright. “Yes.”

"Okay. I'd kiss you first but I think I'd get distracted too quickly."

"Do you want me to kiss you?"

"Yes, but not yet. You're doing such a good job."

Castiel nodded, solemnly. “Should I be doing more?”

“Just listen. But if you want something, you’re going to have to ask. Okay? Especially if you want me to stop because this is making you uncomfortable."

"I understand." Cas was sitting back on his ankles with his hands on his knees, and he looked very serious and proper. "Continue?"

"Okay. Um, Jimmy can hear me too, right? I know I keep asking but I'm still kind of confused."

"He is here. He is... fascinated. He thinks you are very clever. And very brave."

Dean smiled. Jimmy had been a bit of a surprise when they first met, but he'd turned out to be a good one.

"Right. Where was I? About to tell you some of the things I've imagined doing with you."

Castiel smiled. "We would like you to continue."

Dean started off relatively tame. "I want to learn every place on your body until I know exactly where to touch you, and how. I want to hear you ask me for exactly what you want so I can give it to you until you're so far gone you forget how to speak."

Cas' lips parted.

"I want to kiss my way along the inside of your thighs and lick that gorgeous V of your hip bones."

Cas closed his eyes and smiled "My vessel loves the way you adore his body."

"I want to wrap my lips around your cock and watch you struggle not to lose control as I take you apart with my tongue."

Cas body was starting to look flushed. "My vessel has very strong opinions on the way you... drink beer bottles.”

“I want to feel your hands in my hair. I want to watch your face as you come for me.”

"Dean - "

"I can’t decide if I want you to come in my mouth, so you can taste yourself on my lips when I kiss you or if I want you to pull out and come across my chest, and maybe even my face. I've gotten off to that fantasy a few times, actually."

"Are you _enjoying_ tempting us with these images?"

“Fuck yes,” Dean bit his lip and closed his eyes briefly, as he finally gave in and wrapped a hand around himself. “Cas. The idea of watching someone like you fall apart for the first time ever? You have no idea how hot that is.” He gave himself a few, slow, teasing strokes before continuing."I want you up against the wall, with both our cocks wrapped in those beautiful long fingers of yours."

Cas' hand - probably guided by Jimmy's instinct - wrapped around his half-there erection, but didn't move. His eyes were completely focused on Dean.

“When we have more experience and lube, I know I'm going to want that gorgeous dick of yours inside me. I'm not ready yet, but it’s been a fantasy.”

"Dean -" Cas was losing his grasp on himself. "Why can this conversation not take place with you in our arms?"

“It could, but I'm enjoying the view from here." It wasn't every day you got to watch a literal angel discovering dirty talk. Dean was going to make the most of this. “And speaking of fantasies? Someday, after we've had a chance to talk about it more, I want to kneel at your feet with my hands cuffed behind my back while you make me _beg_ for the chance to suck your cock.”

"Now you are being _unfair…_ my _vessel_ agrees with me…"

"The whole time I'd know that none of it was real, and that the second I wanted it to stop, we'd stop. We can stop _this_ ," Dean gestured between the two of them "right now. Just tell me and I will." Dean paused, waiting for some sign he had permission to continue.

Cas sat back and lowered his eyes, then said, pitched deep, "Never."

"I want to make you feel good. And I want to know I'm doing a good job. I might even like it if you got a little bossy. Nothing hotter than a man who knows what he wants."

Castiel made a sound, but if it was a word Dean didn’t recognize it.

"I want to drive until we find a nice, out of the way spot where you can bend me over the hood of my car and fuck me so hard I can't remember my own name."

" _Yes._ "

“Fuck, there’s stuff I want to do to you that you that you wouldn’t even understand yet.”

"You'll teach us."

"Fuck yeah."

"Is the game over? Because if my vessel is not able to touch you soon, he may die. It would be tragic," said Cas with an absolutely straight face.

“I want…” Dean didn’t know why he was saying this now, but if it went over bad, he could pretend it was a joke. “I want to buy beautiful lingerie and wear it under my clothes so that when you undress me, it feels like unwrapping a present.”

"Yes."

Dean exhaled in relief.

"So now that you know what _I_ want, I think it’s your turn. And if I don't want the same things as you that's okay. There's enough we both want that it won't even matter. I'm asking you _and_ Jimmy."

"My vessel is aware you are asking him. I am arranging our thoughts. This is... new to me.” 

Cas looked down at the hand he still had wrapped around his cock, as though he had forgotten about it. Then he looked back up at Dean. 

"A number of my vessel’s ideas concern places. The car, the shower, and the outdoors feature prominently. He wants to drop to his knees and take you into his mouth, and watch you struggle to stay standing. He wants me to watch as he does this. He wants to wash your skin, and your hair. He wants to play… whatever ‘Naked Twister’ is. And strip poker." 

"Yes to all of that except Naked Twister."

"He says he gives very good foot massages."

“What about arms and shoulders? Remind me to take you out shooting some time. You'd look badass with a shotgun." Dean was weird about people touching his feet. Too many things had tried to grab him and drag him away over the years. But if it turned out Jimmy really had a thing for feet, Dean could maybe figure out something.

“My vessel also loves your arms and shoulders. There is a lot of material that involves you pinning him to the floor."

Dean let out an involuntary moan. "Fuck Jimmy, that's hot. We are... definitely going to come back to that at some point."

"He knows you did not mention it, but if you wanted to fuck him - he thinks about how the drag of your cock inside him would feel."

Dean dropped his hand lower and began gently playing with his balls.

"Also he enjoys your FBI character and would appreciate you using him in sexual situations."

"How have I never thought of that? Jimmy, you’re a genius.” He brought up a hand to casually play with a nipple. "What about _you,_ Cas? What do _you_ want?"

"I have been thinking. But I am afraid that many of mine - are strange. Or threatening."

“That's why you're _asking_. It's just words. If I don't want something, I tell you. You saw how I said no to Naked Twister. I also really don't like foot massages. That's okay. I just want to know what you like."

"Many of them involve either you or me in a powerless position."

Dean decided that the best way to make his point was by example. "Here, I'll go ahead and tell you some things I don't want. I don't want to be hit, and I don't ever want to feel like I can't breathe. I don't think I’ll ever want to be called dirty, or a whore, or anything like that. But there are some things I might ask you to call me? I don't want to have my neck restrained. But uh... if we had the right equipment I think I’d be okay with being tied up, depending on how we did it?” Dean paused. ”That help?"

"There are sigils that cut an angel off from his power. I would paint them on my skin, and you would blindfold me and leave me in a room alone. I would see nothing and sense nothing, and then you would walk in, and I would hear your footsteps, but not know when you would touch me or where."

"Um. Yeah, I'd want to talk to somebody about safety first, but that sounds... doable." Maybe.

Cas nodded. He looked deeply uneasy, but kept going. "I would like to fly you to the glaciers in Antarctica. They are beautiful. But you... wouldn't be wearing anything. And you would trust me to keep you warm."

"I'm sorry, Cas. I can't do that. The part of Hell I was in - I think Alastair ruined trusting someone to keep me warm."

"I did not want to say anything."

"If I had clothes I think I'd be okay though? They don't even have to be right for the weather. I just need _something._ "

"I ... carrying you? Any sex act that involves lifting or carrying you?"

"Amazing. Yes. Can I wear heels?" Dean hadn't meant to say that either, but no taking it back now. "The really tall kind? And stockings?"

"Of course..." said Cas. "Could my vessel and I visit you in your dreams?"

"You can do that?!" Dean knew Cas could, but he didn't know _Jimmy_ would be able to come too. "Yeah! Would I be able to see you? Not you like this, as handsome as that is. I mean you, like how he sees you."

"I do not think so, Dean. I may be able to get closer. Approximate a version of myself that will not blind you." Cas' words sounded small and difficult.

"If you can't it’s okay. Hey, if you both look like Jimmy that's hot too. And less likely to arc-of-the-covenant my face. I just like the idea of a real group hug."

"My vessel and I could touch you with two bodies, in your dreams. I can accomplish this."

Dean decided to abandon all pretense of dignity in favor of comfort. "Can we cuddle while you talk?" The thought that they could cuddle in a dream, and he could be in the middle… that made him happy.

Castiel nodded. He held out an arm. Dean needed no further prompting, and made himself comfortable against Cas, head resting on the angel's bicep. Cas was stroking Dean's hair, and adjusting his seat so Dean was almost but not quite sitting in his lap. 

"Your scenarios were beautiful. And tempting. My vessel does not think I did his any justice."

"If Captain Dirty Talk thinks he can do better, he's welcome to try. I think you did great. You're extremely sexy." Dean closed his eyes and leaned into Cas' touch.

"I would hold you, just like this, and praise your body and mind and soul and deeds. I would repeat the praise others have for you, until you become strained and embarrassed and tell me to stop. But I would not want to stop. And that is not the lesson you have been trying to teach today."

"I think... I think maybe I like that idea? I like it a lot, actually. Might even want to add some things. Point was, I didn't know what you wanted earlier, and I was guessing, and that wasn’t good. There's probably a few positions I can’t do anymore, and - things like you spreading my legs, it doesn't matter _why_. Even if it's just because you don't want me to fall over. I need you to use words or ask permission first."

"My vessel is trying to take responsibility for that, but it was my hand."

"You want to touch my ass? That's fine. Hell, a friendly slap on the butt isn't even going to seem like a sex thing. But my upper thigh? Don’t get me wrong, I _was_ enjoying it. I just had a memory that chose to show up and ruin the fun."

"I am going to get more things wrong, Dean."

"Me too. My limits aren't always going to be where I think they are. But we'll be okay. I told you, this is a type of connection that can be used to heal." 

"Will you let me kiss you?” said Cas.

"Don't have to ask every time. It's... sort of a dance? You'll figure it out. You can use touch, or just your eyes. But if you're not sure, words are probably safest." 

Dean had been making a point to stare at Castiel's mouth while saying this. He glanced up at his eyes, then back to his lips. "Right now, I'm asking you without words. Say it like a statement. 'I want to kiss you' or even 'I'm going to kiss you now.’ Play around. Have fun. I know I will. " Dean raised his eyebrows suggestively before laughing. "Bad habit. Just lucky you seem to be into me anyway."

Castiel was just sort of staring blankly at Dean, in an overloaded sort of way.

"Ground control to Major Tom?"

"You are completely aware that I don't understand that reference."

"Just getting your attention. What I was going to say is _yes_ I would love for you to kiss me."

Cas learned forward slowly. 

And when his lips touched - there was less pressure than before, and his hands were firmly at his sides, not in Dean’s hair or across his back. His eyes were open, and the crease between his eyebrows - pure determined concentration - was weirdly adorable. Dean felt himself fall a little more in love. Cas was clearly afraid of doing something wrong, but it didn't feel like pity. He found his hand and without breaking the kiss, brought it to rest on his hips. "Cas. We're good. We talked. If something goes wrong, we'll figure it out."

Cas curled his arm around Dean's waist, drawing him closer. Their two torsos almost touching but not quite. A breath could have pulled them together, but there was no moving against Cas.

Cas dropped his head onto Dean's shoulder, resting all his weight there.

"You okay?" Cas was hard to read sometimes, and this was a pretty steep learning curve.

"Yes. Yes, I'm... Dean, I... May I touch your cock?" The words seemed hard for him. He said them anyway.

Dean shuddered. Somehow he hadn't realized that getting Cas to ask for things would result in Cas _asking for things_. Nothing could have prepared him for hearing Cas say shit like that. He was pretty sure his voice had been _made_ for sex. Holy fuck. Since when were angels allowed to sound like pure sin?

"Yes. Holy crap, that's hot. Yes!" 

Cas pulled Dean firmer against his chest. His head turned slightly to kiss Dean's ear, and then - hands that could grind diamonds to dust, Jimmy's hands with their manicured nails - curled around his cock.

Cas always ran sort of hot, and the fingers on Dean were warm enough to send a pleasant shock through his system. They began to move, perfectly even, perfectly pressured strokes. Dean bit his lip to keep from making a truly undignified noise. This was actually happening. He wasn't afraid. He had thought he'd be at least a little afraid. But he felt so completely, amazingly safe. 

And then Cas' other hand was there, and bless Jimmy's influence because now Cas knew to cup his balls lightly at the same time he was stroking his cock, thumb starting to expertly swirl around the head on the upstroke. Dean was usually a more attentive lover, but this was different. The hands on him were light and so damn careful in a way he'd forgotten. Forty years in Hell - was a long time.

" _Dean,_ " said Cas, his voice low and more like a growl, not breaking the rhythm he'd created, just a hair too slow. "My vessel says... your thighs... you're not a schoolboy anymore... I should stroke your thighs. Will you spread your legs for us? Just the smallest amount. Please."

“Yeah, I -“ Dean’s voice caught in his throat. He could do this. He wanted this, damnit. “I can. Just give me a sec.” 

Taking a slow, unsteady breath, Dean brought his hand to Castiel’s shoulder, mirroring the handprint on his own body. He knew these shoulders. He knew these arms. “I need this Cas,” he whispered, almost a prayer. “You have no idea how much I need this.” 

With Cas as his anchor to the present, Dean parted his thighs as an invitation to continue, and now there were hands petting against the soft and vulnerable skin there. The touch was so light, as Cas rubbed circles and patterns up and down, occasionally taking one hand away to carefully cradle Dean balls, working them between his fingers before letting go. His hands began to stray, fingers trailed to Dean’s hip bone, then dug in and massaged the tight muscle of his upper thigh. The entire time Cas was looking down, every piece of attention on the way his hands moved on Dean's body. 

But suddenly, he looked up.

"Dean," he said. "May I kiss you as I have been touching you?"

Dean was starting to regret their earlier conversation. Actually _talking_ about things made it harder to stop thinking and just _feel_. But he’d told Cas he needed to ask. Couldn’t immediately contradict that, that wasn’t fair. Dean wasn’t sure what he needed but at least he knew what he _wanted._ “Yeah.” He was trying to relax but it was so hard. “I think I can do this. I want to. It’s just… If I can’t, you’ll know it’s not your fault, right?” Nervous swallow. “I mean, I'm pretty sure I can. It's just that it'd be really fucking embarrassing if I can't."

The admission cost him a lot. He felt his face burning. So much for Dean Winchester, Sex God and envy of all. It wasn't _fair_. This was Cas, not Alastair. He _knew_ that. He just wasn't sure if his body was going to get the message. Fuck. Getting nervous wasn't helping. It was so much easier when he could focus on the other person's body, on getting them off. Just use his own body as a tool. That's what he'd been going for here.

"Forget it. Don't know why I said that. You're not even human so it's not like this kind of thing matters to you anyway, just forget I said anything." He could not believe how fast he’d gone from sexy and in control to making a complete ass of himself. 

Cas straightened up, taking his hands away. Touched just beneath Dean's chin, a tiny contact to get his attention.

"Look at me." 

Dean raised his head, but ended up looking off to the side. Bracing for something, didn’t know what. The muscle in his jaw tensed as he _made_ himself look at Cas, uncertain what he'd find in his face.

"Look in my eyes," said Cas. "And tell me you do not believe this matters to me."

Dean had never expected the Venn diagram for death-by-sex and death-by-embarrassment to overlap. "Not - this as in us. This as in..." Dean was going to have to say it. "I meant this as in... my dick."

Please let him understand. He wouldn't, probably. 

"I know us-this matters. I just...don't have as much confidence in the other thing."

"Are you trying to say that you are having difficulty becoming aroused?”

“It's not you I swear!" No taking it back now. Maybe it would have been fine. Wouldn't find out now, would he? Not like Cas would want to try now that he knew Dean had trouble getting it up since his little stint in Hell. Great. Nice one, Dean. Way to ruin everything.

"This can only work if you tell me what you want,” said Cas. “That is what you told me.”

Dean’s words were out before he could stop them. "I just want to be _normal_." And now that he'd started, he just _kept going_.

"I want everything to go back the way it was. I want the world to stop ending and I want to be able to sleep. I want you to stay. I want somewhere to live besides my car. I want you to feel loved, I want Jimmy to have a normal life and -" The list went on for miles, but he made himself take a breath. "The Stones were right. You _can't_ always get what you want. But sometimes... I thought maybe, I could still have this? You know?"

Cas took a moment to push Dean's sweaty hair back from his forehead. "Tell me what you want, at this moment. Be small for me, Dean. The pain of the world is not yours."

Dean closed his eyes, focused on the touch of Castiel's hands and the closeness of his body. "Can you help me stop thinking? I don't know how, but you did it before and it was amazing. I want that back again."

Cas stroked the skin behind Dean's ear as he thought.

Dean unconsciously leaned into the touch, eyes closed as he waited. This was nice. Felt good. He wished he could know what was going to feel good."That thing you said about being small sounds nice," Dean nuzzled closer. "You make that safe to feel sometimes. Always liked that about you. Gets to be a lot. Trying to keep everybody safe all the time, you know?"

Cas moved, and put his hand on Dean’s upper back. Then dipped, got the other arm under his knees. And lifted. Dean let out a squawk of surprise and held on. Cas pivoted and stepped onto the floor, holding Dean like an awkwardly shaped bag of laundry.

“I will never drop you,” he said. “Do you agree?”

"Yes?" Dean didn't see where this was going.

“Then why are you holding onto my neck.”

"I… didn't mean anything by it. It was just kinda there."

“Let go. Lean back in my arms. Let your head fall.”

This was weird, but Dean did trust him. Carefully, and not entirely convinced, Dean leaned back. He didn't know if he'd ever get used to the idea that Cas was this strong. This was freaking him out a little, so he closed his eyes before totally relaxing his neck and back like Cas had asked him to.

Cas hummed in contentment. Dean felt it vibrating along his chest.

“You did well. Stay, just like that.”

Oh… kay. He still couldn't figure out the plan here, but Cas wasn’t going to hurt him. So Dean kept his eyes closed. Waited to see what would happen.

He felt a kiss on his collarbone, long and lingering. And he knew he was supposed to relax but he couldn't help rolling his neck to the side. Hopefully Cas would take the hint.

“No. Do not move.” Cas laid another kiss on his neck, this time on the pulse point beneath his jaw. “Move if you want me to stop.”

"Does talking count as moving?"

“No. I want you to talk. I want you to make noise.”

"Yeah? Good to know."

Cas hummed against the underside of his neck. Warm breath, the slight texture of Jimmy's five o'clock shadow. "I feel your heartbeat."

Another kiss to his neck. Cas repositioned his body, turning him so he could kiss his earlobe. Dean hummed in contentment. This was still weird, but less weird because his eyes were closed. Then his head was dropped back. Cas was holding him up to kiss his Adam's apple, his clavicle. It was hard to remember not to move, but he managed it. 

Dean felt good. Really good. The hand at his back pulled him forward, spinning his chest so Cas could kiss his shoulder. 

"Cas? I trust you." It was a question, but Dean didn’t know what exactly he was trying to ask. It took a second to find the right words. "If that thing that happened earlier happens again? The fun one, where everything went fuzzy? If that happens and you feel like it - I want to keep going."

Cas shifted his body, and this time his kiss was just above Dean's knee."You will have to tell me what that means, Dean. Keep your eyes closed, and only talk." An arm was curled around him, touching the planes of muscle on his chest. 

"If I end up in that... what did you call it? Altered consciousness. Something about Buddhism? Don't remember. Felt so good. Safe. I'm pretty sure, if we had the stuff we needed, you could fuck me like that and I'd be okay. So just… keep touching me, I guess?"

Cas laid another kiss higher up his thigh. “Do you like the idea of me inside you? Are you considering it now. In the privacy of your mind."

"Yes."

There was a complicated sentiment surrounding that which Dean was not able to express. "Yes" was the best he could do.

Cas changed his grip slightly, gathering Dean up tighter and cradling him to his chest. The arm wasn't around his shoulders anymore. It supported his neck, held his face to Cas' skin. Dean took the opportunity to kiss him. It didn't count as moving. Not really. 

"That should not be allowed. But I will forgive you, since your kisses are so sweet."

"Your own fault for being so kissable." And Dean decided to push his luck one more time, punctuating that statement with another kiss. "Okay. I'll be good. No more kisses unless you tell me."

Cas let him down, into the more exposed wedding carry. "You are being so good for me."

"Good. I want to." Dean felt the entire surface of his skin tingle in strange pulsating waves. He wasn't sure if that was something Cas was doing, or if his body was just acting weird again. Either way. Felt nice. "Tell Jimmy I'm totally picturing sucking his cock right now. I really liked that dreaming idea. If I get so out of it I fall asleep, let’s do that."

"I would have my vessel kneeling before you while I held you in my lap. You would lean forward and take him into your mouth, giving him the pleasure you deliver so well, while I hold your cock in my hands. Perhaps I would be inside you, as I did this."

Dean could feel himself stirring. He wasn't sure if it was the mental image, Castiel's voice, those strong arms or some combination of all three. Whatever it was, he was grateful it was working.

"If I tossed you in the air right now,” said Cas. “Would you believe that I would catch you?"

"Yes, but don't try it. Maybe we can learn to swing dance some other time."

"You are good for telling me what you do not want, Dean." A kiss on his stretched neck.

"I want you to kiss me. I want to kiss _you._ Please?"

Cas' forearm curled along his spine, so the back of Dean's head rested in his hand.

"Part your lips, but do not move."

Dean didn't need to be told twice.

Cas bent, and opened Dean's lips with his mouth, hungry and insistent, going deep with his tongue, using his hand to bring Dean even closer, and go even deeper. He tilted Dean down slightly, like a dip someone might do while dancing.

Dean wanted to move, tangle his hands in Castiel's hair, grind his hips against him - but more than that, he wanted to be good for Cas. So he did as he was told. He didn't move, but oh boy he _wanted_ to. There was something delicious in that denial that fanned the flames even more. Cas was a genius and should be promoted from angel to sex god. 

Dean groaned, bit his lip to keep the string of nonsense pleading phrases at bay. Cas laid a kiss over each closed eyelid, then turned Dean's head so he could kiss along the hairline, down to Dean's ear and divot right behind his jaw.

"You're a hopeless romantic, you know?" Dean kept his eyes closed as a smile crept onto his face.

A little kiss on just the corner of his mouth, not enough, teasing.

"You're being so good to me. Both of you. Tell me how to be good to you?" 

Cas traveled kisses along Dean's eyebrow. "You would like to reward us?" His lips took Dean's, long and deep, before letting him have enough breath to form an answer.

"I want you, Cas. My mouth, my hands, my cock. Tell me what you want, and I'll do it."

"You are tempting, laid out in our arms like this. So beautiful, with your muscles relaxed and pliant. We see each rise and fall of your chest as you breathe more quickly. Your nipples grow hard."

"That's not the only part of me that's hard, thank - " Dean remembered their earlier conversation about taking the lord's name in vain in the bedroom, "Thank _fuck_."

Cas lifted Dean up higher, and bent his head to close his lips over just the head of Dean's cock, one indulgent taste, before lowering him back down. 

"You want us. It is beautiful."

Was it too cliche to say that it felt like heaven? Probably. Did cliches exist for a reason? Oh, yes they did. And he'd realized something. "Screw the Plan. We found a better one. You have no idea how many cheesy angel pickup lines I know." 

"Would you want to touch us, if we let you move again?"

"Please?" Dean surprised himself by wishing they had a blindfold. But that could wait. He did want to see Castiel's face after all.

"Cas. I think… I kind of liked having you think for me a little? I don't need exact directions but maybe… I'm just thinking out loud here - I don't want Jimmy to feel left out - I want to make both of you feel good..." 

Cas kissed his throat. "My vessel is overwhelmingly compelled by the image of your lips around my cock. It is possible we could reward him.”

"And I want to ask something, but I think it's too weird."

"You may open your eyes to see me look deeply disbelieving."

Dean did as instructed.

Cas cuddled Dean closer in his arms. 

“Tell me.”

"Um. So before, there've been some people I've been with who were really into calling me a good boy and stuff like that, and uh... I think I was into it too? So um, if you could maybe tell me what a good boy I've been, that'd be really great probably. Unless it's weird. You don't have to." Dean felt himself blushing.

"Oh Dean. You are so good."

Dean gave a warm rumbling sigh of contentment and smiled against the warmth of Castiel's skin. 

"You are so good for me,” Cas continued, “and so good for my vessel, in this moment, as you respond so unguarded and open. Our good boy."

The high pitched sound Dean made would have been embarrassing if this had been anyone else, but right now he didn't care. An odd shudder ran through him, starting at the base of his spine and ending at his shoulders. Like that feeling of jolting awake right as you’re falling asleep. 

"Would you like to see how aroused you make us, my good, lovely Dean?"

"Please." The word felt natural on his tongue.

Castiel sat on the edge of the bed, with Dean in his arms as he unwound around him. Dean was sitting on Cas' bare thigh for a moment, before there was a hand at his shoulder, another on his ribcage, carefully lowering him down to a space between Castiel's spread legs. Castiel's hand was there too, leaning Dean's cheek against his inner thigh. And he was very, very hard. Dean licked his lips. 

Hands came down to play in Dean's hair, massaging into his scalp.

"So good, my Dean. We feared this would be too much for you. But look how you love it."

"Can I touch you?"

Cas drew in a long, shuddering breath.

"Please?"

Cas silently brought Dean's head forward, until his face just rested against his hot erection.

Looking like he'd been given some kind of rare and precious gift (and if you asked him, he had) Dean brought his right hand up to cradle Castiel's balls. With his left, he lightly ran two fingers up the length of the shaft from base to tip, and when he swirled over the head he made good use of the precome gathered there.

"Can't believe I'm the first person who gets to do this." Dean was entranced by the sight of his hand on Cas and Jimmy's dick. He leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on the very tip, but didn't take it into his mouth yet. Instead he let it rest on his bottom lip and gave Cas a chance to really take in the sight. Dean knew he looked good like this. 

Cas didn't seem to know what to do with his hands, and reached out to touch Dean's cheek. "My vessel has... no words for you. He only knows he wants. Anything you are willing to give."

Dean opened his mouth enough to caress the sensitive underside of Castiel's cock. Cas sighed, and with fingers catching at Dean’s hair and neck, pulled him closer. 

"You are so good," Cas murmured. "So good, Dean. Thank you."

Dean pulled back again. He wasn’t quite ready. Soon. He nuzzled softly against the skin of Castiel’s thighs, kissing one of Jimmy’s femoral pressure points. It was reassuring, to know if anything happened, he could stop arterial bleeding long enough to apply a tourniquet. He did the same thing on the other side. Between Cas and himself, they could keep Jimmy safe.

That done, Dean turned his attention to nosing lightly against Castiel’s balls - before taking them into his mouth. He worked his way back up the shaft with soft, teasing kisses before finally taking the head into his mouth, hand stroking what his mouth couldn’t reach. He was mindful to keep his lips over his teeth, but he felt himself sinking deeper inside himself until nothing else mattered. Dean wanted to live there, in that moment, between those gorgeous thighs for the rest of eternity.

Hollowing his cheeks, Dean hummed softly as he took in more of Castiel’s length. He liked the fingers in his hair, and the wonderful sounds he could wring out of Cas. He didn’t have a virginity kink or anything, but this was _Cas_. Being his first was like…. there wasn’t really anything to compare it too. He closed his eyes and let himself get lost in the rhythmic motions, the warm weight on his tongue. He felt powerful and safe. He reveled in the chance to kneel here freely, and give pleasure because it pleased him to do so. Opening his eyes, he watched as he did his best to make good on that promise of making Cas fall apart.

Cas' hands were on his hair, and the back of his neck. No pressure _anywhere_. A hand cupped his cheek as Cas made a sound that might have been a word, or the start of a word, but mostly sounded like a relieved exhale. Dean pulled back to pay special attention to the tip, running his tongue around the edge and playing with the slit. 

Cas was a work of art, his face and chest flushed from sex, his hair sticking up at strange angles. Dean moaned around the cock in his mouth before pulling off to let it slide against the side of his face. He knew what he must look like, as he worshiped between Castiel’s thighs. He had thought Castiel might throw his head back, but no - there he was, eyes on Dean. He was transfixed. Every jolt and shudder from Cas’ body traveled into his own. He could only hold out for so long before taking himself in hand.

Cas' thumb came down to play with Dean's bottom lip, the one currently stretched around his cock.

And that was when the realization sank in. Dean could _stop_ , if he wanted to. He didn’t want to, not really, but the sheer novelty of the idea decided it for him. 

Sitting back on his heels, Dean wiped his chin. “Fuck, that’s good. Like the only thing in the whole world that matters is making you come.” 

He got up off the floor and climbed back onto the bed, dragging Castiel down to the mattress with a kiss. Dean was flat on his back, naked and vulnerable in front of a being so much more powerful than him. Because he wanted to be. He spread his legs, and brought Cas to rest on top of him. One hand on that gorgeous ass, the other digging into the muscles of the angel's upper back. Dean bucked his hips up as he drew Castiel even deeper into the kiss. Cas pulled back, not much, but enough so that his lips weren’t touching anymore. 

“Dean. Tell me now if this is too much for you. Because we could ride you. That is a possibility.”

"God - I mean sorry. _Fuck._ I wish we had some lube right now but human bodies don't work like that. Sorry. Some other time though? _Please?_ "

“I could very quickly rob a convenience store. My vessel’s idea.”

Dean groaned and let his head fall back against the sheets. "I better not see a news story about 'unknown man in trench coat with massive boner steals lube and scandalizes many. Kansas City police looking for him, but so is the city’s gay scene because holy shit was that guy hot.'" He was too far gone to even try thinking through his words. "Whatever you guys want. Up to you. I want you any way you'll have me."

He rocked upwards again, seeking out the friction of the fucking fantastic thighs Jimmy kept hidden under that coat when he realized - "Wait. Wait, no. Cas, it's nothing personal, but I'm gonna need to hear from Jimmy first. He definitely said there was some stuff he didn’t want to do when we were talking about boundaries earlier."

Cas smiled, and kissed Dean. Then changed position, and Cas (Dean was pretty sure it was still Cas, it was _strong_ like Cas) dragged himself along Dean's body, erection touching Dean's and _rubbing._

"Oh dear _sweet Christmas._ "

"Hey, Jimmy" Dean laughed, breathless.

Cas must have been supporting himself on his elbows or something, because Jimmy just crashed full weight into his chest with the biggest, goofiest smile.

" _Hi._ " 

Dean kissed him. Same mouth, different person. He was _so_ looking forward to getting to hold both of them at the same time - or at the same time in separate bodies. Technically Cas was still here. "You know I'm good with this, right?"

"Well, you didn't _actually_ say so, but... wait. Wait, yes you did. You did right now." Jimmy stretched to kiss him.

"Or you could fuck me,” said Dean, as he held Jimmy close. “I just... I didn't know if I could do this, that's all. And I can. Thank G- Sorry Cas. Thank _Cas_ , I can."

" _Good._ " Jimmy pulled off to the side. "I'm bringing him back online. You know he is one hundred percent literal about everything he just said, right?"

"If he can do it fast, and not get caught on any security cameras? You're the only one of us who doesn't have their face on a Most Wanted list somewhere." Dean brought his hand up to cradle that face. Maybe he was talking about wanted lists, but his tone was more like a man saying ‘I love you.’ 

He kissed Jimmy softly. Jimmy kissed back. 

"Hey. Hey there. I've got you looking out for me, don't I? I'm going to be okay."

"Yeah. And can’t forget about the angel looking out for both of us."

Jimmy reached up to grab Dean's hand, and just held it. "Yeah. And don't worry. I'll put a pillowcase on my head or something. It's not like he actually needs _eyes_ to perceive things. Oh. And _also,_ I was meaning to tell you. Castiel and I did this experiment earlier, around the time he - well, around the time he was sucking your cock. Turns out, he can absolutely manually relax discrete muscle groups!"

Dean's hips moved without his permission. "For real? This is - like you say 'I need to do some research’ or whatever, and then you come back with _that_." He almost didn't want to say anything, but... "If he can do that, do you think he can stop your gag reflex? I mean, I don't... I'm not...." 

Choking. Struggling to breathe. Darkness at the edges of his vision. Dean shook his head, trying to shake away the memories, and looked into the clear blue eyes of the man who held him there. "I - no. Forget I said anything. Not sexy. I repeat. Not. Sexy." He didn't need to explain. "Give me something else to focus on."

“Hey." Jimmy planted a kiss on his lips. "I told you I needed a second to think about it. I _thought about it._ And now I can't think about _anything else._ " He dragged a hand up Dean's cock as he kissed him, then leaned down to whisper into his ear, like it was a secret. "What it would feel like to just wrap arms around you and pull you in _deeper._ "

And in what was probably the world’s fastest exorcism, Jimmy had banished the memory of Alastair. 

"And here I thought you were vanilla and boring."

"I think we both know that the freaky one is Castiel..."

"Yeah, but we're into it." Dean was pretty sure Cassie or Ash wouldn’t have been nearly so cool about the whole Cas thing. "You know, it's nice to have a boyfriend who also loves Cas as much as I do. Too bad you can't stay here while he goes on a supply run."

Jimmy touched noses with Dean in a silly little rabbit kiss. "Wouldn't want you to get cold while we're away."

Dean was starting to really like this crappy little house.

Jimmy grabbed a handful of crumpled blanket from somewhere and threw it around Dean's shoulders. " _Two minutes._ _Tops._ "

"I'll be thinking of you while you’re gone." Dean began lazily stroking himself to illustrate. 

Halfway out of the bed, Jimmy looked back, pausing as his eyes followed Dean's hand up, and down, and back up. He shook his head. "Right, good. Pillowcase, coat." Both things had fallen on the floor, he bent to find them. "And Cas." Jimmy tied on the trenchcoat, shoved the pillowcase in the pocket, nodded at Dean. Then his eyes went unfocused and fuzzy.

He vanished.

And then, maybe a minute later, maybe _less_ , he was back. And there was a pillowcase over his head, for a second anyway. Then Cas was pulling out handfuls of little sample-sized KY lube bottles. Most of them went on the nightstand. But one, he kept in his hand.

He turned to look at Dean.

Dean snort-laughed.

And then _actually_ laughed.

"I'm sorry," he wheezed, "you're a literal angel, and you just did _that_ " He hid his face in a pillow to try to muffle the laughing, and once that was out of his system he sat back up and looked at Cas. "Never change."

Cas had crossed his arms, and folded the coat around himself in a way that sort of looked like a bird ruffling its feathers.

"I'm a bad influence. You're perfect. Come here."

Cas slowly climbed into the middle of the giant bed and knelt down, putting a knee on either side of Dean's thighs. He was still wearing the trenchcoat.

"Cas? You're amazing. I don't know what I could do to deserve you." Dean's hands started at Castiel's hips and made their way upwards until they could coax the coat off those beautiful shoulders. "I'm sorry I laughed. You did exactly what I asked." Dean decided not to explain that there was just something about the serious look on Castiel's face that made the whole situation so much funnier.

"Remind me, Dean. What were we doing when I saw you last?"

"I think I was getting pinned to a bed by someone I can only describe as sex incarnate. And I'm hoping they'll tell me how to make it up to them for laughing."

The coat slid off the bed as Cas lowered himself down over Dean's body. His lips hovered, almost touching but not, as his heel of his hand came to Dean's temple. That one hand kept him lying prone on the mattress.

"What did you think of, when we left you alone?"

"You working yourself open on those beautiful fingers of yours." Dean turned to kiss the hand in his hair. "You in general, really."

Waking up next to him every morning. A house with an actual door to the bedroom. A white picket fence. A future. One where no one was dead inside and the world wasn't being overrun by a demon virus. That kind of thing. But Dean kept that to himself.

Cas kissed him deeply. A hand stroked down his ribcage, over his hip, and came to rest on his ass - before Cas jerked himself up, annoyed. He needed both hands to work the little thing of lube, and as he flicked open the cap and squirted into his hand, he stared at the bottle like it had offended him.

Dean bit his lip to keep from laughing. He couldn't help it. Cas was cute.

Cas came back down to the bed and stroked over Dean's hot erection with a handful of lube, one that made everything silky and slidey and cool.

Dean was a little amazed by the sight. Not to mention the feeling. "You're going to look so beautiful, Cas. Not that you don't already, but... Just look at you. I'm pretty sure you have the most perfect ass of anyone on the planet."

"My vessel is close. It will not take long." Cas was already pouring more lube into his hand. "You have waited."

"Of course I did. You think I'm going to miss this? Not a chance. Cas, I want to feel you around me as you come. I want to watch you fuck yourself on my cock."

Cas rolled onto his back, next to Dean. His thighs spread, and a hand went between them as he leisurely began to finger himself open. Cas closed his eyes and hummed, and his breathing became relaxed and even. This new activity was clearly working for him. The other hand, the unoccupied hand, reached out to find Dean's wrist.

"You're so beautiful like this, Cas. Can’t believe how good you're doing. I don't think you've ever even been kissed before all this. Now look at you."

Cas brought Dean's hand to his lips, silently kissed the back, then down the fingers. He didn't break the rhythm between his thighs. Dean rolled to get a better vantage point. Pushed Castiel's hair out of his eyes for him. 

Cas smiled up at him, a beautiful unworried smile.

Dean leaned in slowly, and captured Castiel's lips in his best wake-a-sleeping-princess kiss. He drew away, only to leave another gentle one at the edge of Castiel's jaw. And another at the juncture of his neck and shoulder. At last, he brought their joined hands to his mouth, and turned then to kiss Castiel's wrist. "I think you might be the most beautiful thing in the universe." 

Cas made some quiet, low noises, but if they were words, Dean didn't understand them.Then he moved, climbing over Dean's hips and pressing Dean's hand back against the mattress.

"Yeehaw," Dean bucked his hips into Castiel's touch. "Ride'm cowboy."

Castiel may have slightly smirked. Bending down, he got one arm around Dean, firmly in the center of his back, and lifted. He held Dean slanted, halfway between sitting and lying down, taking all of his weight on a forearm.

It was disorienting, tipped backward in Cas' arms like that, suspended in the air. It was actually a lot like when Cas had him in that wedding carry, except now Cas was sitting on his hips, stroking Dean with the hand that _wasn't_ supporting the entire weight of Dean's upper body.

Dean had probably been this hard before. The first time he had sex, maybe. But he wouldn't swear to it.

"I will be mindful. I will not hurt my vessel." Raising himself up, Cas held the tip of Dean's cock, steadying. “I could heal him,” he said as he lined himself up. “But that… is not… the point…”

And then he was sinking down, and Dean was tilted up so he had to _watch_ as every inch of his hot and too-hard cock disappeared into Cas’ body, and he could feel the cool silkiness of the lube, and he could feel how tight Jimmy was, and how _careful_ Cas was being. With both of them.

The second he was entirely inside Cas, Dean fell forward into his arms. More than relief. That moment was pure, blissful nothing. 

He laid an open mouthed kiss on Cas' neck. Cas wasn't moving, just wrapped around Dean, breathing, getting used to his body, sitting with his legs around Dean’s waist. And Dean took the excuse to just hold him, supporting his angel’s weight with an arm around his waist. His other hand travelled across the planes of Castiel's back.

"Take as long as you need,” he said, into Castiel's neck. “You. Are the best thing. I have ever felt. Best thing I've ever seen. Kissed." He meant to kiss him on the lips but ended up kissing the side of his chin. It didn't matter. That was good too. Dean brought both his hands up to run the length of Cas' back, starting at the shoulders, continuing down his hips, and across his thighs before returning to hold him close, trace little nonsense squiggles in the space between his shoulder blades.

And Cas made a sound that sounded almost like he was in _pain_ , and grabbed Dean harder, pulling him closer. His head dropped onto Dean’s shoulder, breathing high and fast and shallow. 

“ _Dean_ ,” he managed to rasp out.

Dean froze. Nothing.

"Cas?" Careful to remain as still as possible, he started to run his hand in a slow soothing motion from the middle of his shoulders up, then back down again. He was more than a little concerned. "Still with me?"

Cas nodded. A pause. Then, one of Cas' hands covered his. Guided by Castiel, and his strength, Dean softly moved his hand along his angel's back. And the moment his fingers brushed the very edge of Cas' shoulder blade, Cas made a noise that sounded like a _sob_ , and seemed to turn to jelly in Dean's arms.

"So that _was_ a good noise. Good to know."

Something was clearly going on, and it wasn't something Dean really understood, but he was going to figure it out. Cas was kind of a mess, after all. In a good way. "Can I move now, or do you still need a minute?” It was getting really difficult not to move. Cas might be an angel, but Dean wasn't a saint. "You can just nod yes or no?"

Castiel moved his hips against Dean, pulling back, and then pressing forward again.

"That works."

Cas' face was still buried in Dean's neck, but he began to move against his body, rhythmically, like waves. His hands clawed up, landing in Dean's hair and holding on to both sides of his face. Castiel kissed him, as he began to learn what it was to fuck himself on Dean's cock. And Dean rocked upwards, in time with his angel’s hips.

He took his hand away from Castiel's shoulders, ignoring his quiet "... no, no, please..."

"Shh," Dean placed his thumb on Cas’ bottom lip. "Trust me, okay? Can you get this nice and wet for me?"

Cas looked up at him with wide blue eyes. One of his hands came up to cover Dean's, holding it as he parted his lips around the thumb and brought it into his mouth, tasting it, rolling his tongue beside it. His eyes closed in effort and concentration.

"Well done, soldier." Dean returned his hand to Castiel's back. Sliding the pad of his spit-slick thumb along the edge of one of Cas' shoulder blades. Exactly where the angel had placed his hand earlier.

Cas let out an actual _cry_ , and arched against Dean's chest, throwing his head back. He found Dean's ass, pulling him tighter against him. 

Rising up to meet him, Dean slowly worked his thumb against and ever so slightly _under_ the edge of Castiel's shoulder blade. He was going to invest in some massage oil, that's for sure. With Cas holding on to him, Dean's other hand was free to pay attention to Jimmy's cock.

Knuckles of Cas' hands raked up Dean's spine.

"Hang in there. I got you.”

Cas was falling apart under Dean's hands. There was no tension left in his body and he sagged against Dean, arms around his neck as Cas’ mouth kissed everything it could reach - his collarbone and neck and shoulders. He wasn't even fucking Dean anymore. There was no resistance as Dean pushed into him, at the same time as he took care of Jimmy's cock and whatever was going on with Cas' back.

Dean adjusted the angle of his hips and kept up a steady rhythm, taking over for him.

Cas seemed to be repeating something, as undone and broken as the rest of him. It took Dean a few repetitions to make out "... thank you... thank you..."

"Babe. It's okay. Hold on. I got you. You're so good at this." Dean kept up a litany of praise whispered against skin unmarred by war as he made love to an angel who had only ever known war. "Cas, that's.... _fuck._ ”

Dean wasn't sure how much longer he could last like this. "Come on, babe. It's okay. I got you." He increased the pace, and brought hands to support Cas as he tried to find the angle he was looking for. Dean had only ever had a few partners do this for him, but if he could just find the right angle...

And he felt Cas’ muscles grew rigid and tight around his body, around his cock. Cas almost wasn’t able to get words out. “Dean - I - ”

Dean's hips juddered as his fingers dug into the muscles of Cas' back. There were so many things he wanted to say in that moment, but none of them were anything he could ever put into words. Collapsing backwards onto the bed, pulling Cas down with him, Dean lost himself in his lover. There was nothing else. Everything in existence was contained there, on that bed, the only thing that mattered was the connection between them. With wordless, gasping breaths, Dean gave himself over completely to Cas, made himself a willing vessel for Castiel to use as he pleased. His, and no one else's.

Castiel pushed Dean down to the mattress, scraping fingers across the old handprint brand, the tattoo that would let no demon inside him, and the ribs Cas had carved with tiny runes that would let no angel find him. Cas was inside his body, in so many ways, and now he was inside Cas', as Cas adjusted himself on Dean’s hips, rolling back to find that spot, that perfect spot. And when he found it again he moved against it, using Dean as a toy, stroke after stroke after stroke until Cas wrapped long fingers around Jimmy's cock - and used the other hand to stroke the tender skin where Dean and Cas met - and then he was coming, spurt after spurt across Dean's chest.

And before Dean could move, before Dean could do _anything,_ Cas had slipped _off_ his poor, aching and abused cock and started to kiss Dean's chest clean instead - which was very hot, and would have been _extremely_ hot if he hadn't been so close, _so close_ , and it had been so long since he'd come...

"Cas..." said Dean, frustrated and panting. But Cas was occupied with what he was doing, and didn't even look up. Dean reached down to finish himself off - not ideal, but he didn't care at this point - except one of Cas' hands caught his and pressed it down into the mattress, wrist up. Dean wriggled, but it did nothing. Cas' light touch was going nowhere.

"Cas, what is this?"

"Edging," said Castiel, matter-of-factly. He appeared to have regained speech at some point while kissing Dean's chest.

Dean swore.

Cas smiled as he licked up the last bit of come, and kissed a convenient nipple.

"Come here, Dean," he said, as he laid on his back against the cushions.

Dean crawled towards him, strung out and not thinking totally clearly. It had been a very long day, he had thought too many things, and now Cas was going to kill him by misunderstanding sex.

He shuffled forward and knelt between Cas' legs. Cas was soft and satiated, he'd just had a wonderful Dean-provided orgasm. And he wasn't even looking at him, he was playing with one of the tiny lube bottles. 

Dean was starting to get worried. He was – No. He didn't even want to think the thought directly.

"This _isn't funny,_ Cas," he muttered.

Cas didn’t look up. The cast of his face looked almost disinterested. 

And then abruptly, almost mechanically Dean said - "I can't do this." 

Without further explanation, Dean strode to the nearby door and flung it open with too much force. It led to a bathroom, not a closet. Without saying another word, Dean walked in. Shut the door. Started the water in the shower, left the lights off. He didn't give the water time to warm before stepping under the spray.

  
  



	3. Bitch

A knock on the bathroom door. "Hey buddy?"

Dean was quiet, one hand on the wall of the shower, the other covering his mouth. It was Jimmy. Not Cas. The water and darkness did nothing to disguise the tremor in his voice. "What?" 

"Can I come in?"

Dean weighed his options. "If I said no, would you stay out?"

"Yeah. I'd still try to talk with you through the door though."

"It’s not locked." The darkness at least meant that he didn’t have to see Jimmy's face, as Jimmy came close to him.

"Dean. This water's freezing."

Dean didn't say anything. Jimmy unwound the blanket he was wearing around his shoulders. "Come on. Get out of there. You're going to get sick."

Dean just shook his head. One hand still covering his mouth, the other wrapped around his middle. 

"Cas messed up with his kinky stuff. I'm so sorry man. Should have had safewords or something. Even I know about those.”

The shower water turned off. 

Jimmy draped the blanket over Dean's shoulders. "Hug?"

Dean latched himself around him, and Jimmy ran hands over his back.

"Don't go,” said Dean.

"Yeah,” said Jimmy. “Don't worry about that. Not going anywhere."

"I'm sorry I'm so screwed up."

"I'm sorry Cas is an idiot." Jimmy coaxed Dean down to the floor, cocooning him in blankets, drying him off and warming him up. Then he tipped his own head onto Dean's shoulder.

"I'm scared to go back to bed,” whispered Dean.

"You don't have to do anything you don't want."

Dean buried his face against Jimmy's shoulder, bit down on his own hand, and _screamed._ The scream faded into horrible wracking sobs as he shook. Snot dripped down his face. Dean wiped his nose.

"I'm _really_ not okay."

There wasn't enough air. He was taking loud, gasping breaths, but he wasn't getting any air. 

Not enough air. 

And Jimmy - 

Was panicking.

"Dean, I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I want to help but I don't know - I don't know how - you can be mad at me later, I'm getting Cas."

Dean felt two fingertips on his forehead. The warm sensation of Cas' angelic healing wound through his torso, around his lungs and throat and stomach.

It didn’t help. The hyperventilating didn’t stop. 

"Dean." There was a strong hand on his elbow. Dean had been here before. He knew it. As sure much he knew anything right now.

Cas' eyes were glowing. His silver-blue angelic aura reflected off the bathroom's white tiles. He laid a hand over Dean’s forehead.

"Dean Winchester. Do you know me?"

"Cas?"

Cas folded Dean and the blanket into his arms. "Yes."

"Thanks." Dean's voice was barely a whisper.

"You should not be thanking me. I was irresponsible and careless in my treatment of you. When there is nothing in this world more precious than you."

Dean started crying again - before struggling to get free, of the blanket, of Cas’ arms. He vomited into the toilet. Cas flicked the bathroom lightswitch, and normal yellow light filled the corners of the bathroom instead of his own eerie silver. Dean wiped his mouth on a piece of toilet paper, flushed it along with the rest of the mess. Without looking at Cas, he walked over to the sink and started trying to rinse the taste out of his mouth.

Cas hovered two steps behind him, awkward.

"You have injured your hand,” he said. “May I heal it?”

Dean stood there in silence, leaning over the sink, head bowed. "It's not your fault."

"I should have asked before playing a game like that. Rules were needed. And the ability to stop playing. You have been trying to tell me this."

Dean took a slow, deep breath before turning to face Cas again. "You made a mistake. Mistakes happen."

Cas knelt at his feet. "I ask forgiveness."

Dean got down on the floor with him, and pulled Cas into a hug. "Let’s get back under the blanket, and then we can talk, okay? It's cold out here." 

He stood up, grabbed the blanket and Jimmy's trench coat before dive-rolling under the covers. Cas carefully lay down beside him, outside the bundle Dean had made. He edged nearer, and then - when Dean didn't recoil - put an arm around him. Dean breathed a sigh of relief, and snuggled closer.

Dean ducked his head under Castiel's chin. "You'd think Hell would be warm, but it wasn't."

Cas kissed Dean's forehead.

"It was cold. Alastair's room was. Freezing."

The air around them got noticeably warmer, like Castiel had turned himself into a space heater. Dean chuckled. It was okay. Thoughtful, even. "He was the only heat in the damned place. Think he did it on purpose. The torture chambers weren't like that. Some of those were like weird blood coated saunas. But his room was always cold. He made me beg." Dean curled further in. "No, he didn't make me. I did that."

"I'm going to kiss you now," said Cas.

Dean pulled away. "I’m not done. I think I need to say this. If we're going to do this ever again, I really think I need to say this."

Castiel was silent.

"I was cold, and alone, and anything - was better than disappearing completely. I think? I don't know. It was so cold. Sometimes, Alastair would send me away once he was done. I remember," Dean swallowed past the lump in his throat, "I don't know how long I spent lying on the ground wondering if I was even real." There was more to say, but he had to stop and breathe for a minute first.

"Sometimes he'd let me stay. He'd ignore me, but he'd let me stay. After enough time, it almost felt like... love. It wasn't, but… I could pretend." The rest was need-to-know basis.

"Your brother gifted him with far too clean a death.”

"Just glad he's gone. And you're still here."

Cas nodded slightly. "I am a fool Dean. That does not excuse my actions, to you who should be only honored and adored."

"Cas, I was. I am. I felt _amazing_. I've never," He wasn't sure quite how to explain it. "Sex has never felt like this for me. Remember what I said about it being a connection? I've had plenty of sex before, and yeah, some of it was better physically. Especially at the end there." Dean tried to make a joke out of it, it didn't really work. "But I've never felt a connection like this. I had a good time, but this was more... I don't know, _something_. I get why that’s hard to believe, but it's true. That made it probably the best sex I've ever had." Dean kissed him, "And I've had a lot of really good sex."

"Show me mercy Dean,” said Cas, voice tight. “Tell me there is something I can do for you right at this moment."

After a silence that felt worse than speaking - Dean finally answered. His voice was quiet, fragile. 

“I don’t know.” 

Cas nodded as though this were the expected answer. He reached for Dean’s hand and brought it to his lips, lightly kissing along the back. And as he did, Dean felt the tingling warmth of Cas’ angelic healing seeping into his skin, knitting and smoothing the cuts and abrasions that had come from biting it.

Then Cas shifted position, and began to pick through his hair in a strange motion that couldn't really be called stroking. It made Dean think of that one time he had to check Sammy’s hair for tics. The fingers on his scalp were very warm, almost hot, and it took him a second to realize Cas was systematically drying his damp hair.

He passed a hand over Dean's head. "We will be gone for a few moments. Please stay." And he bent for the empty pillow case that had landed on the ground and vanished.

He _vanished_ , before Dean could object.

Dean tried to tell himself that Cas hadn't abandoned him. 

He had said he would be back. He had said so.

So he held the trench coat, and counted the seconds.

When Cas returned, six minutes later, he had a pillowcase over his head and an arm full of - Oreos, crackers, jerky. All that got dumped on the nightstand. Cas held out a bottle of water in his general direction.

"Sit. Drink."

If Dean were in a better place right now, he'd have some comment about Cas running around stealing junk food without clothes on. 

But he wasn't in a good place right now.

Not even slightly.

Dean stayed where he was, curled up, huddled under the blanket. There were a _few_ things he wanted to say, but if he tried to say _anything_ he was sure he'd start crying again. Or worse. 

He hadn't been mad at Cas before. There was no way he could have known about how Alastair used to be. But _now_ \- the fact he was so pissed off was the main reason he wasn't having a complete breakdown. And maybe going silent and holding a coat like a security blanket wasn't the picture of mental health either. But whatever, it was working. As soon as he got himself back together, he wanted an explanation.

He didn't know what Cas thought he was doing. But Dean _sure as hell_ wasn't going to be _grateful_ for it. This was why he avoided feelings. If feelings were involved, sooner or later he'd end up like this.

"Fuck you." The pillow muffled his voice.

The worst part was that he _didn't_ want Cas to leave. If Cas left, he was going to have to call someone. Sammy. He was going to have to call Sammy. Dean didn't know if he could forgive Cas if he had to do that. There were some things his little brother shouldn’t know, and what happened with Alastair was top of the list.

"Shit. I can't fucking do this anymore." He didn't look at Cas. Couldn't deal with the confirmation that he'd been used and thrown away _again_. Would’ve thought he'd learn this time. He snorted. Not likely. Something was building in his chest and finally burst forth as the most honest thing he'd said in weeks. " _I want my dad_."

His dad would know what to do. He'd know how to fix this. But Dad was dead, and Bobby was paralyzed and Sam was in danger and Dean had just lost the only friend he'd had in a long time and now he didn't even have his car.

"You have,” said Cas quietly. “Fucked me," 

Dean startled badly enough that he nearly rolled off the bed. "I told you to - "

Oh. He _had_ said 'fuck you,' hadn't he? He should have said 'fuck off,' or 'go fuck yourself.' They all meant the same thing.

Sitting crossed legged in the middle of the bed, Dean glared at Cas. It was a lot less effective than he would have liked, since he had to use a corner of the blanket to wipe his face. "If you actually plan on staying this time, could you do me a favor?"

"Anything."

Dean's jaw clenched and he squared his shoulders, trying to salvage what few shreds of dignity he had left. "You mind explaining to me." He wanted to shout, but didn't. "Exactly what the hell you were thinking there?" Even _Cas_ had to know he was angry now. 

"I tell you _all that_ , and then _you leave?_ " If Dean had clothes on, he'd be up and pacing. "Who the _fuck_ does that? And then you come back with..." He gestures at the food with disgust. "Why would you do that? After everything." He didn't wait for an answer, at this point he just needed to be mad. "I trusted you, and then you _left._ "

Cas' face was still weirdly serene and hard to read. "If I thought myself capable of leaving a wounded beloved, I would walk into holy fire right now.”

“ _Bullshit._ That's not what I want and you know it." Dean's voice cracked, but he didn’t care anymore. "I wanted to make this work, so I told you about how I was so desperate to be cuddled by my goddamn _rapist_ because apparently I'm just that pathetic, and how I _thanked_ him for it, and how I would _beg_ him for it because sometimes he didn’t leave me alone and bleeding out on those white fucking shiny goddanm floors, and you... why the fuck would you do that!" Dean was shouting, and he had gotten off the bed and was standing as far away from Cas as possible, wrapped in Jimmy's trench coat. Clutching his phone like Cas might try to take it from him.

And then - when Dean realized what he’d just said - the air left his lungs in a rush. Like he'd been punched. 

He'd... he’d called Alastair a rapist. That wasn't... He hadn’t... It wasn't like that. It was Hell. Things were complicated. He had agreed to everything. He hadn't been forced. It was the best option.

"You told me to spread my legs and asked if you could kiss me and the whole time, I’m keeping this mantra going about how 'This is Cas. You can trust him. It's fine. There's nothing to worry about. He's just kissing you. He won't bite.' And like, yeah. It's great you kept your teeth to yourself and I'm not screaming in agony right now, but it still really fucking hurts, okay? I quit. I'm done. Find someone else to save the world. Let Sam do it. He was always the smarter one anyway. Tell Jimmy he doesn't totally suck, and I'm sorry. Just go. Or stay. I don't care." That was a lie. He cared a lot.

Dean shut himself in the bathroom and locked the door. Not that it would do anything to stop Cas from opening it if he wanted, he could probably unlock it with his goddamn mind. But it made Dean feel better. Back against it, he slid to the ground to take stock of the situation. He had a blanket, his cellphone, and Jimmy's trench coat. It was pathetic how happy he was about that last one.

Fumbling with his phone, he called Sam and waited. _Please pick up, Sammy._

Dial tone. Dial tone. 

"Dean?"

"Yeah."

“You sound terrible.”

"Listen. I'm with - I'm in Kansas City, in some crappy abandoned house and I need to get my car but I don't know if Cas is still here or not, and..." He couldn't keep his voice from breaking. Hopefully Sam couldn't tell he was crying over the phone. “I don’t know what to do. So, whatever you’re doin,’ if you could get here. Please. I need your help, Sammy."

Sounds of paper rustling from the other end of the line. 

“I can be there in under three hours. If I gave you the address, could Cas come and get me or is Cas the problem?”

"I haven't got an address. And Cas is... Stay on the phone?"

“Am I talking, or am I coming to you? I can do both, but only if it’s an emergency.”

"Just talk for now?" This might count as an emergency, Dean wasn't sure. He just knew he didn't want Sam to hang up.

“I’m here. I’m listening.”

Dean just sat, trying to pull himself together enough to be able to talk. He didn't really have anything to say, but that wasn't the point.

He heard typing sounds from the background on Sam's end. “So you were hunting a... naked... kleptomaniac... ghost?”

"What? No, why would you-”

Dean had been through a lot in a very short time. Putting two and two together took longer than it should have. And he had _told_ Cas to avoid security cameras.

“So a poltergeist?” said Sam.

Dean did his best to sound curious but disinterested, not at all suspicious. “No. Why, why would you think that?" 

“I accessed the Kansas City Police servers. Those are the only reports I’m seeing that look like our kind of thing?”

"Sammy?" Dean hoped he didn’t sound as scared as he felt. "You went to school in California, right?"

"Yeah," said Sam, warily. He was trying to use his no-nonsense FBI voice but it wasn't working. “What’s this about, Dean?”

"Probably shouldn't be telling you this over the phone, but you remember the Roadhouse?" It was a lifetime ago for Dean, but it had only been a few years for Sam. "I wasn't flirting with Jo. I wasn't interested. Also, she wasn't into _me_ , you're just an idiot. But you were in California, so you've heard of bisexual people and..." No, you know what. This wasn't working.

"… I fucked Cas."

"Oh! Um... Congratulations?"

"And Jimmy. It's okay though. He's cool with it."

"Jimmy... Novak?"

"Yeah?" Dean was confused why Sam was confused.

"Right. Well, I. Guess that is the way it would have to work."

"Yeah. Didn't want you to think I forgot he was in there or something." Dean was - a lot less upset now that he knew Sam was okay with things so far.

"No that... good,” said Sam. “That's good.” A pause. He was maybe in the middle of processing. " _Is_ it good?"

“It _was_ good. Amazing. Probably some of the best sex I’ve ever had. It's just... not good now.”

“I _really_ don't want the details of your sex life, but I do need more than 'not good now.'"

Dean was going to have to explain, and Sam was going to look at him like him like he was _fragile_ or worse. Look at him with pity.

"Are you... okay physically?” said Sam. 

"Yeah. I'm fine. It's nothing like that." 

He needed to say it now. He needed to say it now, or he’d never say it ever.

"... not with Cas, anyway." 

Dean really, really hoped Sam was smart enough to put it together.

There was a long pause. He hadn’t given Sam enough to go on. He knew he hadn’t. But he could hope. 

"Hell?"

"Yeah." Dean said it like they were talking about the weather. Like this was a perfectly normal conversation about hunting werewolves or possessed children or something. "It's fine though. He's dead. I'm fine." And that was true, mostly. Except for the part where he was currently hiding in a bathroom talking to his little brother about it.

"Yes." Sam's voice was tight and controlled. "Dean I - I'm glad you're talking to me. 

Dean stood, and started searching for towels in the cabinet. If he was going to be camped out in here for a while might as well get comfortable.

"Does this mean we're hunting together again?" said Sam.

"I was already going to ask you before this happened. There was some other stuff that made me realize." Dean threw some towels on the floor. He'd slept in worse spots before. It wasn't his car, but it'd do. He used his shoulder to hold the phone to his ear as he covered as much of the cold tile as possible. "Angels are assholes. I thought Cas was different. You were right. We can't count on anyone besides ourselves." 

He could probably just use the trench coat as a pillow. And pillows were a luxury, so all things considered he had a pretty nice setup going on here. "I'm tired of being used and then treated like crap, you know? Family's great. They don't just friggin abandon you after you tear your heart out for them. I feel like that poor dude at the end of _Temple of Doom_."

"In order to side with you, I need to know what Castiel did. Broad strokes."

Bunching up the coat into something like a pillow, Dean lay down with his head by the door, feet taking up most of the bathroom floor. "I thought he cared. I thought wrong. It's not that hard to understand."

"And so he... what, locked you up and stole the Impala? Why do you not have your car and aren't sure exactly where you are?"

Always with his priorities in order, Dean focused on the important part of the question first. "Baby’s fine. Last I saw her, she was safe and sound at the hotel where I parked her. Actually, the last time I saw her she was a broken down DIY trellis in a post-apocalyptic nightmare but that doesn't count.”

"We'll come back to that."

"Zachariah showed up, mindfucked me and tried to get me to let an angel inside me. I said no, he got mad and was going to send me to 2014 again, but Cas bamfed me out of there like... well a BAMF. I kissed him because he wasn't high and throwing orgies and Jimmy wasn't screaming and I wasn't thinking. I ask him to take us somewhere so we can talk. We do a lot more than talk. I fuck him. I get fucked over. That's the Cliff Notes. You already know about the part where he fucking left me to go rob a convenience store to try and like... buy my loyalty. And then he tried to act like he cared or something and I quit. If you want to keep hunting, that's fine. I'll help, but otherwise, I'm done. Bobby doesn't use the second floor of his house anymore. We can move in with him. Hey, we might even be able to have separate bedrooms!"

He was saying pretty much whatever came into his head at this point. 

"I mean, I'm also fine with hunting. Whatever you want. I just think maybe Jimmy had the right idea. Maybe we should just go back home. Let someone else worry about it." He didn't know if he could do that, but he was seriously thinking about trying. "I know that didn't exactly work out for Jimmy, but Bobby already knows demons exist. I think it could – "

"Wait. Stop,” said Sam. “One second. Cas tried to... buy your loyalty with... things he stole from a convenience store... in Kansas City Missouri.”

"Yeah. I don't know if it's a guy thing or an angel/demon thing. But they do stuff to make you thankful to them and then they hold that over your head. I literally _just_ told him about Alastair.”

“He didn't start with the crown jewels, or I don't know, James Dean's Spyder? Some really good angelic sigils?"

“I guess he could have been making fun of me. That might make more sense. God, I'm an idiot. He had this whole thing planned! Those markings on our ribs. He was trying to do the same thing, wasn't he?" Dean looked at his chest, knowing that somewhere under his skin, it probably said 'property of Castiel.’ He couldn't read that stuff. "Like... it could be worse. He didn't try to castrate me with his teeth or make me call him Daddy, but he wrote on you too. That's just sick. Why'd he have'ta bring you into this?"

"So what you're trying to tell me. Is that Castiel. Is somehow. Our prison daddy."

"Right," Dean was glad that Sam wasn't trying to make excuses for him. "The whole thing about protecting us from the others so they can't find us? What other explanation is there?"

"And he was making fun of you by... literally buying you for a pack of cigarettes."

"Yeah." Dean's voice wavered, "I trusted him, Sammy. I thought... I don't know what I thought. I didn't think. If I had, I wouldn't be hiding naked in a crappy bathroom, in a crappy house with a crappy floor plan, and a bedroom with no door!" Dean rested his head against the floor.

"Wait, is Castiel _there_?"

"I told you, I locked myself in the bathroom. I know, enclosed space with no way out. Bad plan. Didn't know what else to do." Honestly, it hadn't been a plan at all. He just didn't want to have to see all that crap Cas brought him. It had been almost thoughtful. In a different context, it might even have been nice. That's probably why it hurt so much.

"Dean..." a long pause over the phone. "Look. I know I haven't made it easy to trust me. But you value my opinion. And I... I don't know where I'd be without you." A sigh. "I do, actually. And so do you."

"Hey, don't talk like that. It's fine. We're family. I trust you."

"I need you to know that I will _never_ not be on your side."

"Wait, I thought you said you were cool with me being bi?"

"I've known you're bi for years, you should hear yourself talk about Dr. Sexy. Don't change the subject."

Dean wasn't trying to change the subject. He just wasn't sure where this was going.

"I need you to know that this person, who you've been talking about, with the bribing and ownership? That doesn't sound like Cas. It sounds like Alastair. Who I am really _fucking_ glad I killed."

"Yeah, that's what I've been saying." Dean was tired. As soon as they hung up he was going back to sleep. He wanted this day to be over. "It’s good you're happy you killed him. Means I can stop kicking myself about how that whole thing went down."

"Maybe the demon blood was good for that."

"I'd rather he never wound up topside in the first place. Pretty sure I'd be dead if you hadn't shown up when you did."

"We are not starting that who-saved-who's-life thing up again. You admitted you don't understand formal causality."

"Okay, Mr. Fancy Pants genius. I'm listening. I promise. No more changing topics."

"My point _is_ ,” said Sam. “You have never been great at serious romantic relationships, even before Hell, and I would bet money that you are looking at something Cas did, and then thinking _what would it mean if Alastair did the same thing?_ "

“Yeah. What’s your point? Why wouldn't I do that?" You get better at fighting a monster each time you go up against it. Sam knew that. This was the same kind of thing.

"Because... I've met them. They’re very different."

"Okay?" Dean wasn't sure he liked where this was going.

Suddenly, he had a thought. "Shit, I told him to go find you. Is he there? Sammy, if he's there, I'll find a way to get to you. Whatever you do, don't let them make you say yes. I'll be right there. I promise."

Dean was already unlocking the door before he realized that no. Cas was still out there. He practically fell backward, slammed the door shut - before sinking to the floor.

"Dean, _calm down_. You're getting screwy on me. I'm fine. I'm safe.” Over the phone, he heard Sam draw a breath. “Cas rebelled against heaven because he didn't like the way the other angels were treating you. He _died_ to protect you. Alastair is a literal demon nazi." Sam's laugh had no humor. " _Was_ a demon nazi."

Dean leaned his head against the door and tried to find shapes in the stucco of the textured ceiling. "That's what I thought. I thought maybe this could be something good. Like meeting him was the one good thing to come out of this mess." And now that he knew Cas was still out there, he whispered. "I thought I'd found someone. He even held me when I freaked out on him the first time."

"So this is the last of _multiple_ freak outs. Oh, Dean."

"Yeah. I know. He lied to me until he'd had his fun and then I'm just a piece of trash."

"Hanlon's Razor. Can Cas' actions be explained by Cas being kind of stupid. Or can they _only_ be explained by malicious intent."

It took Dean a second to realize that Hanlon's Razor must be another one of those logic things Sam liked. Not an occult artifact. 

"Sorry, could you repeat that? I got distracted. I'm pretty sure I've had less than four hours sleep in the past two days. Wait. No. I slept with Cas last night when... Oh."

He had realized something.

"Sam?"

"Right here."

"If I put you on speakerphone, do you promise not to make fun of me?"

"I promise not to make fun of you if you put me on speakerphone."

"Even if I'm doing it because I need your help talking to Cas?"

"I will really _try_ not to make fun of you. Being bad at talking to your romantic partners."

"It's not that," Dean's voice was shaking again. Actually, all of him was shaking. "Only I've already talked about this twice today, and that’s two more times than I’ve ever talked about it before." He picked himself off the floor and wrapped himself in the blanket. "I'm okay. I just want to be done with this." He turned on the faucet to get a drink of water. He was dehydrated from crying. He wiped his eyes, and tried to pretend he wasn't procrastinating. "Sorry. My face could probably repel ghosts, all this saltwater. Gross.”

"Okay,” said Sam. "Message received. Put me on speaker. Let's go talk to Cas."

Dean opened the door before he could give himself a chance to think too much more about it.

Walking out, he made a beeline for the crackers, got in bed, and started eating. Point made, he discarded them in favor of making an ungodly tall Oreo sandwich. They'd gone for the double stuffed kind, which meant that if you did it just right, you could get the center out intact. Dean was really good at it.

"Hey Cas," said Sam, through the phone. "Are you in this room?"

He was. He stood in the shadowy no-door entrance like a ghost, eyes taking in every one of Dean's movements. "Hello, Sam." He seemed to want to say more, but stopped.

"And Jimmy?"

"My vessel is here as well." 

The Oreo tower was putting the tower of Babel to shame and very nearly suffered the same fate before Dean decided to stop. On second thought, he decided there might actually be such a thing as too much Oreo stuffing, and split his frankencookie in half. He held one out to Cas. "Hey, want one?”

Cas tilted his head to one side. "... I do not understand?"

Dean shrugged. "More for me." He got crumbs everywhere by talking with his mouth full. "Oopfs." More crumbs.

"Dean, stop whatever idiot thing I know you're doing. You _said_ you wanted to talk to Cas."

Okay, this wasn't helping. Dean needed to be able to talk. Cas had said something about water? There. 

"Sorry. You're right. I'm stalling." He swept the crumbs off the bed before patting the space next to him. "Come on."

Cas walked quietly over to the bed, and knelt beside Dean. 

Dean focused, and turned all his attention to him. 

"I have Sam on speakerphone because I’ve got no idea what I'm doing. And something you said earlier got me worried that you might try to hurt yourself if I screw this up too badly." Dean wanted to reach out to Cas, but he wasn't sure if he was allowed to touch - after how badly he'd messed up.

"I am arbitrating," said Sam, completely deadpan. "I have taken a Psych 101 course."

"Cas?” said Dean. “I need you to promise you won't go walking into holy fire. Not even if you think I want you too, or that I'd be better off if you did or something. Same goes for you, Jimmy. That sounded like more of a Cas thing, but you did put your hand in a pot of boiling water because he told you to." The more he thought about it, the more terrible Dean felt. "I know I said it was bullshit earlier, but now I'm worried." He turned, and held his arms out to Cas. 

A clear invitation, should he choose to take it.

"My meaning was that someone who would abandon you while you were wounded and grieving deserves only annihilation and pain,” Cas said. “But that does not describe me." 

He carefully placed his hands in Dean's. 

Dean couldn't look him in the eyes. He was silent for a while, and when he did speak it was barely a whisper. Nowhere near loud enough to be picked up on speakerphone. "I'm so sorry. I should have known. You were patient with me. Even when I did that weird thing and fell asleep on you. You just held me, made sure I felt safe." Dean kissed one of the hands before returning to a normal speaking volume. "I can explain.” He kept his head bowed and his eyes closed. “By the time you got back... let’s just say I've been better. I screwed up. I'm sorry."

Cas kissed each palm in turn. "You have saved the lives of each of us. You are loved. Feel free and safe to tell us whatever you wish."

"You left. I don't understand. I told you, and then you left. I didn't know where you were going, or why. And then you came back and it felt like when he'd let me stay. Like the times I'd pass out part way through from the pain or the... blood loss, and..." Dean got quiet again. Some things Sam didn't need to hear. "And how grateful I was to him for stuff like letting me clean up, and for..." Dean had to force the words out, "times I’d wake up to him offering me a glass of water and reminding me how lucky I am that he doesn’t like to break his toys." 

Then, loud enough for Sam to hear, "Just Hell stuff, Sam. Sadism. Mind-games. The usual."

Cas kept his head bent. Dean watched a hundred tiny muscle shifts, some loosening, some tightening, until the body was holding itself in a completely different way. And then he raised his head, and Jimmy’s eyes looked out at him.

Jimmy looked _awful_. Honestly, he looked like he was about to throw up. His skin was grey, and damp, and his nails dug into Dean’s palms. 

“Cas didn’t – Cas doesn’t – he doesn’t think, not about food and water. That was – Dean I _–_ ”

_Oh_. 

That was a possibility Dean hadn’t even considered. And now he couldn't tell if he wanted to apologize, demand an explanation, or just _hide._ "Sammy." He thought he did an okay job keeping emotion out of his voice. Sam could probably tell, but Jimmy might not. "A little help here?"

The phone sitting on the pillow crackled to life. “Right.” Sam sounded bossy. "Breathe in four counts, hold four counts, exhale for four counts, hold."

It helped. The familiarity made breathing easier.

"You know enough to tell me if you're safe right now?"

"Snug as a bug in a rug."

"I hear blankets are good for shock."

Dean turned to Jimmy. "It looks like we're gonna have to share." He was okay with that. He just wasn't okay with actually asking.

Jimmy looked at Dean, and the only blanket. "You sure?” he said, weakly.

"You thought things were bad when you got back? You should have seen when you left. Yeah, I'm sure." There wasn't any anger in his voice, only affection. Self-deprecating, not hostile.

Jimmy practically threw himself at Dean, squeezing around his shoulders. Arms settled around his waist like they belonged there, and Dean breathed a sigh of relief. It was a little pathetic, but no one had to know he’d been afraid they were going to leave him again. Jimmy was muttering strings of broken sentences against his neck. 

"Sorry doesn't cut it... bigger than that... what was I ... stupid... doesn't matter... can't..."

"Please don't." Dean couldn't do this. He was tired of hurting.

Eventually Jimmy's mutterings just turned into "... love you... love you..." 

"I'm sorry." Dean felt like he'd been completely wrung out. He wasn't sure he even could cry anymore. "I thought we could have normal."

Jimmy pulled back, blinking a suspicious amount. “Blanket?" 

"Yeah."

He put a hand on the blanket at Dean's waist and draped it over both their heads. It was just big enough to rest all around them, not letting in any of the chilly air. Dean wondered, not for the first time, if he was too broken for this. If maybe he should just stay away. If maybe Alastair was right.

Jimmy moved into Dean's space. Managed to tangle himself even more around him, until they were a bundle of legs and arms. And he searched blindly up, nuzzling, for Dean's face. There was a nose, then a mouth on his, but it wasn't a kiss. Jimmy was just sort of pressing there. Asking permission. Dean shook his head. He couldn't. 

"Why? I told you, and you left."

Jimmy ducked, and Dean had to pay attention to catch his words. "We wanted to take care of you. The stuff Cas tried wasn't working. He asked me, what made humans feel better. And I - don't know anything about _anything_. I - I am so out of my depth here it's not even funny. Tried to help. Messed up." He started to laugh, and his laugh got a little out of control. "Six months ago I was married and selling ad time in Illinois."

"Not sure where I was six months ago but I'm pretty sure it sucked."

"I'd love to have some kind of explanation for you. It's just sad that all there was going on is me, being scared and wrong and dumb.”

Oh, huh. Interesting. It turned out Dean _could_ still cry. It was a bit of an out-of-body experience. Not like, an astral projection out-of-body experience. More of the kind where you feel like you're sitting a few rows further back in your head than usual while your life plays out around you.

"Scared, wrong and dumb." Dean laughed. It was a jagged and bloody thing, that laugh. "Sounds more like me than you."

Alastair was right. Dean _had_ left part of himself in the Pit. Sure mostly he was able to manage, but it wasn't like he was a complete person. Alastair had found a way to break him, and leave Dean with those cracking edges. He'd started all this by breaking. Alastair had made an offer, and he had said yes.

Jimmy moved against his throat. Then very, very tentatively, brushed a kiss in the spot he'd been nuzzling.

Dean was having trouble following what was going on. All he knew was that he was hurting and he wanted it to _stop_. The pain wasn't physical, but he knew from Hell that the worst kind of pains usually weren’t. He was getting dragged under, as his thoughts carried him further and further back from what was happening around him. Distantly, he heard himself ask if he could be allowed to stay. Just this once. Please. The room was cold. The body holding him was warm. And the face he was seeing didn't belong to Jimmy, and the eyes were completely white. Like a corpse that wouldn't die.

Distantly, voices. "I don’t know. I don't - he's not making sense at all, he's... begging." A second garbled, artificial voice.

Someone was folding a small object into his hand.

"Dean? Dean, come on, you need to talk to me."

The worst part of everything, the worst part of everything he’d been through in Hell, was that he hadn't hated every second of it. If he had, things would be so much easier now.

He didn’t resist, didn’t respond as arms bundled him into blankets.

"Do you know me, Dean?"

It wasn't love, not by a long shot. He had been terrified. But Alastair had been the only source of warmth in that place, and Dean had been desperate enough to seek comfort there.

Someone was saying something. Dean needed to figure out which way was up before he risked swimming even further down.

"... staying at the Stardust Motel in El Dorado, Kansas. Do you need the address."

"... that is enough."

"... Holy oil circle. I don't know what you've done with my brother."

"Sam?"

Sammy wasn't supposed to be there. He couldn't be in Hell.

"Dean!" The speakers on the phone cracked.

If Sam was in Hell, then Dean had failed completely.

"Dean, talk to me, what's happening?"

He was on a bed. He could see the surface. But the current kept pulling at him and he was getting tired.

"Talk to me? I'm not sure..." Dean was trying to figure out what was real. "Where am I?"

"I'm going to ask Cas to bring you here, to where I am. You were right the first time. I should have come to you."

His brother dead in his arms. Snapping muzzles. Suspended by hooks in deafening silence broken only by the sound of his own screams. Kissing a demon at a crossroads while he bargained away something he didn't even want anymore. Riding Alastair's cock as the demon lay there, looking almost disinterested while he watched Dean fuck himself.

Waking up trapped, alone. Again.

He was being lifted. Then the sound of wind, or wings.

"Give him." Sam's voice. He was somewhere else. He knew he was stuck but couldn’t escape his head on his own. He managed to surface enough to speak, but not to put any thought into it. Which is why he ended up with, "This sucks."

"Stay where you are, Castiel."

Dean was being transferred to another set of arms, the first arms in a while that actually staggered under his weight.

"Sammy?" Dean could feel his physical body again. This was now. Alastair was dead. Sam wasn't. Dean needed to find a way to stay here, a way to remember how to talk. There was a familiar jacket under his cheek, and it smelled like Sam. "Can we call Dad?” he said. 

"I cannot _believe_ you Dean. I cannot believe you let it get this bad. And then just went to strike off on your own. No backup. That's not what Dad taught us." Sam kicked open a door, and they were in another room with tiles, only this time the tiles were peach, not white. Some of them had ducks on them.

Sam unceremoniously dunked him in a tub of very, very warm water, and pulled away the blanket, which at this point was sweaty and crumpled and gross.

That was.... not Hell. Not even remotely. This was too weird to be Hell.

Dean tried to take stock of his surroundings.

He could do this. Okay. "Five things I can see. Sammy. My feet. Ducks. Tile. A blanket. Four things I can feel. The water in the tub. The tub itself. The air in the room." Dean's hand shot out and grabbed Sam's, "Sammy again."

"Three I can hear....." he had to think for a second. "The water? Dogs? No. Not dogs.” Dean squeezed the hand in his, way too preoccupied to care what anyone thought of him right now.

With his other hand, Sam had started to rub a damp towel vigorously across Dean’s neck and shoulders, like he was trying to sand off the first layer of skin. Checking for injuries, probably.

"Sammy, again."

"Who's the President of the United States?”

"Uh..." Dean thought, "I remember Zachariah said something ‘bout how Palin bombed some place in Texas? But that wasn't real. Why the hell would I know? Google it." Dean had an excuse. Getting sent to 2014 was going to confuse anyone. "It's 2009 though. I know that much."

You could hear the eye-roll in Sam's voice. "It's 2009, and Sarah Palin is not president. Nice to have you back."

"Yeah. Sorry about that. Hey. Where's Cas?" Dean was trying to figure out what happened, and didn't have a lot to go on. "He's probably worried about me and… Crap. Jimmy's probably a mess." 

And with that, he was completely back in the here-and-now. Safe to abandon the death grip he had on Sam, Dean pulled the shower curtain between them. "You shouldn't have had to see that." He pulled a little too hard, and now part of the shower curtain was dangling. "Any of it. Hey, can you grab me a towel?”

The towel Sam held out was pretty thin, but at least it was large. Poking back out from behind the damaged curtain, Dean grabbed it without a thank you. Manners were for boring people.

"I'm going to check on Cas." Sam stood and left the bathroom, but kept the door open. He tossed in a duffle bag. "Find something that you can wear."

Why Sam thought Dean would be able to find clothes of his that fit - "What the... This is _huge._ " Dean held up a Stanford sweatshirt that was probably the biggest size they made. “This thing could probably fit two people. Like. Two human people. Not a vessel situation."

The arms would have been long on _Sam_ , let alone him. But at least it was better than being naked, and the shoulders were definitely going to be big enough. Once he put it on, it almost looked like he was wearing some kind of ugly short dress. Giving up on the sleeves, Dean stuck his arms through the neck hole and tied them around the back.

"That is the lucky all-nighter sweatshirt,” called Sam from the other room, “and you get to wear it because you’ve been sick." It took Dean a minute to realize that Sam probably didn’t mean staying out all night drinking. Dean had never pulled an all-nighter studying in his life.

Walking out of the bathroom, he looked like a low budget Carmen Miranda cosplay with the bright red sweatshirt-dress and the towel wrapped around his head. Sam was sitting on the edge of a bed with truly offensive floral sheets which he had mostly turned into a firearm maintenance surface.

He was playing with a lighter, and staring at Castiel – who stood in the middle of a circle of holy fire, not wearing anything at all. The curtains of Sam's weird little low-rent motel room were drawn, and the fire cast strange moving shadows over everything.

Neither Castiel nor Sam were speaking.

"It's not his fault, Sam." Dean felt better. Safe. They were going to clear this up.

Sam turned to look at him. "What we do next is your call. I'll back whatever play you make."

Dean’s attention was back on Cas. He found a mostly-full pot of coffee, nearly dumped it on the flames, thought better of it, and poured it into the sink before getting some bathwater and putting out the flames that way. The second there was a clear pathway, Dean was walking towards Cas and pulling him into a bear hug.

Dean just held him like that for a minute, before pulling away enough to rest their foreheads together. "Don't ever change."

"You are back with us," said Cas.

"Yeah. And I'm staying for as long as you'll have me. Sorry I scared you."

The tips of Cas' fingers dug into his back, into his bare shoulders.

"It wasn't your fault." Dean kept his voice quiet and calm, and gently carded his fingers through the mess that was Jimmy's hair. "I swear. Wasn't Jimmy's fault either." There was fire on all sides, but Dean wasn't worried. They had a way out. They'd be fine.

Even though Sam was sitting just across the room, that line of oil and fire made it seem like he was on the other side of the world. Dean took the towel off of his hair and bought it behind Cas. Used it to pull the angel close. Without really thinking, he gave in to temptation and stole a kiss. "Let’s get you out of here."

Castiel didn’t move. If anything he got more rigid, arms around Dean so solid, like he was _daring_ something to force him to let go. He looked up, and dancing fire lit his face. Whatever was in his eyes was old, and big, and beyond words. There was pain there, and so much love. Dean didn't really know how to respond to that.

He pulled Dean toward him, got a hand between his shoulders, and kissed so deeply, between his lips, breaking the kiss and waiting for Dean's exhale, before going back and kissing him again - and again. 

Dean pulled away.

"Dude, don't take this the wrong way but can you not? My little brother is _right there_."

Cas blinked, and drew back dazed. He swallowed, and made a sort of abbreviated breathy sound. He looked as though he were remembering how to talk. Dean smiled fondly, and waited. Cas might have nodded, or might have just sort of bobbed. But he looked over Dean's shoulder, processing that Sam was still there. Slowly. 

It was easy to forget just how new all of this was for Cas. He could be weird sometimes, but a kind of weird that Dean was surprisingly into.

"Sam," Castiel said, hoarsely.

"Cas."

"Cas, even if you're fine like this, could you maybe take some pity on Jimmy and wear the towel. Please?" Dean knew he was being paranoid, but now he was worrying that the flames would somehow close around them. Kissing was nice, but they had more important things to focus on. Like whatever the hell was going on between Cas and Sam.

Very unwillingly, and very slowly, Cas detached his hands from Dean, and took hold of the towel on his waist. He moved like he had to send an order to each muscle individually. But eventually, he did manage to wrap the thing around him.

"Let's maybe get you some pants." Dean took him by the hand, and Cas followed Dean’s gentle tug, out of the circle of fire. Sam tracked the two of them with his eyes.

Out of the flames, Dean looked for someplace to sit. If he pulled out the chair from the desk, he could put distance between Sam and Cas while he sorted out whatever misunderstanding had them sending death glares at each other. Maybe not death glares. Yet.

"Cas, sit. I'll find you something to wear... assuming that's okay with Sam?" His tone dared Sam to say otherwise. Cas might be fine but Jimmy had been seriously freaked out. The least he could do was find the guy a pair of sweatpants that would be way too long on him.

"Whatever's in the duffle," said Sam, getting up. He cracked open the motel room door to snag the rubber doormat from outside, and used it to kick out the rest of the holy fire.

Since there were no objections, Dean grabbed the duffel from the bathroom and handed it to Cas. Then got around to the important questions. "Alright, does anyone want to tell me why you put my boyfriends in angel timeout? Or are we all just going to stand here while I play twenty questions? Seriously, what'd I miss?"

"Boyfriends." Sam gave Dean a long, level look. He crossed his arms. "An hour ago I was hearing that Castiel was your prison daddy. Sorry, Cas, if you know what that is. And ten minutes ago, you were _unresponsive._ Still don’t know what triggered you. Now, you and your _boyfriends_ really need to get a room. So you tell me what's going on, Dean.”

Dean wanted to argue that, and was about to. But Sam had a point. Dean hated it but that didn't make anything he said less true. "You're gonna make me say it?" he said, somewhere between hurt and downright snippy. "It’s me. Being bad at relationships. Hell screwed me up, okay? I'm trying, but maybe that was a dumb idea." He crossed his arms protectively over his chest, and leaned against the edge of the desk.

Sam unconsciously mirrored his pose, leaning against the door. "You were bad at relationships before Hell too. You don't get to just opt out altogether."

Dean did he best to seem unaffected. "Look, I get that I'm not the man Dad wanted me to be, I do. But I thought –" He took a deep breath, it didn't help much. "I'm not Dad. I _broke._ " Dean spat the word like a slur. "Three months, thirty years, who cares. I broke. And then I just. Kept. Breaking." 

"Yeah?" said Sam. "And what are you going to do about it? The only one here who hasn't broken and done terrible things is _Jimmy._ "

Cas stood, in the corner of the room. He was wearing a pair of sweatpants cuffed over about four times.

Sam's voice became a lot more gentle, and his expression a lot more sad. "You've got an angel who's in love with you.”

"You think I don't know that?!" Dean said like this somehow explained everything, "I know how this ends. And it's not some demon virus, it's me. I'm going to screw this up."

"What does that even _mean_? What are you going to screw up?"

"I don't know?" Dean was quieter now, with a hint of panic creeping in. "Everything?"

He should have never kissed them. Sam was right. Jimmy had been the only one untouched by all this, and now he was stuck with them. What if he didn't even want Dean? What if he was just saying yes because he had to? If he'd had anything to wear, or drive, Dean would’ve been out of there on his way to the nearest bar. But the way it was, he was stuck.

"No, you're right. I just.... Give me a minute, okay?" Dean stopped pacing and walked over to Cas. Without saying anything, he gathered the angel into his arms and buried his face in Jimmy's hair.

"Don't say anything. Just let me hold you for a sec, okay?”

He closed his eyes and told himself that the world was already ending, it wasn’t like he could make things much worse. A hand came around his back, but Cas stayed quiet. Dean held on and took slow breaths and tried to tell himself he was allowed to have this. 

"Okay. You can talk." He was sure to specifically address Cas, to avoid any confusion. “I messed up. I wasn't thinking straight and I'm still a little messed up. I want to explain but I _can't_." Dean closed his eyes, tired beyond caring. "I can't fix this."

There was a very long pause.

"Cas?" said Sam, prompting. "Has my brother screwed this up?"

"We will both get things wrong,” Cas began slowly. “We will re-learn our limits. This is a connection that can be used to heal."

Dean smiled. "Thanks, Cas."

"I learned this from you."

"Yeah. Thanks for reminding me." That had been the point of this. Just, healing could be really hard work sometimes. He’d forgotten.

"I won't let you screw this up," said Sam, softly. Half talking to himself. "I mean it, Dean. Cas, if he ever disappears on you, if he ever gets lost in his own head, you let me know. I will find him, and I will drag his sorry ass back to you."

"Bitch," was Dean's partially muffled response. He had people looking out for him. That was good.

"Yeah, jerk. You too."

Some dull metallic noises as Sam started to move the guns off the bed.

"You look like you're about to _fall over_ , and Cas doesn't look much better. Please, just take a nap. A _long_ nap."

"I'm fine. Promise. Wide awake." Dean’s argument would have been stronger if he hadn't been partially asleep in Cas' arms. But this was important. "Jimmy's probably still freaked. Need to tell him... ‘s not his fault."

It wasn't more than a token protest. As soon as he knew Jimmy was okay, he was going to have Cas steal that hideous comforter and bamf them back to the good bed. Sam would just have to wait to get his giant clothes back.

"Hey," said Jimmy's voice, softly. His arms were still around Dean, the way Cas has left them.

"Sorry if I scared you.”

Jimmy dropped his head onto his shoulder, and exhaled.

"I'm not sure what happened, but I do know you did a great job. You got backup. Some things you just don't go up against alone." Dean wasn’t going to acknowledge the hypocrisy in that last part. "It was... I got stuck somewhere else, but I'm back now. We're gonna be okay."

"Sam and Cas did stuff, mostly," said Jimmy. "I was just kind of there."

"Sammy? Can you explain to him the exact type of stupid I was when I called you? Because I don't think this man realizes what a colossal dumbass I can be."

Sam laughed. "Just so you know, Jimmy? I think you're the most emotionally aware member of your triad. You do not think people are trying to buy your loyalty with Ritz crackers."

Dean was towing Jimmy over to the bed. "Explain it more than that. I already tried, we all know how that went. "

Sam paused. Jimmy had turned to face him, even though Dean still held him in his arms. “What you’ve got to understand - is Dean spent longer in Hell than he did here. He’s got habits, and ways of thinking about things, and things that remind him of Hell and those things _aren’t your fault._ ”

Jimmy looked between them, overwhelmed by the attention of both Winchester brothers at once. “But...”

“You did what you’re supposed to do,” said Sam. “Kept him warm. Told him you loved him. Held him, once you figured he was okay with that.” He smiled sadly. “And you’re about the only person here who asks for help. Keep doing that.”

Once Dean felt his knees hit the edge of the bed, he sort of toppled over onto it, bringing Jimmy with him. The bedsprings screamed in protest. There was a chance Sam had managed to find the single crappiest motel room that also still had electricity. No way Dean was going to let Cas and Jimmy stay here. They deserved better.

Sitting up, he situated things so that Jimmy was mostly in his lap, in a sort of bridal carry. Good thing he had pants on now. 

“You did good, babe."

Jimmy looped his arms around Dean’s neck, leaning against his chest and curling up tighter into his lap. He closed his eyes. Looked about ready to fall asleep right there, in Dean's arms.

Dean felt his heart melt. He was so hopelessly in love and wasn’t entirely sure when or how it had happened. They'd be okay. It wouldn't be easy, but they would figure things out.

"You need the room?" asked Sam. "There's places I could be."

"Appreciate the offer, but we just came from a place with a really nice bed. If Cas feels up to it, I'd kinda like to go back. So unless anybody has more questions?” 

"Let me know when you figure out the _address_ of this place you're staying?"

“Will do." Dean nearly second guessed himself, but decided to ask anyway, "I...uh....wasn't really here for whatever happened that made you put Cas in a circle of holy oil, and I'd kinda like to know what I missed? Worried about them, is all." Dean was looking at Jimmy.

Sam shrugged. "Wasn't going to take any chances with you. And Cas agreed to it."

"Of course he did." He and Cas were going to want to talk about that, but it could wait. "Actually, maybe we are staying here? I think they might be asleep. Damn, I was really -"

"Dean. You are aware I do not sleep as humans do." Cas’ voice sounded a suspicious amount of sleepy. "You would like to return?"

"Yeah. That other place had a nice bed. And our clothes."

Cas pulled himself up a little straighter, then looked across the room to where Sam hovered, guarding the door.

"Sam Winchester. We are in your debt." 

Just as solemnly, Sam bowed his head.

Dean wasn't entirely sure how to feel about that. But at least they were getting along. Cas put a hand on his jaw, turned it so Dean had no choice but to stare into his eyes, not that he objected. Then wind or wings.

And they were sprawled on a comfortable mattress, in a room that was not getting much heat from the day outside.

Cas fell against Dean's chest. He lay there for about ten seconds. And then dragged himself up, moving a little strange, like he was operating with a lag. He jerked open the chest of drawers and pulled out - yep. A spare blanket. Cas and the blanket both draped themselves across the bed, but the body that rolled into Dean's chest was Jimmy's.

Jimmy curled in closer and pulled the blanket around them, over their heads, blocking out the small bits of light that made it into the room. His face rested on Dean's collarbone, and his hand on Dean's ribcage. His breathing became slow, and even.

Dean lay there for a while, enjoying a sense of peace he rarely experienced. Careful not to wake up the figure sleeping next to him, but confident Cas could still hear him, Dean was only half talking to the angel when he spoke. 

"We really need to start taking better care of this man. He's barely slept. I don't know when the last time he ate was. And he still hasn't had that shower we promised him. We need to do better, Cas. He never asked for this. He had a life before us..." Dean wasn't sure where he was going with this. It just seemed wrong somehow.

There was a long moment of silence. 

“In this moment, I am wrapping as tenderly around his soul as I know how.” It was Cas’ voice, although Jimmy’s breath stayed regular. “But his body - I am not a body. I do not require touch, or food, or sleep, or urination. I use it, Dean, but I begin to realize that I do not understand it.”

Then another, longer pause.

"You do too much, I know. But I would still ask you - for your help, in this. My vessel does deserve better."

There was no reply. Dean had already fallen asleep.

  
  



	4. Kinks

The breeze was cool and the sunlight was warm, as Dean sat on the steps of the porch holding his beer. Lisa would be by soon to pick up Ben, but he already had his things together. Claire was helping him fly one of those styrofoam gliders with the wings that fall off. He was getting better, but the angle was still too steep. Every time, it would stall and crash back to earth, falling to pieces. 

There was a pie cooling in the kitchen. That's what kitchens in houses like this were for.

It was nice having the family all together like this. He thought he heard Dad and Bobby arguing in the backyard, and the faint sound of his mom's laughter. Sam was around here somewhere. Cas would show up, he always did. Maybe Jimmy had to go into work. Did people work on days like this? It seemed too nice outside for that kind of thing.

There was a handsome man sitting on the steps next to him. He had dark hair, a dark suit, a trench coat. He was also holding a beer. Dean couldn't tell if this was Cas or Jimmy. The thought unsettled him.

But he had it wrong, of course. There wasn't one man, there were two, sitting on either side of him. Identical.

"I'm dreaming, aren't I?" Dean had always been able to lucid dream. It was a useful skill. Not all monsters came for you while you were awake. "Are you two real, or did I dream you too?"

One of the men was staring straight ahead, at the girl with the glider. "You dream about my daughter?"

The other was watching Dean's face, silently.

"We're waiting for the pie to cool," Dean explained. It made perfect sense to him. "Claire helped make it. I think Mom's really glad to have a granddaughter." Did Sam and Jess have kids? They must. Maybe they went home already. It was late afternoon. Maybe it always had been. It didn't matter. This was a nice dream.

The two men leaned backwards on the step in unison, turning towards each other to talk more easily. "The pie is a metaphor for domestic stability," said one. "It will never cool, because Dean believes he lives a life too intensely heated to give him this."

Dean looked back out at the yard. The kids were gone. It was dark out. They had forgotten to put away their toys. He really needed to be better about making them do that. The yard was full of lightning bugs. He and his dad caught some in a jar once. 

If Cas was actually visiting his dream instead of just featuring in it, there was probably a reason. He should ask about that. But instead, he draped arms around both men sitting beside him. Sandwiched between the two of them, he was comfortable even in the chilly air. If he looked behind him, he knew the house would be gone. They were in the middle of a field, the whole place covered in lightning bugs, sitting by a campfire burnt down to embers. Neither of his companions moved, but somehow they both had arms wrapped around him.

"Hope," said a voice, one he now recognized as Cas.’ "The fire is not dead. There are lights in the darkness."

Dean was pretty sure that wasn’t how dreams worked, but then he'd only ever seen his own. Cas had probably seen more. He didn't know if angels could dream. "If you say so," he said. 

The lightning bugs all around them were acting strangely.

It was – it was like Cas was attracting them. They were hovering around him, settling into his hair, and into his clothes. But Cas would have told him, if this was something bad.

Because as Dean watched, the flight paths the lightning bugs took became straighter and more regular, more geometric than they should have been. Lines of light separated by velvet black, blade-shaped patches.

Jimmy took his hand. And Cas turned towards them, making careful, serious eye contact. There were more lightning bugs around him now, radiating out from him like a snowflake.

Those tiny points of light formed a cloud, and then the cloud grew - and grew - and  _ domed  _ until the sky was full of golden points, all moving, all forming intricate petals and tendrils that folded around each other, around Dean and Jimmy, making triangles and angles that were also organic crescents and cascades. The brightest and most intricate petals formed behind Cas’ shoulders, backlighting his face. Now shadowed, it was like Dean could see him from several angles at once. Not all his faces looked alike. Not all of his faces looked human. 

But the eyes on him were steady.

"You okay?" Jimmy's voice, from behind him. "Pain? Too much pressure? Is there like, a really high-pitched sound? A vibrating in your head?"

This was Cas, this moving golden orb around him. It was beautiful, and intricate and unimaginably complex. And he and Jimmy were at the heart of it. Cas was the person sitting next to them, but so much more.

“This is you.” It wasn’t a question. "This is how he sees you.”

"It's hard for him to talk right now," said Jimmy.

"He's gorgeous."

Jimmy drew a breath like he was about to say something, but was quiet. Instead he moved in closer to Dean's side, rested his head against his shoulder, gazed up at the spiraling winged dome pooling all around them.

"I don't have big enough words for him."

Dean held Jimmy close as he tried to comprehend what Cas was showing them. He felt small in a way he hadn't before, but he didn't frighten him.

"He loves us."

"Yes." Jimmy said.

The porch had become a comfortable sofa. The field had vanished. The entire world was black, a night sky filled with tiny specks of light, tracing the outlines of a sphere of moving lace, a rough sketch of Castiel's true form. 

Jimmy was right. There were no words.

"Can I kiss him while he's like this?”

"Definitely." Jimmy smiled. "He doesn't think in  _ words _ so much when he's himself. But he always wants to kiss you.” 

Dean felt his heart leap at the realization that he'd have to let go of Jimmy to do that. In this place, they existed apart from each other. He didn't move towards Cas so much as suddenly realize he was straddling him. One arm was draped around the angel’s shoulders, the other resting on Jimmy's knee. Dean got a strong sense that he was being watched by unseen eyes, but the feeling didn't bother him. He knew they belonged to Cas. 

Maybe a better man would have been thinking about infinity, or his place in the cosmos, or even just focusing on the kiss, but this was Dean. As he kissed Cas in what was probably as close to his true form as Dean could stand, all he could think was that this was the same Cas he'd just had sex with.

Cas reached out, and slid hands along Dean’s hips. The golden patterns around his head changed, became sharper, smaller, like sunflower seeds or scales. He looked at Dean. Rasped out a word. His voice wasn't a voice. It was the high fizz of lightning and the deep bass of thunder, at once.

_ “Yes?” _

"Hey, sexy."

Cas blinked, and cupped Dean's face.  _ "Dean." _

Dean felt that voice through his entire body, and it felt  _ good _ .

Golden patterns started to fold in tighter, and Dean realized - they weren't lightning bugs anymore. He wasn't sure what they were, but also knew that was not a safe question to ask. They  _ were. _ They were a part of Cas. That was all he needed to know.

Jimmy happily snuggled into the two of them. Tiny gold patterns moved down his hands like henna, but Cas' eyes didn’t move from Dean.

"Knife on you?” said Jimmy. “So I can cut the coat away from his wings?"

Dean produced one from his jacket, and handed it to Jimmy before shedding the garment entirely. His shirt followed, leaving him naked from the waist up. Jimmy carefully popped the trenchcoat's center seam, and then a lot less carefully ripped it in two. Scraps fell away as he cut at the suit jacket and pulled the white shirt down, laying kisses along the skin he revealed. Cas' wings – and they weren't wings, but it felt easier and safer to think of them as wings – interacted with Jimmy's face and neck like high-pressure water and got  _ bright. _ He reveled in it, rolling his head inside them like he was under a hot shower spray. 

Dean wanted to keep watching, but felt a strange buzzing sound behind his eyes. He tried closing them. It helped, but not completely.

Cas tensed. Suddenly there was a hand clasped over Dean's eyes. Dean didn't know blackness like this. Blind-blackness.

He leaned into the touch.

Dean felt a deep, long kiss - a kiss that was a universe, a kiss that explored him and left him vulnerable, a kiss that went from tender, to brutal, to tender again. And he felt Cas' chest rising and falling against his, the breaths slowing down.

The rattling whirring noise stopped. The headache it left behind started to fade.

Very carefully, and very slowly, the fingers lifted and Cas' eyes were there again. He looked concerned. The patterns behind him were no longer lightning and plasma, but softer, lightning bugs again. Jimmy was sort of half-draped over the back of the couch. If he didn't have his eyes open in a kind of fuzzy happiness, he would have looked passed out.

The noise was gone, but the lights still hurt to look at directly. It felt similar to eyestrain or lack of sleep - but again, not quite.

Cas brought a hand up to Dean's cheek.

_ "Hurt?" _ he cracked, with that voice like lightning.  _ "Stop?" _

Dean tried to talk, but every time he tried it felt like gravity was coming from the wrong direction. All he could do was hold on until it calmed down. He let Cas take all of his weight, closed his eyes, and waited. A hand stroked down Dean's back. And very slowly, it was as if he felt a change in the altitude, or barometric pressure.

"It is safe now, Dean," said Cas' voice. 

And it  _ was _ Cas' voice. Not what a storm would sound like if it could talk.

Dean opened his eyes. “I take it all back. Jimmy is the luckiest son-of-a-bitch I know if he gets to see you like that every day.” They were still on the sofa, but now the sofa was in a room with a large low bed along one wall. It looked familiar. There were candles and rugs and a few wooden trunks scattered around. It took him a minute to place them. And when he did, Dean laughed. "Hey Cas, this is where you were doing your weird sexy cult leader thing in that future!" 

And he leaned over to pull Jimmy into a kiss. Dean had to admit. He was pretty damn lucky himself. Cas leaned back into the cushions of the couch to give them space, and Jimmy - who was blissed out and boneless - took about fifteen seconds to turn Dean's kiss into a full-on high school make-out session. Hands in his hair, thumb sneaking down below the waistband of his jeans, the works.

Cas watched the two of them like they were putting on a show. Occasionally he reached out to touch Dean's shoulder, or Jimmy's thigh. But mostly, he seemed happy to just observe. "The choice of location in a dream reflects deep, unconscious desires," he said, to no one in particular.

Dean didn't dignify that with a response. Instead he ground against Cas, hoping the angel would get the message and help him out of the rest of his clothes. As far as dreams went, this one didn't seem all that profound.

Cas turned to look over his shoulder. Dean suspected there was some silent vessel/angel communication going on, because Jimmy swung himself up behind Dean to also straddle Cas. He pressed up against Dean's back, reaching forward to drag down the zipper on his jeans. Dean twisted around to kiss Jimmy, and rolled his hips. 

Jimmy snuck a hand into Dean’s jeans, cupping his balls. Even through jeans and slacks, Dean could feel just how hard he was. "What do you say?" Jimmy whispered into his ear. "Dealer's choice, or have you got any requests?"

Dean shuddered. 

And - it was like - a switch flipped in his brain. 

In that instant, Dean was gone. And in his place there was a creature made entirely of need and pleasure. Arching his back, he moaned. The words were out of his mouth before he had a chance to stop them.

_ “Fuck me Daddy.” _

Realizing what he'd said, Dean hid his face in Castiel's neck. He did _not_ have time for this bullshit. “Sorry. It’s not… I don't... Force of habit. Won’t happen again.”

"Hmmm." Jimmy and Cas made eye contact over Dean's head. Jimmy moved his hands over Dean's hips, peeling off his jeans. "... doesn't  _ have _ to be a problem." 

Cas tilted Dean’s chin up to kiss him, even as his face flushed hot with shame. This wasn't something he was into. He never had been. He'd been - conditioned to like this. But now Jimmy was twisting to pull off Dean’s shoes and the rest of his jeans - 

"Hey check it out, I found another knife!"

Dean came up for air long enough to get that knife away from him, throw it into the far wall. He was kissing Cas again before it hit its target. He knew it would hit. He was good at this, and it was an excellently weighted knife. 

Then Jimmy's weight fell against his back, and Dean felt his bare chest. "Okay. That knife thing?" Jimmy nipped Dean’s earlobe. "That is the  _ sexist _ thing I have ever seen in my entire life."

"You would think that, wouldn't you?" So far, Dean had to wonder if Jimmy was being cute on purpose, or if he was just naturally like that. 

Jimmy had started to kiss down his neck, and was getting a little handsy, feeling up Dean's ass. Cas played the perfect gentleman, running hands along the outside of his thighs, past his hips, up to his waist. So it was sort of funny when he felt Jimmy and Cas briefly clasp hands, against his skin.

Jimmy’s fingers curled down to Dean's groin one more time. He shifted position, mostly as an excuse to illustrate how hard he was. "You didn't exactly give us a straight answer," he whispered, kissing Dean’s neck. He gave the inside of the thigh he was holding a quick squeeze. Dean gasped, had to bite his lip to keep from accidentally saying "Daddy" again, like a good boy.

Jimmy was looking over at Cas, and maybe it was the leveled-up version of watching yourself having sex in a mirror, because he seemed to really like looking at himself half-pinned under Dean. He held out a hand and Cas took it, slowly sucking on Jimmy’s fingers before laying a kiss on his palm. Then Cas' hands went to hold Dean's hips in place, Jimmy's hand sneaking down to cup his balls. Then he paused, and laid his hand on Dean's hipbone instead, trapping him between them.

_ "We _ think you need to tell us  _ exactly _ what you want."

Dean tried to remember how to think. Cas had such a solid grip on his hips that he didn't think he’d be able to move unless they let him. And there was something about Jimmy's tone that made him shiver. He started with the obvious question. "Bed?”

Dean heard the sound of wings, and then - in a possible abuse of his angelic teleportation powers - Cas had moved himself and everyone sitting on him about six feet across the room, onto the bed in the corner. He looked pleased to be in a more lying-down position, against a mound of embroidered velvet throw pillows.

"Good start," whispered Jimmy. He moved his thumb to tease just the head of Dean's cock, for a second, before stroking up his hips again. "Now what?"

Leaning his head back to rest against Jimmy's shoulder, Dean closed his eyes so he didn't have to see anyone’s face as he confessed. 

"I don't really get off on calling people Daddy. I didn’t before. I don't know." He didn't know how to explain, not even to himself. "I um... I've never..." Did he really want to do this? He could always find something else. "I've never told anyone this but..." Lying beneath him, Cas found one of his hands, and interlaced the fingers. Dean held on, still too afraid to look at either of them. Cas probably wouldn't care, but Jimmy might. And the two were kind of a package deal. 

"Permission to speak freely,” Jimmy said, between a kiss to Dean's neck and another to his ear. “Spit it out.” 

"It's not really a big deal or anything, I just..." It _wasn't_ a big deal. So why did it feel like one? The words tumbled out in a rush -"You really want me to call you Daddy as a sex thing?" 

Jimmy took Dean's weight against his chest. One hand found its way back to his inner thigh. "Honestly, I'm sort of flattered you meant me. I thought you meant Cas. I've never been called 'Daddy' as a sexy thing before." Unexpectedly, he moved and no longer supported, Dean tipped back. 

Jimmy leaned over him, a little embarrassed. "But you know. I think everything you do is sexy. You could start growing spikes out of your arm and I'd think it was sexy.

"Take it from me. No one looks sexy while impaled on spikes." It took Dean a second to realize his joke had fallen flat.

Jimmy looked a little sad, and pushed Dean's hair out of his face. "Hey, pretty," he said, trying out the word, a little question in his voice..

"Not exactly?" 

Jimmy bit his lip.

Dean didn't know why he was having trouble saying this, considering everything he’d already said. He wanted words that wouldn't sound cliche and stupid when he said them out loud. 

"It's not that I want you to make sure I know I'm... pretty... so much as I want you to make sure I know that I'm... you know,  _ yours. _ "

Jimmy's lips parted. 

"Dean, I ..." He shook his head. "Come here." He pulled Dean up and into his lap. Cas was still lying against the mound of pillows, lazy, with a glint in his eye as he watched their every move. 

"What was it like riding shotgun earlier? That was intense enough back there with Cas showing off his wings, and all we did was make out." 

Jimmy and Cas made eye contact. Jimmy smiled. Dean thought that telepathic communication thing they did was cute. It should have been unsettling, but it was just normal. The only difference was they had two bodies instead of just one.

"I guess Cas had - scars? Wrong bits. You could tell, looking at him, that some things didn't quite match? But it’s like… the things that don’t match kind of gave you vertigo? There were places where a pattern just ended, or two patterns came together, and was  _ disturbing _ if you focused on it too much. I don't know if I'm making sense?"

"I get what you’re saying, even if the visuals aren’t all there."

Cas crawled over to them, and cupped the back of Jimmy's head. Jimmy closed his eyes.

Dean had a stray thought that if they ever decided to settle down and become respectable members of society, the three of them could probably make a decent living as porn stars, considering the whole twin thing Cas and Jimmy had going on without actually being related. It took a second to realize just how many things were wrong with that idea. He kept it to himself.

"But when he was with you - " Jimmy said, leaning back into Cas’ touch. "The patterns came apart. It was just light. Or water. Water-light. And after, when you were in the bathroom talking to Sam. He was able to put himself back together a lot more... right."

Dean wished he'd known that when Cas gave him a glimpse of his true form. "Happy to help." A bit smug. 

Jimmy brought Cas into their huddle with his other arm. "He's exhausted," Jimmy said into Cas' hair. "He's pretending like he's not. But he is."

"Thought angels didn't need sleep?"

"He doesn't, but..." Jimmy wasn’t finding the right words. A little annoyed, "Angel rest is complicated. Like, a more intense version of cuddling? Whatever that is?" He laughed, and brought his arm more tightly around Cas' shoulders. "Mostly it’s something you do with other angels, but seems watching you and me getting along so well qualifies."

Dean smiled softly at Cas, doing his best to pull him into an embrace despite the weird angle. "You know, there'll be other chances for sex. We can just cuddle until you feel better. Either way, fine by me." Actually, just cuddling sounded kinda nice right now.

Cas leaned back into the mattress, as Jimmy shifted position and dog-piled on top. Now Dean was cuddled face-first into the lapels of Cas’ trench coat, Jimmy’s arm was thrown over his back, and his face was tucked between the two of them. Dean was pretty sure he heard words, but they were muffled. So he took his time kissing Castiel, and put on a show for Jimmy without being too obvious about it. Once he felt confident Cas wouldn't feel left out, he refocused his attention. 

And he was so focused on Jimmy in fact, that he didn’t notice what he was wearing.

Because now Jimmy was  _ staring  _ – staring like his eyes were going to fall out of his head. He didn’t move, but unconsciously licked his lips. And the hand that went to push his hair away from his forehead trembled slightly. He mouthed "Dean," but no sound came out. Fingertips brushed the black lace that was now wrapped around the muscles of Dean's torso. His thumb traced around the corset's deep, heart-shaped neckline, catching the delicate, spiderweb-thin patterns.

Jimmy looked up at Cas, direct, intense. And Castiel shifted position, opening his legs and settling Dean between then, pulling him against his chest. Cas reached down to touch the bands of lace that now circled the tops of Dean's thighs, and the snaps on the garters that connected his stockings back up to the corset.

It took Dean a moment to understand what was happening. Dream or not, the unexpected vulnerability of this all was very real. It wasn't that he didn't want Jimmy to see him like this. But in that moment - he was even more delicate than the lace he was wearing.

"Say something?" Seeking some kind of reassurance, he took Cas’ hand. This wasn’t something he’d allowed himself outside the privacy of his imagination. Not since that time with Rhonda when he was nineteen. 

"You're so beautiful," said Jimmy. "You're so beautiful, and I wish I could say it better – you – your  _ lace _ \- and you - letting me see you like  _ this _ , I - " He shook his head.

Dean let himself relax back into Castiel's arms. He closed his eyes and stretched, enjoying the way the fabric moved against his skin. Jimmy was pleased. The lace was thin enough for Dean to feel the texture of his hands as he smoothed them over his waist, and hips. The corset was all in one piece, like something you’d see at a high-class sex club, and turned into panties at the bottom, nestling his dick securely against silky fibers.

"Hey. I know you're doing good," said Jimmy. "But pick a safeword for me, okay?" He touched Dean's knee, through the stocking. "I haven't done this before."

Opening his eyes again, Dean had to smile at this concern. “None of this is even real. Worst case scenario, I wake up and whatever happened will just be another bad dream. I’ll be fine.” 

He didn’t want a safeword. He didn't want to have to admit he'd need one.

Jimmy bent Dean's leg towards him, to kiss the knee. "But I want to keep you here, with me, in your beautiful lace for as long as I can." He was still in a pretty innocent area, but starting to go up Dean's thigh.

"Okay," Dean said a bit too quickly. "Okay just..."

"Maybe some way you let me know if this is really, really good - or if I should switch over to something else or..."

Dean needed to be able to think, and he couldn't do that like this. He couldn't talk about safewords while Jimmy kissed his way along his legs. It brought the memory of another smiling face, a moment where everything felt perfect, and then teeth sunk into vulnerable flesh, and pain, and blood.

The room around them flickered.

It was only a split second. The image was gone, but the chill in the air lingered.

"Sorry." Dean felt an apology was needed, considering Jimmy had briefly been kneeling in a pool of Dean’s blood with more of it splattered down his front. This shouldn't be such a big deal anymore. It had happened what... six years ago? More? “Maybe this is a bad idea." He didn't want this to be a bad idea.

Cas' hand came to touch him. "Hush," he said. "We would know so much worse than this, for you."

And yeah, Cas had been around a long time. He’d probably seen all kinds of horrible stuff. But Jimmy... Dean tried to keep his breathing even and his voice steady. “Jimmy. I’m sorry. I know you wouldn’t hurt me." Sitting up, he pulled the guy into his arms. "I want this. I want you. I just... I didn't have the option of saying no, back then. You're right. We need a safeword."

"It's not just 'stop," said Jimmy. "I want to know that you're doing good, but it's intense enough already and we shouldn't go crazy with more. I want to know when you feel, not bad but  _ weird. _ I want to know when you don't want to  _ stop, _ but you need a breather."

Dean held Jimmy close and rested both their bodies against Cas. He made sure to choose his words carefully. “I’m having a great time just like this,” he carded his fingers through Jimmy's hair. “I’m good, don’t worry. And I have a handsome man in my arms who thinks I look good. I still want you to fuck me. I still want to call you Daddy. And I still want you to pin me to the mattress and make me forget my own name because I'm too busy screaming yours.”

Jimmy scrunched up his face, like he  _ knew _ what he was going to say was stupid, like it was actively painful to say. 

"How about if, when I asked. You told me how you were doing. On a scale of one to five."

“Um. If something actually goes wrong, that might not work.” Dean tried to explain in as little detail as possible, “What just happened? If you weren’t inside my head, you probably wouldn’t have noticed. Just a stray thought. We do this, and you ask me if I'm okay... I might say yes even if I'm not." To show weakness in Hell was to invite pain. "You could  _ order _ me to tell you?" Disobeying direct orders had carried a heavy punishment. That line of thought held a lot of bad memories, but it did give him an idea.

“Lilith. That’s my safeword. If I say that, for any reason, you need to stop.”

Jimmy rolled on top of Dean, arranging himself so the heat of his erection was impossible to miss. He took a deep breath.

"I want to fuck you so badly I can't see straight. I want to get you open on my fingers, and suck you hard while I do it. I want to feel your pretty thighs around my back, pulling me in. Tell me how that makes you feel."

“Good. Safe. Wanted."

It was also really fucking hot.

"Please, Daddy? I want you."

"Okay kitten," said Jimmy. "I'll give you what you need." Somewhere between breaths he had just stopped wearing pants. He dropped a thigh between Dean's legs, creating friction to rub up against. The textured lace created a second, unexpected friction against his dick, and Dean smiled. Everything felt even better than he'd thought it would. Jimmy was actually kinda perfect in a way. 

Cas ran fingers through Dean's hair to pull his head back, and give Jimmy a long, tight stretch of throat to kiss against. He was still in his clothes, and the layers of coats surrounded Dean like petals as he turned his cheek into the cotton of Cas' shirt.

Jimmy ground against him. "It's going to be  _ me, _ kissing every inch of your skin.  _ My mouth _ is going to be the one that swallows your cock, and teases you until you come.” 

Normally Dean would have been embarrassed by the noise he made, but he was past that now.

"I'm going to  _ bury _ myself in you, and I'm going figure out exactly how you like to be fucked, and then you're only going to be able to think about  _ my _ dick, when you're by yourself, getting yourself off."

Dean enjoyed the feel of their cocks sliding past one another, separated only by a thin layer of lace. His hands found their way to Jimmy's absolutely  _ perfect _ ass. "Want you inside me. Please. I'm yours. Both of yours." Spreading his legs to give Jimmy more room, Dean let out a startled gasp at the feel of Castiel's mouth at the point where his neck and shoulders met. _ "Cas." _ Barely a word. More of a sharp intake of breath.

This was real. It was a dream, but it was also real. Cas was here, and so was Jimmy. And Dean belonged to both of them.

Dean had four hands running through his hair and down his neck, and he didn't know which ones were whose. But Jimmy was the one kissing him, and although he was starting to pick up a rhythm, his kisses were gentle and sweet. Then he broke away, and smiled. "Any lube in this place? I mean, you are our host."

"Probably won't need it." Dean tried to think. "If we do, Cas has it. He has pockets. So it'll be there." Dream logic. He was not about to let himself be cockblocked by his own dream.

Cas took a hand away from Dean's face to reach into his coat, and sure enough, there was a little bottle of KY lube exactly like the one he'd stolen from the convenience store. In a slightly unexpected move, he tossed it to Jimmy. Dean had mostly been guessing on that one, but it was his dream. Made sense he'd be right. 

Jimmy sat back on his heels, and seemed to forget about the lube for a second as he just looked at Dean, thighs apart, relaxed in Cas' arms.

He took a long, satisfied exhale. Then came a little closer. "Cas, just look at that beautiful dick, wrapped up in all that gorgeous lace." Jimmy pressed his hand against it, "Think he might be getting hard for us." His other hand was sliding over the curve of Dean's ass, and tucking fingers underneath the lacy garment. "It's not elastic..." Jimmy muttered to himself, "It's got to have maybe, buttons..." He stroked a hand slowly between Dean's legs, until he found the first snap holding the crotch together, and unpopped it.

He looked up, into Dean's face. "Tell me how you're feeling?"

Dean tried. Couldn’t find the right words. Or any words at all, really. This was everything he wanted, so much more than he thought he could have. It was overwhelming.

"Loved. I feel loved." He thought. "Maybe scared too, but it's not a bad thing. I – trust you." That was it. That was the thing he'd been trying to find words for. Trust. Not something he was used to. Not like this.

Jimmy and Cas made eye contact. Then one of Cas' arms hugged Dean close, while the other began to rub slow circles over his abdomen. "Breathe." He felt the vibrations of that low voice against his back. Jimmy did another one of the crotch snaps. And another. This wasn’t just getting undressed and leaving clothing scattered around the room. This was important. It meant something, even if Dean couldn’t explain what, or why. 

"See, I actually really like lube,” said Jimmy. “Even when you don't  _ need _ it." He squirted some into his hand. "Give me a second, my skin's warming it up."

The air got colder for a moment, but returned to normal.

"Wait a sec." Dean was fine, he just needed to make sure he stayed that way. “I’m just... this is really different.” 

"Tell me what's different?"

"Everything." 

_ Jimmy didn’t want the lube to be too cold.  _ There was something about being reminded of just how different this was from Hell that was... too many memories. Too many emotions. Dean tried to hold onto their surroundings... but they were starting to slip away. The bed stayed the way it was. The rest fell slightly out of focus. 

And a muffled voice could be heard. The words indistinct, but the speaker - 

Unmistakable. 

“Talk to me. Please.” Dean needed something else to focus on. “You can't see this.  _ Please." _ He was begging, begging for real, and hated it. He just wanted to stay with Cas and Jimmy. Where everything was good and happy and safe. It wasn't  _ fair. _ The tone of that voice was soft, but it still hurt. Like his heart was being worn down with a piece of steel wool instead of being stabbed outright. "I can't let you _ see  _ this." It took every last bit of willpower he had to keep the memories at bay.

In one movement, both Cas and Jimmy sat up to bracket him, front and back.

"I love you," said Jimmy. "Sorry if this isn't the best time to say it, but I do. Sorry. I can't think of anything else."

"I love you too. Please. Just... keep talking?" They couldn't know this. It was too hard to explain. "It's not -"

Too late. The voice was clear, a strange rumbling chuckle followed by a voice that was nasal and almost oily, if that was even a way a voice could sound.

"Oh  _ Dean. _ " The voice sounded close. Right against his ear. "Dean Dean Dean. You shouldn't have. You  _ really _ shouldn't have." Alastair's voice was sharp and mocking now. "Did you really think this was—"

A heavy chill spread through the room, frost climbed along the windows, and their surroundings snapped back into focus. But it didn’t matter. They'd already heard too much.

"I can explain. I promise."

Jimmy clapped a hand over Dean's eyes, because suddenly there was  _ bright. _ Dean  _ heard _ bright. Cas surrounded them again, and he was  _ power _ and  _ protection _ and  _ vengeance. _ His patterns were incandescent white, even through Jimmy’s fingers, and they were  _ sharp _ and pulsed like an electrical explosion. A few seconds later Jimmy pulled his hands away, still touching Dean's face, feeling for responses.

And Dean was babbling. 

“It’s different. What we have? I’ve never had this before. I spent forty years in that place. That wasn’t me. He doesn’t count. Nothing happened. Okay? Hell doesn’t count. He wasn’t… I didn’t…” He wasn’t making sense. “It wasn’t...” He didn’t know what he'd do if they didn't believe him. "You've got to understand. It's hard to feel anything in Hell. And everything is so cold. It's not-"

Jimmy brought his hands softly into Dean's hair, and pressed him into his chest. "It's okay," he said. “It’s okay.”

"This is different.  _ You're _ different. This is real. Don't leave."

That had been... the worst part about that future Zachariah sent him too. Worse than Sam in that white suit, worse than Cas’ body. Seeing himself that closed off again. That unfeeling.

"We will never leave you," said Jimmy. "You are stuck with us. We will stay for as long as you'll have us, in whatever way you'll have us. And who are we kidding. Even if you told us to leave, we'd probably hang around."

The room became even sharper. Another figure. This one was indistinct, but recognizable.

"I'm not an angel anymore, Dean,” said the figure, who was almost Cas. “I'm practically human. Jimmy's dead mostly. Still rattling around in here somewhere. He screams sometimes. You and I don't talk anymore, not if we don’t have to. I mean, why the hell  _ not  _ bury myself in women and decadence, right? It's the end, baby. That's what decadence is for. Why not bang a few gongs before the lights go out? That's just how I roll. Not like it means anything."

He had a split second of Jimmy looking actually frightened before Cas' angel-strength spun Dean around. His eyes had become deep, and unreadable.

"You must forgive yourself," said Castiel. "You must forgive yourself for loving Alastair, in the way that you did. You must forgive yourself for keeping Jimmy from a normal life. You must forgive yourself for  _ me, _ for I see your guilt stand before me and know that you must feel that you made me fall."

"I  _ can't. _ " The memory of what Castiel might become vanished, and the frost on the windows started to melt a little.

"That is not Alastair. That is not damage and lies that should be fought with all that you are. That is only pain and doubt, which can only be accepted, and forgiven."

Dean fell forwards into Cas' arms. "I almost did it, Cas."

Cas pulled him close and held him steady, keeping him still with those immovable arms. 

"What did you almost do?" 

"I thought about it. I didn't. But I thought about it. Wouldn't be the first time I sold my soul."

"I will not guess, Dean. You will put this into words in front of me."

Jimmy kissed Castiel’s hand and then knelt at his side, very still, tucking his head into the curve of his angel’s neck. Cas brought up a hand to touch his hair. Dean wrapped an arm around Jimmy too. Calmer now. 

"If you hadn't pulled me out of there when you did? You've seen the inside of my head. It's not prime real estate.” And if Dean was honest with himself he was still tempted, even after all this. "Get out of Hell free. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. You know. Taking crap deals is kind of a family tradition."

"What did you think about doing." Cas said it quietly, and didn't phrase it as a question. He probably knew, definitely suspected the answer. 

"Some angel could be listening. They got you that way last time."

"If you want to be as safe as I can make you, wake us. Nothing but Death and God will find its way through the wards I make with the physical world."

Dean thought about it, for a minute. But he was still wearing beautiful lingerie, held by both his lovers at the same time. The room was comfortable again. Even with everything, this was a still good dream. 

"I almost said yes to an angel frying my brain and wearing me as a suit. I thought it was real. I thought Sam was going to say yes and you were going to be walking around half-dead. Why the hell wouldn't I say yes to stop that?"

"When did you talk to ... he who is like God?"

"I didn't. Zach was offering the deal."

"Why did you say no?"

"You won't like the answer."

"I asked."

"I had some people I wanted to say goodbye to first. Figured he wouldn't let me. You got me out of there before I had a chance to try negotiating."

Cas made a noise that could have been a scoff, or a laugh."If you must do something for my former superior, please include all the  _ conditions _ you can." He turned Dean's face towards him, and kept it there. "You will be no one's sword. You are ours. You will forgive yourself for this as well."

"Hey, I know better now. The only angel I want inside me is you."

Cas smiled, and took the neckline of Dean's lace corset between two fingers. "I can see that. You wear my colors."

Dean looked down at the black lace. "Huh?" He didn't see what Cas was talking about. "Jimmy, can you translate or is he just not making sense?"

Jimmy turned away from Cas' neck, in what looked like a real effort. "The lace?" he said, finally. "You didn't make it with normal lace patterns. You made it with Cas-patterns? He can tell." 

Dean carefully traced the design over his hip bone, smiling softly. He had decorated himself in their designs, without realizing, without being told. They must like that.

"Do you still want an angel inside you?" Jimmy whispered.

"Right now I want you."

Jimmy shivered, and moved closer into his space. "I ah, seem to remember having you flat on your back. And being about to tease you open with my fingers. And large amounts of lube."

"I like a man who knows what he wants."

Jimmy smiled, a little wickedly. But in the next moment, it was actually Cas that caught Dean in his arms, and lowered him down to the mattress, one hand heavy on his shoulder. Jimmy was somewhere lower. Dean could feel the lace around his waist riding up, the garters keeping everything in place. He had his view blocked by Cas' kissing, so he couldn't really see. 

But then Dean felt a warm, intimate pressure between his legs, and when Cas rolled to the side he saw Jimmy, hair a mess, leaning on an elbow, sucking on his dick. It wasn't hard yet, so it all fit in his mouth easily, and he seemed to enjoy tasting it. His mouth was warm and his touch soft and careful. He made eye contact with Dean, pulled his lips off and smiled. 

Dean could feel his body responding and was quietly thankful they were doing this in a dream, because lately that seemed like the only place his dick would cooperate. The sight of it in Jimmy's mouth was equal parts arousing and frightening, and the flash of irrational fear was followed by guilt. This was  _ Jimmy. _ There was nothing to be afraid of. It felt  _ amazing, _ and if Dean could just get his mind to shut up and let him have this moment - he could probably retreat into his own head and manage - but Jimmy wouldn’t want that and he knew it.

Jimmy scooted up to straddle Dean's hips, and wrapped long fingers along both their cocks. Dean let out a sigh of relief. This, he could do.

“He's starting to get hard for us," said Jimmy

"I can't believe I get to have both of you like this. Nobody gets this lucky." Dean hadn't meant to say that out loud, but he didn't feel the need to take it back. Sure, it was true that this did feel like some kind of porno, but it wasn’t just that.

"Oh Dean," said Cas, curling an arm under his head, cushioning. "You are so good for us." 

The words went in his ears, but bypassed his brain entirely. The praise sent a current of electricity down Dean's spine, straight to his dick. 

"Hey, you  _ liked _ that." Jimmy sounded surprised, and pleased. He started to pay attention to the head of Dean's cock with the pad of his thumb. "Again?"

"Of course," said Cas, kissing Dean's wrist. "So beautiful and gentle, these hands which have brought me such pleasure, which unspooled me into nothing and would not hurt me then."

Something about the matter-of-fact way Cas said things like that really got to him. “ _ Cas." _ Dean drew out the name in a soft moan, as he thrust upwards into Jimmy's hand. 

"If not for you I would not know to give my vessel the love and care he needs. I would not know to touch him."

"Happy to lend a hand. Hands. Mouth. You name it."

Jimmy shifted so he and Cas were lying against Dean, one on either side, kissing his neck and hairline, moving his head back and forth between them to get at his lips. Dean was comfortable right then, and if they'd been anywhere other than inside his head, he wouldn't have said anything. But he couldn’t risk any more memories showing up and ruining things.

He pulled Jimmy closer and leaned over to kiss Cas on the shoulder. "This is great, guys. Don't get me wrong. But I need to just find a way to stop thinking. I know I freaked out on you earlier, but I really do like the idea of Jimmy tossing me around a little. It’s been a lot, you know?" He was not doing a good job explaining. "I think maybe I need this? The world’s ending, I spent the past forty years not asking questions, and I kinda just want someone else... to take control. Is that weird?" Considering what he'd been through, that should be the last thing he wanted. It probably just went to show how messed up he was.

"No," said Cas. It was in his voice that he  _ understood _ . "You know we will always stop if you say no."

Dean wasn't sure why this felt like such a big deal. He wasn't sure of a lot of things right now. "Yeah."

As Cas inched backwards to recline against the giant mound of pillows, Jimmy flipped himself on top of Dean. His hands went to Dean's wrists, pinning them to the mattress. He smiled.

"It's crazy," he said, rocking against Dean, and his dick. "I've been trying to think, what's your sexiest look? I mean. Seeing those lips wrapped around Cas' cock was pretty good. But you in that  _ lace _ ... don't know how I'm supposed to choose." 

Dean just licked his lips and nodded.

Jimmy bent down, and brushed his lips over Dean's. "I want to play with your ass and see if I can find the spot that can make you fall apart." He looked above Dean's head, for a second. And looked down, with his best Royal Flush face. "Oh. I forgot. Cas actually put your body together. He knows  _ exactly _ where your prostate is. And now so do I."

Dean fake-struggled where Jimmy had his wrists pinned. He actually giggled. It wasn't even a proper snort laugh. Not very manly, but he couldn't help it. He was just so damn giddy.

"Maybe if you get Cas hard enough, he could fuck you too. I don't know how long I'll last in that pretty ass of yours. That sound good to you, kitten?"

Something in Dean’s chest felt lighter. It seemed like it was easier to breathe. 

"You're so good to me, Daddy." He was pretty sure he sounded ridiculous, but he couldn’t make himself care. He felt like laughing from how goddamn happy he was. "Sorry. I'm just..." More laughter. "Really happy right now. I'll calm down, I swear. I just really friggin' love you guys."

Jimmy bent down to kiss him properly, which shut him up. Cas stayed reclined against his pillows smiling indulgently at their game.

Dean's hands came to rest on Jimmy's back. Out of curiosity, he sought out the spot that had such an effect on Cas earlier. Jimmy hissed in a breath, arched into Dean's body, tightening fingers into his hair. Every one of his muscles felt hard, and then soft. Well. Except the one. That one was still pretty hard.

“Huh. I thought that was just going to be a Cas thing.” Dean figured it was still mostly a Cas thing. "It's his wings, right? Am I touching them or what?"

He tried to approximate where he'd seen the lines of light connecting to Cas earlier, lazily tracing the path with his hands. Touching soft and slow. He didn’t want to accidentally end up hurting somebody. While Dean stroked along his shoulders, Jimmy's breaths became a whole lot heavier. He stretched, straightening out every link of his spine.

"I think it’s more a  _ me _ thing than a him thing? Where he... goes into me. Less wings, more right-next-to-brain-and-spinal-column? Think that might be how it works..."

"Lucky you." Dean was all pillow-talk. "I thought this was how I could touch him. And here you are with him inside you all the time." 

"It's not like sex. But it’s more like sex than anything? When you do that it... yeah, it's like you're touching skin stretched around a big cock. That’s the most solid Cas gets, has to be.  _ I'm _ solid, and... he's touching me..."

As much as Dean enjoyed that mental image, he made himself focus on the important parts. “It’s the closest I’ll get to having you both at the same time, when we’re awake.”

Jimmy's eyes closed, and he sounded dreamy. "If  _ anyone _ else touched us like this, Cas would just... so much smiting. Fifty foot radius."

“Not if I killed them first.” Dean was dead serious. “No one touches either of you unless you want them to, ever. That includes me."

Jimmy wrapped a hand around the back of Dean’s neck. "Fair warning. I'm pretty sure I could come just from this."

Dean's hands slid down to grab Jimmy's ass instead. "I am definitely going to want to try that sometime. Someday, when you're not the sexiest dream I've ever had. I want to bury myself inside you and kiss the place where you and Cas meet while I fuck you until you come."

"Fucking us from  _ behind? _ Your mouth right there? You're gonna have to be careful, we'll be a  _ mess. _ "

"Cas and I will always be careful with you, babe."

With one arm, Jimmy rolled to his side and squeezed Dean tight to his chest like a teddy bear. 

Then the mattress shifted slightly behind their heads. Cas.

Jimmy tilted his head up. Reached an arm out, over Dean.

"I know that this connection can hurt.” And he definitely wasn't talking to Dean. But Dean still heard him say, in a voice that was terribly soft,“You know that it  _ did  _ hurt. But I want you to hear me say this, Castiel. While I can talk to you like this. You feel so good inside me."

Cas knelt beside them. He reached over Dean too, and took Jimmy's outstretched hand. And it took Dean a second to realize it, because he was doing it completely silently. But Cas had started crying.

"Tell me what to do," he said, voice low.

And hey, just because it was obvious to Dean didn't mean it was obvious to Cas. 

"Cas. When a guy tells you how good it feels to have you inside him. You kiss him." 

Cas nodded. And so very slowly, he leaned over Dean to take Jimmy's face in his hands. He kissed his mouth, and cheekbones, and nose, and forehead, and the lids of his eyes. Jimmy was kissing too, kissing away Cas' tears. 

They didn't seem to need to talk.

This was just one of those things. Dean didn't have to understand what it was like to share that sort of connection to know what a big deal this was. He let them have their moment, and just enjoyed that he was allowed to be a part of it. 

It felt strangely voyeuristic in a way that nothing else had.

Caught between the two of them like this, Dean felt surrounded by warmth and love. Closing his eyes, he let himself relax so that they supported his weight. Resting his head against Jimmy, leaning back into the comforting weight of Cas, Dean focused entirely on that feeling of safety. The lace moved against his skin and Jimmy and Cas moved around him. The two of them had chosen Dean for some reason, even after everything that had happened in Hell. Too much. Beyond words. But he still tried.

"I wish Jimmy and I could share more of you. I wish I could see you the way he sees you. I love your body, but I want to make love to you both at the same time." Dean was almost reverent in the way he caressed the places on Jimmy's back where his lovers merged. This was so much more than sexy angel weirdness now. Jimmy was the one who kept them all anchored to reality. He gave Cas a physical form, he gave Dean something a bit like the kind of normal he never thought he could have.

Maybe they could make this work. Maybe it didn't have to end badly.

Or maybe it would end in a demon virus taking over the world, Cas falling, Sam saying yes, and Dean sending his friends to their deaths for no reason. But right now, he was allowed this.

Somewhere above him, Jimmy whimpered. 

"I want both of you,” said Dean. “I don't care how. I want to let go." Held in their arms like this, he felt safe enough to  _ ask. _ "I want to be used by you. I want to be  _ possessed _ by you." The quiet intensity in his voice made it clear this wasn’t dirty talk. "It feels like I left a piece of me back in Hell, and I want it back."

He took a calming breath, brought one hand to rest at the small of Jimmy's back, clear of any sensitive invisible points of connection. The other reached back to find one of Cas' thighs. "I feel like his property sometimes. I want to belong to you instead."

Cas and Jimmy went still above him. For a beat or two they seemed to stop breathing. And then they moved, both at once. Jimmy flipped Dean onto his back, into Cas' chest. There was the sound of wings as Cas flicked backwards against the cushions, Dean in his lap. He hooked fingers into the garters holding up the thigh-high stockings. Used them to pull Dean’s legs further apart.

And Jimmy was there, up close, between his thighs, grounding him with those deep blue eyes, and a kiss that opened him up.

There was a little moment that might have been Jimmy and Cas holding hands, or might have been Cas passing Jimmy something. It was only after Dean felt Jimmy's fingers, cool and slick between his legs, that he remembered  _ lube. _

"You really are ours," said Jimmy. "This is our body. We made it. We got rid of your scars, fixed that finger that healed wrong. We made your eyesight better."

"I  _ thought _ something was different..." His marksmanship had gotten better since coming back from the dead. Trust Dean Winchester to focus on the important things.

Jimmy smiled, and then just went for it, reached back to Dean's ass with lube-slick fingers, and started circling that tight ring of muscle. "It only makes sense that we should get to enjoy this beautiful thing."

Dean kissed Cas and tried to remember to relax.

Cas tilted Dean's head back, and  _ held _ it back, steady and solid. His other hand left the garters to tuck Dean's dick back underneath the lace, palming against it and teasing him with the friction. Lying there in Cas' arms, throat bared, body exposed, Dean felt totally safe. He made an unintelligible noise of approval before sucking on the angel's bottom lip, worrying it between his teeth before letting go. Cas went even deeper with his tongue, and stroked Dean's balls with warm fingers.

Dean was pretty sure he was in love with those hands.

"Oh  _ there _ it is," said Jimmy. "There you go. Opening up for me." A finger slipped into Dean, small circular motions. "There you go, beautiful. Doing real well."

Dean wanted to watch, but he also wanted to keep kissing Cas and he couldn't do both. That was the only problem. 

For someone who had supposedly never done this before, Jimmy was almost suspiciously good at it. Maybe it was because it was a dream. Maybe he was just a lot more gentle than Dean was used to. Whatever the case, it didn't hurt at all.

Jimmy had slipped in a second slim finger, and was going deeper, shifting millimeter by millimeter, looking for something. Then Cas' hand was there, on Jimmy's wrist, mapping out the area, seeing where things were in relation to each other, guiding -

The feeling of being opened up by someone else's fingers never stopped being one that made Dean intensely vulnerable, and he tried to remember to breathe. 

"Talk to me, please?" Silence was dangerous right now.

"Dean. Thank you for this. Thank you for being ours."

"Always. Don't want anyone else. Just you." 

Dean pushed back against Jimmy's hand. He wanted, he  _ needed _ more.

"Just gimme a second, kitten. You're going to feel so good, I promise."

_ "Daddy." _ Dean wasn't sure if he was begging Jimmy for more, or asking Cas to let him look at Jimmy. But he was also really into the way Cas was holding him still, with his neck craned back just to the  _ edge  _ of what was comfortable.

Jimmy had found a  _ very _ good spot, and gently nudged it with the pad of a finger.  _ "There," _ he said, smug.  _ "That's it. _ Tell me how he likes it, Cas."

Cas pulled back from Dean's mouth, still holding his head, a hand against his neck. "Does my vessel succeed?" 

"Yes. _ Yes. _ There. Oh fuck. We're actually doing this." 

"What do you say to more?” said Jimmy. “Think you can handle it? Think I could fill you up?"

Dean had to close his eyes for a second to keep from embarrassing himself. He could still have this. It didn't have to be ruined. It didn't take more than a second to get himself back together, and he hoped that Cas and Jimmy hadn’t noticed. 

“Please. Love your fingers." He hoped they wouldn’t think he was whining. But Jimmy had stopped and Dean still needed  _ more. _ "I want you so bad." Dean's voice was low, rough. He could feel himself stretch around Jimmy's fingers, without any of the pain he'd grown accustomed to in Hell. Those fingers were slowly moving in and out, a motion that was  _ starting _ to feel like fucking. He was getting Dean's prostate  _ almost _ every stroke now.

"I'm yours. Want you to own me. Yours. Not..." Dean gasped and tried to hide his face against Cas. "Please, Daddy." His voice was muffled in the coat, and Cas turned Dean's jaw away from him so he was looking down at Jimmy.

Dean shuddered and held onto Cas' legs. He needed to hold onto  _ something. _ Something about the lingerie made him feel even more naked than if he weren't wearing anything at all.

Jimmy was kneeling between Dean's legs, face all concentration, one hand playing between his thighs, the other holding the bottle of lube. He was adding more lube  _ constantly.  _ Dean knew it was messed up that something as simple as someone  _ not wanting to hurt him _ was a turn on, but he didn't really have time to unpack that. Jimmy was just being so damn careful. This was so stupid. Dean was going to fucking cry over the fact a guy was using lube. This was the dumbest thing. "It feels so..." Dean tried to keep it together. "I'm good. Great. I just... thank you." He had to close his eyes again and blink back tears. "Thank you."

"You are so open for us, beloved," muttered Cas. "You give us your trust. Not just now.” His hand came to the small strip of skin between stockings and corset, and pulled Dean's thigh back, to give Jimmy more room to work with.

"Love." Dean swallowed past the lump in his throat and felt as the tears started to fall, despite his best efforts. He hid his face against Cas. "I'm okay. I promise." He was. He was just a bit of a mess, that was all.

Cas' hand came to his cheek again, and turned his face outward. "No. These tears are a victory. Do not hide them."

"Feels so good. I forgot." Dean was shaking, "I forgot it could feel like this." He couldn't hold them back anymore. "I'm sorry, Jimmy." He wiped his eyes on his arm, "I know it’s not sexy.”

Jimmy couldn't reach Dean's face, not with three fingers slowly fucking him, but he unclicked a few of the fasters on the corset one-handed. His thumb stroked the new inch of skin.

"I don't think it's up to you to say what's sexy." He smiled at Dean. "You're ours. We decide. And you don't worry about it."

Dean sniffled a bit. It  _ really _ wasn't sexy, but it wasn’t like he was going to argue. "Yeah, okay." The watery smile he gave Jimmy was a bit pathetic, but he couldn't really do any better.

"Good," said Jimmy. "Now. What would be sexy. Is you telling me how much you want my dick."

Dean laughed and wiped his nose one last time before drying his eyes on Cas' clothes. He struggled to find words that wouldn't start him crying again. But before he could, Cas turned his head to kiss a few of the tears away. And Jimmy cheated out a little so Dean was able to see his dick - almost painfully hard and leaking. 

That combination of feeling so cared for and so  _ wanted _ was enough to make Dean feel a bit of that strange sensation of floating again.

"You can  _ almost _ take it, I think," said Jimmy. "So close. Until I can fill you up, and feel your tight, beautiful body."

"Jimmy, you're gorgeous. And so is your dick." Dean brought one of his legs up and pressed his heel against Jimmy’s shoulder blade. "And I want it inside me more than I've been able to want anything in a really long time."

Jimmy stilled, closed his eyes, took a few calming breaths. Gently, he slid his fingers out of Dean. 

"Cas," he said. "I'm - I'm not sure I can wait anymore. Can you - can you tell me - am I going to hurt him?"

"You won't,” said Dean. 

Jimmy looked up into his eyes. And as if in answer, Cas draped Dean's other leg over Jimmy's shoulder, and slid forward, changing the angle until he was almost lying down. Dean could practically feel those eyes behind him.

"Jimmy,  _ please. _ " He was desperate. "I promise I won't let you hurt me. Okay?"

Jimmy nodded, swallowed.

Then stroked himself, once, with even more lube. He put a hand on Dean's arm for balance, lined himself up, and began to sink into him. 

He went  _ slowly. _

Dean had forgotten how good this felt. He wasn't sure he'd ever really  _ known _ how good this felt. Every memory paled in comparison. It was slow. And he felt so fucking cherished it was obscene. He was hyper aware of every inch of his body, and all of it felt a bit more like it was really his again. It didn't fix everything, but it felt good. And that was a victory in itself.

Everything felt a bit dreamlike. More than could be explained by being in a dream. Dean's limbs felt warm and heavy and there was a pleasant tension to everything. Cas' hands stroked over his thighs and ass, his lace and stockings, and Jimmy's hands - now free - came around to cradle his back.

"Cas, can you tell me what a good boy I am again? I liked that." Dean heard himself speak as if from a distance. But not the distance he usually felt from his body while doing this. He was  _ there. _ If anything more aware, not less. Jimmy bottomed out, and took a moment to breathe and pause before stretching up to softly kiss him. Dean was so deliciously full. It was like something had completed a circuit inside him. 

"So good, Dean. Such a good boy. You accept my vessel's body so well." Cas had both of them now, and absentmindedly reached up to touch Jimmy's hair.

Dean smiled and turned his head to kiss Cas' bicep. "You still have too many clothes on." It wasn’t really a complaint. Just an observation.

"I see we are in your world." 

"Oh. Right." He sounded slightly drunk, like last time. Everything around the bed had started to blur, but that didn’t matter. There wasn't anything that mattered, except the three of them. "You'll have to do it. I'm kinda busy right now." He brought his hand up to play with Jimmy's hair as if to say,  _ remember this guy? He's kinda amazing and I think I'm going to keep him if he'll let me. _

Jimmy reached up to kiss his mouth again. "If I come in like five seconds, don't make fun of me..."

"S'fine." Now Dean  _ felt _ drunk. But only the good parts of being drunk. “I cried." He kissed behind Jimmy's ear.

"Dean..." said Jimmy, tensing, breathing. "Touch my shoulders.”

It was the permission he had been waiting for. Slowly and deliberately, Dean walked his fingers up the length of Jimmy's spine and stopped just short of making contact with anything interesting.

"You  _ tease. _ "

"Who, me?" He tried to look innocent, but the effect was spoiled by the ear-to-ear grin. He'd just disobeyed a direct order and nothing bad had happened. He wasn't even afraid. "I'm still not over the fact I can do this." He didn't feel the need to clarify.

He was about to touch the place where his lovers were joined in a way that was literally beyond anything he could dream of, and Jimmy was inside him and Cas was somehow inside Jimmy while also holding both of them. Dean couldn't have asked for more than this.

Jimmy pushed a little deeper in. "Please, Dean.  _ Please." _ He grabbed one of Dean's hands and started kissing it, sucking the thumb into his mouth. "You touched just under our shoulder blades before…"

"Cas?" Dean held his hand out. He didn't remember what happened to the lube, but this was his dream. Cas would have it because Dean decided he would. "It's not fancy massage oil, but it'll do." 

Cas, who was now inexplicably wearing absolutely nothing except the trenchcoat, placed a bottle of lube into Dean's hand.

Dean hadn't been expecting to be handed the whole thing, and didn't have enough hands to make this work. So after a second he just shrugged, and squirted it directly onto Jimmy. 

Jimmy hissed and bucked wildly - which resulted in a pretty good thrust. Dean snort-laughed.

"DEAN!"

"Shhhh." He tried not to laugh. "You'll see."

Dean finally did as Jimmy had asked, and ran hands along the contours of his shoulder blades, and his spine, and the tendons that connected them. Jimmy curved into him, flexing the muscles in his back around his hands.

"I forgive you. Oh  _ fuck _ I forgive you..."

Dean didn't say "I told you so," but it was close. Now, instead of just using his fingers, he was able to use the flat of his hand without worrying about too much friction. Starting at the bottom of Jimmy's rib cage, Dean slowly dragged his hands upwards, until he reached the nape of his neck, and could feel him squirming, frantically pulling closer.

Dean focused on the shoulders themselves before returning to tracing the muscles. Jimmy pushed him into the warm muscles of Cas’ chest, grabbed the trenchcoat for leverage - and started to  _ fuck. _ Long slow pulls. He was going harder, hitting the right angle for the prostate, and it felt amazing but Dean was still  _ thinking _ too much. This wasn't  _ enough _ to feel like it had totally erased all of Alastair's fingerprints from his skin. 

And the thought of Alastair nearly threatened to bring everything to a halt again. 

"Please. One of you. Don't stop talking." Dean was entirely too coherent right now.

Jimmy thrust into him. "This is all for you, kitten," he said. The words seemed to be helping his rhythm. "You were made for this."

Dean gave up trying to do anything other than hold on.

"You were made to be opened up nice and slow, and fucked into so sweet and easy. You're so easy, Dean. You take me so well."

Dean felt himself starting to panic and he didn't know why or about what. He'd be okay. He was just scared. He'd be okay. He just had to remember to breathe. He wasn't even sure what he was afraid of. Everything was okay.

"Dean? Is it too much?"

Shaking his head, Dean held tighter to Jimmy. "I'm good. Just scared. Dunno why." Dean hid his face against Jimmy's neck because he felt like he might start crying again.

Jimmy wrapped his arms around Dean. "Hey. Tell me to stop and I will. But what I'd like to do, is lay you right here in Cas' arms, and he can hold you, and play with your pretty cock while I just very gently make love to you."

Oh no. No no no no no. Fuck. Dean knew what was happening, because his dream was trying to become something else again. He wouldn't let it. Not this time. "Please. Please don't stop. Please. Don't know what’s going to happen, don’t know what pictures are coming, but if I keep thinking about memories busting in to scare you off - "

He'd tortured people. He’d  _ tortured  _ people and been trained to like it. He couldn’t let Jimmy and Cas see that. "I need to turn my brain off and get fucked. I'm worried I screwed this up and I’m no good for you. I still want to call you Daddy and I want Cas to tell me what a good boy I am and I'm scared you're going to call me a worthless whore even though I probably am one."

Dean's fingernails were digging into Jimmy's skin, but he couldn't make himself let go. If he did, Jimmy would leave him here.

"Oh no you don't," said Jimmy, and he thrust into Dean, hard. "You've been nothing but my sweet beautiful kitten, getting dressed up in a beautiful corset to please me, and I haven't been treating you right." He picked up the pace. "You need to know you're mine, and only mine. Feel how hard I am kitten? You did such a good job pleasing me."

Dean felt his breathing slow. He was less light headed. The faint screams that he hoped Cas and Jimmy couldn't hear began to fade. 

Jimmy’s rhythm was fast and regular. "Your job's over. All you have to do is take me in. Kitten, you're so tight. You're so fucking tight. Because I'm the only one who gets to do this. "

Dean's vision was blurry and it took him a minute to realize he was crying again. There was no point fighting it, so he just let himself go. It wasn't pretty crying. No slow single tear. This was messy, and a lot. Just like everything about this situation. 

His head was lifted and placed in someone's lap.

"So good, my Dean. So good."

"You mean it?" He'd given up trying to wipe the tears. There were so many.

A hand through his hair. "I can see your soul. I can always see your soul. You are good."

Dean shook his head. Cas was wrong. He wasn't. He'd hurt people.

"You are being good as we speak, by letting my vessel fuck you through your fear.”

This was humiliating. Dean wanted it. "I'm so screwed up."

"I don't know about your pretty lips saying things like that," said Jimmy, from above. "What if you sucked Cas for a while. Wouldn't have to worry about talking." 

The noise Dean made would have seemed like pain, but his face was one of pleasure. He could feel himself getting untangled from the horrible mess of his own thoughts. "Please, Daddy. Can I? I want both of you."

Jimmy bent down to kiss Dean. "I'm gonna pull out real quick, pretty thing, but it's just so I can get you to a better position. You'll have my cock again real soon."

Dean ducked his head slightly and smiled. This was what he needed.

Jimmy gently pulled out, and started shoving all the pillows to the middle of the bed in a mound. After a brief bit of eye contact, Cas helped too. When it seemed solid enough, he sat to one side, looking at Jimmy with glittering eyes.

"Come over here, and lay down over these pillows for me."

Dean fidgeted with his stockings. He didn’t really know what was expected of him, but when Jimmy reached out his hand he took it, hoping that wasn’t the wrong choice. Jimmy pulled Dean into his arms. Kissed him. Then together, he and Cas draped him face-first across the mound of pillows. 

He felt Jimmy's hands on his hips. "Comfortable?"

Dean kinda wanted to just snuggle down and stay there. 

"Yes, Daddy." He felt a shiver down his spine this time. The name felt like it fit again. "It's perfect."

That sense of peace he'd felt earlier was back. Not as strong, but there.

"Good. I want you to stay just like that. Cas is going to get to a good level for you, and he's going to give you his cock. You can suck it, kiss it, play with it. No hands though. Only your lips and mouth and tongue."

The clean expanse of Castiel's skin was very close to Dean's face. If he got up on his knees, his cock would be at exactly the right level, they had stacked the pillows that way. Dean's tongue darted across his lips. It was all he could do not to reach out and touch him. But Jimmy had said no hands. So he waited.

The hands rubbed over Dean's hips, soothingly. "I'm going to make sure you're getting along good with Cas, and then I'll push back into you nice and slow so you're not surprised. I can still see you nod and shake your head, so if anyone asks you a question you can answer like that."

He laid a few kisses along the small of Dean's back. "You're doing great so far. Anything I've explained bad?"

Dean had to sort of step back from his own thoughts to do it, but he needed to say something first.

"You're an amazing guy, Jimmy. I just wanted you to know. But yeah. You did great. You're doing great. I figure this has to be a lot. So just... thanks." Closing his eyes and taking a few steady breaths, Dean tried to find his way back. "Could somebody play with my hair for a second? I had to kinda find my way out from where I was, and I'd really like to get back."

Cas, who was closest, reached down to run fingers through Dean's hair. Jimmy continued kissing his lower back, and massaging his ass.

"Dean enjoys my voice. I should say something."

"You do have the sexier voice, it's true."

"His eyes are closed," Cas observed. "And a blindfold appeared in the coat pocket."

Hands smoothed over Dean's back again. He leaned into the touch as much as he could. It felt good to be touched. The hands were kind.

"If you're doing a good job playing with Cas' cock and getting fucked by me, I'm going to blindfold you, okay? But I don't want to start there, in case you don't like it."

"Thank you, Daddy."

"Okay, sweetheart. Let's see how you like Cas' cock."

Dean opened his eyes for this part, but not his mouth. Not yet.

Cas was on his knees, hand still in Dean’s hair. A half-hard erection brushed over Dean’s cheek. Cas stroked his hair, but didn't move forward.

Dean nuzzled against it affectionately, leaving open mouthed kisses along the length of one side. Cas made a pleased, humming sound.

Hands weren't allowed, so it took a few tries before he managed to use his nose to position it so that he could do the same to the other side. The angle made it a little strange, but Dean managed to curl his tongue under the shaft so that he could pay more attention to the underside. Not using his hands made this considerably more difficult. But it also made it kinda fun.

Cas was starting to swell slightly on his tongue. That was kind of fun too.

Wrapping his lips around the head, Dean looked up through his eyelashes as he lavished attention on the most sensitive part of Cas. At least, the most sensitive part he could touch. He wasn't sucking Cas' cock so much as making out with it, and Cas was starting to make some  _ very _ good noises.

Dean suddenly remembered this was a dream. Normal rules didn't apply. So without so much as a moment's hesitation, Dean took Cas into his mouth as far as he possibly could.

Cas gasped.

Dean hummed happily around the angel's cock and scooted closer, until his nose was nestled in the dark thatch of hair. Dreams were great. No gag reflex. The fingers in his hair tightened, but Cas didn't pull or push him anywhere. Cas didn't do that kind of thing.

Dean glanced sideways to see if Jimmy approved. He couldn't exactly talk like this.

"You're putting on... quite the show there.”

Dean looked up through his eyelashes again and made a noise that sounded a bit like a question.

"Dean..." said Cas. There were huge blue eyes fixed on him. "How... do you know to... warp the rules of your dreams... for my pleasure?

Dean pulled back off again and coughed a bit.

"Hate to break it to you, but you're not the first guy I've dreamed about doing this to. There've been a few. Dr. Sexy. This real hot hacker guy with a mullet I knew. Other guys too, those are just the ones whose names I know."

There were hands on his back. "Oh, making us jealous isn't going to work. You're ours now, and that's all there is to it."

"I was just trying to explain. I don't know how to warp the rules. I just know how these dreams usually go."

"I was just thinking that you'd probably seen  _ The Matrix _ ."

Dean just shrugged before swallowing Cas' cock again.

"Good. Cas, yes/no questions only."

Dean made another quiet happy noise. He felt loved.

"You're doing this because you liked it and it makes you happy?"

Mindful of his teeth, Dean nodded.

"Good. Don't do a thing to show off, or because you think I want you to."

Dean paused to play with Cas' slit before stopping long enough to say, "Yes, Daddy. Can I have a kiss?" Belatedly, he realized he had forgotten one of the important rules. "Can I have a kiss  _ please _ ?"

“Of course you can have a kiss, kitten. Stay right there, I’m coming around to you. Keep on sucking Cas’ cock.”

Dean was still playing with the slit and head when Jimmy moved around to kneel at his side, sitting between him and Cas. Then somehow he managed to contort his head until Dean felt the unusual sensation of being kissed  _ while _ he was sucking a cock. _ _ Jimmy’s mouth moved from Dean’s bottom lip, to the side of Cas’ shaft, and back again. He had a little nipping action for Dean that he did not do for Cas.

Jimmy kissed along the length of Cas’ cock and then broke away. One of his hands wound into the trenchcoat.

“You can give him a little more,” Jimmy said softly. “Rules are different here. I saw how you were holding his head before, distracting him while I was working him open. Do that.”

To illustrate his point, he covered Cas’ hand - the one resting on the back of Dean’s head - with his own. And  _ pushed. _ And Dean took in a little more of the cock, as Cas fucked into his mouth.

Because this was a dream, and it was similar to one he’d had before Hell, Dean didn’t have any trouble breathing. If he’d tried this while awake, it would have caused a panic attack instantly, but this was different. This was familiar, and the insistent pressure of the hand cradling his head felt grounding instead of controlling. In that moment, all he had to do was exist. There was an almost meditative quality to it. Dean moaned around Cas’ cock as he felt the past grow more and more distant. There was no room for anything besides remembering to breathe through his nose and stay focused on keeping the muscles of his throat relaxed. He tried to maintain eye contact but ended up giving in to the desire to close his eyes and enjoy the feeling of the steady hand guiding his head and the cock down his throat.

_ "There," _ exhaled Jimmy. "Just like that. Give him the rhythm he needs. He trusts you."

Dean felt Cas shudder, through the cock he held against his throat. The fingers holding his head spread to a wider, firmer grip. Cas kept up his motion, slow and firm and inexorable.

"I think he deserves his blindfold now, don't you?"

Dean couldn't talk like this, so he settled on showing his enthusiasm by swallowing around Cas. The muscles in the back of his throat contracted, and his mouth flooded with even more saliva. Cas showed his appreciation by bringing a hand to Dean's cheek, but fucking his mouth just as hard.

"Dean," said Jimmy, tying a cool, silky piece of material over his eyes. "Our angel's got his head back. He's not able to talk right now. He's got himself - his wings, he's got them wrapped around you, like a seed pod or something. He's working them into you. I'm going to have to sink my fingers through him to get to your hips. He'll feel it."

There were hands moving across Dean’s back, over his ass and the backs of his thighs. Then the fingers began to explore deeper.

"So relaxed and open for us. I'll be able to slip into you like it's  _ nothing. _ "

It felt so good to do this for them. Dean was being good. This was what he was meant for. From the surface of his skin to the deepest places in his soul, every part of him craved touch. He leaned his face against Cas' hand as a silent request for more. More of what, he didn't know. All Dean knew was that he wanted everything Cas and Jimmy were willing to give him. He arched his back into Jimmy's hands. If he could speak, he would beg, but as it was, he managed that just fine without words. He was floating. Spit trailed from his mouth. It was nice, being able to feel. Being loved. 

Dean was overcome with the need to tell them this, and the slightest resistance was all that was needed for Cas to let go. After a few ragged breaths, he was able to cobble together enough words.

"Love you," He rested his head against the hand that cradled his face. Slurring. "So much. Both of you."

Jimmy laid himself along Dean's back and kissed between his shoulder blades. Cas took a few deep breaths before he was able to speak.

"You  _ are _ love. You are what love means to us."

Dean couldn't really make sense of that, but it sounded nice. Everything felt so wonderfully simple. 

"Your mind surrounds us now. Your body will, soon. Your soul brought us together. You, fragile and human, encompass us."

"Is that good?" Dean wasn't distressed, just confused. It was a lot to follow, with several layers of soft blankets between him and his own thoughts. He knew he was safe. That was all. Cas and Jimmy were there to protect him from the monsters in his memories. He just wanted to be good for them.  _ Needed  _ to be good for them. 

"I have been telling you that you are good,” said Cas. “The truth is that is their word. You are clemency, and empathy, and decency. You are better than good." 

Safe behind the blindfold, without the distraction of sight, it was easier to listen and believe. Cas wouldn't lie to him. Dean pressed a kiss to the palm of his hand, and Cas pressed Dean's face to his chest. "We will keep well this body we have made.”

Cas wanted to keep him. Dean wanted that too. He wanted it more than anything. He looped his arms around Cas' waist and snuggled into the embrace.

There was a hand resting on the back of his head, grounding and strong. The feeling of Jimmy draped across him provided a warmth that chased away even the memory of cold. Dean could vaguely remember those things, but they had happened a long time ago, to someone else. Everything was so peaceful right now that he would have fallen asleep, if he hadn’t already been dreaming.

"Come," said Cas. There was finality in his words. "It has been much too long."

They moved, Cas and Jimmy together. Cas was lifting him, and Jimmy was warm against his back. In the darkness, it was strange for a moment, but four arms cradled him, held him steady. And as his head tipped backwards onto Jimmy's shoulder, his legs parted around Cas' waist. 

Cas eased into him, one long smooth slide, exactly as easy as Jimmy had said it would be. A warm, confident hand curled around his cock. Jimmy's. Cas' hands were on the backs of his thighs, holding him like he weighed nothing.

Dean felt gloriously full and without the need for distance, able to enjoy the sensation of Cas inside him. He turned his face towards Jimmy in search of a kiss, and ended up leaving one along his jawline. That was fine. He wrapped his legs around Cas, to draw the angel closer.

He was pressed between both bodies now. Castiel leaned forward, thrusting into Dean with small, intimate, expert movements. Jimmy's body he might be learning, but Dean's body he  _ knew. _ Jimmy was using the slight changes in Dean's muscles to stroke him with the same rhythm. They were both kissing him - Cas on his lips, Jimmy on his neck. Jimmy's hand found its way to his balls, and gently squeezed.

The places where their hands touched felt more real than the rest of him. It was wonderful. So much more than enough.  _ But he wanted more. _

Bringing an arm behind him to rest in Jimmy's hair, Dean tried to figure out how to put words to this thing he wanted. He tried, but coherent thought was lost. That was okay. If they wanted him like this, he could do that too. Dean was pretty sure he could do anything right now. Cas hit just the right angle and Dean threw his head back as a silent scream left his throat.

"Kitten?" said Jimmy's voice, behind him. His hand quieted, now just held Dean’s cock.

“Daddy. Need you. Please.”

"Kitten, how do you want me? What do you need?"

Dean tried to explain, but it was a jumbled mess of begging, no useful information.

Jimmy put a hand on Cas' shoulder, and Cas stilled.

After catching his breath for a moment, Dean tried to remember how to speak.

"Fuck my mouth."

There, that's what he meant to say. "Please?"

He needed both of them. Cas to keep him safe from the world, and Jimmy to keep him safe from himself.

Jimmy kissed his ear. "You got it," he whispered. "Me or Cas?"

"You." Dean turned towards the kiss. He suddenly needed the blindfold off. It was too much. With shaking hands, he slipped it away and saw that the room around them had vanished, replaced with an approximation of the patterns Cas had shown him earlier. A pale imitation of Castiel's true form. The best Dean could do.

"Whatever you need." Jimmy hugged him around the chest. "But ... a chair? Where would I... find a chair?"

Dean shook his head. That wasn't it. He was pretty sure that wasn't it. It was hard to think, much less explain. He felt… he didn’t know. Everything had been so good before, but the warm feeling of safety had taken a claustrophobic turn somewhere.

He held onto Jimmy's arms, and tried to remember where he was.

"Lilith. That was the safeword, right?"

It was an immediate reaction. Jimmy used the hand he'd placed on Cas' shoulder to just shove him  _ away, _ off Dean. He didn't actually drop him, but it was a close thing. Dean's feet were mostly under him when Jimmy detached. 

And then all three of them were sitting, on the mattress. Not touching. 


	5. Saying Yes

Dean folded in smaller on himself. Couldn’t look at them. Couldn’t make himself ask to touch them. They shouldn’t touch him. He wasn’t going to throw up. He wasn’t. "I'm sorry. I’m sorry, don’t know what went wrong, I just..."

Jimmy was breathing hard, sitting with hands on his knees. Cas was placid and unreadable and strange. Dean watched, as their eyes flicked to something in the distance. He felt small. He didn’t know what they were looking at. He was shivering. Jimmy and Cas weren’t. 

Jimmy swallowed. "Dean you're… doing good. Last time this happened you didn't know who I was. It was bad - "

"Hold me." Dean cleared his throat sheepishly. "Please?"

Jimmy wrapped him in a hug. "Hey. You did right. You said your safeword. You're still talking."

Dean’s shaking was getting worse. Jimmy's arms were the only thing keeping him in one piece. He'd do anything. Anything. As long as they didn’t leave him alone.

Cas passed over the coat, and Jimmy draped it around his shoulders. Dean pulled it tight, not letting himself look at either of them. Instead he watched the strange geometric patterns move above him. The same patterns from the lace that he wore, that now felt like something shameful. Something he shouldn’t ask for.

Jimmy hugged Dean tighter, rubbed his hands over the planes of his back. "Do you remember when things went bad? What reminded you of Hell?"

Dean just shook his head. He didn't know anything.

"Do you want Cas to hold you too?" 

Dean nodded, vigorously. He'd be okay. This just sucked. That was all.

Cas’ arms wrapped around him. "It is not fair you should have to grapple with this."

Dean tried to smile but it was more of a grimace. "You're telling me? Maybe we can just..." No. That was stupid.

"Is it chairs?" said Jimmy. "Do you have a traumatic memory involving chairs?"

Cas actually shook his head.

"Sorry. That's stupid. It's not chairs. Sorry. Sorry Dean. Forget I said - anything. "

Dean gave Jimmy a peck on the cheek. "Nah. You're cute. Chairs are fine. Headboards? Could be a problem." 

"Headboards? Like the ugly purple padded thing on the bed right now?"

"No. That one's fine." Another headboard flashed through the back of his mind. One with metal shackles. Modern. Stainless steel. Like a fancy kitchen. 

Cas put a hand on Jimmy's shoulder. The two of them made a long second of eye contact.

"Oh." Jimmy said. 

Dean seemed to shrink into himself. Somehow the lacy undergarments were gone and he was in Sam's giant sweatshirt. He wriggled around, swathing himself in the red monstrosity. 

"Sam would enjoy knowing your unconscious mind considers that a garment of protection," said Cas.

“Yeah. It's from before his life went to hell.” 

"You should allow him to decide such things for himself."

"His girlfriend _died_." Then Dean said, quieter. "They were going to get married." 

He extricated himself from the two of them, enough to lie down. Enough to curl up under the trenchcoat and watch the lights move above him in this strange dark void. Cas lay down too, not quite touching, and reached out a hand for Jimmy.

"What's it like to be normal? Not going to trade the family I got for anything. But sometimes I wonder, you know?" Dean was still shaking. There was a long pause.

"I am sorry,” said Cas, finally. “This is not the time to talk to my vessel about his family. He is afraid if he speaks to you at this moment, he may start to cry. I gave him a few images of your time in Hell."

Dean made his body even tighter and smaller. The lights above him blurred. He blinked back most of the tears.

Jimmy was curled up into Cas' body, away from him. Cas reached into the tight unhappy mound, and tilted up his chin. Looked into Jimmy’s eyes, then let him curl back down - this time, with an arm around him. 

“He feels guilty and disrespectful for thinking that his advertising job was torture. This job being the primary reason he said yes to me, and left his family. "

"Cas. Stop.”

Cas did stop.

“I know you're trying to help, but it's not working." 

Dean climbed over to lie next to Jimmy. "Nine-to-five office jobs _are_ hell. That guy who zapped me to the nightmare future? He had me work in sales once. That stuff is soul crushing.” Dean snuggled closer. "But you know the worst part of Hell? The alone part. It's not always the flashy stuff that gets you." He pressed a kiss to Jimmy's forehead. "Wish Cas hadn't shown you that stuff. Too late now, I guess."

Jimmy uncurled slightly. There was something a little like wonder in his eyes. He made a series of small noises, like there were too many things he wanted to say all at once. But he smiled, kind of sad, and didn’t say any of them. 

"I wish I could've given you an orgasm. That's not a big thing. That doesn't seem like a crazy goal."

They were laying as close as they could be without actually touching. Dean lifted the edge of the trench coat in silent invitation. Jimmy could refuse, and that would be fine. It would be fine. It wasn’t like it would be the end of the world. But Jimmy tucked his head down, and closed his eyes. Twisted his hands together in a gesture like praying - and stayed away. Cas spooned tight around him, stroking his hair. Somehow in this pose, with their two faces stacked so close together, wearing only their skins, they looked even more like one person doubled than usual. 

“Forgive him,” said Cas. “My vessel needs a moment.”

Dean wrapped himself up even tighter in Jimmy's trench coat. Told himself Jimmy needed his space. Didn’t want Dean to touch him. Dean could understand that.

He wanted to hold Jimmy, provide some physical comfort, but at least Cas was still able to do that. The angel was rolling over his vessel like a wave, pinning him down, giving him all the skin contact possible. Staring into his eyes. 

Dean pulled the coat up so that it covered his head. It was childish. He did it anyway.

“My vessel would like you to touch us,” he heard Cas say.

"Can't." The shaking was back. "Can't fix this. Not that simple." He was okay. This could be okay. He could be okay. 

“You are children. Both of you,” Cas said, matter-of-fact. “You will not touch for fear of hurting one another, when you know that a touch would heal you.” He rolled into the well created by the two bodies, and wrapped one arm around Jimmy’s back, the other around Dean’s. Pulled them both to his chest, and held them there. Their breath rose, and then fell. 

But Dean still couldn’t talk.

Everything was moving slowly farther away.

What was he even doing here?

Cas turned his head to kiss Jimmy, pulling his hair to tilt his face up. There was fealty in that long kiss. Then turned to Dean. Cas' fingers plucked the coat away from his face. He ran a thumb over Dean's lips. "Do I kiss you, beloved?"

Dean gave an almost imperceptible nod, but would not look at Cas.

Cas bent down, and his kiss was light and chaste and _long,_ as though he were fully planning on kissing Dean forever.

And Dean found himself emerging gradually from his cocoon. A hand came a little lower on his back to support him. 

"Touch him, vessel."

Jimmy's hand came up and around to the back of his shoulder, and Dean felt like he could breathe a bit more easily. Pressing close to Cas, he tried to memorize this moment as best he could. Didn't dare ask for more.

"You could talk to my vessel, or you could kiss him."

Dean hid his face against Cas, but couldn't say anything. He wasn't sure how long he stayed there, still. And then Jimmy's fingers rubbed his shoulder. Dean's breath hitched, and he had to find his voice all over again.

"Please stay?" There it was. With one question, he handed them the ability to break him beyond recognition.

Jimmy muttered into Cas' skin. "I don't know what the hell I'm doing here. I really don't." Laughed. "Probably shouldn't have said 'Hell' right there. Insensitive – "

"Vessel. If you begin to apologize, we will be here until Death is our only company."

"Sorry, Castiel -"

Dean reached up to take Jimmy's hand from where it rested, and bring it to his lips, holding him close. He wasn't crying. But his breath still had that shudder. 

Jimmy squeezed his fingers. "Dean, I - I don't know _anything_. Not about BDSM, or PTSD, I only learned what all the letters in LGBT stood for like a month ago... "

"I just want you to hold me." It was too much to ask, he knew. "Please. That's all. Just... don't leave me. I don't want to wake up alone."

Dean’s chest felt tight with fear, and he looked at Jimmy. Trying to say with eyes what he couldn’t say with his words.

And slowly, Jimmy rolled Dean's shoulder back to look at him. "Dean..."

His lips were parted, and there was disbelief in every line of his face. " _Dean_ ," he said again.

“I don’t know how to do relationships. Sex and violence, that’s all I'm good at, and I can’t even seem to do that anymore. Now all I do is hurt people. And sooner or later, you’re going to realize I’m useless, and you’re going to want to leave. ”

"Dean Winchester, what is... is this…”

“Will you stay?”

“is this... are you… are you _proposing?_ "

"I don't know. Maybe?" he kept hold of Cas, a piece of cover to shield him from harm. "I just want...."

"You gotta know. I'm not some cool BDSM daddy. Or the light at the end of the tunnel. Or even all that good a person."

"I don't care." Dean was really starting to feel sick.

“You know who I am?" There was heat in Jimmy's voice now. "I'm the small town salesman who ran away with his secretary and left his wife and child behind. _That's_ who I am."

"I still want you." Dean had to fight to get each word out. "Please." Breathing at all was getting more difficult. He closed his eyes, but didn't let go of Jimmy's hand. “I’m not okay. I’ll never be okay. I just don’t want to be alone. I’m not asking for forever. You can leave tomorrow if you want. I just don’t want to be alone right now.”

He was begging now, just begging.

"Dammit Dean..." And Jimmy just launched himself across Cas' chest, and took him in his arms. "After enough time has passed that my wife is able to have me legally declared dead, I will take you to Arizona, or Connecticut, or somewhere else gay marriage is legal. And if you still want to marry me then - I will marry you."

Dean didn't say anything. Just took small, gasping breaths as he held on too tight. He was trembling, but not even Cas with all his strength could have pried him away from Jimmy. He made a strange sound, between laughter and tears. "I didn't mean to ask you to _marry me_ ." The sound was definitely laughter now. "I have no _clue_ what I'm doing. I was afraid to ask for a hug."

"Yeah, well, 'don't ever leave, I don't want to wake up alone' is definitely proposal talk."

Dean kissed him. It was messy. It was the kind of clumsy he’d been when he was a teenager. He only just managed not to knock their teeth together, but their noses weren't so lucky. Jimmy laughed, and rolled on top of Cas with him, kissing Dean back in just the same way.

"You mean it? Actually?" said Jimmy, between kisses. "You don't... you don't have to... decide right now. Someone's gonna... need to get me some fake identification anyway..."

"Marry me, you bastard." Dean laughed.

Jimmy slumped against him. And breathed like someone who had been holding his breath for a long time. 

Dean was struck by a sudden thought. "We have a literal angel here. We could probably get married right now.” He hadn't really thought that through. "That's stupid. Forget I said anything. I'm just happy. Sometimes I say stupid things."

Jimmy's eyes got big, and Dean could feel his heart rate pick up.

"We... could."

"It's not like it would be legally binding or anything. I was just thinking there's no way I can marry you both unless a whole lot of people get a lot more open-minded. Add in the whole angel thing? No way. I mean, Pastor Jim would've done it. It sucks that he's dead. You would have liked him. I’m saying, the only blessing I want from on high is Cas. Not sure how that works - if I'm marrying him too. Or I guess you guys are marrying me, since you already said yes to the whole vessel thing." Dean stopped short. "Crap. Sorry, man. I didn't mean it like that."

Cas rose up on his elbows to join them. "No. This is joyful." Dean pulled their angel into the embrace too. Very squished, and he didn’t care.

Cas briefly laid his hand on Dean's shoulder. And then turned to look at Jimmy. 

"Jimmy Novak. I am bound to you as I cannot be to any other being on Earth or Heaven. You have given me everything, and we will walk this world for eons together."

Jimmy bowed his head. "That used to scare me." 

Then he looked up, and found Cas' lips. Careful, light kissing. But Dean noticed Jimmy's hand pass over their angel’s shoulder blades, and his smile too big for his face. He was the chick who got too emotional at weddings and the stereotypical groom head over heels in love, both at once. 

And then Cas turned to him.

"Dean Winchester. You have given me a name. You have made me myself. I have remade you, and you have remade me. There is no vow I can give that I have not made before. There is nothing you would ask for I would not give you."

"If any other angel asks, I turn 'em down. You got here first."

"I did."

"I know your family kinda sucks, and mine’s weird too, but I want to keep you around if you want to stay? I gave you a nickname, but if they ever make it legal, could I give you a last name to go with it?"

The pupils in Cas' eyes got big and dark. 

"You already have Jimmy's. Since you'll have the same fake ID. "

Jimmy and Cas' eyes flicked to each other.

Then Cas leaned forward and kissed Dean once, firmly.

The "till death do us part" remained unspoken. For now, it could wait. Cas and Jimmy would have each other when the whole mortality thing caught up with him, but he could make the most of the time they had. Besides, the world was ending. They might all die. Or cease to exist, as Cas put it. But Dean... wasn't in a hurry to leave. The plan was seeing this thing through to the end.

Jimmy took his hands. Looked down at them. Dean could only see his eyelashes, but he suddenly seemed very shy. "For better, for worse," he murmured.

Glanced up at Dean for a reaction.

"I don't really know this stuff,” Dean admitted. “Don't go to many weddings. But I do know I'm supposed to kiss you."

"You are supposed to kiss me. And... you're supposed to do a whole lot more than that."

Dean did kiss Jimmy then, but held back. "I'm sorry."

"Why?"

"I'm screwed up. You know that. You saw some of it."

"Yeah. I know. I saw." Jimmy moved in, and slid his cheek against Dean's.

The closeness was so nice, and Dean hated to say anything to ruin it. So for a long minute, he didn't. But he couldn’t let Jimmy sign up for this saying nothing. "I'm no good at talking about things, unless something’s making me."

Jimmy pulled away. "You know, maybe it’s for the best. I'm not... it's not... you know, without Cas in the middle. Might be a bridge too far.”

"I don't sleep much anymore." Dean chose his words carefully. "Four hours every couple of days. Maybe."

"You do realize sleep is the one way your body and your mind can heal,” said Cas. 

"Yeah, but since I came back from Hell, I can't sleep unless I get shitfaced first." He was regretting saying anything. He’d been thrown a life preserver, and now just had to go and mess that up. 

"You're resting now. Seems like Cas is pretty good at putting you to sleep."

"That's – the problem is the dreams." 

"Nightmares," said Jimmy. "You must get nightmares."

Dean shook his head. Jimmy didn’t deserve to hear this.

"Worse than nightmares?"

"Sex dreams. From Hell."

Jimmy took a pause. Then, softly - "Is the problem that they're not nightmares?"

Dean looked away. He started to speak, changed his mind, and pulled Jimmy to him instead. His kiss was a timid thing. Jimmy followed his lead, until he gently broke away. "I mean… no one controls their dreams, right? It's not like I would... blame you for them? You want to wake up next to me. You could wake up next to me in the morning, middle of the night. Same thing. I'd hold you through a nightmare, and I'd hold you through a not-nightmare that's worse."

"I have wet dreams about Hell. How are you not disgusted by that? After all the shit you've seen, and whatever Cas showed you? Why do you still want me?"

Jimmy tilted his head, and looked at him.

"Because you're beautiful? And you're brave. You make me brave. I'm not actually, I'm actually kind of a coward. You're the only guy I might actually see myself trusting enough... to let him make love to me."

“That's the thing. Most of the time, my dick is dead to the world while I'm awake. That I can live with. But this? It’s so much worse. I thought I could - I was making some new memories to block out the old ones. Had that _genius_ idea after I called you Daddy. That sick demon _fuck_ taught me to like it, and I guess some people are into it and that’s cool, but I wasn't. I'm _not_. But I was with him for ten years. _I called you an ex's name during sex_. I screwed it up, and it didn’t even work. I _used_ you, Jimmy. And I _kept on_ doing it because it felt nice when you called me kitten, while I was dressed like that." 

"I, ah. Like the lace. And I like calling you kitten. But, um. Claire. Would call me -" Jimmy couldn't quite make himself say it.

Dean was _mortified._ "Jimmy. God, I didn't even think - let’s say I was talking about Cas. Since now I know you’re not really into the whole dom thing.” 

"Sure. Cas can be Daddy. He's who I thought you meant anyway."

And since Dean was being so honest, might as well come clean about the rest.

"I think maybe we should start slower? Make out maybe, and see where that goes? Most of this stuff - I mean, sure sex is nice, really nice, but it's the part where you stay afterwards that's important.” Dean abruptly stopped talking as he ran back through their conversation. "Wait. Did you just say what I think you said?"

Jimmy was still processing. "I don’t know?"

"Say the part about trusting me again?"

Jimmy blushed. His eyes flicked around the void they were in, but couldn’t find anything to look at. He looked at Cas. Cas shook his head. Jimmy turned to Dean, but seemed to have decided to talk to his ear.

"You've... been having sex with Cas. There’s a difference. He can do all sorts of fun things with muscles and um. Arousal. When he's controlling the body. And I'm not in control of the movements, or the - anything. Obviously."

Dean pulled Cas into a kiss that would scandalize a succubus. " _Thank you_ for taking care of him like that," he said against Cas’ lips.

Cas tilted his head to one side. "It was what he asked for."

Dean turned his attention back to Jimmy with an equally intense kiss. “Thank _you_ for taking care of _me_."

"I sure tried."

"Dude. You made me cry you were so gentle. You're fantastic. And someday I'm going to want to do it for real. Maybe not soon, but we can work up to it."

Even under all the compliments, Jimmy looked uncomfortable. "Kind of a thing, right? Bottoming?" He looked like he wasn’t sure he had the right word. "Lots of things that can go wrong."

"Like if I have a flashback and break your nose.”

"Cas could heal my nose, it'd be fine."

"Wait. I don't want to punch you in the face? That’s not sexy. Also, who is doing what in this picture? Because I love your fingers and I bet they feel even better in real life. But I already know your ass feels amazing."

Maybe it was a bit crude, but you know, Dean wasn't exactly known for putting things delicately.

Jimmy blushed for a second, happily - then did a nervous clenching thing with his fingers. "It’s, ah. It’s not _my_ ass. Cas can just relax those muscles. I'd have to do it the old fashioned way and I'm not sure if that would work for me, or work enough to feel good for anybody, because... I don't want it to be because I'm too, you know, midwestern. But there's something about being so - pain is scary - and maybe I'd do it wrong, or be a wimp, and there'd be, I don't know, blood. I don't like blood. I'm not very - aware - when Cas fights and - "

"Hey. Listen?" Dean put a hand to either side of Jimmy's face.

Jimmy took a deep breath, and nodded. 

"First thing. It's your ass too, and it’s a damn fine ass and you should be proud of it. Cas is an assless being without you."

That made Jimmy smile.

"And if you never want to, that's okay. I never want you to do something just because you think it will make me happy. And yeah, of course pain sucks. So we'd make sure that didn't happen. I'd go slow, and if it wasn't working, or you didn't like it, or you changed your mind, we'd do something else. I mean, have you seen your thighs? They're gorgeous.”

Jimmy closed his eyes. "See. How do you make it sound so sexy? And so... not a big deal."

"I know what I'm doing, and I care about doing it right. And sure it’s a big deal." Dean kissed Jimmy on the forehead. "Even bigger deal because it's you, and you're a big deal to me."

"I think about it,” said Jimmy. “I think about you - making love to me. I... I've gotten off to it." He went hot and red, and changed the subject. "I'm still kind of amazed that I was even able to - open you up like that. Even in a dream."

"I love knowing you’ve got fantasies about me. It's okay if they stay that way. But I'd love to love you, baby."

Jimmy smiled a sunny, true smile. "Yeah?"

"It'd be me and Cas inside you at the same time. What's not to love?"

Jimmy giggled. "I think I had in my head like an intimidating sexy badass? And you're not an intimidating sexy badass, no offense. It's _you_. Of course you'd be making dumb jokes like that the whole time."

Dean grinned, "Nice to know I found a guy who appreciates the finer things in life." The eyebrow waggle was unforgivably camp. But Jimmy moved a hand across his temple, and into his hair.

"I do."

Dean couldn't help just gazing at this man. "I am going to take such good care of you, baby. Maybe some time I’ll do an intimidating sexy badass thing if you'd like that, but not this time. This time, I want to get to know your body and what you like. I want to make love to you." He kept his voice low and seductive, and was really enjoying the effect it was having on Jimmy. But he wasn't ready to wake up yet.

"We’ll talk more about all this when we're awake and I’m not worrying about random thoughts showing up and ruining the fun. But first..." 

He felt a little stupid even saying this.

"Could we maybe just... cuddle for a bit? All three of us?"

He'd gone from seductive to self-conscious way faster than he would have liked. But at least Jimmy knew he was only pretending to be a badass most of the time. And seemed to like him anyway.

Jimmy had tucked his head under Deans chin. Reached out a hand, and when Cas took it, yanked him closer. Dean felt breath against his neck as Cas lay warm against his back, warm fingers drawing little patterns against his skin.

Dean closed his eyes. Couldn’t speak for a minute.

"Don't take this the wrong way. But I miss having both you guys in the same body. This has its advantages," Dean snuggled back into Cas, "but it's not the same.” Snuggling was a pretty generous description for what he was doing. It leaned towards cuddling, but... suggestive cuddling. Dean kissed Jimmy's hair and whispered, as if Cas weren't right there, "Feel like this all the time? Like he's got you in this nice warm hug?"

"It's like looking at the night sky. Actually. No. It's like walking in a really old building. And it's there, and beautiful, and it’s going to keep on being there. You feel small, like you don't matter that much. But that feels good. Like you don't have to worry. Like it'll just soak up whatever you’ve got. It's seen so much worse."

Dean covered Cas' hand, where it rested at his waist.

"But—” Jimmy continued. “It knows you. It knows every stupid and mean and lazy thing about you. Every dumb or wrong thing you think. You can't hide, and that's scary. But then it... loves you."

Dean could feel Cas smile against his neck.

"Sounds awesome." That smile was contagious. "Nice to feel small sometimes. Let someone else take over for a bit.”

"Not at first," Jimmy reached down, and laid a hand over Cas' wrist.

"Like being chained to a comet." That wasn’t the kind of description you forgot.

"Yeah," said Jimmy.

"But things are better now."

"I changed. But mostly Cas. And..."

"I’m sorry I stabbed you. And shot you. I didn't recognize you. And it was technically Cas."

"Oh come on. You have been nothing but good luck since day one. I just, uh." Jimmy squirmed against Dean's chest a little. "I don't want to make being an angelic vessel sound too great. You might - get ideas."

"If there were a way we could share Cas, I'd say yes to that in a second. Doesn't seem like there is. So we get to share you instead."

Jimmy softly kissed Dean's throat.

"Did I ever tell you how he tried to say hello?" Dean felt Jimmy shake his head. He grinned. It wasn't every day he got to tell embarrassing stories about an angel. First he looked at Cas, to check.

"You good with me sharing this?"

Cas took the opportunity to steal a kiss. "Tell him."

"Right. So this dork. This dork who we're both so in love with. Was _convinced_ I'd be able to understand him because I'm special or something."

Jimmy giggled. "He would. He _really_ does think you're all that and a bag of chips."

"Not sure if it’s because of that Righteous Man prophecy or if it’s like... the angel version of a valet doing doughnuts in a fancy car or what."

Cas kind of huffed. "We don't _trade_ vessels."

"Good." Dean kissed Jimmy again. "Anyway, I'm having a really crap day. I wake up in a coffin, and by the time I dig my way out the sun is right on top of me. I'm gross, sweaty, covered in dirt, trying to figure out what's happening. I figure something hinky is going on, because they were supposed to have salted and burned my corpse."

Jimmy actually started laughing. "Oh my - _Cas._ He didn't - you _really_ just didn't know what was going on with physical bodies, did you?"

"Not even a note or a glass of water. Had dirt in my eye for miles. Walked, until I found this old abandoned gas station."

Jimmy pulled himself up to make eye contact with Cas. "All that work, and didn't think about him physically manifesting?"

"Maybe he just couldn't find me. They put me in the middle of friggin’ nowhere."

"Nope. He's thinking about Tibetan sky burials now and how they're clearly superior. I think he _failed to consider_ that he should look for you under the ground."

"Hey, I’m with you. But I'm not even at the good part yet." It was all Dean could do not to skip straight to the punch line.

"There's two cars out front but I guess the people just walked away? Never saw anybody. The place is locked of course, so before I can get a drink of water I have to punch out a window. I just spent forty years in Hell, but the newspaper's saying it's only been a couple months. And I know for a fact I got torn to ribbons by some hell hounds, but somehow I'm fine when I look in the mirror? The only difference is I’ve got this handprint that I definitely didn't have before. Like... next time, just give a guy your number, Cas." Dean was quick to correct himself, "Or don't. We're getting married after all."

Jimmy lined up his hand with the red brand across Dean's shoulder. “Still weird to think that somehow I did that.”

Dean had to agree. He didn't want to think about Jimmy anywhere near Hell. But he was almost to the good bit of the story, and didn't want to get distracted.

"So I'm helping myself to what's in the store and the cash register when the TV turns on. It's just a bunch of static, but it's an old TV, so that’s weird, but not-spooky weird. Then the _radio_ turns on, and the TV gets louder and I think I got raised by some freaky-ass tech-necromancer or something."

“Wouldn’t totally put it past Sam.”

"Honestly? Me neither. Not anymore. So, I do what any sensible person does and go for the salt." Dean had to laugh, "Then _Cas_ shows up. Blows all the windows in on me. I think he just wanted to say hi, but got kind of excited."

Jimmy leaned over Dean to bury himself in Cas’ shoulder, laughing.

"And it was _just_ the store. The payphone was fine!"

“I’m sure it was really scary and all, but thinking about Castiel knocking in windows...”

"He tried it _twice_ "

“No!”

"I was in a hotel the second time! With a mirrored ceiling!"

“Oooh sexy.” But Jimmy was back on track. “Cas. They still had _phones_ in 1901. That’s the last time he had a vessel on earth,” he said, as clarification.

“They were very few telephones," said Cas, primly. “Radio waves were standard procedure. At least I did not try to communicate with portents.”

"When he _does_ finally say hello, he makes a point to draw my attention to the sexy new vessel he’s got like a girl showing off a new dress. Oh, this is after he’s blown out all the lightbulbs. Not even blinking." Dean was taking some artistic license. “Guess what he said instead of 'hello’?"

"I guess in my head his opener was always going to be 'Hello, Dean.'"

"Cas said." And Dean had to stop, he was laughing so hard. He eventually managed a perfectly neutral expression. "'I'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from Perdition.'" He couldn’t quite manage to keep a straight face the whole way through, and ended in laughter and a kiss, both directed towards Cas. 

As Jimmy buried his head in Dean's neck to stifle his giggles, Castiel kissed Dean deep and slow.

"Tell him how you answered," he said, lips almost touching.

"I stabbed him."

Jimmy was now practically crying."You're _idiots_. You're _idiots_ , both of you, and I love you so much."

He surged up to kiss Dean, reaching behind him for Cas. Their fingers twined together, Jimmy’s and Cas,' as they kissed him, Cas’ lips along his hairline, and Jimmy across the soft skin of his jaw.

There was a moment of vertigo, as the entire world seemed to shift and then snap, and plunge into complete darkness. And it took Dean longer than it should have to figure out he was lying in bed, awake

  
  



	6. Not Waking Up Alone

Dean stretched but didn't open his eyes. He recognized the shape of the man sleeping next to him. “Just had the best dream. Felt real." He turned over, began to kiss down Jimmy's chest. "It could be. If you want." The body under the blankets shifted, and Dean felt a heavy hand on the back of his head.

"It is good to feel him within again."

"Oh, hey Cas." Dean stopped what he was doing, left one last kiss on Jimmy's skin before flopping on his back. "Jimmy still asleep? Or he awake in there and just shy?"

Castiel just smiled. "He is awake."

"Think we should do this more often." Dean was really appreciating the view. "You look sexier like this. Together. It's hot."

Cas smiled his mysterious smile again. "I wanted you both at once."

"Don’t know if you want that to sound dirty or not, but I'm into it. But first we need a shower. Trust me, they're a lot better now than whatever you had in 1901."

"It is strange that a shower can be both literally clean and metaphorically dirty."

"Oh, you're _cute._ " Dean couldn't believe his luck. "Come on. I’ll show you."

He slipped out of bed, giving Cas' ass a playful squeeze. Cas caught the hem of the oversized sweatshirt, dragged it over his head, and Dean freed himself with a laugh before darting out of reach.

"Dean, do you feel it when I lay my larger self along your skin? Do you feel warmth?"

Oh. This was going to be one of those conversations. Okay. Dean climbed back onto the bed, and onto Cas so he was sort of straddling his lap. "Wish I could, babe. I like knowing you do it. You know it’s really sexy. But I can't feel you."

Cas pressed Dean tight to his chest, as tight as he could go. "Then I shall have to work harder to keep you warm." 

"Yeah," Dean moved to get out of bed again, "We should -"

Cas scooped Dean up in his arms, and the bathroom door just popped open. 

Turned out they had a pretty decent shower in there, and it turned on before they technically reached it. Cas had to put Dean down so he could stick his hand into the spray. "If my vessel would stop pleasuring himself for just one moment and _tell_ me when the temperature is correct..."

"I _knew_ there was something going on! Jimmy, you sly dog! You said you weren't having any 'people sex' with Cas. That means you figured out some way to have _angel_ sex with him!"

"He goes deeper than usual." And now Dean was paying attention, it was _very_ obvious that Cas’ breathing was slower, his eyelids lower, his shoulders rolled back.

"He's fucking you right now!" Oh man, this was just too good. "He _is_ , isn't he? Don't get me wrong, I love this for you two. Only wish I'd figured it out sooner. Wouldn’t have worried so much about corrupting you. Not the angelic virgin, but you don’t see me complaining."

Cas moved in and out of the spray, letting the water pressure hit his shoulders. He extended a hand to Dean, who took it - still distracted by the idea that Jimmy had discovered some way of having sex that was literally impossible for him to comprehend. He felt strangely proud. "Jimmy figure that out on his own?" He needed details. It wasn't voyeuristic if they were his lovers. Not in like, a bad way.

"My vessel is fascinated by the ways angels give pleasure. But he is smaller than any angel, so he has learned to navigate and – there are corners only he can touch. Small deep places."

"Kinky." Dean felt possessive. "You know I’d do that if I could, Cas. I love knowing I get to make love to both of you. Again." 

Cas seemed to just want to run his hands over Dean's skin. "Every day, and for the rest of your life." 

Dean chose to ignore that, because it started to get overwhelming if he thought about it too long. 

"So. What's the plan? I had an idea, but I don't want to throw too much at Jimmy too fast. It's just - you kinda forgot he needed food and I'm pretty sure one of the few things the kitchen _does_ have is plastic wrap... and you have a gorgeous ass, and I've never done it before, and I've always wanted to. But if it's too weird... there’s other stuff..."

Cas crinkled his eyebrows. "I was going to touch your skin while my vessel becomes familiar with my body again, until I knew you both felt safe and loved and warm. But there is something appealing about you working together to touch my body in forbidden ways."

"Cas, I can't make sense of that."

"When have I ever said something was ‘too weird?’"

“No, it’s not - pretty sure _you'd_ be into it. It’s more... human taboos and stuff?"

"Ask him, when he is done with me."

Cas threw his head back into the water, and pulled Dean towards him, hands cupping his ass. Just held him there. And then Dean felt the body in his arms shudder. Cas' head dropped to his shoulder. A long few seconds, where all he heard was water hitting tile.

"Hey babe." Dean shifted to support more of their weight. He was never 100% sure when they switched, but didn’t want to let them know that. 

"Hey." Jimmy's voice, and Jimmy's goofy, pleased smile. 

"Missed you.”

Jimmy just hugged him. "I'd say sorry, but that was very worth it. Anyway, you know I can't stay away for long."

Dean hadn’t known that. It was a good thing to know. "I mean, Cas is great,” he said. “But he's not the one I was expecting to wake up to.”

“Thanks for remembering the shower.”

"’Course. Promised to take care of you, didn't I?"

"'Take care of me of me,' huh? Interesting. What did you have in mind?"

"You said you got off thinking about me making love to you. Want to fill in the details?" Dean leaned Jimmy against the shower wall, and watched him blush. His ears blushed. His neck blushed. 

"... I, uh. Didn't know you as well then."

Dean was careful to balance his weight so he could keep them from falling if Jimmy slipped. If that meant he had to slip his leg between Jimmy's thighs, well. That was just an added bonus.

"Come on. What’d you think I’d be like?"

Jimmy's breath hitched, and he touched Dean's bicep. "I… I thought about how it would feel to have someone stronger than me holding me down. Couldn't stop thinking about your arms."

"Liking the sound of things so far."

Jimmy scrunched up his face. "I gave you some pretty bad dialog. 'Bet you've never had someone give you their nice fat cock before, huh pretty boy?' That kind of stuff. Also you were wearing the leather jacket."

"Hey, if it makes you feel better, I've said worse. And had sex in costumes. Who hasn't?"

“ _Costumes?_ "

"I mean... I have a perfectly good priest disguise."

Jimmy looked scandalized.

“You asked."

"I was thinking more like sexy cop! Or French maid."

"Blame Ewan McGregor in _Angels and Demons_."

Jimmy glanced up. "I think I saw _The Da Vinci Code_?"

"I only saw the sequel, and I saw it because of sexy priest Obi-wan."

"He's ah. A very attractive. Actor. Really good in _Down With Love_." Jimmy shook his head. "Sidetracked. Sorry. The real fantasy, the actual fantasy, was uh, you know. You getting your… fingers in me, and getting me... more and more open..."

Dean's hands were straying down Jimmy’s hips. His touch was light and teasing, not lingering long in any one place. Unhurried. 

"I thought you'd be bigger than me,” whispered Jimmy. “Turns out I was right - but I liked that idea. You know. _Almost_ too much. And somehow you'd magically know what almost too much was, and I'd only be able to think of your cock."

"Did you touch yourself?" Dean slid to his knees. Careful not to lose balance.

Jimmy nodded. His wide eyes followed Dean.

Eyes closed so he didn’t get water in them, Dean found his way to Jimmy's cock by kissing along his thighs. He was _so responsive._ Every single kiss he laid along the soft skin dragged a new cry out of him, and every one sounded surprised. Dean brought a hand up to caress the area just behind Jimmy's balls. Just getting a feel for things, figuring out the lay of the land. The shower was not the place for this to go much further.

"I meant did you _touch_ yourself. No wrong answer. Just like to know what I'm working with. Experience-wise"

"Um." Jimmy was already breathing kind of hard. "Don't think I understand the question?”

"Did you finger yourself and imagine it was me? I'm betting no, but you were so good to me earlier. Like you knew what you were doing. So either you've done it before, or you've thought about it a lot."

Jimmy shook his head. "Didn't do that. Thought about it. Chickened out. Thought - don't know what I thought."

Dean let go and stood back up, to hold Jimmy. "Good. I want to do this right. Anything you definitely don't want me to do? Other than anything painful, obviously. Because I was talking to Cas and well... you're right. He _doesn't_ remember humans have to eat.” Dean put a hand to Jimmy’s cheek. “Your facial hair doesn't even grow. And I really like using my mouth on you so I thought... I'm sure they have some plastic wrap or something around here somewhere. And Cas can teleport and stuff so..."

This was too much. Dean regretted it already. "You know, never mind. Sorry. You're just really hot. Makes it hard to think straight."

"No, it's. Walk me through it? Don't even know enough about this stuff to say, ‘this that and the other thing, not my thing.’" 

“Do you know what rimming is?" No, of course Jimmy didn’t know what rimming was. How to put this delicately. "It's like eating a girl out, but... further back. Which is why I'm mentioning it... in the shower."

Jimmy thought about it. It clicked.

"You don't have to say yes,” said Dean. “You think it's gross and weird, that's fine. I just want you to feel good. I've never done it before but I seriously love your ass."

Jimmy's eyes got even wider.

"I might have gotten off to the idea." Dean had been thinking about Cas at the time, but close enough. Same ass. "It's okay if it stays just another fantasy."

Jimmy ran hands over Dean's shoulders, thinking, grounding himself. "Well. You like using your mouth, and you like my ass. And I haven't eaten anything for probably a month or so.”

"That’s what I thought. Otherwise, might not have said."

"Don't see why I wouldn't, give it a shot."

Dean pulled him into a kiss, and Jimmy fell into his arms. And once the relieved, grateful, exhale of a kiss was over - “Cas likes this idea."

"He’s an angel. Literal, figurative. Cas, I love you so much and not just because you're great at sex."

"He knows. Smug bastard. Don't know what it is, but he _really_ likes watching us play together."

“Probably taking notes for later. But I wouldn’t blame him if watching kinda did it for him. If I could watch you and him together, I know where I would have been ten minutes ago. “

Jimmy’s eyes flicked so Dean could only see the lashes. “Told you about that, huh?”

“Oh yeah.” In this moment, Jimmy was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. "I love you both. Of course I love the thought of you together."

Jimmy shifted his weight from foot to foot. 

"I can't touch him,” said Dean. “But you can. And you do."

"... you're being all romantic."

"I know, it's just... " Dean suddenly felt like an awkward teen all over again.

"No, it's good! Just makes it feel really real, is all. I guess,” said Jimmy.

Dean still couldn't meet his eyes. He had a point. It suddenly _was_ too real. Not bad, but - just a lot more than he ever expected. Jimmy wasn't a dream. This wasn't some djinn-vision, or alternate future, or weird hallucination. Jimmy was real. So was Cas.

"I want to say it for real, on purpose this time."

Any second now. 

Hopefully.

Maybe the shower wasn't the best place to do it. Dean felt light headed. And a lot less sure of himself now that he wasn't dreaming.

"Marry me someday?" 

Jimmy took a second to just smile. "Better believe it, Dean Winchester."

Dean's smile was almost sad. He nodded. "Okay. Wanted to make sure. Thought maybe I dreamed it." 

Jimmy reached up to touch his face. "You okay?"

"Never better." And he meant it. He meant it so damn much. His dad had never broken in Hell. And now maybe Dean knew why. 

"Not getting cold feet?"

"You know my life isn't exactly normal, right? I can't give you that."

Jimmy did an exaggerated look around the badly lit time-share bathroom. "Amazingly, I am aware that you and your brother are traveling demon hunters trying to stop the apocalypse. Which I guess makes me... also that." He smoothed a thumb over Dean's lips. "Don't worry. I signed up with Cas way before I met you. If you want to talk about not exactly normal."

"I don't even know what normal looks like."

"I am, ah. I am going to have to tell my wife, though. So I can get divorce papers or a death certificate. Whatever's easiest."

That brought Dean back to himself real quick. "Yeah. Of course. We don't even have to actually get married if you don't want. If she wanted to stay married to you on paper because taxes."

"Actually, I think being a single-income household gives Amelia some more breaks. And I – I mean it would just be stupid to go anywhere near Claire now, too many people on the lookout to kill Cas. But you know. Things could change.”

"We'll get you back to her safe." Dean wasn't sure how. But they'd figure it out. 

“I said I wanted to marry you,” Jimmy said. “As legal as I can make it. I meant it."

"Well. I think I’m legally dead, so good luck with that."

"You know I didn't actually know that, but I'm not surprised?"

"I'm also wanted for multiple homicides. That's harder to fix. I've been hunted by the FBI. Haunted by the FBI, even. I think that's the last time I died on paper? But I’ll figure something out." Thank god Sam studied law. "What music do you like? Name a musician."

Jimmy squinted. "Ah. Phill Collins? Billy Joel?"

“First fake last name should be something you like. Hey, maybe with you around everyone will finally stop thinking that me and Sam are married."

Jimmy's eyes got big. "Sam! We need to give him this address."

“ _Right._ Yeah. I'll... do that, while you finish up in there." It was only right to give a man some privacy for some things.

Dean walked out into the bedroom, and half expected to see Cas out there. He hadn't thought he'd gotten so used to them having separate bodies. He found his clothes and his phone, made his way down the stairs and past the crappy sofas and weird exhibitionist window setup. At least he didn't have to worry about any concerned neighbors. Nobody liked whoever lived here. It would have been nice if there was a street sign right next to the house. There wasn't. Dean was starting to regret his choice of no shoes by the time he finally did find one. He looked both ways down the street. No one was watching. And he already looked suspicious as hell, so he sat down on the curb and dialed Sam. 

As the phone rang, he listened to the trees move and looked at the way puddles formed in the uneven dips of the road, here in this weird little street on the outskirts of Kansas City. 

Sam picked up on the fourth ring.

"Dean?"

Dean rattled off the address while peeling a leaf off the bottom of his foot.

"Right," said Sam. "I'll be there in... a few hours. There's nothing now, because it's four thirty in the morning. But commuter traffic will hit Kansas City at around eight.”

"No rush. Just realized we forgot to tell you. _Jimmy_ realized." Dean paused. Should he tell Sam? Was it better to get it out of the way now, before they were all stuck in a car together?

He’d paused too long. Sam had to know something was up. 

"Are you okay?" Right on cue.

"Yeah. Of course. When have I ever not been okay?" Woops. Wrong thing to say. "I'm okay. The okay-est. I'm, ah... Sam. I’m getting married. Not right now, obviously. Later. Eventually. I think."

Another, longer pause. 

"And you've got this person you’ll eventually marry picked out? _"_

"I asked him to stay. He said _yes._ Yes as in _forever_. I just meant the night. I'm not crazy. I know no one wants this."

"You asked Castiel to marry you.” Dean didn't have to see Sam's face to know he was smiling. “I cannot _believe_ you asked Castiel to marry you!”

"I asked Jimmy. Cas said yes too. He's a great guy, Sam."

Sam laughed. " _Jimmy_. I thought so. Smart, too.”

"Can't be too smart. He did agree to marry me." But Dean was grinning. "Don't tell Bobby yet."

"You think I'm going to explain this to Bobby when I don't have to?"

"Don't think he's even _met_ Jimmy."

"Like I said..."

"I'm pretty sure in Cas’ head we’re already married. But Jimmy wants to update the fake papers to include marriage stuff."

"Well he’s too good for you. So you should definitely put a ring on it."

"I want to do right by him." Dean paused. "But there's a problem. He says it feels weird to be fake-married while he's still real-married. And I won't let him fake his death. I'm not doing that to the kid.”

A short pause on Sam’s end. "So I guess that means I'm showing up in... where's he from? Illinois? Showing up in Illinois wearing the Fed suit and serving divorce papers?"

"No - look, I don't know. We're figuring this out. It's up to him. And whatever we do, we wait until we know it’s safe. I promised I'd get him back to Claire alive, and I meant it."

"His daughter?"

"She can hate me for being the guy who took her dad away, that’s fine. I just don't want her to hate her dad."

"If I get one of your aliases married to his real name, and I absolutely intend to, then she’ll be your daughter too."

"Only if she wants to be." For a second, Dean got quiet. "I _hope_ so. Even if she never talks to me. I'll still bail her out of jail or whatever normal parents do. I figure they don't just impersonate cops like Dad."

"You're serious about this. Like, you're really serious about this."

"She's his kid. Of course I'm serious."

"No, I know you're serious about kids, you're always serious about kids. I mean, you're serious about getting married. You're serious about this guy."

"Yeah. I am. I'm getting old, Sammy. I know it doesn't seem like it, but I was in Hell a long-ass time. I'm tired of being alone, and he doesn't care that I'm damaged goods. I love him. So does Cas."

"In France they'll let you marry a dead person if they're a soldier killed in action. Not sure if that'll help you with Cas."

"Cas is fine. Pretty sure he likes the idea of taking my last name though. Maybe a fake ID? Or a passport, that would be classy. I know, a bunch of passports! Like the Bourne movies!"

"Dean, a good fake passport is _expensive_ , how many times do I have to tell you?"

"Okay. Just one then."

"One fake passport. As many fake driver’s licenses as you want.”

“You’re the best.”

"Yeah, yeah. I'll see you soon."

"Seriously, don’t kill yourself getting over here. This place is mostly crap but it has a really nice bed. If you wanted to finish up the case you're on, take a detour, we could stay another night."

"No - I get it. I got it the first time. No more hinting. _Please_ no more hinting."

"I wasn't. Honest. I just meant that it's a really nice bed. I actually got some sleep."

"Some mattress."

Dean was quiet for a minute. "I think Bobby’s going to like being sort of a grandparent. Dad would have."

"Hey Dean?” said Sam. “I meant what I said about not letting you mess this up. I know the situation is complicated, but I've got most of a law degree and I'm decent at credit card fraud. I'm going to get you a wedding, and I'm going to be your best man. We'll figure it out from there."

"If you even think about spray painting Baby to say 'Just Married' you are _dead_ to me.”

"Tin cans?"

" _No._ "

But that did give him an idea.

“Hey, do you think it'd make the kid feel better if she keyed my car? Cause I'd let her take a baseball bat to the thing if it'd help. It'd have to seem like your idea though.

"Did I just hear you say that?"

"Baby's just a car. Claire was an actual baby. Jimmy held her in his arms and... they're family. I'm pretty sure he'd do anything for her."

“Can't wait to meet her properly."

"You met her that one time the guy her mom was sleeping with had a knife to her throat? I stabbed him, but the demon had hopped into her mom by then. And then you tore out a guy's throat with your teeth? We did save her mom though. That has to count for something."

"Somehow I don't think I got a great sense of who she is as a person under those circumstances."

"I'm trying not to freak out like Dad did.” 

"That's where Jimmy comes in, right?" 

"He’s a civilian. He's worried about divorce and taxes and I'm just afraid they'll get possessed or _eaten_." Dean looked up into the dark, quiet night as the reality of it all sank in. "I don't know how Dad ever let us out of his sight."

"We’ll get Bobby to put a watch on them. Any hunter who's in the area can swing by, make sure everything looks normal. I can keep a tab on the mom's credit card purchases, make sure nothing changes."

"Do me a favor? When I hang up, call Bobby. Don't tell him anything. Just say hi. Let him know we're talking to each other again. He's probably worried."

"Yeah. I can do that."

"See you later. Stay away from religious types. They're spies now."

"Always do. Get back to your fiancé.”

"Holy crud, I have a fiancé!" Somehow Dean hadn't quite put that one together yet. "I have _two_ fiancés!"

He shut the phone and darted back into the house, up the stairs, shedding clothes along the way. Left his pants on the banister separating the not-really-a-bedroom from the rest of the house, and headed to the bathroom to wash his hands and maybe his feet. He really regretted the no-shoes thing. "I have a fiancé and it's you!" Dean announced to the world, but mostly the part of the world occupied by Jimmy and Cas.

"In here," said Jimmy's voice, coming from the bedroom.

"Be right there. Sorry, just a sec." Dean looked around. He'd already used most of the towels when he barricaded himself in the bathroom earlier. But he found a clean one. "I stepped in a puddle."

Jimmy was lying on the bed, against the pillows, one arm bent behind his head. Knees were off to one side, but Dean could see absolutely everything, and he wrenched his eyes back to Jimmy's face, the bedhead and full lips and bright blue eyes. 

"Dr. Sexy's got nothin' on you. And you don't even have cowboy boots."

Jimmy beamed. "Might've worn them if I had them."

"You'd look good in them. Pretty sure you look good in most things. Even that trench coat. But you look damn fine naked too."

"Pretty easy on the eyes yourself."

Dean put the cellphone on the bedside table again. "Sam knows." 

"And?"

"And he’s not going to let me mess this up."

"Did he say he'd come after me with a shotgun if I break your heart?"

"No. You're family now. If anything happened to you, we’d salt and burn you properly. You want to leave? You can leave. But you're not allowed to die. If I could swing a Tibetan sky burial, I'd do that if Cas wanted, but I'm not hunting something wearing your face."

"Hey..." Jimmy tucked his knees under him as he sat up. "I've got Cas, and now Sam it sounds like. I’ve got you. I’m safe.”

He reached out, and got a hand on Dean’s chest. 

"The way I feel about you…” said Jimmy. “This is new."

This felt important, but Dean didn't want to jump to conclusions. "I don't want to say the wrong thing here,” he said, as he climbed into bed.

“You're not going to. I know you want me. Know you - love me."

Dean started to let his hands explore the body in front of him, but didn't stray below the belt just yet. Jimmy closed his eyes and leaned into the touch. "Love that you've got calluses."

"I am going to get so good at giving back massages now that I know what it does to you." Dean followed the lines of muscle along Jimmy's chest and shoulders, felt him shiver, not straying back enough for things to get too interesting. "Relax. Even your shoulders are tense."

Jimmy nodded, and began to purposefully slow down his breathing.

"Lay down?" said Dean. Just a question. Not a command, or even a request.

"Yes. Okay. Yes." Jimmy stopped touching Dean and lay back, losing some of that calm breathing.

"You set the pace here. Right now, I figure we start with making out and just enjoy that. Sound good?"

"Sorry I'm kind of..." Jimmy made a sort of wavy hand motion. Dean had no idea what it meant.

"I'll wait. It's okay." Dean kept running his hands over Jimmy's body, mesmerized by his hands as he kissed his wrist, right on the pulse point. "You're nervous."

"Got that from my heartbeat?"

Dean didn't need to take his pulse to know that. "Your pulse just told me you're alive and have a normal heart rate. It's okay if you don't want to do this."

"Don't know why I'm nervous. Shouldn't be. I know you." Jimmy got a hand in Dean's hair. "You’re good to me. And you're so damn beautiful."

"It's new. That's all. We’ll do something else if it doesn't work. And it might not be because of you." Dean gestured at his own dick like Vanna White revealing a letter on Wheel of Fortune. "There's a whole lotta nothing going on there right now, and it's not for lack of interest. But I think I'm seventy if you count Hell? I'm lucky it still works at all."

Jimmy smiled, and pulled Dean towards him. The first touch of his lips was quick, almost like they were kissing for the first time.

Dean laughed suddenly. "Sorry. I'm trying to get you to let me touch your back. Feels like when I was figuring out how to get a girl's bra off for the first time.”

Jimmy pulled himself to Dean’s chest. "You can touch my back," he said. "But go soft?"

Dean's touch was feather-light, barely there and teasing. Never more than a fingertip or two made contact at a time, and he didn't linger too long in one place. Jimmy squirmed.

"You good, babe? Or just ticklish?"

"No..." said Jimmy, softly. "I’m good."

He started kissing against Dean's neck.

Dean stopped teasing and used two fingers to lightly trace the curvature of each shoulder blade. His touch was more substantial now, but not by much. Jimmy rolled up against his body, and one of his thighs dropped between Dean's legs. He made a soft cry, found Dean's mouth again.

"Now there's an idea. You were so good to me before, and you know how I feel about your hands." Dean spread his legs further to make his meaning as unambiguous as possible.

Jimmy settled between them. "I'd be okay if I touched your thighs?"

"Oh yeah. We're good."

Jimmy kissed him, and then - still shifting the muscles in his back under Dean's hands - began to stroke the soft, delicate skin of Dean's inner thigh. His fingers were just as barely-touching as Dean's had been, as he made big slow curves, curving up through the hair between Dean's legs, ending on the tight muscles of his stomach.

"Still all right?"

It felt better than physical sensation alone would explain. It was a gentle pleasure sharper and more searing than any pain. Dean took a second to breathe, before he managed to nod. "Is it weird that I'm proud of us?" He felt that strange warmth again, soothing away the aches and pains from injuries he was pretty sure he didn't even have anymore. 

"I'm proud of you," murmured Jimmy, as he pulled Dean's right thigh just a tiny bit wider, and laid his palm flat against it.

It was strange. It felt like cool water darted through the marrow of his bones for a split second, just to be replaced by warmth. "I don't think I could do this for anyone else." Dean hadn't meant to say that out loud, but that was okay.

"I want to kiss your thigh. Just once?"

"I think I'm okay. I feel like I'm floating again. It's nice."

"Yes?" Jimmy's voice sounded so ragged that it could have been Cas'.

"Please."

His fingers curled underneath Dean's thigh, thumb drawing light circles into the skin. Dean noticed his body was still a little tense, so stretched his arms and rolled his neck. A slow, gyrating movement. A cross between checking the range of motion in every one of his joints and a slow-motion dance. Not a good dance. More of a happy wiggle. Like burrowing into a blanket. A lion who, for the moment, was super high on catnip.

Jimmy bent his head to lay one soft, lingering kiss just inside Dean's thigh, then broke away, and raised his head to look at him. "One more?"

"Babe, I'm happy." Dean sat up to pull Jimmy into a lazy kiss. "So happy." He flopped back down with the grace of a falling tree. "Maybe I can feel Cas? What's he feel like to you? Is he touching me now? He asked if I could feel him and I said no, but I'm not... this... this feels.. __I want to suck your cock later. Could do that forever, easy."

Jimmy folded himself across Dean's torso. Fingers touched his chest, and the sides of his ribcage. He kissed one of Dean’s nipples, played his tongue around it for a second. Dean moaned, arched his back. His movements were slow. His thoughts were slow. Everything felt good.

"I feel him as temperature, mostly," said Jimmy, drawing a line along Dean's inner forearm, down to his wrist. "I'm touching when I see him against your skin. But he's also texture. Like - something very dense. Like velvet." Jimmy ran his fingers in a circle against Dean's palm. "Or - vibrations. Like a loose electric wire. But thinner."

“I don't feel him everywhere, but sometimes... I think I feel him in places? It almost tickles, from the inside out. But more...sideways?"

"Where can you feel him?" Jimmy was above him, slowly touching every dip of his collarbone.

"I'm not sure they're all places that... exist? It hurts sometimes, if I try to think about it too hard." Dean did it anyway. "Near the hand print. Down my arms some? And this space behind me where it almost feels like I'm being carried? Like trying to walk on land after too long on a boat?"

Jimmy nodded, understanding. "That's him. Try to think of it... out of the corner of your eye? I don't think he exists in three dimensions. And stop if it starts to hurt."

"I'm not sure I feel it. It's more like a memory?” Dean tried thinking about it like Jimmy said. “I don't remember it, but part of me does." 

"Like I said. More than three dimensions." Jimmy kissed the handprint. Then continued kissing down the muscles of his arm, deliberate and warm.

"At least Hell gave me that much." It wasn't a fair trade, but it was something. A hand through his hair, and he was being kissed again. Jimmy was starting to get hard. Dean wasn't having any luck there himself, but he wasn't bothered. Nothing could bother him right now. 

"You make me feel like I could be okay again." Dean was feeling uncharacteristically honest.

"Dean... would you like something? Anything?"

"I know this wasn't the plan, but I want your fingers inside me. I feel good this time." Dean turned to kiss what seemed like thin air, but he could have sworn was warmth radiating from his shoulder. He was pretty sure he felt something around that handprint - which shouldn't have been possible, since whatever Cas did had fried those nerve endings. "Was that Cas or do I look stupid?"

"Cas has - he's folded himself around all the places you said you could feel him. Supporting your back in kind of a - snowflake? That's where he is right now."

Dean was probably only imagining he could feel Cas. But he closed his eyes and let himself pretend. "He sounds pretty."

"He is. And you are."

"You're not just saying that because I like it? You don't have to, it's okay."

"Dean. You are the prettiest thing I have ever seen. Every time there's a new pattern of light on your face, I feel it in the pit of my stomach." 

Jimmy lay over him, stroked his cheek. Dean smiled at the way Jimmy enjoyed playing with his stubble. He didn't have a beard in any of his mugshots. Maybe he should grow one. He didn’t know if Jimmy would still like him with a beard.

"I need to shave."

"I was thinking if I grew mine out a little, I could get some friction against your thighs while I took your cock in my mouth."

And Dean's cock was officially showing signs of life now.

Jimmy touched Dean's lips with light fingertips. "Do you still want my fingers inside you, beautiful?"

"I want to eat you out. Suck your cock. Open you up. Make love to you. Whatever makes you feel good."

"I'd love to touch you. Just for a little bit."

"Yes _please_."

Jimmy sat back on his heels, between Dean's spread thighs, and then he was sliding a pillow underneath his hips, and grabbing one of Cas' little bottles of lube. Then there were cool fingers touching his thighs, gentle circular motions. Dean had said it once already, but he had to say it again. He wasn't even slightly afraid. "I'm so proud of us."

"If you need to stop, even just to catch your breath, you tell me."

"I'll tell you. I promise. I might need to. I don't think so, but I might. At least now you know not to take it personally." The joke fell flat, but he'd kind of expected it to. It was more for himself than for Jimmy. 

Jimmy added even more lube to his hands, and drew a finger along that circle of muscle, pressing inward. Dean was careful to keep breathing. "Slower. I just... need a minute."

Jimmy went slower, so much slower that he was barely moving, and then took his hands away completely.

Dean was so mad at himself. He stared at the ceiling and let out an angry sigh. "I'm sorry. I want you inside me. I just... not today. Maybe not... ever. But I want you." 

Jimmy brought himself up to kiss Dean. "Don't you dare apologize, okay? Don't you dare."

"It's not fair. One second I'm thinking about how good this is going to feel and the next -" Dean covered his face with his arm rather than look at Jimmy. "How long have I got to deal with this?"

Jimmy gently pulled his arm away. "Yesterday. You couldn't stand to have Cas kiss your thighs. And you couldn't tell us why."

"I'm supposed to be sexy and fun but I’m just broken and gross. And really pissed off, because I want to have sex with my fiance and I can't. Even when I _can_ , I can't. Something's always not working right. If it's not my dick, it's my brain. I feel so damn old." Dean was angry, but the person he was angry at was dead. Sam had killed him.

"Shhhhh," said Jimmy. "What do you need? You're getting good at saying what you need."

"I need another shower. I don't feel clean anymore. Come with me?"

"Love to."

Dean swore he could feel hands on his body but they were the wrong hands. Everything about them was wrong. He shoved Jimmy away and bolted. Made it to the sink before throwing up this time. 

Jimmy trailed behind him. Stood in the bathroom doorway. Walked in, turned on the shower. Adjusted the temperature.

"Thanks, babe." This was Dean's life now.

Jimmy walked over to him, and put hands on his back. Dean rinsed the mess out of the sink, and then gargled some water to try and get the taste out of his mouth.

"Better?" said Jimmy.

"You're still here. It can't be too bad."

"Let me wash your hair? Also, I have found this loofah."

"That thing’s probably gross." Dean threw it on the countertop. 

"C'mon." Jimmy pulled him into the spray of the shower. 

Dean held tight, and tried to keep remembering where he was. "Sometimes,” he said, “Sammy talks about stuff that happened a few years ago for him, and I don't even remember it. I'm so tired, Jimmy. I just want to sleep forever." He was shivering. But at least he wasn't crying.

Jimmy held Dean close against him, and turned the water that surrounded them even hotter. "You don't get to leave us, you know."

"I was going to. I'm sorry."

"And now you don't get to. You're ours. You stay."

“I don't want to find out where I go when I die. I don't want to go back there."

"We got you out once, we can do it again. It's never gonna happen. Ever."

"It’ll be worse with Alastair dead. I was his. No one else could touch me. Even Lilith was scared of him."

Jimmy held Dean closer. "She's dead too. And it _doesn't matter_ , because we will never let you go back there."

"I have to stay. You're going to marry me. I have a kid now. Somebody has to keep her safe."

A pause. "Yeah. She's fantastic, Dean. You're going to love her. And _I_ don't know how to keep her safe, not from everything that's out there. Neither does Cas."

"I want to teach Claire how to shoot. I want to teach your wife how to ward against demons and shapeshifters."

Jimmy got tense. "The second you think it's safe enough for us to see them. The second you're sure no one is following us. That's what we'll do."

"I want to barricade all of us in Bobby's panic room and never leave."

Jimmy started to scrub Dean's scalp. He didn't say anything.

"Nowhere will ever be safe enough. Not for my kid."

The pause continued for a second more. Then Jimmy practically tackled him into the wall, with an unbelievably intense kiss. 

Dean kissed him back, and tried not to fall over.

"You love her,” said Jimmy.

"She's our kid!" 

" _You love her!”_

"You're family, of course I do."

Jimmy was still kissing him."You understand, you _understand_ , that means, that means she’s going to be okay. I didn’t - I didn't know how to make it okay, all I could do was stay away - and now you're here. And you're thinking what I'm thinking. So it's all going to be okay."

"She killed a man and saw you nearly die. She's not okay."

"But now there's something I can _do_."

"If she needs someone to be mad at, that can be me. She can’t lose you. And whatever we tell her, she needs to trust Cas. Wherever she is, he can get to her in like two seconds. He's her best shot. Could probably ice a Shtriga no problem."

Jimmy took Dean by the shoulders, and looked at him seriously. Reached over his shoulder, to turn off the water.

"They're going to be mad at you. Claire and Amelia. Claire will probably take a while to trust you. But that's okay. She's allowed. And Amelia - is actually easier. We were never, I mean..."

"Don’t let me go all army drill sergeant on them? I don't want to turn your kid into a soldier."

"I will never let you do that. I'm serious. And I have Cas as backup."

"Thanks. You really should read Dad's journal. It explains a lot about the kind of messed up you're marrying into."

"I will. But you and Sam, you're the ones that are still standing. Even Cas and me needed a respawn. Which is why I'm really glad _you're_ the ones protecting my girl."

"Chuck!" Dean said it like a swear word, and was out of the shower without an explanation. He dialed his phone, got an answering machine. Left a message – _"If you so much as breathe a word about Claire in one of your books, I will personally tear your spine out through your esophagus"_ – and hung up. 

He took a deep breath. "That man wrote about my sex life and published it. He does _not_ get to write about my kid." Looked at Jimmy. "Honestly, I feel bad for the guy. He didn't ask for those visions, but that nightmare future had those books made into movies and that’s not coming near our family. Chuck'll probably be so scared he wets his pants. But for the record, I wouldn't actually hurt him. That's a good way to piss off an archangel."

Jimmy was standing still. A little stunned.

Then he walked across to Dean. Took both his hands. Kissed one, then the other.

"What'd I do?" Dean couldn't tell if he'd done something really right or really stupid. "I'm not apologizing. He makes money off those things."

Jimmy didn't have words. "Are you _serious_ ? You. Just standing there. _Glowing_ with power and protection. For our daughter."

"Chuck’s a monster I can deal with. Hell, one you could probably deal with. He scares easy."

"No, don't you get it? You've stitched me back together. I don't have to choose between Claire and Castiel anymore. You... gave me both."

"How have I got anything to do with that?"

"You're saying these things, these solutions, ones I never would have thought of in a million years. You're right, Claire does need someone to be mad at for a while, and it can't be Cas. I couldn't show up at their door before. But with you I could. I couldn't protect either of them before. But with you I could. I have Cas, but you have _people_. You have a _network_. And I couldn't explain what happened to me before, not in a way that Amelia would accept. But with you I could. Because it's the truth. I _did_ fall in love with someone else, and I _do_ think that maybe… maybe I've been gay this whole time.”

Jimmy took a breath. “I don't know what will happen. The world might end in a couple of months, I don't know. _But it might not_ , and now for the first time since I said yes to Castiel, I see a way back into Claire's life.”

"... she could take a baseball bat to my car and I wouldn’t blame her. Just don’t let her punch me before I know she can do it right. Don’t want her to hurt her hand."

Jimmy grabbed the back of Dean's head and kissed him. Dean was glad his own weird upbringing and Sam's anger issues were useful for something.

"Now if you don't mind," said Jimmy. "I'd really like my husband to fuck me." He deflated a tiny bit. "You know. If he's up for it."

"Oh, I'm up for it." Something about Jimmy calling him that seemed to really do it for him.

Jimmy tipped himself against Dean, forehead to collarbone, and breathed like he’d been running. He said something, could have been “thank you” or “love you” or “trust you.” Dean didn't feel worthy of any of that, but for a second he let himself pretend to be the kind of person who could deserve someone like Jimmy.

Part of him just wanted to stay there, holding him. But Dean was also pretty sure that he was holding Jimmy less like an embrace, and more like the roll cage on a car. Cas made him pretty much invulnerable, but that didn’t make Dean less protective. 

“Hey.” It was like trying to befriend a particularly skittish animal. “Look at me?"

Jimmy looked up. Dean had thought he'd seen Jimmy smile before. He'd been wrong. _This_ was a smile, goofy and sunny and true. Jimmy looped his hands around Dean’s neck, brought his face close. Even wet like this, his hair was making a valiant effort to stick out in strange directions. “You’re a good man,” he said.

“Let me take care of you,” Dean whispered. “Let me make this good for you.” He needed this. "That's all I want." Please let that be enough. Let him be enough.

Jimmy pulled back enough to look at Dean, right in the eyes. He was still smiling, but his smile had gotten more complicated. “You need to understand. You gave me another chance. You went to Hell for a damn good reason. I... I wasn’t even thinking about Claire when I said yes. He was supposed to _fix_ me. And if that changes things - if you want Castiel - that’s okay.” Jimmy’s arms were around his neck like a life preserver.

"Do you trust me?" Dean's expression gave nothing away.

Jimmy laughed, once. A weird laugh. 

"More than I trust myself." Warily, cautiously, Jimmy’s head touched Dean's shoulder. "God help me. I trust you."

"Good. Hold on tight."

That was all the warning Dean gave before he lifted Jimmy into his arms. The move was sudden enough to surprise a real laugh out of him. 

"Don't worry. I got you." It was only a few steps to the edge of the bed. "You're not going anywhere." He felt Jimmy's legs lock tighter around his waist, and Dean arranged things so he could lay him down. He was supporting his own weight, keeping Jimmy pinned to the mattress underneath him. "Cas is great, but he's not you. He’s also not the one I want right now.”

Jimmy's legs unwound from around Dean's waist, rested against him. "Damn, you're strong.”

"Not really. But I'll get there. You're helping. A lot."

Jimmy subtly shifted his thighs to cradle Dean's hips.

"I uh... I might need your help here.” This wasn't easy for Dean to say, but he had to try. "Cas was... I couldn't hurt Cas. This is... We’re getting married. We get to spend the rest of our lives together. We can take things slow. We’ve got time.”

Jimmy smiled up at him, a beautiful clear smile. He put a hand up to Dean's face.

"I'd never hurt you,” Dean needed to explain. "I need to get this right."

"This is safe. I'm safe. And I don't think I actually age. I've got all the time there is.” Jimmy's fingers combed through his hair. “I like your weight on top of me. I like feeling you between my legs. I like looking up and seeing you, looking at me like _that."_

"Let me do this for you," Dean willed Jimmy to understand what he was asking, because he wasn't sure he understood himself, and it would be nice if someone could explain it.

Jimmy just looked at him, intense, the way he'd looked as he read Cas' mind in their dream. "Let me know what you're asking? The answer's yes."

That made things snap into focus. Dean knew the question he was too afraid to ask - the one he was going to ask anyway.

"If I can't do this, will you still love me? I want to. But if I can't?"

Jimmy wrapped his arms around Dean. His kiss was quick, and when it was over he held Dean's face against his skin.

"If you never touched me again, I'd be sad but I would still love you. If you never had sex with me, I would love you. If you _can't_ have sex with me, I will love you. But I’d probably ask that you come and watch Castiel fuck me into the ground in one of your dreams. Just because."

"I don't know how I had sex with Cas." Dean could feel his face burning with shame as he admitted it. "I don't know if I even enjoy sex the same way anymore. But I want to try. So please listen to what I'm going to say and don’t - read anything into it.” He could do this. They were going to find a way to make this work. 

“This is something I’m doing for you. It’s for me too, but that’s because it’s for you. I’m not... it’s not because I want anything from you. I mean, I do, but... I’m doing a bad job explaining?”

Jimmy stroked along his ribcage. "You're kinda cute when you're embarrassed."

“I’m choosing this. I _want_ this. I... I’m - that’s even worse.” Dean was going to have to do better, and he knew it. “Can I have a do over?”

He couldn’t support his weight on his arms forever. He let himself rest against Jimmy. "Squished?"

"Nah. I like it."

"You'll let me know if you start feeling different?"

“Promise." Jimmy leaned up to steal a kiss, a brush of lips.

Dean tried to think of a way to explain this to someone who hadn’t been through Hell. He didn’t _want_ Jimmy to understand - but it needed to at least make sense.

“You don’t have any power to make me do anything. That’s sexy. So I want to do everything, take my time and enjoy it. You’ve never done this before and I get to give it to you. I guess what I’m saying - can I focus on you right now? Don’t feel like I don’t want you, or like you owe me.” Dean felt sick to his stomach just thinking about that. "This is me being selfish. _I_ need this."

Jimmy looked at him seriously. "Just so long as you don't think you owe _me_. Because the idea of just letting you have your way with me, and do all the work? While I lie back like a princess? Sounds too good to be true."

"Baby. I think so too. But everything about you sounds too good to be true."

"I've had fantasies about your fingers inside me, taking forever to get me open."

Dean looked for any sign Jimmy was lying. Didn't find anything. "I'm so glad you're my husband."And with that, he was grinning like he'd just stolen the coolest thing ever, and gotten away with it. 

Jimmy sighed happily. "Just tell me how you picture me. Am I talking, not talking? Keeping my hands to myself?"

"You can talk. You can touch. Tell me what feels good, what doesn't. Don't worry about holding back. Don't like... fuck my mouth or anything. This isn't a dream, I need to breathe and I have a gag reflex, but other than that? We're fine. You know, I wanted to wake you up with a blowjob this morning. But turns out you were too busy fucking Cas." 

Dean was teasing, and it was amazing.

Jimmy grinned. "It was really hot, though."

"Sure was. We should totally double-team him sometime."

"Mmmm. I'm thinking, he sucks your cock while I push into him nice and slow?"

"Fuck yes. I meant, you could fuck his true form while I do it the old fashioned way, but that works too."

Jimmy shivered underneath Dean. "Wait. Your idea's better. I'll get to feel you too, through him. Cas' whole bondage thing would turn into a _safety_ thing. He'd come apart so bad he might throw dressers around the room."

“He can wait his turn. Right now I get you all to myself." Dean claimed Jimmy’s lips in a way that made it clear exactly how serious he was about that. Careful not to pull, he got a solid grip on Jimmy’s hair, and used that to direct things. His kiss wasn't rough exactly. But it certainly wasn't gentle. Jimmy made a sound against his mouth, and arched his whole body up. Dean broke the kiss, but kept his hand where it was. 

"Is Cas listening? Because I'm going to do something."

"Yeah. He's here."

"I know he heals you, but can he maybe hold off right now?" Dean ran his stubble across the skin of Jimmy's neck. "I want to see what you look like thoroughly debauched."

"Cas - back off on the healing? I think Dean wants to mark up my skin a little? Get me rubbed a little red and tender, so when he touches me, it's like that thing where I pull _almost_ too much?"

"I mostly just wanted to do this."

Dean kissed his way down Jimmy's neck, right around where his shirt collar would be, and proceeded to leave... a very obvious hickey. Tasteful, as far as these things go. "I’m imagining you going into work with that tomorrow. I want your whole office to know you're getting fucked, and it's amazing. Maybe you'll wake up late, have to go in with sex hair. You always look like you have sex hair anyway."

"Think of poor Cas on angel business. He'll have your marks too. I'll ask him to keep them."

"Nah. Might be dangerous. He can keep these instead." Dean left several more hickeys along Jimmy's shoulders. 

Jimmy laughed, and twisted under Dean's hot almost-bites. "What are you, sixteen?"

"Pretty sure I skipped that age. You know, fake IDs. Also, I'm seventy. Just look great for my age." Dean suddenly had a thought. "Does that make me a cougar?"

"Dammit. I'm your boytoy."

Dean cackled with glee. "You _are!_ _Please_ let me take you to Vegas so I can do the thing where I wear an ugly fancy bathrobe and you hang off my arm and look sexy.”

"One of the teeny tiny short robes that hit at mid-thigh? I can wear a bow tie. Only a bow tie."

"Or a regular tie?" Dean just sounded hopeful now. 

"Oh that's right. You _like_ my ties."

"You make them look sexy. I always look awful in a tie."

Jimmy had a moment of shyness, but only a moment. "We've got this picture of you taking off my tie and... tying my wrists with it?"

Dean considered it, but shook his head. "That's not safe. You could sort of wrap it around your hands and hold onto it, but we'd need a way for you to get out of it quick. If you want, I'll swing by a hardware store and we can pick out some nylon rope in a color you like."

Jimmy touched Dean's face with both hands. "Thanks."

"Come on, I’m the one who should be thanking _you_. You’re like one of those sexy calendars. You don’t have to thank me for wanting to take it all in."

"You know. Thanks for - thinking of things." Jimmy wriggled under Dean's body. "You weren't kidding about focusing on me." He closed his eyes to breathe in the moment. Reached up to touch one of his new hickeys, a tiny movement like a wince.

"Keep going slow. But... keep going?"

Dean smiled and kissed Jimmy's hand simply because he could. "Sure thing, gorgeous."

He picked up where he left off, kissed his way to the center of Jimmy's chest before coming back up to steal a quick kiss. He got to be the one to walk Jimmy through this. Or he would, if he could stop kissing long enough. And Jimmy was not helping, hanging on to every kiss Dean gave him, straining up as he tried to keep him flat to the mattress. "You're lucky you have such a gorgeous cock. Or I'd just want to keep doing this. And I'd never get around to doing you."

Jimmy blushed. Then turned his face to the side, and smiled. Dean took advantage of that to kiss him behind the ear, and follow that blush the whole way down his neck. He didn't leave any additional hickeys this time. Jimmy made a soft sound as the muscles in his body tightened, and his thighs squeezed around Dean’s hips.

Dean tried to kiss every place he remembered Cas marking his ribs, but got distracted playing with Jimmy's nipples. Which were tiny, and cute, and best of all, sensitive. He lightly took one gently between his teeth. Not biting. _Never_ biting. Dean shuddered slightly and let go, replacing teeth with tongue and trying not to think too much about how much he was _not_ a fan of biting. He shifted his attention to the other side for the sake of symmetry. Any job worth doing was worth doing well. Blowjob. Handjob. Italian Job. Didn't matter.

Dean could feel Jimmy's cock starting to get hard, against his abdomen.

"You're _so beautiful,_ " he was saying. " _So beautiful,_ Dean."

“I get to feel kind of pretty around you. Even before Hell, that’s not really something I’ve done…” Dean remembered back to Rhonda, and the pink silk panties. He hadn’t been able to admit to himself that he enjoyed it then. “A girl had me try on her panties once but I’ve never...”

"It is a _crime,_ a freakin _crime_ you don't have some pretty lacy things to wear. You know how good you looked?"

Now Dean was the one blushing. He tried to use Jimmy's body to hide his red flush. Made a noncommittal noise, sort of acknowledging that Jimmy had said something. 

“You need to look at yourself in a _mirror_ dressed like that. Like a model in Vogue. No, what you need to do to sit in front of a mirror while we give you a blowjob.” 

Dean pressed a smiling kiss to his husband's stomach before dipping his tongue into his navel. "If I had something like that I'd wear it under my clothes and we'd be the only ones who knew." It was a nice fantasy. Nothing like that was going to fit him. Not that they could get for cheap. Nothing good, anyway.

"... wedding gift.” Jimmy whispered, his hand in Dean's hair.

"But it's not like I'm going to wait that long to have you unwrap me." Dean continued kissing his way southwards, but brought a hand up to keep playing with Jimmy's nipples.

"Is that why - " Jimmy laughed, then gasped as Dean rolled his nipple against a callus. "Is that why - you always wear about twenty-seven shirts? Like the whole unwrapping thing - that much?"

"I do _that_ because you can never have too many pockets. And more places to conceal stuff. Guns. Knives. Silver. Weird shit I found at a crime scene. A live rabbit. You never know." 

"Fuck, I love you."

"And I'm going to love fucking you." Dean gave him a raspberry.

"... just set myself up for that one..."

Dean nuzzled his face against the happy trail leading down to Jimmy's cock. He was hanging half off the bed by now, and stopped to take in the sight before him

Jimmy was lying beneath him, breathing hard. Every mark that Dean had given him stood out against his soft unblemished skin, and his hair was wild. One hand was behind his head, grabbing onto pillows or headboard or something. The other was in a fist, holding the sheets. His cock was completely hard now, and starting to leak at the tip, as flushed and red as Jimmy's blushes. It was so close to Dean's face, and so were the thighs spread wide enough to lie between. One of Dean's hands was splayed across his abdomen, and he looked sexier than any one person had a right to. Which made sense, considering Cas and Jimmy were two people. Or maybe Dean just wasn't doing most of his thinking with his brain anymore.

"Oh baby. You look good like this." It was a shame he'd left the lube on the nightstand. Even stepping away to get it felt like too much distance. Dean was being over-sentimental and knew it, but he couldn't _help_ it. This was the man he was going to marry. He was allowed.

Jimmy looked at him, with those wide blue eyes. You could see the muscles in his throat move, as he swallowed. 

"Still respect me in the morning?" he said. 

"Don't even joke about that." Dean reluctantly got off of the bed and found one of the bottles of lube. He wanted to laugh. A literal angel stole a bunch of lube and now Dean had a fiancé. It had been a weird couple of days. But then, he'd never really had much of a normal life. In a lot of ways, this was the most normal thing he'd ever done.

"Screw walks of shame. Screw anybody who tries to make you feel bad about sex. I want to wake up next to you every morning. That won't change." 

Jimmy reached over to him. When he ran a thumb over his bottom lip, Dean slowly sucked it into his mouth. These hands had carried him out of hell. Sort of. Somehow. He still wasn't real clear on that, but it was really frickin intimate and sexy. In a weird way.

Jimmy made a noise that could have been pain. "Your _mouth_. It looks so good - when - " His thighs spread a little farther apart. "Please?" he whispered.

With a hand around the base of Jimmy's cock for stability, Dean lightly brushed his bottom lip across the slit before climbing back on the bed to give Jimmy a downright filthy kiss. "For luck. Not that I'll need it. But fair warning. If you come in my mouth, I _will_ kiss you afterwards. That's not a threat, that's a promise."

"I, um. I think I ah, have a stupid question."

"I'm sure I have a stupid answer. Ask away."

"Are the... ah, well. The orgasms. Are they different? Like if you suck my cock, I mean..." Jimmy was red again. "If you fuck me when I'm not hard? Does that work?"

"Okay, first? You might not stay hard while I fuck you. Some guys don't. And yeah, they feel different. I mostly meant that this might be over before that. It's okay if it is. Like I said. We have plenty of time. I'm not going to rush this."

Dean started giving Jimmy a lazy handjob while he talked.

Jimmy's eyes fluttered as his embarrassment started evaporating. "I should know this. It's not like you haven't been with this body before, and it's not like I wasn't there..."

Dean kissed him, more gentle and sweet this time. "You're not Cas. I need you to know that, before we do this. You can’t just _decide_ you want this to work and have it happen. Maybe Cas _could_ do that for you, but I'm asking him not to - if that's cool?"

Jimmy nodded. "I can't do any of the fun tricks he can."

"We take this as slow as we need to. And that’s not a stupid question. It’s a good question. I’ve been with Cas in this body. I haven’t been with you. So I get to learn what you like all over again.” 

Dean kissed Jimmy, and the hand playing with his cock moved lower. No rush. He paid attention to every little similarity and difference in the way Cas and Jimmy liked to be touched. And there were differences. 

“I’m going to touch you now,” he said. “It's nothing new yet, I've grabbed your ass before. I just don’t want to surprise you. Will you let me look at you, gorgeous?"

Jimmy did a funny move, like a whole body shiver. "Yes. _Yes_. But could you - it feels like I've got stage fright or something - could you, keep a hand on my belly? Something like that?"

"Baby, I can do that. That's easy. You're doing such a great job." He really was. Dean was so proud of him. But he thought mentioning that would sound patronizing, so he didn't say anything. Even if he really wanted to.

"I'll be fine in a second,” said Jimmy. 

Dean took one of his hands and kissed it. "I’ll wait. You're calling the shots.”

“Hey, uh, can I say a thing real fast? It's a break-the-mood thing, but I think if I just say it then it'll be out of my system, and I'll be able to focus one hundred percent on you?"

"Yeah, of course." Dean was genuinely surprised Jimmy was worried. He had _cried_ during sex earlier. No way this was going to be weird enough to top that.

"I can't help thinking about my wedding night, and how it was nothing like this."

Dean kissed him. It was gentle to the point of almost being chaste. This wasn't the time for words. But he wanted to provide comfort somehow. When they parted, he did not go far. He had the urge just to hold Jimmy and try to protect him from the world. But they could do that later. 

"Ours will be. It will be exactly like this, only better."

"I mean, I get it, I was 22 and a virgin and had no idea what I was doing. But I also didn't _want_ Amelia like I really should have. I don't think I made it very good for her."

"People make mistakes. You tried. That's all anyone can do." This wasn't just about Jimmy. Even if Dean wasn't going to admit that.

“I got good at kissing and giving her massages and things. But I never - and it’s not the same thing. I think I was sort of relieved, when I finally figured out about her and Roger, what's that all about? I didn’t think she’d leave because of Claire, and at least she was getting good sex somewhere.”

Dean kissed him because he couldn't talk. Not yet.

"Thank you," he said finally. A barely audible whisper.

Jimmy relaxed against Dean's chest. His breathing started to slow.

"I was so afraid I wouldn't be able to do any of this for you. Knowing you have Cas..." Dean didn't really want to talk about that right now, and that wasn’t what this was about anyway. It was about Jimmy, and what he needed. "It makes sense that you'd want her to be happy. You're a good man, Jimmy."

"Shut up. You're gonna make me cry.” But Jimmy was starting to smile again, and there was no venom in his words.

"I can't talk with a dick in my mouth," Dean pointed out helpfully.

Jimmy, who'd been running his hand over his face, peeked at Dean through the fingers. 

"I guess that's true. You know I wouldn’t say no to your mouth. Or to your fingers. Or tongue. Or - well, eventually your dick, but it’s looking kind of big right now. Need to work up to that. Mostly, I just want _you_."

“Hold on. I’ve got an idea,” Dean grabbed a pillow for his knees and dropped it off the side of the bed, before moving Jimmy’s legs onto his shoulders. Jimmy laughed, which seemed to be how he always responded to Dean manhandling him. 

Everything was fine. Dean just wanted it to stay that way. "Remember to keep talking? Just in case?" 

"Oh, I'll talk. Can't promise that it'll be classy, or sexy, or make all that much sense. But it's Cas who's the quiet one."

"I just need to know you're you and not..." Dean shrugged. He smiled, but it was a little forced.

"You're looking pretty good down there. Can't wait to see what the plan is."

Dean let out a sigh of relief. Jimmy got it. He kissed one of the knees on his shoulder. "I love your thighs but, they're kind of in the way for this. I want to see you, babe."

Jimmy scooted backwards an inch or two, and very deliberately braced his heels inside the frame holding the mattress. The pose spread his legs wide. Dean's tongue darted across his lips without him noticing.

"Oh. I think I like this,” Jimmy whispered. “No place for me to hide. In a good way. In a Cas way."

Carefully, like he couldn't really believe he was allowed to touch, Dean brought his hands up and rested them there, thumbs gently massaging his way down from the back of Jimmy's balls until he had a decent handful of ass in both hands. Then he spread him apart to get a good view of what he was working with.

"God, you're perfect." Dean's voice was barely above a whisper. An escaped stray thought.

"Glad you think so." Jimmy lay back on the mattress. "God your hands are gentle."

Dean made a sort of strangled whine before leaning in to kiss the same path his hands had just explored. He made himself stop, just before his lips made contact. "Please?"

He looked up at Jimmy through his lashes, not even trying to be sexy. Just where he was when he thought to ask.

"Go for it,” Jimmy said. “I want to feel it."

And as soon as he knew he was allowed, Dean lost himself in open-mouthed kisses on shower-clean skin. He was hopelessly, helplessly turned on as he moaned into the skin of his lovers. They were going to get married. He was allowed. 

Jimmy fell back down into the mattress. "Oh. You're warm."

Moving further back, Dean began using his nose and tongue to apply pressure to just the right area, so Jimmy could feel it even from the outside. It was totally doable, if he could just get it right. Jimmy spread his legs even wider, running a hand softly along his own cock, touching his own thighs. Dean moved back up, nuzzling against Jimmy's balls before getting back to work. "Love you. Keep talking?"

“Dammit, I love you. I love that you're doing this for me. I love that I get to do this for you. I love that you got yourself here. You've done good."

Even if he'd tried, Dean couldn't have stopped his hips thrusting in search of friction. He was pretty sure he was getting even more out of this than Jimmy was.

He heard a sharp, small breath as he hit something good with his tongue. 

"what the..."

Dean sat back. "Everything okay?" New things could be weird. 

" _Yes,_ " said Jimmy. "I didn't know... that was a spot. I need to re-figure myself out." He touched Dean's hair with his fingertips, but couldn't reach farther than that. "Don't stop.”

"Just a sec." Dean was already coating a finger in lube. "It'll be easier to reach from inside. It just might take a minute."

" _Yes_. Your _fingers_."

"Hey now. Don't rush me. I know what I'm doing here." Dean was in his element now. Sex God Dean Winchester was back in business.

Jimmy exhaled dramatically. "I'm gonna beg. Don't think that I won't. You'll feel guilty, maybe."

"You can beg. But if you think you’ll make me feel guilty, think again." Dean felt his heart give an excited flutter as he kissed one of Jimmy's thighs. "God, you're pretty." It wasn't clear whether he was talking to Jimmy or his ass. Jimmy had a fucking fantastic ass, so it made sense either way. He brought a single finger to rest against the smooth skin of Jimmy's hole. 

Jimmy stopped breathing for a second, and as he gulped in air his voice was much softer. " _Please_. I want you inside me. I didn't feel this way before I met you... don't tease me. Don't tease me right now.” And slightly apologetically, "I mean. Slow me down, if you think that’s right. But... you'll do that anyway.”

Dean was the picture of calm except for the way he fumbled with the lube with his shaking hands."Baby, I want this. But we have to go slow, alright?" 

He took his time spreading a generous amount of the stuff all over the place. "This is part of the fun. There's so much of you to explore." He went back for another kiss - but quickly pulled back. "Eew. Why does flavored lube always taste like ass? Actually, I take that back. Your ass is fine. This tastes like... really bad flavored lube."

He wiped his face on a nearby thigh before taking Jimmy's cock in his mouth. He thought this was an extremely clever bit of problem solving.

And Jimmy got quiet, his eyes fixed on the image of his red, too-hard cock going into the slick warm heat of Dean's mouth.

"This is me. Talking. Words. Words. _Dean.”_

Dean stopped what he was doing long enough for one word. 

" _Breathe._ "

Jimmy swallowed down a breath, and another, breathing in and out to the rhythm Dean was setting. He had stopped playing around, and now was just waiting for Jimmy to relax enough to work a finger into him. 

When it finally did happen, he pressed in slowly. Barely more than a fingertip. Jimmy sighed, still breathing to the gentle blowjob as Dean used his mouth to play with the head of Jimmy's cock. Now he was gently pressing against his rim, gradually pushing his finger a little deeper.

"... that's what you were after...." Jimmy said, as the muscles in his body untwisted around Dean's hands.

"Still good?" Dean had one finger halfway in, and added more lube.

"Yes. Yes, so much still good."

Dean trailed a line of kisses along Jimmy's inner thigh. "Do you want to try more? Or is this good? I can do a lot with just one finger, so don't feel like you're missing out."

"Really strong. Really different. Thanks for - going slow. Doesn't hurt _at all._ "

Dean took a moment to just look up at him. "I am so in love with you right now. I can't believe I get to be the first person to do this for you. Means I get to make sure it's done right." 

He was content to stay right there until Jimmy said otherwise.

"It's just your finger, Mr. Winchester. You know what I want."

"Don't think I've ever heard anyone say, ‘Mr. Winchester’ in my life? It's always just 'Winchester.' Usually shouted across a room."

"... I am not totally sure why I said that."

"Hey, it's fine. Don't apologize. It's your last name too if you want it. Or um... You could always hyphenate?" This was a conversation for another time. When his fingers weren’t in Jimmy’s ass.

“I... don't know what I'm trying to say. All my words are getting mixed around. It all means..."

"I'm _inside you_ right now, babe. It means a whole friggin lot to me too. Right now, you are the most important part of my life, Jimmy Novak-eventually-Winchester." 

"Another finger?"

"Breathe, try to relax for me." Dean was smearing additional lube onto his fingers. "Okay. I'm going to take this finger out but I want you to stay relaxed. You're doing a great job. Keep remembering to breathe, and tell me to stop and I'll stay exactly where I am." Careful of the possibility that Jimmy might tense up, Dean slid his finger out, before sliding it back in alongside a second. He went just as slowly as he had the first time around, and didn't just slide straight in. Instead, he rocked his fingers back and forth as he went, pressing against the rim of Jimmy's hole and silently cursing whoever invented flavored lube.

Now there was a thought. Maybe the guy was still around haunting people. Maybe Dean could fill him full of rock salt. But he was distracted, by the feeling of Jimmy's body pressing up, and then back down against him. 

"If I.... start to cry or something,” said Jimmy. “Know it's good. You've got me _way_ , way past 'good.'"

"See. I'm not the only one. It's a lot, isn't it? Having someone do this for you."

"Yeah..." Jimmy was talking on his exhales. "You could hurt me, if you went too fast, or deep, or wrong. But you won't. I know you won’t. Every time you move your fingers even a little. Totally new feeling. Intimate. That's the word I was thinking of."

"I'm probably not going to fuck you today baby, but I am going to make you come around my fingers." Now, Dean had both of them all the way in. It would be easy to bend them just _slightly_ , but Jimmy was setting the pace here.

"Okay." He didn't seem disappointed, only peaceful, every muscle relaxed and ready for Dean. "Sometime I'll do this for you. But _slower._ "

"That's what I want. We'll get there. We'll get there." Because they _would._ They'd figure something out. Maybe not for real, but they'd find a way to make it work in his dreams. "Tell me when it's okay to move."

"Oh. It was okay to move ages ago. I feel like I could take a whole other finger, maybe."

"Two is good for now. Remember that spot I found earlier?" Dean crooked his fingers. "I'm going to try and find that again."

He figured that was enough explanation. His mouth could be put to better use elsewhere. Now with two fingers in, Dean brought his free hand up to grab the base of Jimmy's cock for stability. He paused to come up for air, and add more lube as he searched for Jimmy's prostate. He'd found it before, but life wasn't porn. Sometimes things took a while. Sometimes they didn't go as planned. That was okay. Jimmy really was doing a great job staying all relaxed and open. He gave his fingers another experimental wiggle.

Jimmy's hand smacked down on Dean's. " _That._ "

Unfortunately, Dean couldn’t talk with a dick in his mouth. He had to put that on hold for a moment. 

"So if I get this right, this should be intense. But if anything starts feeling bad, or even just weird in a way you don't like, stop me. Okay?"

"Yes. _Yes._ You have been very _clear on this point. Very responsible._ _Very conscientious_."

"I'm scared, baby. I don't want to hurt you. I know what I'm doing, but it's been a while." In the back of his mind Dean was still trying not to think of how many people he’d hurt with these hands. Couldn't even ballpark how many souls he’d tortured. Couldn't undo that. But he could make Jimmy feel good. 

Jimmy sat up, and touched the face between his legs.

"It's easier if you keep talking to me." Dean knew what to do, but right this second - he was just too afraid to move.

"What should I be saying to you, actually? Never asked.” 

"I just need to hear your voice. It helps."

"Yeah, but I'm pretty sure you don't want me reciting the Gettysburg Address."

"I'm not going to kinkshame if that's what does it for you." 

If he could joke about this, he would be okay. Dean repeated that same motion he’d made earlier with his fingers.

Jimmy bucked into his hands, and without meaning to sort of pulled Dean's head into his lap. "Sorry. That's – not what it feels like - with the other type of orgasm."

"It's going to build a lot slower and it might be a bit of a surprise when it hits. It's more of a whole-body thing. So if you feel like you're made of jello afterwards that's totally fine. Don't worry. I'll get you through. Don't worry about me, I've got this, and I've got you."

"Okay. I'm with you. I'm excited."

"I can tell." Dean kissed the head of Jimmy's cock again, keeping eye contact the whole time.

Jimmy rolled his eyes. "Something about a really smug man really does it for me, I guess. You need anything? Should I lie down, or is sitting like this better?"

"Just do whatever feels good."

“Doing you always feels good.”

Now that he knew they were on the same page, Dean could enjoy the warm full feeling of Jimmy's dick in his mouth, the tight wet heat inside him. That was all he had to focus on. He hollowed his cheeks, started to incorporate a handjob into the action. Jimmy’s hands were in his hair, as he drew Dean against him, into his core.

“Hey sweetheart,” Jimmy gasped out. “You can’t actually talk right now since you’ve got your lips around my cock. You’re so focused when you’re like this – for me and Cas – like nothing else in the world matters.”

Dean was living for the noises Jimmy was making, and the way he was making good on his promise to keep taking. Because nothing else _did_ matter then. Just bringing pleasure to the man he loved.

"Your fingers... oh dear sweet... something... not sure if I'm supposed to say God. Dear sweet" - a gasp - " _fuck_ , dear sweet fuck, you said that one time... thought it was cute..."

 _Of course it was,_ thought Dean. _I'm cute as fuck_. 

He took his hand off Jimmy's cock long enough to fumble for more lube. Just for his own peace of mind. When he pushed in a newly slick finger, Jimmy made a sound that was definitely not a word. "Pressure. I've got like... pressure…"

Dean just dropped the lube. He kept a steady rhythm, between the stroke of his fingers and the movement of his head. Even once Jimmy started thrusting, he could keep control of things with the hand around the base of his cock. He started applying a little more pressure, with each motion of his fingers. Still gentle, but persistent.

Jimmy was breathing so heavily. And still talking, swearing - it sounded like swearing. But maybe not swearing in _English?_ He curled tighter around Dean's body and - there it was, there was Jimmy fucking down onto his fingers, as he positioned his body to get slightly more centered, to get slightly more pressure from Dean.

Dean was so hard it was difficult to think straight. But nothing he was doing needed much thinking. All he had to do was keep going, watch Jimmy fall to pieces around him. He was fucking himself on Dean’s fingers, and pushing up into Dean’s mouth - although his cock was a lot less hard than it had been -

Dean moaned around Jimmy's cock as the combination of feelings did _something_ that sent an… an _orgasm_ rocketing through him. One that made it feel like tiny pieces of his soul were being stitched back together. His entire body shook as he continued to fuck Jimmy. The feeling shot up his spine and through the handprint on his shoulder. But it probably wasn’t as intense... as what Jimmy was feeling right now.

Jimmy was clutching his shoulder in a death-grip, as his whole body contracted. He circled against Dean's fingers with movements so small they were like tremors, and the noises he made were noises of effort, close to sobs.

Dean fucked him through it.

And then Jimmy was coming, coming into his mouth, and Dean could taste him, salty, and the hand on his shoulder was gripping so hard it was painful.

Jimmy slumped against him, around him, shaking. Dean could feel it as new pieces of orgasm aftershock vibrated through him. A new one every few seconds. You did it right, you could get an orgasm like this going for _minutes_. Dean didn't want to overwhelm him, so he pulled away from Jimmy's cock as he kept up the motion of his fingers.

"I've got you. You're so perfect like this, baby."

Jimmy's arms got tighter, and his chin rested on top of Dean's head. His breathing was slower, the bursts of sensation that ripped through his body were farther apart. But he was still nowhere near being able to talk.

Dean stopped and slowly withdrew his fingers. He wiped his hand on the sheets before rising from his place on the floor on unsteady legs, crawling into bed. He grabbed onto Jimmy. 

"We're going to need another shower once you can walk. Or... we can just lie here for a while."

Jimmy just seemed to want to hang on to him, nestle into him, and breathe. That was fine by Dean. He'd had sex a few times since getting out of Hell, but this was the first time he'd managed an orgasm. He’d been so afraid he wouldn't be able to. Not when he was awake, and not in actual, physical agony. He'd been ready to be okay with that. He could make Jimmy and Cas feel good, and that would be enough. So this was... 

He started laughing. And _kept_ laughing. At some point, the laughter turned into crying. Great big ugly full bodied sobs, but he was still laughing through it. Dean just held on and let himself cry. Smiling, so much it hurt.

"I love you." He held on tight to Jimmy, covering his face in kisses. "I love you so damn much. Thank you. Oh, God. Thank you so... much... I can't... I didn't..."

Jimmy was slowly coming back to himself, small movements and tiny noises. He opened his eyes, and looked at Dean. Rolled in close.

Dean couldn't stop laughing. His entire body shook with it. "Where have you been all my life?" 

"Pontiac, Illinois," said Jimmy. 

It took a little while, but the laughter and tears eventually calmed him down. Jimmy hadn’t stopped running hands up and down his back, and kissing any skin he could reach.“Thank you," he said, finally.

"I... Yeah..." Dean sniffled slightly as the crying threatened to start up again. At least he was past the weird laughter. "Thanks. I wasn't... it was kind of a surprise, to be honest."

"I'll say,” said Jimmy. “Well. I've just had the best sex of my life. I've just had the most amazing orgasm of my life. I know that asking you to marry me was the smartest thing I've ever done. How are you?"

Dean hadn't even _touched_ himself. He'd say it was an honest-to-God miracle. He’d have to ask Cas."Just hold me for a second?"

Jimmy wrapped arms tight around him, and tucked Dean's head into the curve of his neck.

"Forever, if you want."

But Dean didn't answer. He had a lot of sleep to catch up on. The orgasm had worn him out. And he already felt himself drifting off.

  
  



	7. Family Business

Dean was warm and comfortable and he smelled food. He made a kind of a contented purr. Maybe Cas and Jimmy would visit this dream too. That would be nice. Sam was talking to one of them. That was weird. Dean tried to remember what he was doing. Came up with nothing. Wouldn’t he know that kind of thing, if this was a dream?

Which meant this wasn't a dream. And he was naked, in bed, and there was food, and familiar voices and familiar arms around him.

Wait... He _had_ heard Sam.

Dean fought against sleep, but couldn't fight the full body yawn. He let himself burrow back into the covers next to... he was pretty sure it was Jimmy, this time. "You really meant it, huh?" He wished Sam weren't here for this. But come on, he couldn't _not_ say it. "That whole not letting me wake up alone thing?"

"I really did." And Jimmy pulled Dean's head under the blankets to kiss him.

"Dean," said Sam's voice, from outside the covers. "Since you're awake. I'm saying that I have food downstairs."

"Whatever you saw, it's my fault. I made him promise, and he's too good for me." Dean poked his head out of the blanket. "Actually, you know what? I blame whoever put this bed in a room with no door. I'm totally innocent."

Sam was very much there, leaning against the strange non-entrance entrance with his floofy hair and looking way too pleased with himself.

"You have managed to find the strangest, creepiest house that so far does not seem to be actually haunted,” he said. 

“It's totally haunted now. By us,” said Dean.

"That’s what anyone walking by is going to think. What is going on with those street-facing windows?"

“Try the crappy sofas. Pretty sure they violate the Geneva Convention." Dean's brain was catching up with things. "You brought food?"

"We're celebrating. In the kitchen, that has one strange tiny window six feet off the ground."

"Maybe you are. Right now _we -_ " Dean gestured at himself and the lump that was Jimmy " - need a shower. So if you could go back downstairs because there's no freaking doors in this place, that'd be great."

There was dried come in his leg hair. Also he really needed to wash his hands.

"It's barbecue," said Sam. "And a salad that your _fiance_ asked me to get for you."

Dean looked back and forth between the two of them, like a dog watching a ping pong ball. He settled on Jimmy. "Okay so that's sweet, but also, how dare you." Then Sam. "Thanks. And I mean that, but if you don't get out of here right now you're going to see things that cannot be unseen."

Sam was at the top of the stairs. "I want my sweatshirt back!"

“Count of ten!"

Sammy was gone. Safely downstairs.

Dean turned and pulled Jimmy into another kiss. Jimmy took the opportunity to tackle him into the mattress. "Good morning.”

"So good,” said Dean. “You have no idea. Guess who I got to wake up next to?"

"Some days it might be Cas, fair is fair."

"My husband, dumbass. That's who. I'm marrying both of you."

Jimmy was leaning over him, smiling."Cas wants to say thank you. He loved watching us together. _Loves_ watching us together."

"Cas is way kinkier than I thought he'd be. It’s a good look."

"You have no _idea_ some of the things he wants to do to you. And now? Since he figured out he can sort of, kiss your soul when you orgasm?"

"He _what?!_ " That was probably loud enough for Sam to hear downstairs.

"Okay, he didn't say it exactly like that, because he didn't use _words,_ but that's what I got from..." Jimmy mimed a kind of wavy, ball-like shape.

"Aww, Cas is _fluffy?"_ Trust Dean to focus on the important parts.

"He's not... not fluffy?"

"Aww. He sounds adorable. And I kissed him?"

Jimmy laughed, and snuggled to Dean's chest. "Cas certainly seems to think so."

"See, I was focused on this gorgeous guy and whatever Cas did kinda blindsided me." Dean felt stupidly romantic. Also couldn't stop playing with Jimmy's hair.

Jimmy slid up his body a few inches, flirty. "I mean. I'll take the credit."

"You were so beautiful. _Are_ so beautiful. Having my fingers in you felt amazing. You were..." For some reason, Dean felt almost shy. Just... talking like this. He didn't really do the whole morning after thing. 

"What am I supposed to do with you?” Jimmy ducked his head so all Dean could see was wild hair. “Other than just keep you in bed forever, I guess. But, ah. Not to be that guy. But the barbecue ribs downstairs smell _really good._ "

"You know what this means, right? Sammy likes you."

"Yeah?" Jimmy sounded hopeful.

"Yeah. Guy’s a health nut. Not sure where I went wrong with that one. He never does this unless he's trying to be nice. So get that amazing ass out of bed and into the shower so we can get some food before it gets cold." 

But Dean made no move to let go, or get out of bed. Neither did Jimmy.

"Food can get cold. Think you said something about staying in bed forever?"

"See, that sounds great. Except I actually _do_ need your brother to like me." Jimmy adjusted. "Also I feel kind of sticky, and suspect that you coming all over me has something to do with that?"

"You don't. I...uh." Dean looked away. "I'm pretty sure that's uh..."

Jimmy turned his face back to center. "I didn't leave you hanging did I? Cas doesn't think so, but he's Cas, so I - "

"Don’t worry about _that._ " Dean kissed him deeply, still a bit in awe of the fact he _could._ "You’re a gift. You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me. Already were, but this proves it. You were so gorgeous, babe. Like a vision or something. I don't know how to explain it. Cas must have done something. That's all I can figure."

Jimmy was holding on a little too hard. "Dammit," he said. "I think I can't love you any more, and you have to go and say something like... what am I supposed to do with that?"

"Stay safe. Don't do anything stupid. Be patient?" 

"Promise," said Jimmy. "But you better remember. Same goes for you."

"Baby, you've seen my life. Can't promise that."

"Let Cas keep you safe."

"I'll try. Can't promise anything."

"No more stories where you’re being some kind of grand heroic idiot."

" _That_ I can promise. Too many reasons to live. Besides, I never got to meet your kid properly."

Jimmy touched his face again, and kissed him. And as he kissed, the body in Dean's arms got more still, the hand moved to the back of his head and held him with a strength that wasn't Jimmy's. The kiss itself got even deeper, and kind of dirtier too, with the amount of tongue in play.

There was something unbelievably sexy about that. Dean still didn't understand how it worked exactly, but he imagined his lovers' souls brushing against each other as Jimmy moved out of the way to make room for Cas. He made a mental note to incorporate that into the bedroom at some point. "Jimmy says you had fun last night,” he said. “But I'd kinda like to hear it from you."

"Dean. There are no words for the wonder that you are. There are no words that I have to thank you."

"Actually, hold that thought. We seriously need a shower."

Cas bent down, and scooped Dean up into his arms. Dean yelped in surprise, then laughed. "You’re strong! Keep forgetting you’re this strong!" He looped his arms around Cas' neck and kissed his cheek. "You're like the knight who keeps showing up to rescue me. From Hell, and from cold bathroom tile."

Dean heard the sound of the shower turning on. He suspected Cas was showing off, just a little, as the bathroom door opened by itself, the lights turned on for them, and the shower's glass door slid open. And if Cas was trying to woo him, it was working. Dean wasn’t kidding about the tile floors.

Cas balanced him, maneuvering things so Dean's legs were around his waist and his hands supported his ass. He backed them both into the shower, the perfect temperature from before. It was nice, having someone be this thoughtful. Letting himself be pampered. Cas wasn’t going to drop him. 

"Tell me if I do something you don't like." Cas said, and titled Dean into the spray, letting the water pressure get at his back and hair.

"Cas, hey uh - don’t get me wrong - shower sex with someone who can fuck me against the wall sounds amazing, but now’s really not a good time. Sammy's downstairs, and he brought ribs, and Jimmy hasn't had any food in way too long, so -"

"That was not my intention. I would, of course. But I would also wash the effort off your skin, and feel your muscles soften against the warmth of the water." 

Something about the way Cas said that suddenly made this all too much. Dean hid his face against his neck, held on way too tight. If this were anyone other than Cas - he'd leave bruises. 

"Put me down. Don't let go. I just want my feet under me."

Cas lowered him to the ground, with one hand in his hair, the other at his back.

"Thanks,” Dean said. 

For several moments, he just held on, and stood there under the warm water. 

Cas tried to put a little space between them, but Dean's arms weren't letting him go. So instead, their angel stayed exactly still, in his arms.

"Keep your eyes closed," said Cas.

Dean nodded. They were already closed.

Cas rotated the two of them so Dean's face caught the shower spray. Water ran in rivulets down his chest, and against Cas and Jimmy's back. 

He was _warm_ and someone who loved him was _taking care of him._ He never had to be afraid of waking up alone again. It didn't seem _real._ Part of him was terrified he would wake up back in the cold, in pain and alone. If all of this turned out to be just a really good dream - he wasn’t coming back from that.

Cas held him like that, water hiding any tears that may have happened. Dean wasn't sure how long. He wanted to tell Cas that he loved him. But he couldn't talk, not past the tangled up knot of emotions in his chest.

Then, eventually, the hand left his back, and the shower shut off. And there was a fluffy towel around him. Cas rubbed slow, methodical circles against his shoulders, neck, hair. Against his arms and back. Dean finally let go of his death grip, let himself lean into Cas’ touch, until Cas was supporting all his weight.

He didn't have to earn this. It didn't come with a price tag. Cas was doing this because he wanted to. He wasn’t asking for anything.

Cas steadied Dean with just one hand, then dropped to a knee in front of him. Kept drying, over Dean's ass and legs, in big slow circles. Then he stood.

"Shall I carry you out? Or is there more I can do here?"

"I got it. Thanks." Dean took the towel and tied it around his waist, but things still felt a little unreal as he searched around the bedroom for their clothes.

"You didn't have to do that,” he said.

"No," Cas agreed. "I do not act under orders."

"That's not what I meant.” Dean had found most of his clothes. He gave up on the other sock and just started getting dressed. 

Castiel had never put on Jimmy’s clothes before, and was deep in the process of figuring out how they worked. He didn't seem to understand the concept of layers, and was wearing shoes but no socks, a button down but no undershirt. But Dean didn’t say anything. Cas was a quick learner. If he got stuck, _then_ he’d offer to help - but so far Cas was doing a great job. Dean was quietly hoping Jimmy would have to help with the tie.

Cas found a sock under the bed and re-did his shoes, really going overboard with the knots this time. Then he took off the white button-down, put the undershirt on. Realized he had the undershirt on backwards.

"You want some help over there? If you want you can just wear the t-shirt?" Dean would miss the tie, but Cas would keep Jimmy from getting cold, and he could always appreciate the view.

Cas had done up the buttons, but not to their corresponding button-holes. "Please?"

"It's like this. See?" Dean walked him through it in front of the bathroom mirror. Maybe it wasn't the easiest way to do it, resting his chin on Cas' shoulder and wrapping his arms around him to reach the buttons. But Dean was happy.

Cas pulled the crumpled tie out of his pocket. "My vessel thinks I will rip this in half."

"After what you did to the shoelaces, he's got a point." Dean dropped to his knees to try and sort out the mess there. Cas actually stroked his hair, as he worked.

"Okay, I have no clue what you did, but at least they’ll stay on. We’ll just cut the things and replace them later. No one will notice."

"My vessel is doubtful of your ability to tie a tie."

"Hey now. Just because I don't dress up nice every day doesn't mean I can't tie a tie." Dean rose to his feet and tried to prove his point. He ended up having to undo the thing, twice. 

"...It’d be easier if I were wearing it."

Cas' eyes went unfocused and fuzzy for a moment, and then Jimmy was there, laughing.

"Gimme that," he said, and started to loop the thing around his neck so the knot was even, and both ends were lying flat. "Don't lie. Sam tied all your FBI ties, right? And you just slide them on and off?"

"Yeah, fine. You caught me. Call the fashion police. I'm a grown-ass man who still can’t tie his own tie." Dean used the end of Jimmy’s tie to pull him into a kiss. 

"Don't worry," Jimmy whispered. "I’ll do your ties for you in the morning."

"Well now I'm _definitely_ never learning how to tie a tie.” Dean kissed Jimmy’s cheek. “Come on. I don't even want to think about how long it's been since you ate." He grabbed the trench coat and folded it in his arms before Jimmy or Cas had a chance to put it back on. "You can hide under this later."

Jimmy tossed him just the flirtiest, dirtiest look before turning and going down the stairs. Dean followed.

Sam had been busy. There was a thick line of salt poured across the threshold, angelic and demonic warding sigils spray-painted on the windows, and the least crappy of the three couches had been dragged into the kitchen, out of sight of the street. Sam was lying on it, headphones on and computer in his lap. As they came in, he looked up.

"Food's keeping warm in the oven," he said.

"Thanks. Where'd you find the salt?"

Sam looked at Dean with exaggerated concern. "You mean the salt I keep in my bag?"

"Hey, I thought maybe you found where they hid the kitchen cabinets or something. Seriously, what is with this house? We've stayed in motels nicer than this."

"There is _nothing_ useful in here. But the mail does date back about five months."

Dean walked the perimeter of the room, double checking the salt lines at the windows. He trusted Sam, just didn't trust these windows. Back in the kitchen, Jimmy's manners had kicked in and somehow he’d located plates and cutlery. Maybe Cas had stolen that stuff from the neighbors. Jimmy was setting - not the table, this place didn't have a table - but the center island in the kitchen. 

Sam unfolded himself up out of the couch, and stood. He easily had about five or six inches on Jimmy. 

“I hear you're going to be my brother-in-law." 

Jimmy actually froze.

Dean decided to let this play out. Meanwhile, he stole a kiss and a plate before Jimmy could react. "Thanks babe." 

Jimmy did an unconscious split-second smile, before turning back to Sam. "Yeah, um. That's me. Absolutely. Brother-in-law." 

Dean could tell that Sam was trying not to laugh, but Jimmy probably had no idea. He was warily turning towards Sam, like he was angling for a handshake when Sam made quick eye contact with Dean - and pulled Jimmy into a back-slapping hug.

Dean grinned, and tried to disguise it behind a mouthful of food. He knew he looked like a chipmunk when he ate, but if his other flaws weren't dealbreakers, he was probably good here too.

"You let me know if you need a good divorce lawyer," Sam said.

Jimmy backed into one of the kitchen stools.

"Told you he liked you." Dean said, muffled by food. He ignored the look Sam shot him. "This is delicious."

"Thank you," said Jimmy, wide eyes just meaning... everything. But he couldn't resist any longer, and turned to the food, and Dean. "Why do I feel like I ought to be asking someone's _permission_ to marry you?"

Dean nearly choked. He made himself finish chewing. _"Bobby._. I keep forgetting you haven't met Bobby. Don't worry. He'll like you. He's an old fashioned guy. I'm sure he’d get a kick out of being asked."

"If he likes you, he'll tell you to run while you still can," said Sam. He leaned himself against the other side of the island, and reached across for the single salad.

"Too late,” said Dean. “Even if he backs out now, I'm already on board. Anything that wants to hurt his family is going through me. Hey. Is Claire going to call you Uncle Sam? Because that would be hilarious."

Sam shot him a bitch face. "If ever you even try to get me to wear one of those hats, you are dead to me."

"Come one, you love the Fourth of July! I bought you a whole box of fireworks once. With honest money I earned myself and everything. I worked a normal-ass job to buy you that."

"Don't listen to him, Jimmy. Dean is going to be a very good role model and _not buy Claire fireworks._ "

"I'm going to teach her how to shoot. She's what, ten? Twelve? Old enough to learn to use a .22 or maybe a shotgun. At least we get her started on a BB gun.”

Jimmy was tearing into ribs, and smiling with his eyes as he watched the brothers go back and forth.

"We should pick up some kid sized safety glasses."

“Ear protection."

"Earmuffs _and_ earplugs."

"Does she have a favorite color? If we were hunting deer, I'd say something high visibility like orange, but you know... not deer." Dean sounded like he was trying to personally apologize for the way the stuff they hunted usually hunted them back. "They have most of this stuff in pink camo but maybe that’s not her style."

"Just because she's a girl doesn't mean that she'll want _pink_ camo - "

Dean rolled his eyes. "I know. That's why I’m _asking._ "

"Hey um. Sam?" said Jimmy.

Both brothers stopped squabbling to look at him. Jimmy had about five separate emotions on his face. But mostly joy.

"I uh, can't speak for Claire, but I wanted to ask. Dean mentioned the possibility of maybe taking his name. Is that the kind of thing - would that be a problem? You are already the Winchesters."

Now Sam had a complicated expression on his face too.

"Give me three days,” he said, finally. “And I'll have an ID for you that says 'Jimmy Winchester.' Unless you want to hyphenate. Then it'll say Jimmy Winchester-Novak."

Dean had already scarfed down an entire plate of food and rather than go back for more, wiped his hands on a napkin and slipped an arm around Jimmy's waist. The guy looked damn fine in his one suit. 

Sam shook his head. "How'd you _find_ this guy, Dean?"

"Passed out in a warehouse, remember?” Dean grinned. “No, wait. An angel came to me in a dream and told me where to find him. _Then_ we found him passed out in a warehouse."

Sam didn’t think that was as funny as he did. He kept looking back and forth between Dean and Jimmy – who, grand gesture or no grand gesture, was back to eating ribs.

"So. How does this work with Cas?"

"Don't know what he wants to do about the name situation." Dean wasn't even bothering with a plate anymore, was just stealing food off of Jimmy's. "Have to ask him. If he wants to go by Novak, that's fine with me."

"You can ask him in... one minute," said Jimmy. "I'm going to finish this delicious, delicious food. _Thank you_ Sam."

"Cas is still figuring things out,” Dean said, in explanation. “Food is - he’s on a learning curve." He continued to steal Jimmy's barbeque ribs, not showing any signs of remorse. Getting his own plate again would mean he wouldn't be able to keep his arm around Jimmy. No one wanted that.

"Do you have some kind of system or schedule for who gets to use the body when?"

Jimmy snorted. "I'm not a radio station."

"They share,” said Dean. “And Cas is here, he's just not talking. We're lucky Jimmy knows how to tie a tie, 'cause Cas is even worse than me." 

Sam snorted. "Just one more reason my brother is lucky to have you.”

Dean hadn’t quite noticed that Jimmy had gone rigid and fuzzy until he heard a much deeper voice say, “We are all lucky to have him.”

Sam visibly recoiled. Guess he hadn't seen them shift like that before.

"Hey Cas. Try some barbecue?"

"Later. My vessel is full."

Dean took that as permission to finish off the rest of Jimmy's plate. "You should try food sometime. You liked other stuff you've tried so far. Food’s at least as good as a hot shower, and that was totally worth getting out of bed for."

"But the shower and bed both include you."

Sam's eyebrows were raised very, very high. He coughed. Dean shushed him.

Cas got an arm around Dean's waist, and dragged his stool closer. Dean had a feeling they were going to need to have a series of very complicated, context specific talks about personal space. Somewhere Sam wouldn't have to overhear. So far things were fine, but now that the rules had changed... it wasn't fair to just expect Cas to guess.

"What if I cooked? I don't do it too much, but I can,” Dean said.

"We enjoy everything that you give us."

"People don't just _say_ stuff like that. Seriously, Cas. How are you real? "

Sam snorted. "I don't know who's the cuter couple, you and Cas or you and Jimmy."

"Cas and Jimmy are pretty cute too."

"Huh.” Sam thought about that one. “Good."

"What?" Dean asked, immediately suspicious.

Sam shrugged. "Doesn't seem fair that you should have all the fun."

"They have _plenty_ of fun. Jimmy sees him like the trippy part of _2001,_ but I'm the one who gets to hold him like this.” Dean demonstrated. “It's just different."

Sam nodded again, absorbing. "So I guess you're my brother-in-law too, Cas?"

Cas swiveled his intense stare onto Sam. "I am in your debt.”

"No,” said Sam. “We don't count debts like that. Dean knows. It evens out."

"Yeah. We don't keep track of that kind of thing, not with family."

Cas looked from one brother to the other, and for a second that old lost look was back. "I… that is different, from what I have known before."

"That's right.” Sam started to consolidate the food into fewer containers. “So, you and Jimmy are hunting with us now?"

Dean sent a grateful look in his brother’s direction. He really hadn't wanted to drag Cas' family drama all out in the open. 

“Yes...” said Cas. He was having a little trouble talking. “Nothing will change.”

Sam shrugged. “I can already think of ways you can help us.”

"But you don't have to." Dean added, quickly. "I don't want you standing on the side of the road for hours anymore just because I hung up on you. You're your own person." Dean turned to completely face him. Sam wouldn’t take it personally. Cas needed him right now.

His angel leaned in, rested his head on his shoulder. 

"Shhhh.” Dean put a hand at the small of his back and used the other to pet his hair. "You’ll get used to it. I know it sucks. Families are messy. Take your time."

"I feel so cared for, Dean."

"Hey there. You are." Dean looked at Sam over Cas' shoulder and mouthed ‘say something.’

"Let me clean up here," Sam sounded softer. "You guys go and get the car. I'll get us a motel room. Motel _rooms._ Obviously."

"See, Cas? You've got people now. We’re gonna look out for you. Like family's supposed to. We got you. You’re safe."

"Where did you leave your car?" said Cas, hoarsely.

"Outside the hotel you beamed me out of. Here’s hoping that street preacher passed the word along to Zach and then decided to vamoose."

There was the sound of wind, or wings. And then they were outside, in an empty parking lot on the edge of Kansas City in the blue early evening. And there was his Baby, parked just where he left her.

Cas dragged Dean close and kissed him, barely letting him get his breath back before kissing him again - and again - hungry mouth parting his lips, tilting him backwards and over into the curve of the car. 

Dean turned his head away, reluctantly.

"Cas. You know - I’ve had fantasies about exactly this, but we shouldn't be doing _this_ in the middle of a parking lot. In Missouri."

Cas breathed, and detached. "I'm sorry, beloved. Only that I feel my vessel’s soul as it should be. And I thank you, for what you have done for him."

"I didn't _do_ anything."

Cas looked confused.

"The care you take with him? With his body? With his daughter?"

Dean got his feet under him, trying to get some space between himself and the car. "Cas, I am doing the rock-bottom bare minimum here. Jimmy deserves so much more. And you, you're a literal angel. I don't even know where to _start_ with you."

"I will tell you this every day,” Cas said. “Every day, until you believe that you saved us."

"You know that’s not a right way for me to think."

"Would you forgive Sam, if he went to Hell, and did exactly as you did?"

"He wouldn't have cozied up to a literal demon."

"I do not speak ill of your brother, but if Ruby is any indication... you are avoiding the question."

"What if I am?"

Cas sighed. "Do you want punishment for what you did there, Dean? Would that help you feel clean?”

"What if I never..." He couldn't give voice to that particular fear. Not in the middle of an empty parking lot, not for all the world to hear. "I don't know. You and Jimmy help. We'll figure something out."

He slipped out from between Cas and the car, ducked in the driver’s side before anyone could ask him anything else. 

But Cas could of course teleport, and blinked right into shotgun. Dean should have seen that coming. 

"Most people just use the door."

Cas looked at him. Dean took his hand without saying anything, and looked away.

"The inside of my head is a mess, Cas. Promise me, if I'm having a nightmare, or worse. You won't bring him in there with you. He doesn't need to see that."

“I will come alone."

"What if I never totally feel like a person again?" He still couldn't look at him.

"I do not know. I have similar fears. I feel more right than I did."

Dean squeezed Cas’ hand. "Same. Don't think I've ever felt this right before."

Cas kissed the back of Dean's hand. “I would take care of you as carefully as you did my vessel. There is nothing I would not give you."

Dean nodded. It seemed like wanting wasn't enough lately, but they could try. "I think I mostly want to get going before any more of your extended family show up. I'll call Sam. Find out where we're headed."

“Do. You are calm and focused as you drive. That is something you need right now. ”


	8. Baby

Cas was right. Once Dean was on the road with some kind of clear destination - even if that destination was just another crappy motel - life did feel a lot more manageable. And even though Cas could literally teleport, he was still riding shotgun, staring silently out the window, watching the flat Missouri horizon go by. 

"I think I understand something,” he said. “Keep driving as I talk." 

There was another long pause before he started, with no real lead-in. 

"You would ask to simply receive care and love. But you would feel wrong and selfish to lie back and let me love you as you loved my vessel, without giving me something in return. But this kind of surrender is neither incomprehensible nor unforgivable to me. I would give you this. And I hope you would not think badly of me, if I asked for permission to continue even after you began to cry, or struggle, or did anything other than ask me to stop. I will always stop. I will not always be entirely gentle. But I do not think that is always what you want." He turned to stare right at Dean.

And Dean - Dean had to think. Before Hell he would have said yes to kinky stuff like that in a second. 

“I like... some of that,” he said, carefully. “Earlier, in the shower, and after when you dried me off? That was good. I like it when you lead and all I have to do is go along.” 

He was still cautious. Cas had put some serious words in there. Words like 'struggle.’ There were some types of restraints he _really_ didn’t like - but also, it wasn’t like Cas had a super secret sex dungeon or anything. Or even a toy collection. Now that was an idea. That would be fun: explaining the point of sex toys to Cas, and watching Jimmy blush as he explained specific ones.

That could wait. Right _now,_ Dean needed to figure out how he felt about what Cas wanted. Figure out his own really mixed feelings.

"It's not that I don't trust you,” he said, finally. “It’s just - me I don’t trust so much." Dean took his eyes off the road long enough to glance at Cas. "And is this you asking for permission now, or is this you asking if you _can_ ask for permission later? Because those are different questions."

"This is as neutral an observation as I am able to make,” said Cas. “The shower, and the way you made sure I understood there would be no conditions to staying with you and Sam, this helped make sense of some of the things you have done. You desire this release, you desire to receive, you desire to be fucked. You see this as something closed off to you, and it pains you."

There was something about hearing Cas use language like that, in that matter-of-fact way, that was way sexier than it had any right to be.

“I did not want you to think this is evil or wrong,” Cas said. “I did not want you to think this was something I am unable or unwilling to do. Remember, I am very old. Sodom has a reputation, and I was there.”

It clicked into place. "Wait,” said Dean. “Are you getting this from _Jimmy?_ "

"I do not think so? But I also do not understand the question."

"Okay.” Dean glanced at Cas’ face in the rearview mirror. “This is awkward. Sodom’s the story angry street preacher types shout at you when they’re saying why it's evil to be gay or whatever. I get that they're missing the point, but where did you think we got the word ‘sodomy’ from?" Now he was genuinely worried. "Jimmy's okay, right?"

Cas still looked confused. "My vessel is more content and whole than I have ever seen him."

"Okay. I'm here if he needs to talk. Because I get that he’s more the type of guy who says yes to angel possession... and not kinky gay threesomes."

Cas was silent for a moment. 

"I have done my vessel a disservice by seeing a fearful soul instead of a damaged one. After you fucked him, there were many old fears he lost. I suppose sodomy was one of them."

“Glad I could help.” There was a warm fluttery feeling building in Dean’s chest. “There's a lot to be afraid of out there. Shouldn't have to be afraid of who you are." Dean put his hand on Cas' knee. “I'm glad he has us, Cas. I’m glad I have you guys too.”

Cas looked sideways at Dean and smiled. He moved, so his body language was just that sliver more open.

"We are lucky in you. Although this strange problem where you temporarily become deaf when you are praised is very worrying. Perhaps you should see a doctor."

And Dean was going to just skirt around _that_ one. "Okay,” he said. “I've thought about it. Your idea? I'm in. Why not?"

Cas shifted. Now Dean's hand was more on his thigh than his knee. Dean would have thought that was unintentional before, but now...

"Good," said Cas. "You are very good."

"I'm also _driving,_ Cas. And if my Baby gets hurt because you distract me, I'm never forgiving either of us." Dean took his hand off Cas so he could lovingly run it over the dash. "You take good care of me. Isn't that right, Baby?" 

The car didn't answer. It would have been weird if it did. But Dean knew she understood. 

He adjusted the rearview mirror slightly before returning his hands to the steering wheel. He did send a slightly wistful glance in Cas' direction, but it wasn't worth it. Maybe someday they'd be on a long empty stretch of road in the middle of nowhere, and he could reach over, tease Cas with one hand and drive with the other. Keep him on edge for miles. But not today.

It was hard though, with Cas smiling at him like that. Practically _smirking._

"It is not surprising that you call both this car and my vessel ‘baby.’ You protect them, they calm you, and they are yours." Cas did a little more of his new side-eye. "You also love spending time inside of them."

"Sounds right. Not to mention they both look drop dead gorgeous, and I like sharing them with you." Dean dropped the flirty tone in favor of genuine affection. "Baby's the closest thing I've got to a place that feels like home."

He let his words hang in silence. An easy sort of quiet. Dean could have put music on. He didn’t. Despite his best intentions, his hand made its way back over to Cas. 

Cas was quiet too, leaning a respectful arm against the window. He brought up a hand to massage his own neck and shoulders, and it was such an unusual gesture that Dean was almost sure it had something to do with Jimmy.

"Any idea how you're going to patch things up with the kid? I gotta think rescuing her counts for something?"

"Claire Novak is a very independent soul. She will resent me, rescuing her."

"Yeah, well... kids are like that sometimes." Dean smiled, thinking about all the times Sammy had been less than totally thrilled about being rescued. "I bet you never thought you'd be a dad, huh?" 

He wondered how Ben was doing. Maybe they could stop by and check on him, if the world didn't end. Lisa had made it clear he hadn't been there, so in all the ways that mattered he had no right to call himself Ben's dad. It was probably for the best. This way they'd at least stand a chance at a normal life. Couldn't say the same thing for Jimmy and his family.

"I think Claire'll want to get to know you,” he said. “The first time around, I get it that she hated your guts. But Jimmy was dying that second time, and if we get him home safe, I think she might say thanks. And we _will_ get him home safe." If he accomplished nothing else, Dean would do that. The world was _not_ allowed to end without Jimmy getting to see his kid again.

"She'll see how happy you make her dad. It might take a while, but maybe when she does, she'll forgive you." Maybe he wasn’t just talking about Cas anymore. "I don't expect her to call me ‘dad.’ I just want her to, not hate me forever. But if she does, that won't change anything. Just so long as she knows I'm here for her."

Cas tilted his head to the side, smiled, and slumped back in the seat.

A second or two later, he pulled his knees into his chest and wrapped his arms around them.

"Maybe I should ask Bobby for advice?"

"Claire will probably think you're kind of dumb, at first," said Jimmy.

"… she'd be right."

"She's going to see you as the guy with answers who could have explained, but didn't. Actually, I think that idea you had about teaching her to use a shotgun is great. That'll let her know you respect her. Then she can trust you. She's a really great kid. And I mean, sure she gets angry, but then she cools down. Sam reminds me of her. Which is weird maybe. But there you go."

“Nah, Sammy's a good kid. If you'd known him back then..." Dean trailed off, feeling every last one of those extra forty years. "He's a good kid."

"It's a little frightening, how much you love each other,” said Jimmy. “I mean it's _great,_ but when the two of you are in the same room..."

"That’s just us doing death-lasers at each other."

Jimmy rolled his eyes.

“Maybe it’s more that we’ve learned to read each other's minds. Because of the no-respectable-living thing. You know, hustling pool. Impersonating officers of the law. We spent two weeks pretending to be art dealers selling old Dutch masters once. So we’ve got our code words."

"You've learned to trust each other. It's nice."

"Yeah? You haven't seen him lie to my face yet. Not as good at it as he thinks. But all you can do is wait him out until he tells you what's wrong." Dean got quiet. Jimmy had seen Sam rip a man's throat out with his teeth during that mess with the demon blood. 

"Sometimes that doesn't work," he admitted. 

“Me and Cas should be good for that,” said Jimmy. “Someone to talk to if you're worried about Sam, or if Sam is bugging you. Who isn't, you know, _Sam._ "

"Hey, uh. I don’t know if now is a good time to tell you or not, but you should probably know." Dean had to clear his throat. "It's not official or anything, and no one's planning to do anything about it, but I'm pretty sure I've got a kid. He's about ten?" He did some mental math. "Yeah. Ten. I don't really know him all that well."

"I’m sorry. You have a _kid_ the same age as Claire and I'm hearing about this _now?_ "

"He doesn't know."

"Oh," said Jimmy. "And his mom is...?"

"His mom's great. She's got her act together in ways I never will. Single mom. Happy kid. Good house, safe neighborhood. Respectable. She was never gonna tell me and I don't blame her. I'm just some guy she spent a weekend with." Dean shrugged. "So when she tells me the father was just some guy in a leather jacket she picked up at a bar. Can’t argue."

"Kid's safe and happy, that's the most important thing."

"Yeah. But I might not have looked her up again if I hadn’t been on borrowed time, and If I hadn’t done that - Ben might be dead."

"Is it the kind of thing where if she or Ben were in trouble, she'd be okay with calling you?"

"Yeah."

Dean hadn't really thought about it like that before. Ben could have _died_ without him even knowing he existed. He had to pull over on the side of the road. Couldn’t drive like this.

Jimmy sighed. "It sounds like she wanted Ben, but not you. You're not human if that doesn't hurt." In the parked car, he slid over to get an arm around Dean. "I think he needs a tattoo like the ones you and Sam have. His mom too. Claire is going to want one the second she realizes what it does, and also because she thinks tattoos are cool."

"I can give them some anti-possession necklaces. I’d feel better about a tattoo, but that’s Lisa’s call." Dean turned, and rested his forehead against Jimmy. Now was the hard part. "It wasn't a demon that took Ben.” He was going to have to _explain,_ and then Jimmy might never feel totally safe again. 

“Not an angel either," he added, before he gave him the wrong idea. “But... you know what it felt like to see your kid possessed by an angel? Think that, but _worse._ Because whatever this thing is, it's pretending to be your kid but it's _wrong_. And no one believes you, and it keeps telling you it's hungry because it's draining fluid from your spine with its creepy little mouth. Because _surprise!_ Your kid was replaced with a changeling larva. The only reason Ben and those other kids are even alive is because they were being kept in cages as snacks for later. That's just _one_ of the monsters that's out there."

"And you hunt monsters. That's your thing. That's why you do what you do."

That wasn’t right, though. Dean hunted monsters because he'd lost his chance at a normal life. He was always going to be a hunter. It wasn't a choice. He knew monsters were real, so he had to do something about them. 

"Basically?” said Jimmy. “You're telling me there are a lot of different kinds of demons. There _are_ a lot of monsters in the world. There always were. You do your best to protect your kid from them, but you know that’s not something you can do, not completely. So. You train them up as best you can. And make sure they're able to call you, if they need you."

Jimmy moved over, and straddled Dean's lap. "That's why I can never thank you enough for showing me a way back into Claire's life."

Dean turned the engine off just to be safe.

"If she’s anything like Sammy she’s gonna hate us if we lie to her. But she deserves normal too. There’s gotta be some way to split the difference. I just don't know how."

"If it were me, I'd start with telling her about the tattoos, and the salt, and those symbols Sam painted on the windows. And see where you are."

"Start with the things she can do and go from there." Made sense. Maybe leave out crossroads demons entirely. Chances of her ever having anything to do with one were slim to none. Why risk it?

"Yeah," said Jimmy. "And I'll be there as backup, so."

"No, _you'll_ be locked up in Bobby's panic room. If something's after your family, they're probably after you. She needs her dad alive."

"What, you're picturing explaining how salt works as a battle situation?"

Dean processed. Laughed. "You’ve got a _very_ different idea about when to call for backup."

Jimmy bit his lip. "I did just kind of realize that."

"I was talking Yellow-Eyes type stuff. What were _you_ talking about?"

"Moral support backup. That's me. Speaking of which..." Jimmy thumped his hands down on Dean's shoulders in a kind of over-masculine, but reassuring way. "Feel better?"

"That's what this was? Moral support?" Dean hooked a thumb into the belt on either side of Jimmy's waist. Fortunately for any passing motorists, it was doing its job of keeping his pants on quite admirably.

Jimmy smiled. "You tell me. Do you feel morally supported, or all adrift in an uncaring universe?"

"Between you and Cas? Yeah. I feel better. And as nice as this is, I can't keep driving with you on my lap."

Jimmy grinned. "Well, if you wanted to make out in the back just say so.”

"Oh, that's tempting. Some other time, definitely."

It was honestly really appealing. The idea of making out in the backseat, just that, with no pressure to go any further... but he'd already kind of made plans with Cas. So that would just have to wait. "Maybe we could find a drive-in movie somewhere, make an actual date of it?"

"Wait, this car has bench seats?" Jimmy was climbing out of shotgun - out of Sam's seat - into the back.

"It sure does." Dean could practically see gears turning in Jimmy's head.

Jimmy lay down, stretching like he would on a couch. "Maybe I should just ride the rest of the way like this."

"You can if you want. There's a reason I love my Baby so much. And it's not just for her amazing good looks."

"You take good care of her."

"I take good care of what's mine." Dean started the engine again, and merged back on the road. "Take a nap. I'll wake you up when we get there."

Dean turned on the music, and after the first blast of noise, turned it off again. After a bit of searching, he was able to find a cassette tape that was relatively quiet, all things considered. He still kept the volume down.

"You _sure_ I can't convince you to come back here for a few minutes?” said Jimmy. “No one's waiting on us."

"Need to get some more space between me and the place where those freaking angel spies got us."

"Fair enough," said Jimmy, arms behind his head. "In that case, I think I am going to relax back here. That thing about it being comfortable wasn't just me doing a bit."

"I know. I wasn't doing a bit either. I'm just stuck up here driving." Dean tossed the folded up trench coat at him. "But if you and Cas wanted to fuck in the backseat? Wouldn't complain."

And so what if it was in a dimension Dean couldn't perceive? 

Didn't make it any less sexy.

  
  



	9. Wedding Gifts

Okay, so Jimmy was definitely doing  _ something  _ in the backseat.

As he drove, Dean moved his eyes from the road, to the side mirror, to the rear-view mirror and back again. He caught images of Jimmy, stretched, biting his lip, head back and neck long, letting his legs fall open. All of his clothes stayed on and his hands stayed away from anything interesting. But underneath the sounds of Blue Oyster Cult, Dean could hear Jimmy’s sharp breaths, and twice, the soft hiss of  _ "Cas…" _

And then, after a surprisingly long time, Jimmy went still, sprawled, no tension at all. Maybe actually sleeping.

Dean drove.

The I-70 took them into St. Louis at around four in the afternoon. Sam either felt guilty or was still trying to be nice, because he’d booked them into a motel that was much nicer than the ones they usually went for. This was the kind of place that had a water cooler next to the front desk with little circles of lemon floating in it. Dean pulled into the most concealed, out-of-the way car berth, and left Jimmy sleeping in the back while he went to get the room keys from Sam.

Somehow, this simple operation turned into logistics – Dean was exhausted but on autopilot, consolidating and organizing all their junk, comparing notes on Zachariah and Lucifer, stealing fruit and oatmeal packets from tomorrow’s breakfast buffet, listening to Sam explain the new case he’d found (in Ohio, something about Abraham Lincoln.)

But things felt solid, things felt – normal. Sam was businesslike, didn’t bring up Cas except to ask if he had any special dietary requirements. (“He’s an angel, I thought maybe he needs – sunlight?” “He’s an angel, not a  _ tree. _ ”) Then, as Dean went through the box of IDs looking for one that might work for Jimmy in a pinch, Sam mentioned they’d have to drive through Illinois  _ anyway _ on the way to Ohio, and Pontiac wouldn’t be too much of a detour, and - 

Dean ran a hand across his face and sighed.

"Sam. I kind of left Jimmy sleeping in the car. And I’m trying to do better here.” It would be easier if he wasn’t so damn tired all the time. "I  _ will? _ You figured out normal for a second there. It - gets easier, right? Our normal, I mean. Not  _ normal _ normal."

Sam glanced up from his laptop. Dean had almost mentioned that possible future, that one where Sam was a lawyer with a nice place in SoCal, and a wife. They didn't talk about Jess much. But with everything that had been happening, Dean was starting to wonder if... maybe they should. "Thanks for loaning me the lucky sweatshirt,” he said. “Had it on when I asked him to marry me. Think it helped."

Sam looked away, but Dean saw the smile.

“I was wearing it too. When – you know.” Sam shook his head. And shut the laptop, not all the way. “You know, this whole situation. She would have loved it. Would have thought it was so funny. It’s stupid. It’s like she’s supposed to be here. Like she and Jimmy are supposed to be planning some corny double date.” He dragged a hand over his eyes. “But I do know what you’re saying. With her - after six months it was like I couldn't remember a time when she wasn't there."

“God, I hope that happens,” Dean said, not thinking. It was his turn to look away. He stared down at his hands. All the little ways Cas had put his body back together better. Sure there was the healed finger, but his wrists and hands just felt less battered and worn down then they had before. No sign of any of the things he'd put his body through. Dean had forgotten parts of his life from before Alastair. Maybe Cas and Jimmy could help him forget Hell.

"If I'd known how important she was to you, I wouldn't have been such a jackass when I met her,” he said.

Sam did a very tight, controlled nod.

“I know you miss her.” That was pretty much the only thing Dean knew about Jess. But then, it was the only thing he needed to know.

Sam turned, and for a second he had all his coiled before-a-fight intensity. "I know we don't say this stuff for - for a lot of reasons. But thank you. Really. Thank you.”

There was pain in his voice, but the pain was complicated. What about Sam wasn’t?

"Hey, before I forget,” said Dean. “The whole divorce attorney thing? Thanks."

"Sure. We should make this as easy on Jimmy as possible. Speaking of, you said you left him in the car?

"Should wake him up while I’ve still got plausible deniability." Dean double-checked his pockets for the room key, smiled. "I'll check about the detour. I'm for it, but it's his town and his family so you know." They'd figure something out. Probably. There wasn't anything he could do about it right now.

But he shouldn't have worried about Jimmy. From ten feet away, he could see him in the back, still very much asleep. It was strange, waking someone up gently instead of banging on the roof and laughing, as was Winchester family tradition. He rapped on the window softly a few times before going to get the duffel out of the trunk. He only managed to find one anti-possession necklace, but it was better than nothing. Tattoos were safer anyway.

Dean heard the car door swing open, but kept his focus on the truck. He felt arms around his waist. Jimmy kissed the back of his neck.

“Smooth ride."

Behind them, the sun was already starting to set against the St. Louis skyline.

Dean closed his eyes for a second and leaned into the embrace. He hadn't earned this, definitely didn't deserve it, but through sheer dumb luck this was where he'd ended up.

Jimmy nipped his ear. "Thanks for driving. Tired?"

"Very."

Jimmy bumped Dean with a shoulder. "Come on. Let's have the room key." He snuck a hand into the pocket of Dean's jeans. The key wasn’t in that pocket, and it wasn't in the next one Jimmy tried. But it was in the fourth.

"Congrats on being the world's worst pickpocket." Dean said. It was a good thing they got here when they did. He wasn't safe to drive. He was barely safe to walk.

Jimmy unlocked the door to their room. It was a nice room. Big. Clean. Thick curtains. Memo pad with mints on it. But Dean was having trouble paying attention to anything other than the king sized bed piled with pillows.

Jimmy's hands were on his shoulders, peeling off his jacket. Fingers picked at the buttons on Dean's shirt, pulled off his belt, started to fish inside his jeans for the holster. Dean waved Jimmy off - he'd moved his pistol from the glove compartment to the concealed carry holster, and they hadn't gone over basic gun safety yet. He put pistol, pocket knife, keys, and phone on the nightstand. Got one boot off before sprawling backwards onto the bed.

Dean motioned at his stuff. “Don't touch the firearms. You can use the phone if you want.”

Jimmy snorted, and folded Dean into the blanket taco-style. "Cas and I were going to explore the city for a while, and we promise not to the shooting range without you. We’re just a wing and prayer away. Or you know, a phone call."

"Yeah, okay." Dean was already half asleep. "I should take my other shoe off." 

"Probably," said Jimmy. "Can I take it off, or is there like, a gun in there too?"

"Already took off the one with the knife."

Jimmy kissed Dean's neck again, and bent over his feet. He was better at knots than Cas, and the shoes came off, and so did the sweaty socks. And then he was confidently rubbing Dean’s foot.

"Hmmm." Dean wiggled his toes and pulled his foot away. Jimmy laughed, and tucked in the blankets around Dean.

Dean must have fallen asleep without meaning too. Because now, as he opened his eyes, it was much darker. The curtains were drawn. There was a line of salt on the floor. He had to turn on the lamp next to the bed, and when he did he was greeted by a very elaborate sigil drawn across the mirror. It would have looked vaguely threatening, except it sort of looked like it had been done in lipstick, and nothing that shade of pink could be scary.

There was a white pastry box sitting next to his pistol. It had "Easy as Pie!" written across the top in loopy letters. Inside was a much fancier pie than he would have picked out. Lime, with blackberry across the top. Still, pie was pie.

He heard splashing sounds coming from the bathroom.

All thoughts of pie forgotten, Dean grabbed the toothbrush out of his bag. The tooth-toothbrush. Not the gun cleaning toothbrush. His mouth felt grody, and if he wanted to properly thank them, he was going to have to do something about that.

The bathroom was  _ also  _ surprisingly big and surprisingly nice. Fluffy bathrobes hanging on the door. Towels folded into triangles. And well - at one point there had been a basket of bath products, but  _ someone _ (Jimmy) had dumped every last one of the little bottles into the tub. The man in question was in the middle of a huge, steaming, bubbly bath. Head tipped back, hair damp, eyes closed. So relaxed that all he was missing was a cigarette to leisurely smoke, and he would have looked like a parody of someone just post-sex.

Dean took a moment to enjoy the view.

"Salt, Cas’ squiggle, a pie and now this? I am one seriously lucky bastard."

As Jimmy saw Dean, his smile got wide. "Good timing. Better get in before the water gets cool."

Dean made a noise of agreement around his toothbrush, tried to undo his jeans one handed. Jimmy was trying to keep a straight face. He wasn't as good at it as Cas. Dean's shirt came off the instant he finished brushing his teeth, and jeans and underwear joined it in a pile on the floor. Through the bubbles, Dean could see Jimmy’s knees move apart, invitingly.

"Don’t need convincing. I just thought you'd want to be the little spoon." Dean carefully got in the tub. It was a large one, but still a bit of a tight fit with two of them. Technically three, but Cas didn't take up space.

"I'm plenty sturdy,” said Jimmy, indignantly.

Dean let himself lean back against Jimmy’s chest.

"Mmmmm." Jimmy's hands dug into the muscles of his shoulders and neck, and somehow Dean couldn't quite relax. There wasn't anything to be afraid of. There was no reason he should feel like this. Everything was fine.

"Saint Louis is a nice town,” said Jimmy. “We saw their big arch thing. Read some plaques about the Dred Scott case and how ice cream cones were invented. Cute shops. Just close your eyes, okay? Don't want the shampoo to sting.”

"Uh, in a second. Need a minute. Think maybe I had a bad dream or something." Dean let his head rest against Jimmy's shoulder. "Don't even know what's got to me this time.”

“Wouldn’t read too much into it. I think you're like the guy who works nonstop for a month, makes the deadline, sleeps for fourteen hours, and then doesn't know what to do with himself." Dean felt Jimmy shrug. "I've been there."

"You're not wrong. End of the world one hell of a deadline though. The dead-est."

Jimmy made a sort of "tsk" noise. "We'll figure something out. And we're going to keep you in one piece so you don't run off and do something stupid." He touched pruney fingers to the side of Dean's face. "Got to keep you in fighting trim. No one's saving the world on four hours of sleep and a bottle of whiskey every night."

"Nah. It’s more like every other night..." Dean was only half joking. Even he knew it wasn't funny.

"Well. Me and Cas are going to have something to say about that." Jimmy turned his head and kissed him, a little harshly, a little posessively.

He kissed like - like the kind of guy who brought Dean pie and put down lines of salt while he slept. It made him feel loved, and more importantly,  _ safe. _ Between the warmth in that kiss and the warmth of the bathwater, the anxiety and tension in Dean's body started to melt away.

"Hey," said Jimmy. "We got you something? Like a present. While we were out. I'm sort of thinking we should give it to you now?"

"Not now, man. It's gonna taste funky. Pie in the bathtub sounds amazing, but I just brushed my teeth."

"Not the pie _. _ Another thing. That also means getting out of the bathtub but it's... another thing."

"I've got you and Cas."

Jimmy’s chin came down on Dean's shoulder. "That's sort of the point?  _ We _ wanted to get you something. So if you don't like it, or if it's too much, or weird, or one of those things that's only nice as a fantasy, you'll tell us?"

"Okay,  _ now _ I'm curious."

"Is that a yes?"

"You didn't get rope, right? I wanted to watch you blush while we went shopping for bondage gear."

"We didn't get rope."

"I'm... kinda enjoying this. Don't really get to be the little spoon too much.” Dean crossed his arms protectively over his chest. “I don't know. It's just nice, I guess." He knew he looked like the kind of guy who could handle whatever life threw at him just fine. He knew he looked that way even when he was barely hanging on. 

"People make assumptions, you know? I get it. But you didn’t. Don't always have to be this tough guy for you to want me. I can be the dumbass who accidentally asked you to marry him."

Jimmy kissed the back of Dean's neck, right at his hairline.

"I promise," he said, "you being a tough guy is not the main attraction."

"It can be fun."

"Look,” said Jimmy. “I like the leather, and I like the hidden knives, and I like you being a crack shot as much as the next guy. But you know how much we love it when you let us see you be not-tough?"

Dean felt himself blush. Somehow, Jimmy had found a way to turn something that should have been embarrassing into a compliment. He didn't know what to say, as Jimmy wrapped hands along his chest and stomach, not in a way that felt sexy necessarily, but in a way that felt more like a hug.

"Like when you’re careful with us?” Jimmy murmured. “Or when we get to see you all relaxed, maybe even crying, a little, because things are getting intense? When you let us see you wearing that lace?"

"You're not just saying that to make me feel better? I mean, it's working."

"You don't ever have to be tough for us, kitten."

Dean gave a sharp intake of breath.

Hadn't been expecting  _ that. _

Jimmy had called him  _ kitten _ again. He hadn't even needed to ask - which was good, because he  _ never _ would’ve, not after the way things turned out last time.

"I, um... I like it when you call me that, but it feels weird. I'm not..." Dean gestured at himself. "I mean, I'm just me."

Jimmy nuzzled behind his ear. "You sure are."

"Isn't it weird? Calling me that when I look like this? I mean, it's innocent and cute and sexy. I've got the sexy part figured out but the rest?"

Jimmy was quiet for a moment.

"I'm calling it. Water's not as hot as it was anyways.”

"Okay, just... I'm not a fan of the cold so just - give me a second." Dean stood up, carefully stepped out of the tub. Yep. The tile was  _ exactly _ as cold as he was afraid it would be. Looking around, he grabbed the nearest fancy towel and threw it so at least there was something between him and the tile floor. He was shivering more than could be explained by temperature alone, and he knew it.

Jimmy clambered out of the bath and folded one of the big fluffy bathrobes around him. Went rigid. And someone much, much stronger than Jimmy swept Dean into his arms, bathrobe and all. Dean hid his face against Cas' neck, and held on.

Cas didn't speak, but carried Dean into the next room, sat him down on the bed. He knelt at Dean's feet. Not wearing anything - but this was Cas, it wasn't like he got embarrassed or cold. He looked up with that steady, dark blue gaze as Dean wrapped the edges of the robe tighter around himself.

"Blood shows up nice on white tile. It cleans easy." He could have been talking about the weather. “Bright. To see what you're doing."

Cas nodded solemnly.

"I'll be fine. Just need a minute."

"Let us help you feel safe and loved," Cas said, in that raspy voice.

"I’m just - thinking about things that aren’t real. Can we, I don’t know… maybe cuddle? Just until I warm up?"

In answer, he got swooped up in Cas' arms again, and laid out flat. Cas crawled over, taking the comforter with him, until it was wrapped tight around the two of them. And now Cas - warmer than Jimmy – was reaching inside his robe, undoing the belt, drawing it out of the way, twining into Dean to give him all the skin contact possible.

Dean felt safe again. Alastair wasn't coming back from the dead. Even if he did, Cas would buy him enough time to do an exorcism, and he could hide in Bobby's bunker until they figured out a plan. Cas didn't change his grip, but rolled to place his weight more on top. That helped too. Dean looked at the sigil Cas had drawn on the mirror and the unbroken lines of salt that surrounded them.

"I’m good now. Thanks, Cas."

One hand moved through Dean's hair, holding the back of his head steady. Cas nestled closer, lips barely separated from Dean's.

"May we kiss you?"

Dean closed the distance. His kiss was gentle, and slow. Cas didn't say anything. Wound in his arms like that, it was like Cas was kissing with his entire body, touching tighter and more shamelessly.

For a split second, Dean felt like he couldn't breathe - but the moment was gone as quickly as it came. Pinned to the bed like this, Dean was completely at Cas’ mercy but – that wasn’t a problem. All it took was the slightest nudge before Cas was rolling off, and rather than let his angel pull away, Dean followed so their positions were reversed. He could look down into those devastating eyes.

Dean fucking loved those eyes. They were so damn colorful, even when it was just Jimmy looking out. He used to think the eyes-are-the-windows-to-the-soul thing was something poets and English teachers made up. Not since these two. Dean might not be able to see Cas, but the feeling of being seen  _ by _ him was - intense. And Jimmy was intense too, in his own way.

With a weird twist of his stomach, he realized he could tell them apart. He could  _ tell them apart _ just from their eyes. Right now, this was Cas. Who left Dean love notes written in salt and lipstick.

“I want to help you figure out how shoelaces work,” he said.

Cas nodded like he understood what Dean was trying to say. “We have something for you. It was my vessel’s idea, but I… helped.” Cas reached under the bed and pulled up - a white box. It was like the pastry box but shallower, and had "La Petite Minette'" written across the top in a similar loopy font.

“Okay, it's not pie,” said Dean. “I'm out of guesses."

"My vessel wants you to open it."

Gifts were a big deal when you had to live out of motel rooms. You didn't own a lot when you had to carry it all with you. So Dean carefully took the box, used the pocket knife on the dresser to slice through the gold sticker holding it closed, and pulled the lid off.

Whatever was inside was folded into lavender tissue paper, and for a second Dean thought it was just a box  _ of  _ tissue paper since it was so light, before realizing that was stupid. He pushed the wrappings aside and - there was a lot of lace, and shiny white fabric, and a lot of  _ parts? _ As in, components? Then he realized what he was looking at.

This was a lingerie set.

A  _ white _ lingerie set.

Carefully, afraid of damaging it, Dean set the box down on the bed and pulled Cas into a hug. And after a minute, he was positive he felt the grip around him change to Jimmy.

"Do you like it? If you don't - it's completely fine." Jimmy’s voice.

_ "Of course I do." _

_ "Good. _"  Jimmy sounded really, honestly relieved. "Cas made sure we got one that fits. He knows all your measurements, and he's got - I think being big gives him really good spatial awareness. He asked the shop girl to let him practice taking the corset on and off the mannequin."

"I've never put this kind of stuff on before. Just taken it off." Dean returned his attention to the box. Jimmy shifted position, and watched him touch the pieces.

"Will you let me?" Jimmy said, after a minute. "Put it on? Let  _ us, _ I mean. Put it on you.”

Dean didn't trust his voice. He hadn’t known that he was even allowed to  _ want _ this, and now he  _ had  _ it? He tried to convey the idea with a kiss. It felt inadequate, but it was the best he could do. There was a hand on the small of his back getting him to scooch forward, and suddenly Jimmy was on the floor between Dean’s knees, holding one lace-topped nylon stocking.

"Please tell me you know how to put that on," Dean said.

Jimmy looked up at him, and for a second seemed to forget what he was supposed to be doing. Then he smiled. His hands came around Dean's calf, slightly repositioning.

"This is the one time in the last three days when I’ve known exactly what I'm doing."

He stretched the thing into a donut shape, and slid it over Dean's foot. Hands coaxed the cool fabric upwards, past the bones of Dean's ankle, stretching it around his calf. He pulled the stocking over Dean's knee - and then his fingers snuck up, pulling the wide band of lace higher. Carefully, lightly, Jimmy fixed the fabric snagging around Dean's inner thigh.

Dean felt that subtle band of elastic pressure. He carded his fingers through his lovers’ wild hair. The smooth skin of Jimmy’s shoulders was  _ so close. _ He softly tilted Jimmy’s chin up, and Jimmy kissed his thumb.

"I needed this," Dean said.

Jimmy’s hand hovered above the band of lace for a second, and then touched, fingers barely pressing. He rested his forehead against Dean’s knee. Kissed through the thin fabric.

Dean curled his foot and toes experimentally, feeling the way the material stretched and moved. The closest he could compare it to was thermal underwear – but this was still totally different. Soft against his skin, but with the warmth of Jimmy's lips and hands, like there was nothing between them.

Then Cas was holding up the second stocking.

"I remember these being silk," he said. "There was no silk."

"You did good, Cas. This is perfect." Dean was pretty sure silk wasn't elastic like this, and he was really enjoying the stretch against him when he moved. Bending his knee was making the material rub against his leg hair in really interesting ways.

He watched Cas' eyes move up his body, to his face, and Dean caught a little of that lightness and  _ humor _ that had started showing up in their angel lately. Then Cas was pulling the stocking up Dean's leg with sure fingers - quick - too quick - the contrast between the silky not-silk and Cas' fingers was -

Dean put his stocking-clad foot on Cas' chest. "Hey, take it easy chief. We've got our own room." He wiggled his toes again, and on a whim, lightly brushed them over one of Cas' nipples.

Cas froze. And then, like someone moving through a current, dragged Dean's calf into his chest. Taking it a millimeter at a time, he pulled fabric into place with a million tiny stroking motions. His head was bent, his face so close to Dean's skin. He started adding light kisses, right before he pulled lace over them.

Without really noticing, Dean brought his hand up to massage the handprint on his shoulder. As beautiful as the sight before him was, he gave in to the temptation to just close his eyes and feel. Cas' fingers and Cas' lips pushed ridiculously slowly up his leg. Cool fabric lay across his skin. And then there was a hand, a flat palm, right up against his inner thigh. Cas drew circles, massaging against the muscles there.

Then he pivoted, and reached into the purple tissue paper. He might have been going through a box of chocolates, making sure he didn’t get a bad one - something that always reminded Dean of Russian roulette. Watching him, Dean felt beautiful. He felt soft and vulnerable and more at peace with himself than he had in years.

Cas was holding a little scrap of lace, the matching panties. Jimmy hadn’t gone for anything very daring. Or maybe he hadn't been able to find daring panties in Missouri.

Cas got closer to thread Dean’s legs through them, lifting him off the bed to get the lace around his ass. He leaned back, inspecting his work. Then leaned back further - enough to look at Dean and smile - before adjusting Dean’s dick inside the panties. Under Cas' hands, everything became even and symmetrical. Lace cradled him securely in place, and Cas let his hand rest there a second longer than it needed to.

Dean brought his fingers up to trace the outline of the handprint. "I love your hands. I love all of you, but your hands are my favorite right now."

Cas began to rub circles against his hip bones. “Where should I put them.”

There was absolutely nothing suggestive in the way he said that, but Dean still was about to make a flirty joke. And then he had a thought.

“Can I talk to Jimmy first?"

Cas closed his eyes. Went still. Three seconds later those eyes re-opened, and Jimmy was holding Dean's hips.

He tickled the skin, in a reassuring sort of way.

Dean patted the space next to him. "C'mere handsome. Sit."

Jimmy sat on the bed, and pulled one of the pillows to hold over his lap, looking nervous.

"I trust you,” said Dean. “I mean, I trust Cas too. But he doesn't get why this is a big deal. Wasn't worried about what _ he _ would think.” Dean ran one hand down his side, over the waistband of the panties and the top of the stockings. He was getting distracted.

He turned his attention to Jimmy. "I liked when you called me kitten. I liked it a lot. You don't have to do it all the time. Pretty sure I'd miss you saying my name if you did. And, um... you calling me that even when I wasn't dressed like this was a surprise. Good surprise. But you know..." Dean had to fight the urge to look away again, but Jimmy pushed his pillow to the side, and put a hand on Dean's knee.

"I thought it would be okay, but I didn't want to make you feel weird." Jimmy picked at the lace band, before putting his hand back down, warm and solid.

"They're white." Dean pointed out, as if that were new information. "I've tortured people."

Also not new information.

Jimmy closed his eyes.

"It's a wedding gift,” he said. “Of course it's white."

Dean was quiet for several moments. Then he took Jimmy's hand and kissed it. 

Jimmy tugged Dean into his arms. Dean felt like he could sleep there, held like this. He didn't want to, yet.

“What do you need, kitten?” Jimmy murmured into Dean’s hair. "Tell us.”

"I need to know, that if something gets you uncomfortable, you’ll say so. Not just stay quiet and have Cas take over."

Now Jimmy was silent.

"You noticed that, huh?"

"After a while. Yeah,” said Dean. “Don’t blame you. I'd probably do the same thing if I could."

Jimmy wiggled. "It's just that he's so...” Sighed. “All right." He fidgeted with the lacy border of Dean's panties. “I promise I'll say something. Even if it's a dumb thing to be uncomfortable about."

He draped the last piece of matching lingerie around Dean, a corset done in alternating panels of lace and white satin. It felt like an embrace as he tugged it tight and started doing up the little eyelet closures. Dean watched those clever, precise fingers. Jimmy started at the bottom, which wasn’t how Dean would have done it. Maybe that was a tip the sales girl had given Cas.

If Dean had bought something like this for himself (he never would have been brave enough. But if he  _ had _ ) he would have thought there’d be places where you could tell it wasn't made for someone with his body type. So he was surprised by how well it fit. Maybe there were stores that sold this kind of thing. Maybe Cas had done something. Maybe he just didn't understand how corsets worked. Whatever it was, Dean was a little overwhelmed by how much thought Cas and Jimmy had put into all this.

As a final touch, Jimmy bent down to clip in the little ribbon-garters. They were nonfunctional, the stockings stayed up fine on their own, but they looked nice. And gave Jimmy an excuse to run his hands over the tops of Dean's thighs.

"How do I look?" Dean was trying for confident and flirtatious, and managed it pretty okay. Taking Jimmy's hands, he got out of bed and walked over to the mirror. If he looked ridiculous - he wanted to be holding Jimmy's hand when he found out.

Jimmy curled an arm around Dean’s stomach. “The tattoo makes the whole thing a little punk rock.” He made eye contact with Dean's reflection in the mirror. "Eighties pin-up. Kinda Bowie."

"Says the man who fell to earth. But like... with a happier ending. And no guns during sex."

Jimmy kissed his neck. "Haven't seen that movie."

"Don't. It's about an alien who - look, it doesn't matter. Might hit too close to home for Cas. Shouldn't have joked about it."

Jimmy smoothed his hands over Dean's shoulders. "It's unfair how good you look. If I... you know, get hard. Don't worry about it. Just I don't think I can help it."

Dean placed his hand over Jimmy's. "Baby. I like knowing I turn you on. This isn't just a sex thing. But it’s not  _ not _ a sex thing. I think I’ve wanted this for a long time. Was just too much of a wuss to go near it on my own."

Jimmy stroked a hand over the satin covering Dean's pecs. "And now?"

"It's kinda comforting. Not sure how to explain it."

Jimmy was getting a little more handsy with the satin around Dean's torso. Seemed like he liked the feel of the fabric almost as much as Dean did.

"Okay, I've said what I needed to say,” said Dean. “I’m not sending you away or anything - but I said I’d give Cas an answer once I wasn’t worrying about you hiding.” He turned to face Jimmy. “Tell him the answer to his question is 'everywhere.' I want him to touch me everywhere.”

Jimmy took a deep inhale, and pulled Dean close against him. His hands cupped Dean’s ass through the lace, bringing their hips flush. Dean had a moment to register that Jimmy was definitely getting hard before Jimmy’s hand was on the small of Dean’s back, slotting his body into place against Jimmy’s chest. Jimmy added  _ friction.  _ Then there was a hand running up his arm, fingers along his neck. A thumb rested in the dip of his collarbone.

Dean was close enough to smell gel in damp hair and Jimmy’s eyes were bright and steady. He stroked the backs of his fingers underneath Dean’s chin.

And this - Jimmy taking his time with him - made everything twist together and hold for - a blink, forever - Dean was edging into breathless and lightheaded and Jimmy hadn’t even kissed him. And it was as if a jolt passed through the body pressed against his. Stronger arms were lifting him into the air and  _ Cas _ closed the space, completed the kiss, dirty and hungry and deep. It was a long time before they broke apart.

"Miss me?" 

_ "Dean." _

Dean wrapped his legs around Cas’ waist and draped his arms over Cas’ shoulders. He twisted his fingers into Cas' hair, and his angel’s head bowed under his touch.

"The things you can do that were impossible three days ago. The light bringer was insane, to think humanity unworthy."

“That’s the point, right? Being better than you were three days ago?” Dean took a deep breath and sighed, some of that constant tension leaving his body. “I mean, if life were about being worthy, there’s a lot of people who’d still be alive."

Cas pivoted, and lowered Dean down to the mattress.

“You are alive now.”

"Sure am. What are you going to do about it?" Dean tried his best to sound like a cowboy challenging somebody to a gunfight.  _ Can’t go wrong with that one. Nothing’s sexier than cowboys. _

"Help you to feel alive?" Cas suggested, climbing over him. Letting Dean catch a glimpse of the immensity glinting behind his eyes "You are a body as well as a soul. I would ground you in your body's warmth, in every uncontrollable display of need. I would keep your mind here, with us."

“And how are you gonna do that?" Dean was as aware of his heartbeat as if Cas had reached his hand into his chest and grabbed it. It was almost frighteningly intimate.

With no tell at all, Cas flipped Dean over onto his front. Fingertips dug into his muscles, into everything that was knotted. He straddled Dean's hips, and then the laces of the corset were adjusted, just a little tighter. Dean crossed his arms under his head, closed his eyes. The corset was snug, not claustrophobic. But there was kind of a lot of material between him and Cas. Would it be less of a problem with a bra instead? Something to think about.

He could think about it later. Right now, he was going to enjoy this.

Now Jimmy's hands, cooler than Cas’ and less effortlessly strong, moved over his sides. Jimmy leaned forward and dug in, actually cracked Dean's back for him. A split second of that satisfying almost-pain, and Dean breathed even easier.

Jimmy's hands smoothed along his hips. "How are you doing?"

Dean hummed softly and took a minute. "I'd ask you to marry me, but I already did." He bent his knees so his feet were in the air and he could enjoy the way the fabric felt against his skin.

"Relaxed and loose,” said Jimmy. “ We love getting you like this. "

"Me too."

"Hey - " said Jimmy. He made a circle with his thumb on Dean’s hip. "Turn over?"

"You’re going to make me  _ move? _ "

"Not all of us can toss you around."

"You’ve both got your talents."

"Yep. I do dirty talk. Not philosophical monologues or awkward silence."

Dean rolled, and Jimmy's hands were back on his hips, pressing down and moving in, the lace creating tiny amounts of friction against the delicate skin of his groin.

"Right,” said Dean. “When I'm not getting shot at or covered in ectoplasm or thrown in jail on purpose, I'm wearing these lacy bad-boys under my clothes. And you and Cas are going to be the only ones who know.  The sooner the better.  Maybe tomorrow?"

Jimmy teased Dean's balls against the lace. "Maybe when it's just us in the car, I can reach over, pop the button on your jeans, get my hand inside just like this. Play with you a little."

Dean's hand twisted in Jimmy's hair and hauled him up for a rough kiss. The lace cradled him like he was something delicate and beautiful and so did Jimmy. It was just so fucking perfect that not kissing him would have been a crime. "I'd like that.”

"Someday I'm gonna get you to be a little rough with me,” said Jimmy. “You've been touching me like I'm made of butterfly wings or something. I'm not complaining, but. Someday."

"Baby, I’ll do rough. That was your first time, of course I was gentle." Dean’s hands began to wander closer to the places on Jimmy's back where Cas came to the surface. "Don't think I forgot about those fantasies."

"The thing about Naked Twister was just a random mental image and doesn’t count."

Dean leaned forwards to kiss along the shell of his ear. "I’ll be the sexy badass who saves you from vampires. Pin you down and pull your hair as I fuck you. Or you can be James Bond and I’ll interrogate you. And it’ll be sexy instead of pants-wettingly terrifying." Dean winked. "’Course, if anybody  _ actually _ tried to hurt you - I'd make Liam Neeson look like he was asking nicely."

“...Really? Because I didn't know... asking for that would be okay -"

"Makes two of us. Probably three." Dean gently ran nails down Jimmy's back, experimenting. Not quite scratching, but more than he had been doing.

Jimmy arched.  _ "Fuck. _ He's on my skin like armor. And then you... that..."

"I take good care of what's mine."

“This was supposed to be about making you feel all safe and loved. That's what we were trying to do..."

Dean grabbed Jimmy's ass and held him close, grinding the the unmistakable beginnings of a hard on against him, through the lace of the panties. There wasn’t much yet, but there was something. "Not my fault you bring out my protective side. Now move over and let me kiss Cas. Stop hogging the angel."

Jimmy rolled his hips, and fell heavy against him. Dean brought his arms around the two of them, waited. The body in his arms got warmer.

"I feel the beginnings of your arousal.” Cas sounded a little proud. “But nothing is required of you. I am more than capable of satisfying my vessel."

Dean let his hands wander back to that gorgeous ass. "How about the other way around? We talked about it."

Cas tilted his head in some kind of question.

"Double-teaming you? Before, we figured out that I can kiss your true form when I orgasm. Now I want you inside me for real. Not just a dream. I wanted that already, but now I want it more. I want Jimmy to make love to your true form while you figure out how long you can keep me coming before it’s too much. I want to kiss you - the real you - while he fucks you. We'll have to go slow, and it might not happen today. But that’s what I want."

Cas had to close his eyes briefly, and breathe, to get himself back under control.

"I swear,” said Dean. “I  _ will _ find some way to love you like you deserve to be loved. Completely and exactly as you are. But if we’re gonna get there, I have to let you do the same for me. So this is me, doing that. And I think I’m gonna need you guys to take the lead on this one. Because right now I trust you more than I trust me."

"Dean, if you were both to have me this way... I would ask you to draw a sigil, binding me to this body. I would prefer not to destroy the windows."

"I know this is a stupid question but…” Dean hesitated.

Cas' thumb touched Dean's cheek. "What concerns you?"

"I know we’re safe with you. That’s not what this is. I'm just - that fake future." Dean kissed Cas’ wrist. “When I was there, that other you said that there wasn’t enough room left for Jimmy. And by the time you realized what was going on, the other angels were gone and you guys were stuck here. Couldn't have saved him if you tried."

Dean went silent. Didn't really trust himself to talk. He kissed them on the forehead instead.

"Dean,” said Cas. “I have never lied to you. It is true that I have never bound myself to a vessel. It is a technique used to make it easier to imprison or interrogate. That was the responsibility of other angels. Specialists like Balthazar." He paused. "I spoke without thinking. Perhaps such a thing would hurt my vessel. I would end myself, before I let that happen again."

"We could just let the windows break? The only person who’d know it was us is Sam. He’d get over it."

Cas brought himself up on his elbows to look at Dean. "I did not want to frighten you."

"They exploded away from you the first time," Dean reminded him.

“I do not know what will happen. I haven't done this before."

"We can stop before the property damage. I mean, we don't  _ have _ to, but we can. It'll sure be the funnest way I've ever trashed a motel room."

Cas smiled. 

"Can I check in with Jimmy again?” said Dean. “I know he's fine, I know that stuff wasn't real. I just... want to see him."

Cas touched Dean's face again. Then he blipped out, and Dean was cuddling Jimmy.

"All present and accounted for. No cults and no orgies. Unless you count present company."

Dean kissed him softly, just to reassure himself this was real. Cas and Jimmy were  _ okay _ . That future was only ever going to be a dream.

“Did you mean it?” said Jimmy. “About double-teaming Cas? You up for it?”

“Yeah. But we’re gonna have to  _ work _ up to it. If we need to change plans I’ll say something, but I can't look after him the way you can. If he gets overwhelmed, if he needs to stop - or this goes sideways and I freak out - you'll hold him for me? Even if everything goes great, it'll be intense. I'll be an overstimulated wreck trying to remember which way's up. You're in charge of aftercare." 

"I promise," said Jimmy, seriously. He twined his fingers into the ties of Dean's corset. "I've got this body, Dean. If I get worried - about either of you - I'll stop everything."

"Thanks. That helps. A lot. Couldn't do this without you, baby. And not just for, you know, the obvious reasons."

Jimmy smirked. Dean tried for mock-serious, but a smile kept slipping through. "So don't be worried that I only want you for your body."

"Seriously. The two of you. I'm not that hot." But Jimmy was smiling too. 

He got himself up on an elbow. "Cas wants me to tell you that he'll say everything he's about to do before he does it, so you're not surprised. And you should feel free to cry so long as it's... good crying?"

"Jimmy. Tell me he knows I know that?"

"…sorry if there's a lag, that's on me, he's not really thinking in words."

"Cas? No hiding behind Jimmy. It's not fair. I don’t get to hide behind anybody."

Jimmy reached forward to kiss him. "In case I don't get to talk to you until after. But don't be too surprised if I tag in."

"Not gonna lie, that’s a turn on. Helps that you’re both so into it. And into each other."

Jimmy grinned, wickedly. "You know how sometimes he doesn't realize that one human sex thing is more taboo? Than another?" 

Dean nodded. 

"Well. That is  _ not _ how he is with angel sex." Jimmy bit his lip, and then said, like a secret: "What we get up to is dirty. And he  _ knows it. _ " 

_ "Good." _ Dean startled himself a bit with how possessive he sounded. "Uh, I mean. As long as it's the fun kind of dirty. Not the kind that... nevermind. I'll shut up."

Jimmy was laughing, and fidgeting off the access energy. "I'm getting him, I'm getting him." 

He slumped down into the mattress. And Cas picked himself up. It was amazing, how differently they moved. 

"Dean?” Cas said. “I do not plan on making you cry. I wanted you to know if that happened, you should not make yourself feel worse, because of me." 

"Cas, sweetheart, sugarpie, honey-bunches-of-oats. Stop.  _ Breathe. _ I know you'll take care of me. Just like always.” Dean cast around for something good to say. Something sweet. “Did I tell you why I started falling in love with you?"

Cas shook his head.

"It was the time Alastair found me in an alley, and you zapped him to who knows where. Which was great but - that's not the important part. It was after. I was beyond freaked, and so damn scared and so damn angry. Gotta say, I was  _ not  _ a fan of yours yet. But you answered all my questions, even the ones I was only asking to piss you off. You didn’t judge, and you didn't lie. Not when I asked you straight. I’d already done what you needed. You didn't owe me anything. But you stayed, and you talked to me until I got calm. Don't think I could have been there for that dead kid like I needed to if you hadn't been there for me." Dean kissed the top of his head. "I think I loved you for it then. Just a little. I know I love you for it now."

Cas bowed his neck. "I would say you have pathetically low standards. But I thank you."

"Don't have to prove that I'll be safe with you, sweetheart. I know that. You'd never do anything to -  _ you stupid sonofabitch." _

Cas bolted upright.

Dean had turned to look at the sigil on the mirror again, and the loaded firearm on the bedside table. Without bothering to explain, he got out of bed, grabbed the pistol, ejected the magazine before racking the slide. Better assume he'd chambered a round than assume he  _ hadn't  _ and be wrong. He was halfway to the duffel when he turned, grabbed the pocket knife. Tossed it, and the pistol, and the ejected mag in the bag with the rest of his stuff and dragged it all into the bathroom.

Cas watched his movements. It was taking him a minute to put it together.

"This is for me."

A quick scan of the room turned up his boots. Dean hefted one before shrugging, tossed it in with the rest of his things. He shut the door to the bathroom. Sat the edge of the bed.

"Think I should put the pie in one of the drawers?” Dean didn't wait for an answer. The obvious choice was protect the pie. He put the box in the bedside table drawer. Chucked the hotel standard Gideon Bible in the trash.

"Jimmy said you might start throwing furniture. Should have thought of this _way_ before.” Dean scanned for anything else he might need to worry about. Landed on the mirror. "Hey - is it okay if that thing breaks with your magic angel graffiti on it? We're not going to get cursed or something?"

"Is this a joke about broken mirrors?" said Cas. 

"No joke. I just didn't want to set off some sort of angel mousetrap and get you stuck." 

"I am not going to get stuck in a mirror, Dean." Cas put a hand between Dean's shoulder blades. "Beloved."

Dean leaned back into Cas' touch, closed his eyes and focused on breathing. With each breath he felt the corset Jimmy and Cas had picked out for him. "I've shot you before. You're fine. No big deal. Can't hurt you if I tried. I - I've stabbed you too. That didn't hurt you either."

"You can't physically hurt me, Dean. Where are you going with this?"

"Nowhere. I'm good. I'm calm." He thought he was doing a good job staying calm, all things considered. "What I was trying to say - I trust you not to hurt me. And if I do freak out, it's the demon nazi knife fetishist's fault. Not yours."

"I understand," said Cas. "Now. Kiss me?"

Dean took Cas’ head in both hands and climbed into his lap. He kissed Castiel like he needed it to survive. A last-night-on-earth kiss, only better. He’d recently discovered things got a lot sexier when you knew for sure you'd see tomorrow.

Cas’ hands started in Dean's hair, then moved down, over his neck and shoulders, ribs and hips. Settled on the tops of his thighs.  The reality of wearing lingerie felt so much better than anything had Dean imagined. The friction of the lace. The way it made him feel. All of it.

"You're in charge here, hot stuff. How do you want me?"   


Cas was a little hard. But there was no urgency, no rush, as he ground against Dean, holding him in place, moving his hips slowly and rhythmically. He kissed just the same way, a little bit at a time, approaching each part of the task in considered steps.

Dean tried again, "I want you, Cas. I trust you. I know you'll take good care of me. I want to let go. Do my thinking for me. Please?" 

Cas was between Dean's knees now, as he lowered him down to the pillows. Laid a kiss on the strip of skin, right between corset and panties.    
  
This was Cas. Direct was pretty much his factory setting. So there was no reason why Dean couldn’t just come right out and say it, right? If he was being honest, he should probably have tried actually just asking for things sooner.

"That first time, when things felt all floaty? I want that. Just perfect and relaxed. I won't fall asleep on you this time, promise. Think you can get me there?" It was a genuine question, not a challenge. 

Cas climbed over Dean's body, enough to tip Dean's head back and kiss the underside of his jaw. "I do not know." He explored Dean's face with his lips, kissing his eyelids, and hairline, his earlobe. An angel on a mission. "You liked being called my beloved. Which you are."

“I felt-  _ feel _ safe. And, you know.” Good. Happy. Loved, even. Dean's body seemed to finally get the message that nothing was expected of him, and the uncomfortable tension began to unwind. Cas' hand scraped through his hair, and held his head steady so he couldn't really turn it. 

Cas kissed around Dean's mouth, light, a tease. "You are safe." 

Dean breathed in, and the air carried with it the distant memory of flying, of rising slowly. It was hard to describe, so he didn't try.

Cas kissed him properly, as one hand slipped inside the corset, under the satin, to brush against one of his nipples. A small shiver danced across Dean's chest, accompanied by the reassuring warmth of Cas' hands.

"Dean. You are doing so well." His voice was low, and cool, and the contrast made Dean shiver again. It was like the words bypassed his brain entirely and went straight to his dick. 

Cas hummed approvingly, and lay heavy against him. Dean spread his legs in invitation. For what, he wasn’t sure. Whatever Cas felt like doing. That was fine with him.

Cas made a little noise that sounded like pain. He kissed him once, rough, and slipped just one hand inside Dean's panties. His fingers were very warm. Just exploring his cock, astonishingly delicate. His touch matched the lace in a way that defied understanding. A lot about Cas was like that.

Cas slid a hand under the corset to rest on Dean’s lower belly. He leaned up, and kissed through one of the thin lace panels.

"Dean?"

"You're so different." Dean was a little awed. "The two of you. You move like totally different people." 

Carefully, Cas moved out from between his legs. He pulled Dean against him, into his lap. Now he had better access to Dean's chest and the open V of his thighs. He reached down to just stroke his cock again - easy, two fingers, over the lace.

Dean was actually getting hard. He tried his best not to think about it. Didn’t want to scare it away or jinx it. Just let his head rest back against Cas’ shoulder, as Cas stroked a thumb against his neck. Sometimes Cas went lower, inside the neck of the corset. Sometimes he didn't.

And the whole time - Dean had to try so hard to let himself enjoy things for what they were. To not  _ overthink _ things and get lost in his own head.

"Say something?" he said.

"I am sorry Dean. I should have remembered."

"It's okay. I really like your voice."

"I am afraid... I do not know the right thing to do.” As if in apology, Cas turned his head to kiss Dean's hairline.

“Sure you do.” Dean moved his head to get at his lips. It was a bit awkward.

Cas tried to make the angle easier, but didn’t quite manage it. "You made this look so simple, when you did it with my vessel."

"I've had practice."

"I have had very little.” Cas closed his eyes. “I do not know what made my first attempt so effective."

"This is everything I’ve wanted so far. You're doing great. I didn't figure this stuff out half as quick as you."

Cas’ body got more rigid, half curled up behind Dean. "You've done enough. You've done too much. You should be able to lie back and be taken care of."

"That's what we're  _ doing, _ Cas. It's what we've  _ been doing _ this whole time. There's no way you’re going to mess this up." Dean took Cas' hand in his. "That stuff I said I wanted earlier? Just a suggestion. We don't have to do it now, we don’t have to do it ever. Jimmy and me know you love us. You don't have to prove it. He better be cuddling you right now... because you've got that deer in the headlights look. I'm kind of worried about you."

Cas closed his eyes tighter. And now all his muscles were tight too. "I'm sorry Dean. I want to call my vessel. But I know that would be hiding."

"If you need to hide, that's okay. Just no pretending to be okay if you're not." Dean sighed and rolled onto his back, to look at the ceiling. Didn't let go of Cas' hand though.

"Okay. Let’s try again. Hiding is okay, as long as we talk about it. Needing people is okay. I don't get to hide, but I get to ask for which one of you I need. I forgot the two of you didn't have that."

"Hey," said Jimmy's voice.

"Hey baby. Our angel okay?" Dean was smiling, but for some reason there were a few tears gathering in his eyes. It was weird. He wasn't even upset.

Jimmy stretched out on his back, same as Dean. 

"I don't know." His voice also sounded a little tight. "He’s overwhelmed maybe? Don't laugh but I think... I think he was worried about scaring you, what with wrecking the windows. And then his fix for that would have hurt me, and you were locking up all the weapons so he wouldn't hurt  _ you, _ and telling that story about him and Alastair. Which was a good story. But it made him think about when he was a lot colder. He doesn’t want to mess this up. He doesn't want to mess  _ you _ up. He's so worried that he will. He's been so strong and so brave because I - needed that. But - ”

"He's betting it all on red."

"... I don't know what that means."

"Roulette? He's taken everything he has and bet it double or nothing with a 50/50 chance either way. He's waiting for the wheel to stop spinning. We're all he has left. I don't blame him for being scared. I'd be scared."

Jimmy hugged around himself, and nodded. 

"Is he still listening, or did he back off like that one time?" 

Jimmy shifted uncomfortably. "He went away. I told him I thought it was a good idea. I think that was right.” He looked over at Dean. "I can call him back?"

"Give it a second. Let’s make sure we’re on the same page. Can you... help him understand that the whole point of this was me just wanting to kiss my fiancé? Because I've tried and - I don't think he gets what I'm trying to do here."

"I don't know what happened that time he kissed you,” said Jimmy.  _ "Cas _ doesn’t know. He wasn't expecting his body to  _ do _ that. We’re already on shaky ground, existence-wise, and we just keep dumping in more variables. And the idea that tonight was going to be like that but  _ more, _ just kind of ... smacked him in the face."

"Then we take a step back. All three of us can take things as slow as we need to. Including Cas."

Jimmy rolled into his chest. "I'm sorry, Dean."

"Baby, there's nothing to be sorry about. Tell Cas he can come back whenever he wants to cuddle. Just to listen or talk. He doesn’t have to hide."

Jimmy nodded. "He knows I want him here. He'll take the body if he wants. I'm sorry Cas," he said, under his breath. "You're allowed to change your mind and say no and all that jazz too.”

“We were both so excited about doing this for you that we forgot to ask if it was even something you wanted. It's okay if it's like deep-throating or shower sex. Fun to think about, not something you'd want in real life."

Jimmy's eyes got glassy, and for a second he looked like an oracle. "He loves the idea. The idea frightens him."

"Tell him I'm not cool with rushing into things either. Let’s just have it stay an idea for now, okay? Can he tell us what kinds of things  _ would _ feel good?"

Dean was feeling lucky, so he took a shot in the dark. "Jimmy told me you practiced getting my corset on and off. You haven't had the chance to show me yet. That something you'd want to try?"

Jimmy sat up, and straddled Dean's hips.

"He wants to. He really wants to. Just let me - start him off?" Jimmy rubbed a hand over Dean's shoulder. "Just let him see that you're not mad, and you want this."

"Even if we don't do any more than this, it totally still counts as some of the best sex I’ve ever had."

"You  _ do _ still want more, right?"

"I think the answer’s yes, but let’s not have another disconnect going on since Cas seems pretty stressed. What do you mean by 'more'?" 

"Well. Cas and I both want to, er, fuck you kind of a lot. And I think if we take out the meditative sex trance, and metaphysical orgasm sex, and me messing around in the background distracting him... we could get you there. If you wanted."

"You know the drill. I’ve gotta hear it from Cas."

Jimmy nodded. He was just touching Dean's exposed skin now, lightly moving his fingers around, no particular motive.

"No hurry though. I'm happy with this." Dean realized what he'd done, rolled his eyes. "Right, specific. I mean I'm happy doing as much or as little as all three of us feel like doing. I'm good. Better than I have been in a long time."

"Me too," breathed Jimmy. "Me too."

And then he sort of sagged on Dean's hips, and Cas blinked his eyes open.

"Good work, soldier,” said Dean, voice soft. "Looks like you made it back in one piece."

Cas looked down at Dean. He was sitting very still, face unreadable. He reached down for the corset and began to undo the metal eyelets, hands efficient. 

"I feel safe with you, Cas. There's no one I’d be able to trust with this as easy as you. Not even Jimmy. That took time." Dean was honestly just talking for something to say. 

Cas’ head stayed bowed, task-orientated, but he began to go a little slower with the corset. His fingers started moving in ways that weren't purely utilitarian, just to get a little more contact with Dean's skin.

"That stuff you were saying? About how I deserve to be taken care of? You're doing that now. You do that just by caring so much..." Dean decided to take a page out of Cas' book. "Can I kiss you?"

Cas had finished the corset, but hadn't taken his hands off Dean's chest. He nodded.

Dean moved slowly, making sure to telegraph his intentions and avoid any sudden movements. When they kissed, it started as barely a brush of lips. When Cas seemed okay with that, Dean brought his hands to either side of Cas’ waist. Still in no hurry, he devoted his full attention to a slow, leisurely, closed mouth kiss. Brought one hand up to his lovers’ perpetually messy hair, kissed his way along Cas’ jawline. The hand on Cas’ waist found its way to his lower back as Dean’s lips took his mouth.

Cas stayed silent in his arms, just kissing, his chest rising and falling. He turned his head away.

"You asked my vessel if he would still love you if you were not able to perform. I did not understand your anxiety then."

Oh. Cas was  _ nervous _ . That didn't seem like the kind of thing that would happen to an angel but maybe it wasn’t surprising. Dean thought he did a pretty good job hiding his smile, and shrugged. "Hey, performance anxiety happens to the best of us."

Cas jerked his head up. "My vessel wants to speak with you," he said. And was gone.

Dean kinda felt like that shouldn't have been half as adorable as it was.

Jimmy exhaled dramatically, and dropped his hands onto Dean's shoulders. “Okay. I got something. Hopefully this makes more sense to you than it does to me." He closed his eyes, and breathed again.

"Cas has been a soldier for a long time. That's important. He was a good soldier. He followed orders. And now... he looks at you, and it's like... King Arthur? I don't know, it's all emotions and temperatures. So when you asked him to get you to that floaty place, and he  _ couldn't _ ... it's like he feels like he should be relieved of his command or something... no, that doesn't make any sense..."

Dean’s breath caught. He hugged Jimmy. "Dude, it makes perfect sense. Glad you said something. I'll talk to him."

"Go easy, okay? I only came out because I didn't think he'd be able to say it. Or even think that he  _ should _ say it.

"Just so long as you’re not doing it behind his back. I get that you're in Cas’ head, but you both deserve  _ some _ privacy. "

"Honestly he doesn't understand  _ why _ I wanted to tell you in the first place. He thinks this is obvious and boring."

"Okay, now I  _ need _ to talk to him."

"I'll leave my two soldier boys together."

And Cas was sitting there. 

_ "Cas. _ We're equals. I don't outrank you. We don't give each other orders." Dean paused to make sure Cas was really hearing him this time.

Cas looked honest-to-god confused.

"We've all got different strengths. Right?"

"Of course."

"Sometimes you follow my lead, sometimes I follow yours. Other times, Jimmy's the expert. That's how this works. Sometimes we all have different ideas about things, but we talk them out.  _ Sometimes _ there can be orders. But only if we've all talked about it and think it sounds like fun. So uh... I wasn't telling you what to do so much as I was asking  _ you _ to tell  _ me _ ? Kind of - like we did before, but softer?" Dean was getting less and less sure of himself the longer he talked. "I get that it was a bad idea. I just thought it sounded like the kind of thing you'd be into. I wanted you to know it was on the table."

“You are the Righteous Man,” said Cas, like that was some incredibly obvious point that required no further explanation. "Do you want me to give you orders, like the game you play with my vessel?"

"I'm not the Righteous Man," Dean explained slowly. "I'm Dean. Your fiancé."

"I am an angel. I am yours. I do not know who brought me back, but the one thing that sets me apart is my connection to you. I was brought back to help you, in your effort to save the world. And I will assist in whatever way I can."

"And I'm here because of  _ you, _ and if I’m not, then I'm here because  _ Alastair broke me in Hell, _ so please. No more 'Righteous Man' crap. Not in the bedroom. Like, forget me for a second, okay? They thought that prophecy was about  _ Dad. _ Every time you say that, I wonder what if Alastair had broken him instead of me. Like, do you get how gross that feels? All this 'Righteous Man' stuff can't be a sex thing. It just can't." Dean was a little desperate now. "I still loved you when I thought that future was real and you were just another messed up human like the rest of us. I need to know you'd still love me, even if there were no end of the world and I was just some guy. Because, okay, maybe I'm not just some guy. But I'd like to be?  I don’t want to be loved just for the stuff that was done to me. "

There were sparks in Cas' eyes now. Maybe even real sparks, who knew.

"Of course I love you. _ _ If I know nothing else in all of creation, I know this. I would have served your father, had he been in your place. But I would not have loved him."

Dean breathed a sigh of relief. This was progress. But this was a lot worse than he thought.

"This does not change the fact that you are more important than me,” Cas continued. “And my failing you has larger consequences."

"Okay, stop. I'm gonna need you to explain what you mean by 'failing' me."

"Being unable to do what you ask of me."

Dean took a deep breath. "I kinda wish I was dreaming right now because then we’d both hold you, but I'm just gonna trust Jimmy's doing that anyway. I love you, Cas. Why won't you believe me?"

It was a weird juxtaposition to see Cas straddling his hips while every line of his body was stiff and strangely official. Cas' hands were in his lap, in loose fists, and he looked like one of those guards who stand behind the Queen of England, the ones who aren’t allowed to smile. "I do believe you love me," he said quietly. Dean had the strangest idea that if he were human, he would have tacked "sir" onto the end of that sentence. "You are kind, and generous, and patient. You have taken care of me while I was vulnerable."

Suddenly, he seemed cold and other, like the molten metal T-1000. Dean did not like this new energy Cas was putting out. He  _ hated _ it.

"Cas - are you okay? Please tell me what's wrong, honey? I can't fix it unless you tell me."

He was getting a little scared.  This felt too much like trying to rescue someone, knowing you were a little too slow and the monster a little too close. Where all you could do was watch and hope for a miracle.

"I thank you for your clemency," said Cas. "Nothing is wrong. I apologize for being unable to bring you peace of mind, but that does not affect my other functions."

Dean had tortured souls in Hell. He  _ knew _ that face. 

"Sweetheart. I'm so sorry. I didn't know." 

He pulled Cas into a hug, and Cas came unresisting, but didn't really move.

"I think I'm in over my head here, guys." His voice shook. "I love you so much, and I don't know how to help here."

Dean kissed Cas along his temple and held on, for fear he might disappear on him. "I'm so sorry. I don't know what I'm doing and I need help to figure it out. If I were dreaming, I could..." 

Dean tried to think of something else. He sat, and unclipped the garters from the stockings before kissing Cas’ forehead. "I'll be right back. I promise."

"Of course," said Cas. Still sitting there, where Dean had left him.

Walking over to the bathroom, Dean grabbed another robe and brought it back to Cas. "Put this on. I’m not leaving you alone like this. I know you're not  _ really _ alone - but I’m having trouble dealing with the visual right now."

Cas obediently wrapped himself in the robe. Dean put his own back on, and took Cas by the hand.

"My vessel is asking me to remind you that he promised to take control of the body if he thought there was danger."

"I know, I'm just scared I'll mess up and hurt you somehow." That admission cost him enough that some of his fear found a way into his voice. But he pushed on, opening the door and walking to the door of Sam's motel room. 

He knocked.

After a second, Dean knocked again. They did not have time for this.


	10. Safe Words

The motel room door creaked open about two inches. And when Sam saw it was Dean, he opened it all the way. He blinked, and ran a hand through sleep-hair. Stared at his brother, holding tight to Cas' hand.

"I need to borrow the laptop," Dean said. 

Winchesters woke up fast when they realized there was a problem. Sam stepped to the side, scanning over Dean's shoulder into the dark night, looking for the threat. "Get in.”

Dean didn't move. Orders got him into this mess.

"It's fine,” he said. “Just need the computer. I'll give it back."

Sam moved his eyes silently back and forth, between Dean and Cas. "Is this a funky town or what?" he said, cautiously.

Shit, Sam was switching over to code words.

"It's not that kind of problem,” Dean said. “I swear.”

"This isn't a Poughkeepsie situation?"

"Sammy - " He sighed and gave up. The last thing he needed was Sam to be _more_ suspicious. He walked into his brother's room, sat on the foot of the bed, and opened the laptop. And started to type one-handed, because he didn’t want to let go of Cas.

Sam sat behind him, still wary. He glanced over Dean's bent head. Looked at Cas in his bathrobe. "Who am I talking to. Cas or Jimmy?"

"Hello, Sam."

"You don't have to answer any questions.” Dean said that more for Sam than Cas. He didn’t think it would make too much of a difference to Cas. After the fourth set of failed search terms, he set the laptop aside. Took Cas’ hands.

"I’ll figure this out. I know what I'm looking for, just gotta find it. And if I can't help, I’m going to find someone who can, right sweetheart? We'll figure this out." 

Dean let go of Cas and picked up the computer again. This time he used both hands to type. Searching _what is love_ had not gotten any useful results. When he changed his approach he just got a bunch of numbers for domestic abuse hotlines. "Should have stolen the damn thing," he muttered.

Sam was showing great restraint by not reading over his shoulder."Is there anything I can do to help?" he said, still cautious.

Dean changed his approach _again_ with no luck. He could dig through paper records just fine, but he’d grown up learning how to find hundred-year-old newspaper articles on microfilm. Not up-to-date information about how to actually cope with shit. He looked back at Sam, admitting defeat. "It's called a 'personal bill of rights.' Like a list with 20 or 30 things on it? Ash had it, in one of his books.”

"Remember to put quotation marks around it, if you’re searching for a phrase." 

Sam’s trick worked. Dean double checked to make sure it was what he thought it was, then turned the screen towards Cas. 

Kneeling on the floor, Cas took the computer.

  1. _I have the right to ask for what I want._
  2. _I have the right to say no to requests or demands I cannot meet._
  3. _I have the right to express all of my feelings, positive or negative._
  4. _I have the right to change my mind._
  5. _I have the right to make mistakes and not have to be perfect_



Cas tilted his head up, with that old lost look.

"What am I reading, Dean?" 

"A guy a whole lot smarter than me showed this to me once. I thought it was a load of crap, but now I get what he was trying to say." Dean was weirdly excited to share. "I used to not think _anyone_ had the right to be happy, but now the world is ending and I’ve got both of you. And _I'm_ happy, and that's okay. Even if the world does end, doesn't mean I can't enjoy this." Sam was listening, Dean was painfully aware, but this was important.

"Have I not been treating you this way?" said Cas.

"I want you to read it out loud."

There was a chance this backfired and he lost what they'd built. But the only other option was not trying at all. 

Cas looked at Dean. At the list. Back at Dean. He set his shoulders like he was preparing to be whipped, and then said - like every word was something dragged out of him, like every word was the name of a friend he was being forced to betray, _"I have the right to ask for what I want."_

"Okay - stop," said Dean, slightly panicked. Of course Cas read it word for word. That's literally what he'd asked him to do. 

Cas flicked out. And Jimmy was there.

"Shit. I'm sorry guys. Sam, did Cas just make a true statement about himself?" 

"He thinks you're punishing him." Jimmy was _pissed._ "Are you?"

"Jimmy, shut up. Sam, answer the question!" Dean was scared, no hiding it anymore. 

"Yes," said Sam. "Everyone. Has the right to ask for what they want. Up to and especially including angels." 

"Jimmy, is Cas listening? Tell me he's listening."

"He's... listening." Jimmy had seen the self-help article on the screen, and seemed to know what it was at least.

Dean put his hands on Jimmy's shoulders. "Cas. I don't know how to help you understand that every single thing on that list is true for you just the same as it’s true for me. Should have just called Sam to debate philosophy with you first thing, but I thought I could handle it. I screwed up, okay? We’ll make this work as long as we talk about stuff. Right, sweetheart?"

Jimmy pulled the computer into his lap, skimmed through the list, and then started to read aloud, very quiet, very intense. _"We_ have the right to make mistakes and not be perfect. _You_ have the right to make mistakes and not be perfect." Running through every item like that, saying it twice and switching pronouns. _"We_ have the right to say no to requests or demands. _You_ have the right to say no to requests or demands.”

Dean started pacing. The carpet felt weird through his stockings. He realized the pacing wasn't helping anyone except him and sat back down. He wrapped his arms around Jimmy, rested his chin on his shoulder. The only thing that mattered now was Cas. But Dean wasn't good at situations where all he could do was wait.

Jimmy, now finished, had closed his eyes and sat back on his ankles. He looked like he was meditating, especially in that bathrobe. He had that angel-stillness to him.

Time ticked by, slowly. Dean kissed them on the shoulder, and lay his head there.

He would stay like this, for however long Cas needed. 

And then - eventually - Jimmy wasn't holding himself like Jimmy anymore. And Cas wasn't holding himself at all, and collapsed back into Dean like he had forgotten how to control the body.

He looked around, wildly. At Sam on the bed. At the small, dark room. At Dean behind him.

"I didn't know,” he blurted. “I was… I was told differently..." 

Dean took Cas in his arms. He had to. Sam slipped off the bed, down to join them. 

"Somehow, I don’t think a judge figure arbitrating from on high is what you’re trying to do here.” 

"No, that’s... thanks." Dean mumbled and gave his brother a pat on the shoulder. It only kind of worked because of the way they were all sitting, but whatever. "We need the help."

Sam sort of leaned in, and awkwardly threw his long monkey arms around all of them. 

"No chick flick moments… "

"Shut up Dean. Cas. You're with us now. You can fail, and say no, and want things."

Dean smiled.

"And you don't have to do anything to earn your place here." Sam said that part a little quietly.

"I love you," Dean said, now that Cas had a better idea of what that meant. “I love _you,_ not the things you can do.”

Cas was hunched in on himself, now totally silent. He swiveled to look at them. Then he grabbed Dean’s shoulders, and there was the sound of wind or wings, and Dean was sprawled on the mattress in the other room. Looking up at Cas was, who was staring down at him. _Pinning_ him down.

"Wait - ” Dean said “ - don’t squish the corset - "

Then he felt like kicking himself. He did _not_ need to make a thing about one of Cas' mistakes. Not even a mistake. He scrambled to find the thing, and was about to put it away when he had an idea. "Hey, uh. Cas. Maybe... you could help me put this back on? Maybe we start over, now we know what we're doing." 

Slowly, and very deliberately, Cas took the corset from Dean. Hesitated with it a moment. Then folded it away into its box, and slid the box safely under the bed. He laid himself across Dean's chest, head over his heart like he was listening for a pulse. 

Dean kissed his hair, as Cas started to kiss his way across his skin.

"Look Cas… I get it if you don’t know what to say right now. But - I can’t do this unless I know you're okay."

Cas stilled. And rolled back, to put his head over Dean's heart again. 

"‘Okay’ is a big ask. Maybe just ‘better?'"

"I know you enjoy my voice,” said Cas. “Words are difficult." 

"Sweetheart… that’s not it this time. I think we're better, but..." Dean took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I still hurt you. It was an accident, but - "

Cas just looked at him.

"That? Through most of my existence, that would not have registered as hurt to me. It certainly would not have been accidental.”

Dean was weirdly glad he'd already tried to pick a fight with Zachariah. If he had it to do over he would have straight up punched the guy. 

"There are so many things I must reconsider, Dean,” Cas was saying. “I feel as though the only solid points are you, and Sam, and my vessel. I feel as if I have been turned inside out. I - I do not even know what I am asking for -" 

“Maybe we get Jimmy in to translate? Go from there?"

Cas nodded. And then Dean had Jimmy across his chest.

Dean let out a long breath. "I am so proud of our angel right now. And _you,_ holy crap. You were a total MVP back there.” 

"Sorry I snapped at you.”

"Not even a thing. Also, I told you to shut up? We're fine." 

Jimmy smiled, with eyes that were suspiciously bright. "He always wants to learn. He wants to be better. He tries so hard." Snuggled closer. "I love him so much." 

“That makes two of us." Dean snuggled back, close enough to feel Jimmy breathe. "I wasn’t getting how new he was to this whole... wanting-things thing. He really does wants to fuck me, right? That’s not just something he thinks _I_ want? " 

"What you want and what he wants line up pretty good. That’s probably why you haven't run into this problem before. I think he's been leaning on you to... help him want things? Let him be allowed to want things? I'm seeing what _clean_ want looks like on him right now, and it… it’s good.” 

"Jimmy...” Dean said. “I want him comfy a lot more than I want an orgasm. That fantasy we had? What part of it spilled over into too much?"

“Give me a second to sort him out?" 

“Go for it, Whoopi.”

Jimmy closed his eyes and breathed. A long silence.

"It's... the idea of both of us interacting with his true form at once. He's not used to you. You’re really… I don’t know, _bright?_ It was a total surprise when you just kind of _hit._ "

"Do you think he’d want to try overstimulation? I’m not usually into it but if I can use it to get us a mini makeout session…?"

"I think I want to know what you mean by 'overstimulation?'”

“Pretty much what it sounds like. He goes until it’s too much, then keeps on going. You know how chicks can have multiple orgasms? I told you prostate orgasms were different. If you know what you're doing, they can be _really_ different. And Cas knows my body better than I do, he put it back together. We have a safe word, and you already know I'll use it. Also edging would maybe help? So maybe that's back on the table? I promise if something feels bad physically or like, in my brain, I'll stop."

"Are you _sure_ about edging?"

"...no."

"Yeah. Didn't think so."

"But we might _have to,_ because Cas knows exactly where my prostate is and that's not fair." He had been way too good at that in their dream. But then, it was a dream. Maybe those skills didn’t carry over. 

"Okay,” Jimmy said, slowly. “If you even make it there at all - does Cas have permission to play with edging? With me thrown in as a second opinion."

"Yes. Absolutely.” No hesitation. “I know it's not a punishment, or a bribe. I know who I'm with. I know you're going to stay."

Jimmy kissed him, and the kiss lingered. 

_"Sonofabitch,"_ said Dean, against his lips. “The lube’s still in the bathroom." 

"Well. That’s a problem. __"

Dean rolled his eyes, but went to get it. Arranged it on the nightstand in easy reach, then turned back to Jimmy. Who was just kind of looking at him. Figuring him out. “How are you doing?" Jimmy asked.

"Sam saw me in these things, didn’t he?” Dean touched the lace around his thigh. “Can we pretend it’s your kink? He won't make fun of you." No, actually that was stupid. "Forget it, the sexy costume thing isn't new. Sam’s probably just glad it wasn't the priest outfit." 

Jimmy reached out to draw Dean closer, pet up his stocking, stroke up his thigh. “I'm going to take these panties off, for Cas. Make things easier."

"Pretty sure I'm plenty _easy._ " 

Jimmy looked up at him. "I'm not going to fuck Cas. But I might tap in and fuck you a little."

Dean smirked. “It'll be like having you both inside me, only safer and with less work."

Jimmy had his fingers around the tops of the panties, pulling them away. This required touching Dean's ass and also his dick kind of a lot more than was probably strictly necessary. 

"It'll probably feel like two different dicks, honestly. I bet we fuck pretty differently.” 

Dean decided to just leave that topic alone. No need to divulge his entire porn viewing history or anything. 

As he laid back onto the mattress, Jimmy settled himself between Dean’s legs, and turned his head to kiss his knee. At first, Dean thought he was just nervous. But when the fluttering in his stomach didn't let up - and he let himself take a second to figure out what he was feeling -

He wasn’t nervous. This was just what it felt like when he let himself be insanely, stupidly, head over heels in love.

Jimmy leaned in to kiss him properly. And as he kissed, his body became still, and strong, warmer and heavier. Cas pulled away, to stare down at him. If this was what it was like when they kissed him, he could not _imagine_ how it would feel if they did this while they were inside of him. Cas... was fascinated by his nipples, paying attention to them as he moved down his body - kissing one, teasing the other between thumb and forefinger. Then placing kisses from his belly button… down.

"Cas. I really think I can do this."

"I know you can." Cas repositioned himself to look seriously at Dean. "You are magnificent tonight."

Dean felt almost shy. He was never shy. But it had something to do with the way Cas was looking at him. Nobody had looked at him like that before. Even Cas hadn't looked at him quite like that, before. 

Cas took one of his hands. Threaded their fingers together. "I am going to stroke between your legs now." His other hand was moving along the top of Dean’s thigh. "No penetration. Only touch." 

"One more kiss first? For luck?"

Cas leaned in, and kissed Dean like he was pouring out his goddamn soul. Maybe he was. He had said something about reconfiguring things. And Cas was clearly willing to take his time, because after that he kissed along Dean's cheek and eyebrow, nuzzled along his temple and hairline.

Dean laughed. "That's a lot of luck."

Cas took the hand he was holding and dropped kisses along the wrist and palm, before sucking Dean's thumb into his mouth. Cas made eye contact, and sucked a little more deliberately. He probably didn't need to read Dean’s mind to know where his thoughts went. 

"Oh thank fuck.” That wasn't directed at Cas."My dick has decided to get with the program." Not strictly necessary for what they had planned - but still really damn nice.

Cas glanced down. Scooted himself backwards. And then sucked the head of Dean's semi-hard cock into his mouth. Just like he had done with the thumb.

Right down to the eye contact.

Dean tried his best not to thrust up into Cas' mouth, but it wasn't easy. Not with Cas looking at him like _that._

What Cas lacked in experience he made up for in creativity. He knew the pathways of every last nerve in Dean's body, and Dean hadn't fully appreciated what that _meant_ until now. Cas sucked and played his tongue against the most sensitive veins, tracing them down and back up again. And then - with no warning at all - Cas swallowed him completely.

"FUCK!" Dean held onto the sheets for dear life. And Cas _liked_ that. There he was, bobbing his head and taking Dean _so deep,_ while a warm hand slick with lube began playing with his balls.

 _"Cas."_ Dean whined. It wasn't manly or flattering but there was no other word for the noise he was making. Cas hummed around him in a pleased sort of way. His eyes closed, a little lost in the experience. 

"Can... can I...." Dean could barely think straight. _"Cas."_

He brought one shaking hand almost to Cas' hair. "Please?" 

Cas pulled off his dick _so slowly._

"Dean?"

They'd barely started and Dean already felt totally wrecked.

"Can I hold onto your hair? I promise not to be rude about it or anything? You'd still be in control."

Cas smiled, and nodded. "You should feel free to be as rough as you like with me.” 

Dean flopped back against the bed. "Cas. You're - I don't - Are you? I mean... Really?" Propping himself back up on his elbows again, tried to clarify. "Is that what you want?" 

"Yes. It is impossible for you to hurt me, and I love to watch you lose control."

"Okay... now this is just an idea, but what if you held my hips down and let me _try_ instead? Same idea, but I don't have to deal with worrying I might hurt you. Yeah, I can't - but - " 

Cas' hands moved to Dean's hips. "You will try and fail to fight me, and thrust up into my mouth." 

"Yes," Dean was the very definition of enthusiastic consent. _"Please._ That sounds amazing."

Cas stroked Dean's hips before holding them there, solid. He bent down to Dean's cock again, and this time began to kiss teasingly up the shaft, and drop a single kiss right on the head that wasn't nearly enough.

Then he began to swallow around him again, setting a pace that was just insanely slow. The visual _alone_ was probably the hottest thing Dean had ever experienced. Because Cas held eye contact, and he looked like he was loving every second.

Dean clutched at Cas' hair, the sheets, the hands on his waist. Anything. Cas had said he wanted to see Dean lose control so he didn’t try to keep from thrusting into Cas' mouth. Anyway, he was helpless not to. 

And Cas' hands didn't budge. Dean could just let _go_ and let someone else worry about things. Because no matter how much he bucked, it was Castiel's mouth setting that steady pace. No matter how much his body begged for more, Cas denied him. And all Dean had to do to change that was ask. He didn't, but he _could have._ It was the furthest thing from torture imaginable. He was further from the memory of Hell than he had ever been. Right then, none of that had ever happened. Dean wasn't a Righteous Man, broken or otherwise. Just a man who had discovered his fiancé could give really fucking fantastic head.

He was probably pulling Cas' hair enough to hurt, and was getting way too close. He didn’t want it to be over this soon. 

"Cas. I can't.... too much." He had to fight every last instinct he had, to push Cas away.

Cas popped off the end of his cock.

"Good. So good." The hand in Castiel's hair let go of its death grip, to softly caress instead. “Little _too_ good." Dean tried to catch his breath, "How are you so good at that?" 

Cas looked satisfied. He pet over Dean, no longer holding him down.

"I built this body. I also do not have a gag reflex unless I want one." 

Dean laughed. "Right. I...wow. Yeah, that. Sure."

"You are so aroused for us. Not just _this,_ " Cas nuzzled at his sensitive cock. "I see your nipples and dilated pupils, and the heat rising from your body." 

"You should see yourself. Seriously, it's like you walked out of a wet dream. A really good one. I can't see you around me right now, but I know you are and I dig it. Hey," Dean's face lit up with a grin. "I know I can't feel you, but you said you could see my soul. Does that mean you can feel _me?_ "

Cas smiled a private sort of smile. "Yes, my binary star. Of course I can feel you." 

Dean flung his arms around Cas. He hugged so tight that if it had been just Jimmy in there, he would have cracked a rib.

"I had _no_ idea." He kissed, every inch of skin he could get. "That’s _why_ I wanted to do this. I wanted to make love to _you,_ not just your physical form. But I can touch you! I can't feel you, but I can _touch_ you!" This changed _everything._ He didn't have to worry that Cas felt left out, or less than. "Do you know what this _means_?"

Cas lay heavy on top of him. "What does this mean?"

Dean's voice was quiet. "We can cuddle. I can hold you in my arms while Jimmy makes love to you. All three of us together." He wrapped Cas in his arms. "When I talked about us having sex with you at the same time, I just wanted us both to make you feel loved. And now... now we can do that." 

"I am lucky in my vessel,” said Cas, quietly. “And in you." He closed his eyes. "He is here, now, saying kind words and fixing the chaos in my form. And admiring your beauty, flushed and on edge as you are.” Cas was gently kissing along the line of Dean's jaw now, a hand moving his face and a thumb touching along his lips.

Dean was still processing the idea that he and Cas weren't separated from actually touching. And suddenly, everything that had happened in the past few days was so much more meaningful. That had been Cas' first time. Cas could _feel_ him. Dean had done that. 

And some point, without realizing it, he got a few stray tears in his eyes. Not a lot. Cas silently kissed them off his cheeks and out of his tear ducts.

"Changed my mind,” said Dean. _"Really_ not into the idea of overstimulation. Not to where I was going to take things. Just wanted to be able to touch you for as long as I could. This.... this is more than enough."

"If this is enough for you, I might ask my vessel to go deeper."

Dean kissed him. This was nothing like that terrifying, hollowed out version of Cas he'd met in the future. There was warmth here, and hope. 

"I know you can't really describe what Jimmy does in a way I can understand, but... can you tell me how it feels?"

"I feel..." Cas held Dean tighter in his arms. "My vessel enters places that have been ignored, and lets light in. Or rips them away as unneeded scabs. This hurts, but in all best and most delicious ways. The way it hurts when you fight us, or pull our hair. I expand for him, but the deeper he goes, the more I feel. He could hurt me but does not. That intimacy is ... much. The effects build until I cannot handle more stimulus. And then he lets me settle back into place."

"That sounds beautiful. Glad he’s taking such good care of you." Dean kissed Cas’ cheek. Everything was quieter somehow. Cas was going to be inside him. And it was _really_ Cas. 

Cas stroked down his side. "Let us do this for you." 

"How do you want me?"

"Just as you are." One handed, Cas lifted him to slide a pillow under his hips, getting a slightly better angle. "We would look in your eyes, and kiss you. Move your legs apart for us?" Now there were hands on his hips, coaxing. Cas' light, warm touch everywhere. Along his cock, down by his balls, massaging his ass.

"I'd ask how you got good at this - but I think I have a pretty good idea." 

"I was there when you did this for my vessel."

"I can take a compliment. Especially when I’m fishing." Dean _still_ couldn't tell if Cas was being sincere or doing really deadpan humor. He'd learn the difference eventually. For once, time was on his side.

Dean parted his legs. Cas was using a lot of lube, and rubbing it into the skin just – everywhere. So much lube that Dean had a stray thought about wasting it, but then, it _was_ Cas’ lube. He did steal it. The hands were warm but the viscous liquid was cool, and it felt good on his hot, swollen dick.

Cas’ hands explored his balls, and the delicate skin behind them, before he bent his head and began to kiss there – just as Dean had done with Jimmy. His kisses started almost imperceptibly light, leaving tingling nerve endings. But soon he got more confident, and kissed harder. He brushed his lips against the inside of Dean’s thigh. “Should I open you up with my mouth, instead of my fingers?” he asked. “I know you discussed this with my vessel.”

"Um, maybe not this time? But - if that was a thing you really wanted, maybe we’d work out something?" Maybe. 

Cas nodded, soberly. Then pushed himself up on his elbows, reached for Dean's hand, and kissed it. Dean sighed in annoyance.

"I'm weirdly nervous."

"I could finish you with my mouth. You could hold me as my vessel fucks me. You could fuck me as he does. There are so many possibilities Dean, and I want to try them all."

"I want this. I _really_ want this."

"Tell us what we could be doing better."

"It - " Dean tried his best to explain. "It’s not that. I like this, I just... it's stupid. You're going to think it's stupid."

Cas was looking back at him with those huge, earnest eyes. Dean had to look away. 

He was trying to stay calm, but it was hard. This wasn't a one night stand where they'd go their separate ways and never see each other again. If things went bad, they'd still wake up together tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that. 

“I _do_ want you to kiss me and... what you said. But I don't - " Dean abruptly stopped talking and pulled Cas into a hug. He could feel his ears burning. He was trying to figure out what exactly was bothering him, and felt like he was missing something obvious. 

Cas carded fingers through his hair, rhythmically. “Maybe you would like to coax yourself open, show us how you like to be touched?”

"It should probably be more..." Dean tried to find the right word, "Hands on? I mean, I could just _tell_ you but it might be easier to... walk you through it?"

Cas' hand came to the back of Dean's neck. His eyes were bright.

"Show me?” Cas looked _pleased._ “I will follow. I will not think of this as an... assignment, with a clear end goal in mind." 

"Would it help to think of it as recon?" 

Cas dipped his head into the curve of Dean's neck. "You understand." 

"Gotta make sense of the world somehow. You've got your thing, I've got mine."

"If this is reconnaissance, we need to know where you like to be touched." 

"It'd be nice to find out my capabilities before I have you completely surrounded," Dean whispered.

"It will be necessary if you want me to surrender to you." 

"Dirty talk and puns? I think I'm in love." Dean pretended to dramatically swoon. 

Cas rolled on top. "Am I given intelligence of the area? Or am I the advance scout?"

Dean couldn't help it. He cracked up. "Okay, stop with the puns. Got to make sure we understand each other… and I know I just said no more puns, but I can't think of any other way to say this without sounding weird and medical? So uh, you have permission to explore the perimeter? Last one, I swear." 

"Perimeter. Yes. My vessel finds ‘asshole’ a very un-seductive word, but was unable to think of an alternative."

"Hey, no. No thesaurus in the bedroom. That's how romance novels happen." 

"I am looking forward to _knowing_ your beautiful, sensitive asshole. 

"Says the beautiful, sensitive asshole. You going to touch me or not?" 

Cas rolled off Dean to get the lube, which he cupped in his hand, warming it up. Then, with his face unreadable, he pulled Dean back into his arms. His hand traveled down his back. Dean got a proper kiss, as Cas started exploring his ass. Touching the tight ring of muscle there. _Reconnaissance._

"Go slow. Real slow. I know you know where all my nerve endings are but it's more fun if you're a bit of a tease. Kind of like this." To demonstrate, Dean ran his fingers across the planes of Cas' back, along the edges of the places where Jimmy and Cas were joined. His circles got progressively smaller until he was tracing patterns over Cas' shoulder blades. 

Cas hissed, and pressed into Dean to get more firmly under his hands. But Dean was teasing, and also proving a point, so he moved his fingers away from those sensitive connections, and rubbed farther down. 

A moment later, Cas' touch got lighter, more irregular, wider circles, sneaking down to touch Dean's _perimeter_ with a bit of cool lube for just a second, before moving away.

"That's it." Dean closed his eyes and focused on the sensation. It was always a little strange at first, but it felt good. It wasn't long before he was starting to seek out Cas' touch.

Cas wasn't fighting Dean's hands anymore, and his breathing was slow. 

"Okay. Now I'm going to want you to keep your fingers still, and just sort of rest them outside my body like you're going to press in but don't yet. I can do this, but we have to go slow. And it's more fun this way."

Dean opened his eyes again so he could see the look on Cas' face. Calm, comfortable, and focused. Dean was glad he'd told him to wait because it was hard to relax under a look that intense. It took him a few deep breaths before he could get his body to cooperate again. 

"Okay, slow. You can start to press in a bit." He felt like he was giving instructions for driving a forklift. Oh well. Not everything about sex could be sexy all of the time. Not even Dean Winchester. 

Cas kept up with the circle motion as he pressed just the smallest bit down, against the muscle. 

"Wait, stop." 

Cas' hand was off his ass in an instant.

Dean smacked himself in the face, harder than he meant to. "No, not like... emergency stop. I meant the other kind of stop. The one where I get to be a bit of a showoff."

"Oh." Cas said. "You meant stop as in, no further."

"For the record, if I say stop while you're in my ass, you should stop _moving_ not pull out."

"I will remember. Thank you."

"Anytime. Well, not _any_ time, but... you know what I mean."

Cas' hands crept back towards his ass, and replicated his motions from before, touching without any pressure. Dean was in his element now. Relationships were new and scary, but sex he was good at. "Let’s try that again. The circles felt kinda weird, but you get points for creativity. Just press in slow until you've got about an inch or so inside. I got this."

It definitely wasn't all that surprising, and it wasn't something he wanted to take advantage of, but Cas was _really_ good at following orders. Now that Dean was relaxed enough, Cas was able to slide in a finger. The sensation made Dean close his eyes. 

He focused. "Okay. Hold still, and pay attention." He clenched and released his muscles a few times, watching Cas' face. The idea here was to avoid _surprising_ the insanely powerful angel. "Not the same as what you can do, but I think it's pretty impressive for a human?" Anyway he thought so. That had taken practice. "Now imagine that, but on your dick."

Cas' free hand dug into Dean's back.

"Okay, _now_ do the circle thing. Slow. Just sort of press against the edges. I really like to sort of...do this thing where I crook my finger and press along the side as I pull out?" 

"Like this...?" Cas' voice was breathy, almost a whisper.

Dean was not ready for how good that felt. It felt good when he did it, but it felt _amazing_ when Cas tried it. Which made sense. Or it would have, if he'd been in a state to do any thinking at all. Cas was slow, and sensual, not in any hurry, enjoying taking his time.

"This... this is enough..." Cas said. "Your breath. Your small sounds of pleasure. The way you feel around my body..."

Dean closed his eyes without meaning to. It was just - Cas was so _careful._ Also, a really fast learner.

“Now I want you," he said. "Actual you. The part I can't see or feel. Add that, and a second finger at the same time so I know. It's the same as the last one, but slower and without the teasing at the start. 

He didn't have to tell Cas to add more lube. Cas had that part down.

"I will curl tighter into you. But I… am almost always closer to you than is... polite." 

"Good. That’s good. You belong here. Hey – what's Jimmy up to?" Dean wouldn't have admitted it, but he'd almost forgotten Jimmy was there. Cas was just that good.

“My vessel is pleased with you. And me.” He slipped a leg between Dean’s thighs, and Cas’ cock – Jimmy’s cock – slid up against his. “I am reminded that I can stimulate your cock and your prostate at once. I am reminded I should not phrase it this way.” Then, through very slightly gritted teeth – “He is... teasing me. You are a bad influence.”

And then, Cas slipped in a second finger. The way he reacted, you would have thought it was his dick.

"Dean..." He had to try twice to get the word out. "You are not… _tired_ now. It is... _more_."

Dean was holding onto Cas' hair harder than he meant to. It took him a second to make sense of what he was hearing. Knowing that Cas was _really_ inside him, that he was touching him more intimately than any other living being ever had - it was a mental thing, but it made everything ten thousand percent hotter. 

Right now he was good. So much better than good. Cas was slow and careful in a way that no human could be, and Dean was expecting that awkward moment where he couldn’t relax enough to take two fingers, but that moment never came. Instead, Dean kissed his way into Cas' mouth as Cas continued to open him up. Reaching between them, he took Cas in hand. He might not be able to feel Castiel's true form inside him, but he could feel this. 

With one hand on Cas' shoulder blades, the other around his cock, Dean accidentally clenched around Cas' fingers. "Oh, fuck. Cas. You feel amazing." 

Cas nuzzled helplessly against Dean's neck as he curled the pads of his fingers against Dean's prostate - once, twice - before he backed off. He couldn't push back into the hands on his back and thrust up at the same time, so he trembled in Dean's arms, and just let himself be touched.

"I am sorry. I am nearly... past speech..."

Dean was in pretty much the same boat. Every muscle in his body was tense, but good tense. After a few shaky deep breaths, he began stroking the length of Cas' cock in a slow, steady rhythm. It was so hard under his hand, but the skin was warm and velvet. Cas' fingers pushed into him, and then drew back, pushed in a little bit more. And under his hands Dean felt Cas' body grow stiff, then pliant.

Then, unexpectedly, _Jimmy_ thrust up against him.

 _"Dean!_ " He scrabbled - with the hand that wasn't still inside Dean - hanging on to his shoulder for leverage. He gulped, and swore. "He's so close. You would not _believe_ how close he is."

Dean stopped moving, but left his hand where it was for a second. He waited for Jimmy to catch his breath and stop shaking. It gave him time to do the same.

"He's okay? Just close, not overwhelmed?" 

Jimmy laughed. "Oh Dean. You goddamn revelation. You pinwheel of freaking fire. Cas is wonderful."

"I've been called some wacky things in bed before. But that one’s new."

"I am _not_ thinking straight, I am piggybacking off him, it is _not_ my fault." Jimmy kissed him, hard, and Dean laughed into the kiss.

"Admit it. With all the freaky shit you and Cas get up to, that was at least as much you talking as him."

"You can't prove that. Nope."

Dean brought his hand around both their cocks. “I _like_ that he thinks I'm a sexy burning Ferris wheel." He landed a kiss before Jimmy got a chance to correct him."It's sexy the way he says that stuff. With you, it's just cute." 

But Jimmy blushed, and pushed up a little into Dean's hand "I think maybe I'm offended." He stretched his fingers. "Maybe you need a little more of me." 

Dean stopped moving for a minute, and got a lot more serious. “I don't usually use more than two fingers. The angle makes it weird. I mean, I'm gonna say yes either way, but I think it might be easier to take your cock than another finger?"

And _that_ made Jimmy shut his eyes, and calm himself down with more breathing. Dean pet his hair, made shushing noises. 

"It's okay if it's too much too fast. We can slow down or stop or something. I know this is a different kind of complicated for you than for me. That's okay. It's not too late to back out." 

Jimmy blinked his eyes open. 

"Dean. I want to. I can’t tell you how much I want to.” 

He just looked so gooey, and so _embarrassingly_ in love. 

“It just... kind of hit me, is all. Just this idea that - I get to do this. I'm allowed to do this. With my... my husband." 

Everything was suddenly very quiet. Even the sounds of the occasional car passing by the motel and the night-time world outside seemed to grow quiet. The sheets were softer than he was used to on the road, and the man above him had agreed to marry him, and there was a literal angel who thought Dean worth saving. He was still wearing the stockings they got for him. 

Dean was so in love. He'd never been this in love before. He rose up to pull Jimmy to him. They kissed softly, in each other's arms. Not going further. Not needing too.

When Jimmy pulled away, he still stayed close, foreheads touching. "I'm going to get Cas for this next part,” he murmured. “You don't have to say it. I know I'm doing the thing with the hiding. But I don't want to mess this up, I _really_ don't want to mess this up. And Cas, he... he's got this."

“Hey, it’s alright.” Dean carded his fingers through Jimmy's hair. “This isn’t hiding. This is talking, opposite of hiding.”

"Thank you. For - " Jimmy paused, trying to find the right words. "I think I should just thank you for everything."

"All I did was fall in love with you. That part was easy."

"Thanks for that. But..." Jimmy was still a little embarrassed. "We fit. And Cas. Thought I was just right prayer, right time for a while."

Dean knew he should say something good, something important, but the only thing he could think of was - "we're gonna be like a sexy Russian nesting doll."

Jimmy smiled, and laid his head against Dean's chest. "I see why he loved you. From almost the moment you asked him not to save you." He tensed. "Oh man, I'm sorry. That's one of his thoughts - it's just - we're really close right now - "

"Hey, it's fine. Sounds like something I'd say. You thinking of the thing with Samhain?"

"No. Ah. It's. About the time you met."

"The gas station? But that –"

Dean stopped. Jimmy didn't mean the gas station. 

“Hell.” 

Jimmy's cheek was against Dean's chest. He was quiet. Dean stayed silent for a minute too. "I wish he hadn't shown you that." His own voice sounded too much like the cold version of himself from that awful demon-virus future. He took a deep breath. Exhaled slowly. 

"Great. Now I'm the one hiding. Sorry. I'll stop."

"...he's hiding too."

"I'm glad he saved me anyway. Even if I told him not to."

"He thinks - saying it that way makes him sound too good." Jimmy cupped a hand around Dean's face, and looked at him. “See, when he found you - you said you were a demon. Said you were worthless. You asked him to kill you. And he… he tried.” Jimmy’s head tilted to the side, and for a moment he looked _so much_ like Cas. “He wants you to know. That’s why you have a burn mark. He was trying to fry you, the way he'd kill a demon. But you weren't a demon. He did it anyway."

Dean let out the breath he'd been holding. He kissed them.

"That's _it?_ You mean you’re telling me that I'm totally _demon-free?_ Not even any fingerprints?"

Jimmy slowly grinned. _"So_ demon-free.”

"I bet Cas stopped before he hurt me. Bet I didn't even have to ask.”

Jimmy relaxed against him, all tension gone. And as Dean held him, he changed. Cas broke the grip easily, and then was above Dean, hands on his shoulders, pushing him down into the mattress.


	11. Edges

Dean smiled up at Cas and Jimmy, as they pinned him to the bed. Ran hands over their chest appreciatively. Traced a circle around Cas' nipple. "What's a nice guy like you doing in a place like him?" 

"Our motives are far from pure." Cas was staring, pinning him down that way too. “Are you still open for us?”

"I got this. If I don't, you’ll be the first to know."

Cas sat on his heels between Dean's legs, and just - looked at him. Those deliberate eyes moved over the handprint brand, the tattoo, the dip in Dean's collarbone. Observed the way his chest moved when he breathed. Cas' eyes scraped over his fluttering stomach muscles, his forearms, the pleasure trail leading down from his belly button to his cock.

Cas stared at that too. And when he touched it, put a hand over it, it was warm and slick with lube. There was no apprehension left. Cas wanted to touch his dick, so he did. And Dean felt the last of the old, cobbled together armor around his heart fall away. Hit his ribcage with a thud.

Before Cas had a chance to do more than that, Dean placed a hand over those gorgeous fingers.

"First thing I saw after I dug my way out was one of those weeds with the little purple flowers. Like it was waiting for me in the middle of nowhere, just outside Pontiac Illinois. Whole time I was in Hell."

Cas looked up at his face. Dean thought he probably understood. Their angel liked all that poetic dream symbol stuff.

“He was waiting for both of us,” Cas agreed. “My loyalty could not be to Heaven alone, with his voice within me to say I was being mistreated."

Dean had always figured Jimmy must have had something to do with Cas’ defection. But he liked the confirmation. “ Yeah. He’s awesome like that. He listened and didn’t treat me any different. He calls me kitten." 

Cas looked down Dean's body. Touched his thigh. Slipped a thumb inside the stocking, under the lace. "You are beautiful in each others’ arms." Still smiling that calm smile, Cas maneuvered his hand out from underneath Dean's, laying a little pressure along his cock as he did. He laced their fingers together. And then… pressed his wrist down into the mattress. He held it pinned like that for a second, making a point. Then let go and sat back, head bowed.

"Cas?" Dean didn’t want to say anything. He was fine right  _ now _ \- but he wouldn't be fine for long if he kept wondering if he was allowed to move. How long he'd be expected to stay still. What would happen if he disobeyed.

Cas raised his head. His face was unreadable.

"I'm uh..." Dean couldn't make eye contact. The arm Cas had pinned wrapped protectively across his chest. "I'm still unlearning stuff and relearning other stuff so um..." This was  _ Cas. _ It was  _ fine. _ Dean knew he was safe. He even  _ felt _ safe. Right now, it was just ten years of bad habits working against him.

“I like having you on top of me. But... when you’re not…” The words all came out in a rush. “Is it okay if I reach for you? Or you could tell me how much you want me and, and - ” He grabbed Cas' hand. He couldn’t speak.

Cas stayed still. Dean was squeezing his fingers much too hard. 

"Dean. That was my permission for you to lie back and feel. It is my  _ condition _ that you should reach for me – for comfort, for desire, for need. Whenever you want it. Now and for all days eternal."

The painful tension in Dean’s shoulders went away.

"So this is... what I think it is?"

"I do not know?"

As Cas changed position to lay alongside him, Dean latched on. Arms and legs intertwined, face against his chest. "You are safe here,” Cas said. “Anything that would hurt you would have to kill me first. And I held off the healer of God longer than anyone thought I would."

Cas was going to make him say it, wasn't he? Dean sent him a flirty smile that didn't reach his eyes. And Cas brushed fingers through the hair right at the back of his neck. His face might have been concerned. It was hard to tell.

Dean’s smile crumbled and so did he. Closing his eyes, he leaned into Cas' hand. 

"I  _ want _ this to be what I think it is. Pretty sure it  _ is, _ and I'm making a whole deal out of getting you to say a thing I know."

"We are true. There are no more surprises."

"You... love me? That's what… this is that?"

They were three simple words. Cas had already said so much more since really understanding what they meant. But Dean was a simple guy. Sometimes he needed things spelled out.

"Yes." Cas said, simply. "Yes. I love you. These words are not enough. But they are yours."

A smile lit Dean's face like brights turning on. He could breathe again. 

Their angel kissed him, light and chaste. The only pressure was the circles he rubbed into the back of Dean’s neck - melting him, until he was just a happy smiling pool of Dean sticking to Cas' body. A hand moved down to hold his hip. And maybe it was unconscious, maybe it wasn't, but Cas' hips rolled and Dean felt friction. He made a quietly appreciative noise, and deepened the kiss.

There was something about lying in bed, having a slow makeout session with Cas, that made Dean feel a weird combination of nostalgic and horny. Didn't need to impress anybody. Didn't need to be someone or something. Could just enjoy Cas pressing with his fingers, combing through his hair, leaving him just the tiniest bit breathless when he stopped to kiss his temple - then coming back to his lips for more.

And okay, it  _ definitely _ was not accidental, the way Cas moved his hips. Or the way that with every movement, he seemed to be shifting more and more on top. But he wasn't  _ hard, _ which was interesting. Dean seemed to remember that was one of the things Cas could just control. Which was good, actually. Dean needed time to work back up to where they left off.

Cas stroked a thumb over Dean's nipple. "What would you like from us?"

Dean absentmindedly traced meaningless little spirals and lines along Cas' side.

"I do want you inside me. I know that much. But I don’t know what sounds better, doggy style or missionary." He was genuinely annoyed he couldn’t make up his mind.

Cas considered the problem seriously. “If you would leave it up to us, you seem to find something uniquely comforting in lying on your chest. But we will likely change position. There are so many ways we want you. In our arms, our lap. Against the wall. On top of us. We have thought about this.”

Dean took a second to  _ really _ picture all that before responding. "I uh.... Yeah, that's... I mean,  _ yeah." _ Those were some nice thoughts. 

Cas held Dean's palm against his skin. "Do you trust that this is freely given? That I expect nothing from you. That I love you, and will never hurt you. That my vessel and I want this."

"Yeah, of course." Dean didn't even have to think about it. "Same for you?"

Cas smiled at him, kissed the inside of his wrist. Then got a hand under Dean's shoulder and _ flipped _ him facedown into the pillows. Cas' hands were on the backs of his shoulders, and his thighs - Dean could feel Cas’ thighs squeezing around his hips.

"Oh,  _ fuck _ ." The pillows muffled him. He was so screwed. Or would be. 

Cas' touch was unhurried, trailing fingers down Dean's spine. "This body is so beautiful." A kiss, just on the back of his neck."Not to flatter ourselves."

Eyes closed and with nothing to do, Dean was able to focus on the little things - the weight of Cas. His warmth. The stockings. Dean's hips shifted against the mattress. Every kiss was a pleasant jolt of surprise. A tiny static shock. Carefully, Cas' fingers began to dig in, and Dean moaned into the pillow as fingers worked out kinks in muscles he hadn't even known he had. 

He reached back to squeeze Cas’ thigh.

"May we look at you, beloved?” Cas said. “May we touch you?" 

Dean spread his legs wide enough to give Cas easy access. Turned his head to the side and opened his eyes just long enough to glance back, and smirk. “You got this, babe.” 

Cas settled himself, and his hand rested on Dean's lower back, heavy. “Are you aroused? It is hard to see from behind.”

The pillows did nothing to disguise Dean's laugh. Aww, Cas was so cute. How was he this cute?

Cas' hands were massaging the tops of his thighs, caressing the lace there. Dean wiggled his ass playfully.

"Now I should remember how to do this," said Cas.

There were hands in the crease of Dean’s thigh and between his legs as Cas’ fingers teased in wide slow circles. Almost too slow. Touching the rim of muscle with just the side of a finger pad, just for a second, before moving away. "Do not forget to breathe." Those fingers were easy and rhythmic. His voice was too.

"Not my fault you're breathtaking," Dean mumbled.

"My vessel can not believe that he ever thought you were cool." Still massaging his ass, Cas bent over Dean's body, to stroke the side of his ribcage.

"Still weird to think you wrote stuff there," said Dean.

Cas smoothed his hand over the rib like he was reading a line of Braille. Hummed. His thumb finished travelling along one line, then did the same with the one below it.

_ "This face I, angel of fire, have created anew," _ he read.  _ "This form full of stars, treasured and praised. If you, evil, should seek to divide or diminish, brace for the sharpness of my fire, and rot. _ "

That shut Dean up real fast. 

"It, uh. Says that, huh? I uh..." Cas had left that on Dean's ribs to hide him from the other angels. Cas, threatening his own family, for Dean. What was he supposed to say to that? Dean grabbed his hand and squeezed.  _ "Seriously. _ Thanks. Still good?"

"Yes. And you?"

"I'll be better once I've got your fingers in my ass."

Cas smiled, and pulled himself backwards. "Your muscles are relaxed. You do well."

Dean hid his smile in the pillows again, just because it was comfortable. There was no point hiding how much he enjoyed the praise.

Cas touched the tight ring of muscle, and then kept his finger there, pressing.

"Not relaxed enough for our cock. Not yet." He began to push in with a finger, slow and slick. "But we believe you can take this..."

Dean focused on relaxing his muscles until there was a slight give, and Cas was able to slip past, pausing when he was about an inch inside - the way Dean had taught him. Cas laid a hand on his hip, like he was checking his breathing, and then - the hand inside Dean started moving in circles, pressing deeper. Doing the finger-curling motion. Staying away from the prostate. Mostly.

Dean raised his hips, and spread his legs wider. He could probably get off  _ just  _ from Cas' finger against his rim like that. One day, he would. 

"Do you want more?" Cas’ voice was as deep and slow as his movements. "Do not say yes to please me."

"Jimmy knows I’d let him do this too - he can just... yes,  _ that! _ Fuck...  _ Cas." _ He was begging. Not for anything specific.  _ More. _ More of the same, more of something else. Didn't matter. He wanted this, but more.

"My vessel wants you to know how much he loves the sight of me fucking into your ass." And Cas slipped a second slim, manicured finger in next to the first.

This time, Dean tensed up.

Cas' hand stilled.

"Stop,” said Dean. “I mean wait - it's fine. This always happens. Just - give me a minute."

Cas pet circles on his hip."Is two fingers too much, or does your body need more time?"

"Don’t know. Hold still for a sec." He just needed to relax.

"Breathe for us." Cas reached up, laid his free hand across Dean's back. He was impossibly, inhumanly still. Dean focused on his breathing and the feeling of Cas' hands, and slowly began to unclench. Once he was back where he had been, he took a few more breaths before giving Cas the thumbs up.

Cas kept his hand on Dean's back as he slowly moved his fingers deeper. "Dean," he said. "How do you feel?"

"Still way tighter than I wanted to be right now. Just... Hold on." He repositioned so he was on his elbows and knees and his legs were spread further apart.

"Oh..." said Cas. He brought his free hand down to curl around Dean's cock. "Do I understand?"

And Dean felt his brain  _ short circuit. _ The thought he could ask for  _ that _ had not even  _ occurred  _ to him. It was a little overwhelming. Not the sensations so much as the fact Cas was  _ offering. _

"I'm....uh," He didn’t know what to do. "We need a way for me to say when something happens and I don't need to stop but I do need to be reminded where I am and who I'm with. I'm good, I promise. I just.... Talk to me?"

No big deal. It was just trauma. They didn't have to make it weird. It didn't have to be a  _ thing. _ It was uncomfortable and kind of embarrassing and a major mood killer, but it wasn't all that different from getting a really bad leg cramp.

"Say 'Castiel.' Call me. I will always remind you who I am."

"That'll work. I'll... We can figure out something else later."

Cas teased his thumb around the head of Dean's cock. "Is this too much?"

"Yes. No. A little? I don't know?" He was trying to focus on his breathing, "Castiel, please just talk. Just say stuff. Doesn't matter what. Just need to hear your voice. Or Jimmy could do it, but it’s better if it’s you."

"You are here with us. You are safe, surrounded by those who love you. You are beautiful and desired, my beloved Dean. But never more than you ask for. Never more than you want."

Dean took a few shaky breaths, focused more on the tone of voice than the words themselves. It took a minute, but he found a way back. "Good job, Cas." He tried to remember what had been happening. "We should probably add more lube."

Cas pulled both his hands away. Then gave Dean's dick a stroke. 

"You have done an exceptional thing," he murmured. "That you have treated as ordinary. I see how you have mastered yourself, and how you have trusted me to help you."

Dean rolled over, so he could drag Cas down into a kiss and slide underneath his body. "Better." Dean locked one of his legs around Cas. "Much better."

In this position he could tell - in a way he couldn't before - that Cas was _extremely_ hard. Dean brushed through the mess of his hair. “Almost ready sweetheart. I promise."

Castiel huffed. "I can send it away. The only message you should take from it is that we want you. But you knew that."

"Hey, you'll need it in a minute."

Cas centered himself a little more over Dean's body. "I will?"

"Yeah. And more importantly  _ I'm _ gonna need it. Just want to know that I can take your fingers easy first. Then we're good to go, so long as you're careful."

Cas bent his head, and touched his lips to Dean’s. "I don't want to stop kissing you. But I also want to kiss you as I press inside of you."

Cas was being cute again. They could be cute later. 

"Cas. Focus. Lube."

Cas shook his head. "Of course." Honestly, he was doing really well for a guy new to the idea of feeling horny. He had a new bottle of lube as he crawled helplessly between Dean's legs, grabbed a pillow from the headboard - and didn't have another hand, so Dean got a very lubed-up asscheek as Cas lifted his butt about two feet in the air. Dean yelped. Regained his cool.

And Cas was looking at him with so much determination that it actually came off as a little heartbreaking.

"Sweetheart?" He kept his voice as gentle as possible. “I need you to promise me something.”

Cas blinked. "Yes."

"If this doesn't go exactly how you want? Promise me you'll go easy on yourself. It’s your first time. You're not supposed to know everything. Whatever happens - you're doing great."

Cas bowed his head, and was silent for a second.

"I am not worried about disappointing myself."

"Hey, this could be amazing - or maybe it’s me that’s not up for it. I need to know you aren’t blaming yourself. I’ve still got you. You're still my husband."

Cas searched for Dean's hand like he was trying to find it in the dark. He glanced down. "Will you hold me for a moment?"

Dean sat up and drew Cas into his arms. Hummed Metallica songs into his hair. It was a little while before Cas relaxed, and Dean held him for a while after that.

"Do you want our fingers?" Cas sais, abruptly. Then shook his head. "I am sorry. That was... too blunt. I have it wrong."

"Sweetheart..." Dean couldn't help it, he laughed. "You know I like that about you, right?"

Cas did smile at that. "Forgive me. I feel as though I am starting over. I feel very young."

"Just so long as I don't make you feel old. And yeah, I do want your fingers. I want you to fuck me with them."

A deep breath from Cas. "How would you like me?"

Dean grinned from ear to ear. "Just the way you are, for as long as you'll have me."

Cas looked at him. And there was just - a lot going on in his eyes.

And then Jimmy was in his arms.

"Hey baby. Everything okay?" said Dean.

"He's okay! Just overwhelmed is all. He needs a minute. But he's okay."

"That's half an answer. How about you?"

Jimmy rolled his eyes. "I’ve got the easy job. I get to tease Cas and watch him play with your beautiful ass, remember?"

Dean smiled and tried not to blush. Jimmy was still breathless and giddy from it.

"Cas is thinking he needs like, better lube. And is now thinking about... anal beads? Nothing against his idea, but I'm betting you're maybe 85% of the way there already?"

"Aww." Dean practically cooed. Cas was  _ adorable. _ "We can go sex toy shopping later if he wants. But you're right. I am  _ so _ ready."

Jimmy crowded closer into Dean's space. "I bet you are."

"Don't get too full of yourself or anything. But your dick is perfect for anal. Seriously. I think you might just have the perfect dick."

"Yeah, I'm not getting full of myself.  _ You're _ getting full of myself."

Dean laughed. It was a bad joke, and it was perfect.

"I found my favorite dick and his name is Jimmy."

"Hey, who are you calling a dick?"

"You. I just called you a dick."

Jimmy playfully pushed Dean's shoulder. Dean pushed back, still grinning. Jimmy got momentum from somewhere and tackled Dean back into the pillows, sprawling. Dean made no move to free himself, instead reaching up to pinch his ass. Jimmy yelped, and bucked into him, which made their dicks slide together. Dean smiled up, got lost in those eyes without meaning to. Beautiful, even when they didn't have that Cas-intenseness.

Jimmy kissed him like he couldn't help it. His weight was just as comforting as Cas’ had been.

"You, uh. You sure he’s okay?" 

"Promise," said Jimmy. "He’s been following orders for a long time is all. Right now? He just wants to hit a place where he can feel and not think. Lose himself in your soul, and your body, and how much he loves you."

"I think we can give him that. That’s the plan anyway."

"Pretty sure I can get him there, and have you both be okay."

"And you too." It wasn’t real, Dean  _ knew _ it wasn’t real, but in moments like this he remembered that Jimmy from the future, the one who could only scream. That wasn’t going to happen. He wasn’t going to  _ let _ that happen.

Jimmy reached to touch his face. "I'm doing  _ really well, _ Dean. Like, maybe you've noticed, but the idea of getting some fingers in you isn't making me freeze up anymore." He kissed again, longer and sweeter. "Okay kitten. Let's make you feel good, huh?"

"You weren't joking." Dean hadn't meant to say that out loud, but there wasn't any harm in it. Jimmy  _ did _ look more comfortable in his own skin than Dean had ever seen him. "This is a new look on you. I like it." Jimmy wasn’t faking it. Dean had to wonder how he'd ever mistaken that false confidence for the real thing.

Jimmy reached over to where Cas has dropped the lube. Ran a hand over Dean’s calf, over the stockings. "You know how pretty you are. Your pretty little asshole's no different."

"I think that makes me  _ your _ pretty little asshole."

"You are  _ absolutely _ my pretty little asshole. No question."

Dean thought about making another joke, but ended up just looking away and mumbling a “thanks” that was way more genuine than the moment called for.

“Hey…” Jimmy lightly touched him under the chin. "It's no problem. You look good like this. What was that word you were using? Debauched? That." Jimmy settled himself until he was sitting basically in Dean's lap. His hands were stroking, and Dean just buried his face in Jimmy’s neck.

"Hey. Did everything go okay with Cas? Nod or shake, that's fine."

Dean nodded, but didn't make any move to let go. Jimmy sat with him, petting, and was quiet. Dean tried to get himself together, but there were still a few tears. Not a lot. Jimmy kissed them off Dean’s face and nuzzled near his mouth, giving him the option to turn his head if he wanted.

Dean curled so Jimmy could rest his chin on his head. Jimmy pulled the duvet over both of them, and tucked Dean against him in the thick warm darkness.

When Dean could finally speak again, his voice was hoarse.

“You were dying. Dead. I know it wasn't real, but it  _ felt _ real. I thought it was real. It's so much worse now that I love you. You were just..."

“Look at me?"

Dean was shaking, and breathing was harder.

"Castiel would  _ die _ before he did anything to hurt me. He would  _ die. _ I'm in here, so I get to know that for an absolute fact. I'm safer than you are." 

"Jimmy, I can't do that again. I can't let more people I care about get killed 'cause of me. Going to Hell was supposed to fix that. Dad sold his soul for me, and Sammy died. What was I  _ supposed _ to do? I didn't know about Ben. If I had - I don't know - " Except that was a lie. He  _ did  _ know. Ben wouldn’t have changed anything. Dean still would have taken the deal.

Jimmy flipped the blanket to see him properly. "Listen. What your dad did is not your fault. And yeah, you paid a steep price to get Sam back. You're still paying. There are no quick fixes like I used to think." He took Dean's face in his hands. "But kitten. My beauty, my love. You're making yourself crazy like this, running over all these what-ifs."

Without meaning to, Dean found himself matching Jimmy's slow careful breathing. Listened to his heartbeat and his long exhales. 

Kissed him on the cheek. "Still don't know how I got this lucky."

"We've all been saying that a lot."

"Sammy and I were making plans for the next case, and we talked about going to check on your family. It's up to you and everything. But if you wanted - we could."

Jimmy tensed. "Yes.  _ Yes. _ Absolutely. If you and Sam and Cas don’t think it's too dangerous..."

"We only have to tell them as much as you want. We’re your friends, coworkers, AA sponsors, whatever. The only thing I’m going to need to do is demon-proof the house."

Jimmy lay his hands on Dean's chest. "Don't talk about this now."

"Just so you know? This is what I look like when I'm happy. I don't trust it."

"And just so  _ you _ know, I will absolutely introduce you as my boyfriend."

"Ooh. Drama. Is it going to be like that episode of Dr. Sexy where-"

Jimmy kissed him, shutting him up. Dean was pretty okay with that.

"Nah. You don't still have a job so we  _ couldn't _ get caught in the-"

Another kiss from Jimmy. "Okay, you are ridiculous. And can't be trusted to talk."

"And what are you gonna do about it?"

“Maybe get back to what I  _ was  _ doing.”

"Just throwing this out there, _but_ I don't have to be hard for you to finger me."

Jimmy just couldn't resist. He moved in towards Dean. "I told you. I want to see you.”

Dean lay back and spread his legs. "I'm all yours."

Jimmy came closer. He palmed along Dean's thighs, touched his balls with cool lube. Then his clever, careful fingers started to explore the skin lower down. When he finally got to the ass, he spread everything apart. Dean's body was more used to this now, and didn't need nearly as much time to adjust to the feeling of someone else's touch.

"Mmm. My pretty little asshole. Seems to me that we've all been working pretty hard all night to get you open." Jimmy’s finger touched right at the ring of muscle.

"Fuck, Jimmy. Even that's just... fuck."

Jimmy glanced up at him and smiled, a little wicked. "Think you can still take a finger?"

Dean nodded enthusiastically.

Jimmy pushed straight in, past the rim. Made a relaxed sort of sigh. "You're  _ tight, _ kitten. But I got you."

Dean clenched a few times around Jimmy's finger before he was able to really start to relax and get back into the rhythm of things.

_ "Just _ like that. I can definitely feel the difference." Jimmy had slipped inside, petting at the sides, stretching the muscle. He bent over to kiss Dean's belly, as he slowly fucked inside him with one finger. "I remember how safe and sexy I felt when you did this for me."

Dean was holding onto the sheets with one hand, and brought the other to gently rest in Jimmy's hair. Not holding, just resting. Shaking slightly. Hopefully Jimmy couldn’t tell.

"You were gorgeous. You  _ are _ gorgeous," Jimmy said. As if to demonstrate, he closed his lips over the head of Dean's dick for a second, and hummed.

"Ah! Fgnk!" 

Jimmy was back to admiring Dean's ass. "Just playing with you here. No. Pressure."

But that was a lie, because his fingers were touching Dean harder and faster.

"Maybe I should touch your prostate? What do you think?"

Dean was breathing heavily and it took him a second to make sense of the words - past the distracting visual of Jimmy between his legs. 

"That's... the idea."

"I don't know, Dean Winchester, you're a pretty big tease..."

Dean moaned in frustration and tried to angle his hips to get more out of what Jimmy was giving him. And Jimmy took pity. After a little bit of looking - he stroked the pad of a finger against Dean's prostate. Then did it  _ again _ . That angle was hard for Dean to reach on his own, but Jimmy's hands were  _ perfect _ for it. "I bet I could make you come just like this." And to prove his point Jimmy grazed him more time.

"Yes! Y-yes you totally could. Don't!" Dean laughed, which made his muscles clench and Jimmy's fingers hit his prostate. He made another unintelligible sound. Tried to catch his breath.

"Why?" asked Jimmy, innocently. "You want my cock that badly?"

"Yes! I - Fuck. I do. Okay? I want - " Dean grimaced and made himself stop. "I'm not comfortable begging for your cock. I will, but it's probably a bad idea."

Jimmy kissed his belly in apology. "I'm sorry. Too far. Thanks for saying."

Dean realized he was pulling Jimmy's hair a little too much. Made himself let go.

"No... no that was okay. That was good. A little rougher was good,” said Jimmy. 

"Huh?" Dean was still a little thrown off, it took him a second. "Oh. I can do that. Um… Talk to me?"

"Felt good when you pulled my hair. That's pretty much it."

"This is why we need a different word. I'm not going to just call for Cas if I'm with you."

And Dean could see when what he was asking for - clicked for Jimmy. 

His hands stilled. "Right..."

"Baby,” said Dean. “Say something. Anything. Recite the periodic table. List state capitals, talk about the weather."

Jimmy, slightly panicked, started reciting the lyrics of Billy Joel's "Piano Man." Dean couldn't complain. It worked. By the time he got to the first chorus, Dean was mostly okay again.

Jimmy hugged him.

Now Dean was totally okay. 

"You've got me feelin' alright," 

Jimmy smiled. Then bit his lip. "I knew that was a mistake the second I said it. But then it seemed like a  _ worse _ mistake to make a thing about it. I'm sorry I, we, keep messing up."

"Hey, cut that out. You’re not allowed to blame yourself, same as Cas."

Jimmy kissed him to change the subject. Dean let him, and ran fingernails up the back of his neck, grabbed a handful of his hair and tugged lightly. "Wish I could. Beg for you. Want to tell you how much I want you. Want you to make me crave your cock so much I forget I ever had anyone else's. Think you can do that for me, baby?" 

Just as quickly as it arrived, his false confidence disappeared. Replaced with near painful sincerity and a soft smile. It was a nice fantasy, at least.

Jimmy pulled Dean into his lap. “I’ve got time to get this right,” he murmured. “Know a lot more than I did, already. And hey, um. If you need to hear our voice, say uh... say 'piano,' okay?" He pulled Dean even closer. And dropped his head to nuzzle his shoulder.

"If I need the piano man, I'll ask for him." How did Jimmy and Cas do this? Just when Dean thought it wasn't possible to love them any more than he already did…

A snigger from Jimmy, mostly muffled.

"Heard one of those theories, about how that song is about a gay bar. That's why no one there's married and the barman keeps giving Billy Joel free drinks."

“I always thought he’d found himself a bar full of hunters. Your idea probably makes more sense." 

Jimmy laughed properly, no oily film of self-consciousness. "They keep asking him what he's doing there. And, I mean, I'm pretty sure Billy Joel isn't gay, or a hunter..."

Now Dean was laughing. "You never know."

Jimmy just looked so  _ happy. _ Smile so big it made his eyes squinty. "Yeah,” he said. “Asking you to marry me was definitely the right call." He grabbed Dean's chin and tilted his head down for a kiss. "Hey. Can I play with your ass a little bit more? I want to say I'm getting better at it."

Dean sat back on his heels and ran his hands over his body. Rolling his hips. Giving Jimmy a bit of a show.

Then he very abruptly - stopped. 

"Shit. Keep forgetting. I don't have to seduce you or anything. I'm fine, it's just... you know."

Jimmy didn't answer at first. Just leaned forward to cradle Dean's broad shoulders in his arms. Dean relaxed into the embrace. Let himself be held.

"I promise,” Jimmy whispered. “We are completely seduced. Show off because you like it, or you think watching me squirm is really that fun."

“Fair. And for the record? Check out all the fun I'm having." Dean ground his hips again, and watched Jimmy's eyelids flutter. He hadn't been hard before, but there was... the beginnings of something, now. 

Jimmy tried to hold Dean and look for the lube one-handed. It took him a minute, since the bottle had gotten folded in with the blankets. But eventually, he leaned back into the pillows and guided Dean's body over his. And Dean felt Jimmy's hand curl around both their cocks, giving a lazy handjob exactly the same pace as his slow, relaxed breathing.

"You can play with my ass as much as you want,” Dean said. “Consider it communal property."

Jimmy just smiled at him, content, and those hands came around to pull his ass forward. He created a little friction for himself, but even  _ more _ when he flexed - bringing Dean's legs further apart, and making things more fun for his dick. And  _ playing _ was the right word for what Jimmy was doing, grabbing his ass with his whole palm, teasing the hole with just the side of a pinky. Petting the muscles there. Seeing if he could do just the tip of one slick finger - the angle didn't really allow for more.

Dean didn't need more. This was  _ perfect _ . If he hadn't been there while Jimmy was learning, Dean would never have believed this was his first time. Actually, he had to be swapping notes with Cas. That was the only way this made sense.

The finger Jimmy had in him pressed around and around in lazy circles, going deeper almost unintentionally, inevitable when Dean’s muscles slowly began to relax. Dean rocked against those fingers, and moaned into the kiss.

Jimmy used his free hand to bring Dean tighter to him. He was getting hard, and Dean clenched around his fingers for several seconds before relaxing again. 

"Love your fingers. Love this. Love you." Dean’s hips gave a sharp, involuntary thrust, and he broke the kiss as he tried to catch his breath. Jimmy sighed against him, eyes closed. As one finger worked deeper in, a second began to play with his rim. Dean scooted forwards so Jimmy could reach more easily.

_ "Kitten, _ " Jimmy breathed.

Dean made an inarticulate noise of pleasure. Jimmy was using two fingers now, so there was actually  _ something _ Dean could fuck himself on.

In a distant part of his mind, Dean thought he must have made quite the picture, kneeling over Jimmy, eyes closed, back arched, mouth open in pleasure. Either he looked like something straight out of a porno, or really really stupid. Possibly both.  _ Probably _ both.

"Hey -" said Jimmy. He tapped Dean's leg with a knee. "I have an idea. If it's awkward or doesn't work we can just laugh it off but I think if you... crawled a little more over me, you could maybe - I think I could get my mouth on your dick? And do  _ this _ even better." Jimmy curled his fingers inside Dean.

_ Damn. _ That was an  _ amazing _ idea - in theory - but Jimmy was new at this. If it had been Cas asking, or if this were in a dream - Dean would have said yes in a heartbeat. But  _ Jimmy Novak _ in real life? He fumbled for words. "Babe. I love the way you’re thinking. But isn't that a little… a lot for you right now? I don't want you to feel trapped. You're not Cas, you’ve still got to breathe. And uh... I mean... maybe?"

The more Dean thought about it, the less okay he felt. "I'm uh..." Some bad anxiety was creeping up on him, and he rushed to get the words out like he could outrun it. "Hey Jimmy? I'm not doing so hot and I think we need to change positions and also I totally love that you're saying stuff like this now and it wasn't a stupid question. It sucks that you have to deal with this crap-"

In one motion, Jimmy pulled Dean closer to him and rolled.

Now Jimmy was looking down at him, fingers no longer fucking. And Dean felt the tension in his shoulders and back receding. "Thanks." He flashed Jimmy a reassuring smile.

Jimmy smiled too. "Better walk before you run, huh? Sometimes I forget that I'm just me, and Cas is the one with the cheat codes."

"You're not  _ just _ anything.”

Jimmy bent to kiss him. Pulled back a little, a smile in his eyes. Nodded.

"I don't think I'm hard enough yet, kitten. But soon. Real soon. And if I'm not, Cas is always there. Permanent Viagra."

"Angel-boners." That was hilarious. "That's like... the opposite of what you'd expect."

"When he says he can control my body, he means he can  _ control my body. _ ”

Dean could picture it. He’d been to a faith healer once. "So like....bless this dick. Fill it with your spirit so that it might - "

Jimmy kissed him. And then started to move. One hand in Dean’s ass, the other for leverage and lube, their two dicks sliding together. Breathing heavy and even. 

Then a sharp little sound - like he'd been stuck with a pin.

"You okay?" Dean was a little concerned.

Jimmy bent down to kiss him, reassuringly.

Dean squinted, suspicious.

“You know how…” Yeah, Jimmy's breathing was a  _ lot _ more ragged. "You know how I said I could feel him on my skin, like very thin... electric wires..."

Right. So  _ that's _ what they’d been getting up to in the backseat earlier. Dean combed his fingers through Jimmy's hair. "I love it when you two do freaky shit like this. It's hot."

Jimmy ground down. He was actually biting his lip. And Dean couldn't help noticing that his cock was... significantly harder than it had been. 

Then a long string of words that, while not English, was definitely swearing."Ahhhh...." Jimmy collapsed on his chest. "I will  _ never, ever _ forgive you for explaining edging to him."

“Sorry baby. How was I supposed to know he’d be this into it?" Dean wasn’t particularly sorry. The grin on his face wasn't exactly contrite. He kissed the tip of Jimmy’s nose. "So glad he fucks you. You have no idea. So glad you found yourself an angel who treats you right." As opposed to one who fried him completely and left him a burnt-out husk.

Jimmy's eyes got softer. "You know I'm teasing him because I love him."

"Same reason he's teasing you."

Jimmy smiled quietly to himself.

"Maybe this isn't the best time…” Dean ran Jimmy’s damp hair between his fingers. “But that language you were speaking? Is it Enochian? It’s cute and sexy, but that could just be you."

Jimmy smiled at him. "It's Polish. From my grandparents. It's terrible, but what stuck is pretty much just the curse words, and the little names they used to call me. Pretty sure Claire thinks I make up all the funny things I call her."

"You know that if it weren't for Cas I would never have gone near your family, right?" And Jimmy would still have his wife and be working a job he hated, but that wasn’t the point.

"Dean,” said Jimmy. “Don't talk like that. I'm serious."

"I am serious. What made you think I wasn't taking this seriously?"

Jimmy shook his head. "No, it's just - this idea that you can't be  _ you _ and have  _ this." _ ."

I _ can, _ that's the point." Dean tried to explain. "If it weren't for Cas, I'd be bringing threats into your life. But since this stuff is there for you already - doesn’t matter if I’m there too. Might as well try and make it work."

Jimmy was looking down at him with those eyes that were just so, so blue. The bedside lamp drew golden lines along the edges of his face. Dean traced one of the lines of light with his thumb. Jimmy leaned into his touch.

"How are you like this?" It wasn't a question Dean meant to ask out loud, but that was okay. He felt warm, and safe, and very  _ seen _ . And not in that freaky staring-into-your-soul Cas kind of way.

"Dean..." Jimmy swallowed. "If you're ready I'm ready. Let me make love to you?"

"I'm so ready," Dean breathed. "I've been ready. You've got this, so does Cas and so do I."

Jimmy squeezed him in his arms, so tight. Then he pulled away, and rubbed another layer of lube over that beautiful, perfect dick.

Dean took a few slow deep breaths to make sure he wasn't going to tense up at the worst possible time.

"Nothing fancy. Promise. Just me."

"Like I said. You're not  _ just _ anything." Dean took the opportunity to wrap his hand around Jimmy's dick. "You felt amazing in my mouth. Can't wait to find out how you feel in my ass." He said it too much like an endearment, for it to work as dirty talk.

Jimmy closed his eyes and let Dean touch. And Dean felt Jimmy touch him too, a finger circling, checking to see how relaxed he was.

Then Jimmy peeled Dean's fingers away from his cock.

"Can I check in with Cas first? Just for a second?" said Dean.

Jimmy looked at him. And then his eyes... were deeper. Like ocean floor deeper.

"Hey, sweetheart. Less overwhelmed?"

Cas shifted to get a little more symmetrical, a little more still. He placed a hand on each of Dean's hips.

"Yes. My vessel has done well."

Dean had to agree. "He's amazing."

"Yes."

"Whoever wants to take the lead on this one is fine by me. I’m good either way."

Cas squinted. "He is nervous. He knows he shouldn't be."

"That’s okay. I'm nervous." And Dean wasn't the greatest metric for what was and wasn't okay, but whatever.

"I am not nervous," said Cas. "I think it may be kinder to do this part for him."

"I...uh, sure... yeah, that makes sense. I mean, it's between you two. I'm happy either way. I said that already." Dean made himself take another deep breath. "Okay, okay. I'm good. Better now. I really am just nervous, I swear."

Cas nodded. "You will feel better once we are in you." He lowered himself onto an elbow, closer to Dean's body, lining himself up. "I will go quickly at first, like lancing a wound. Then slow. You are prepared. There is no way I can hurt you." 

"No, dude. Slow. Go slow. I love you, but trust me on this one." Dean placed his hand over Cas' heart. "I'm trusting you here."

Cas bowed his head in acknowledgement. "Thank you, for teaching me."

"Comprehensive sex education is just one of the many benefits of sleeping with me. The other benefits include great sex, movie trivia and some sick-ass wheels."

"I can speak to the beautiful car," said Cas, and there were cool fingers checking out his asshole. "And to the intense pleasure offered by your body. I look forward to hearing more about films."

"You've got a pretty sexy ride there in Jimmy. Want to take me for spin?" Dean wriggled his hips suggestively.

Cas inclined his head. And there was Cas' dick - Jimmy's dick - pressing at him. He held Dean's body firm and steady - and then was - sliding into him. Dean held onto Cas' arm with one hand and tried to remember to breathe.

It was a lot. No amount of prep could have really prepared him for the feeling of another person entering him. There was the physical sensation, sure, but it was more than that. Dean couldn't help clenching after the head of Jimmy's cock slipped in. When that happened, Cas didn't just go slow. He stopped moving entirely.

"I'm fine. It's fine." Dean let go of his death grip on Cas' arm. "I'm alright."

"Dean. Breathe for me."

Dean took a slow deep breath in.

Held it for a second. And tried to relax on the exhale. It worked, mostly.

Cas held himself in place, supported by the impossible strength of one arm. His other hand found Dean's, and laced their fingers together.

Dean looked around the room. His eyes landed on the bathroom door with the guns locked behind it, the lines of salt around the bed, the sigil scrawled in lipstick on the mirror. Finally, he settled on the angel between his stocking-clad legs.

Cas was staring back at him. Steady. Unblinking.

"You can move. Just go slow." Dean kissed Cas' hand without breaking eye contact.

Cas pushed in a little bit further. "How do you feel? My vessel wants to know."

"Beautiful. Loved. I feel friggin' cherished, actually. It's...." Dean felt his lip tremble slightly, "It's kind of a big goddamn deal."

Cas had his shoulder in one hand, and was using it as leverage as he pressed into Dean's body, inhumanly slowly, inhumanly evenly. He had been right. This would have been too much for a nervous Jimmy. 

Hell, it was almost too much for  _ Dean. _

"You are treasured, and beautiful. If it would help to cry - then cry."

Dean was too choked up to say anything without crying so he just nodded. But - that was kind of the point, wasn't it?

"You are doing so well, my beloved."

That was it. That did it. Beloved was what tipped things over the edge.

"Damnit, you made me cry, you asshole." Dean smiled, and shook his head as he tried to wipe his eyes. Cas was almost all the way in him now, but still moving just as slowly. Physically, Dean would have been fine if he'd gone a little faster. But emotionally, this was more his speed.

Taking another deep breath, Dean brought his legs around Cas and pulled him close, taking him the rest of the way.

Cas, fitted into him like he was, was able to delicately kiss the tears out of Dean’s eyes. And fold him in his arms. And then kiss him, like he'd wanted to, while deep inside his body. Apart from that, Cas didn't move. Just let Dean feel him. 

The slow stretch and the exquisite sense of fullness that followed almost felt like an ache. There wasn't any pain, but that was the closest word Dean had for it.

"This is... more than I thought it would be," Cas said. 

"I know." Dean gathered him in his arms as best he could. "I know, sweetheart. You're doing great. Just hold still for a second. It's alright. I want to try something, but it might be too much. Let me know when you're ready."

"We trust you."

Dean deliberately clenched his muscles around Cas for a few seconds. He did this several times, one right after another. Clench, hold, release and repeat. It was nothing that complicated really, but Dean knew for a fact it felt  _ amazing. _

Cas went tense, then so loose. It was good to get a sound like  _ that _ out of their angel. He thrust up into Dean, and then... deliberately repositioned his arms. Repositioned his hips. Pulling back out, then slowly and  _ insanely _ deliberately grazed against Dean's prostate. Cas' eyes had him. So aware of everything they were doing. Just the right pressure to send a jolt of pleasure arcing through Dean's body. 

He almost didn't know how to react. This was for  _ him. _ Cas was doing this because he wanted to make Dean feel good. That was the primary goal here, and Cas had said as much but for some reason, it didn't really  _ sink in _ until now.

"What do I - "  _ What do I need to do. _ "Do you - "  _ Do you want me like this? _ "Should I - "  _ Should I do something different. _

No, those were the wrong questions. This was Cas.

Holding tight, he whispered - halfway between begging and giving orders -"Show me how much you want me. I want you  _ so _ bad." He started moving against Cas. "I'm ready for my husband to fuck me."

An arm snaked around Dean's waist. "You give me an easy challenge."

Dean’s heart felt like it had skipped straight past roller coasters and taken up skydiving. And he hated planes, but Cas could fly, so that was fine. He was just glad he managed to keep that thought to himself. There was only so much sappy romantic bullshit a guy could say in a day without ruining his reputation.

And Cas' body was kind, as he began to roll his hips into Dean, a little at a time, wringing desperate little noises out of him.

"You can feel how much I desire you. The press of your body, the warmth of your soul."

The arms around him were  _ so strong, _ and held him still so effortlessly. Cas’ hand moved to his lower back and shifted his body, changing the angle of Dean's hips, which meant the next time he pushed back into him -

Cas inside him was slow, and even, and rhythmic, and just as strong as his arms. He was unbearably intentional with the way he guided his cock over Dean’s prostate - and then backed off, went too shallow, or stopped moving, giving Dean time to catch his breath - or whine.

Cas lay inside Dean and kissed him deeply and thoroughly, giving him just that fullness to feel. Cas studied Dean's face as he fucked him, taking in every little bit of unconscious tension and release. Cas was power, and focus, and care.

It didn’t take long for Dean to get lost in that feeling. His eyes closed, his thoughts shut up, and the inside of his mind went gloriously, blissfully quiet. There was nothing he had to worry about. If there was, Cas would take care of it. There was nothing he needed to focus on, beyond the slow drag across his rim and the steady, insistent pressure of Cas' cock inside him.

It was perfect. It felt like every nerve in Dean's body had relocated to his prostate or his dick. There was just one problem. Cas was going  _ too slow. _

"Harder, Cas - Oh, fuck  _ yes _ ." He sounded needy, he didn’t care. "More. I want... C'mon sweetheart, it's okay. You're not..." He had to come up for air before he was able to form more complicated thoughts. "You won't scare me if you throw me around a little."

In response, Cas got his hands under Dean's hips and  _ lifted. _ And Dean was looking at Cas kneeling in front of him, his entire body angled up to meet him. His shoulders were still on the mattress, but Cas was holding everything else. He was deep inside Dean - and those hands on his pelvis were supporting all the weight, controlling all the movement. Cas pulled out, almost all the way - and there was nothing Dean could do about it. Cas met his eyes. With a thrust like a lightning strike he hit his prostate head-on and went  _ deeper _ , as far as he could go. And  _ hard. _

Cas laid his palm flat on that place where you put tramp stamps. Held Dean in the air like that  _ one handed.  _ And, angling down, slammed deep into him  _ again.  _

Dean let out a noise halfway between a scream and laugh. That wasn't even  _ remotely  _ what he had been expecting. He wasn't complaining.  _ God no. _ If literally anyone else had tried that he would’ve run for the hills. But this was Cas. He knew Dean's body in a way no one else could, and he’d just had a guided tour.

Dean grabbed a pillow to muffle the sounds he was making. After a second, he threw it away. He wanted to be able to see Cas. It wouldn't be the first time he got blacklisted by a hotel chain for noise complaints. It was worth it too, because Castiel looked  _ fantastic. _ The wild hair, the dark eyes, the light shining over the muscles in his arms and shoulders. The elegant fingers curled around his dick, paying attention to all the most sensitive spots -

"Cas, Cas! Wait. Fuck!"

Cas stopped immediately. Didn't pull out - Dean had said not to - but stopped moving. Hands went to Dean's hips, lowered him down.

Those eyes - for a moment they reminded Dean of magnesium flares, the kind it hurt to look at.

"Dean?" he said. "Is this not what you meant?"

Dean was shaking, not in a state where he could talk just yet. Instead he flung an arm around Cas and drew him close, just held still while he calmed down enough to think. The whole time, he peppered little kisses over Cas' face, neck, shoulders. His other hand rubbed a comforting line up and down Cas' flank.

Cas stayed still and quiet for him. He was still deep inside Dean, but his hands rested lightly against his back.

"Not gonna lie,” Dean said. “That’s not what I was expecting, that's for sure."

Cas curled his ankle around Dean’s and pressed into him. It was a strange little motion. Like he was cuddling  _ inside _ Dean or something. Kind of weird, but Dean was into it. He kissed Cas, where his jaw met his neck. "It's good, don't worry. Maybe a little  _ too _ good, I want to make this last. I was thinking you would speed up, maybe pin my hands above my head or something. There’s an order to this stuff... which of course you don’t know."

"I can do both those things. I can do  _ anything." _

"I know, and it's fucking sexy!" Dean was so damn excited. Giddy. He must have the goofiest grin on his face. "Do you know how many times I've been with someone who could carry me? Never. That's how many."

"... at first I considered fucking you while standing."

Dean kissed him. He wrapped his legs tight around Cas, grabbed him by the hair and as he did, Cas pulled him closer against his dick.

Dean was all hot, open mouthed kisses and sounds of need as he tried to get at  _ least  _ as close to Cas as physically possible.  _ Closer. _ Cas gathered him up, one hand on the back of his neck in a move that felt possessive. Something about that felt perfect in a way Dean didn't fully understand. He was shivering, but he wasn't cold. And wasn't afraid.

Cas stayed so close, wrapped up in Dean's body. "You are trembling. But untroubled?"

"I'm happy." Dean hid his face. "Just really  _ really _ happy."

They were on their sides, curled into each other. Cas held Dean's head against him, and began to roll his hips. Not much. Slow, lazy fucking.

But Dean's leg was starting to cramp, so he gently pulled away and rolled to put Cas against his back. "Okay. Now we can cuddle and fuck. Best of both worlds."

Cas ran a hand along his thigh. Mouth hot on the back of his neck, kissing as he slid his way back inside. The angle  _ felt _ different.

But then the body inside Dean shook. And a hand rested on his hip bone, curled around his chest.

"Dean?"

That was  _ Jimmy's _ voice.

"Dean, you feel..." A kiss on the back of his neck. And Jimmy's arm squeezed tighter. His  _ body _ squeezed tighter, spooning around him.

"Fuck, kitten. I love you." Jimmy said the words against Dean's skin - but Dean heard him just fine.

He took Jimmy's hand and laced their fingers together. "I love you too, Jimmy."

Jimmy kissed Dean’s knuckles. "Damn you're amazing." He was as close against him as Cas had been. But Jimmy definitely needed a minute.

And sure, they were having an intimate moment, but Dean also really wanted to check in with the only other human in this relationship. Because Cas was.... Cas. "I give him permission to be a little rough and he goes and does that one-armed thing! He knows he doesn't have to show off for me, right?"

Jimmy laughed into his neck. "Of  _ course _ he's going to go weird and athletic. That's who he  _ is. _ He doesn't do  _ in the middle. _ "

"He should. It's great. I'm having fun." Dean rolled his hips to demonstrate. “I vote we make a Cas sandwich next time we do a sleepover in my brain."

"Mmmmm. " Jimmy started to kiss against Dean’s neck with a little more intention. "Do it. Also. He loves showing off for you. Just so you know."

“Good to know." Maybe someday shower sex could become more than just theoretically sexy.

Jimmy had moved on to nipping Dean's ear. "Looks like he left me in some kind of place..." he moved against Dean, experimentally. Sighed. "Oh  _ wow. _ Did I feel this good?"

Dean was confused for a second, and then laughed. "I don't know, baby. I haven't gotten a chance to fuck  _ you _ yet."

"You will. You will. I  _ promise _ you will..."

Jimmy pulled out of Dean, all the way out. Dean felt that hot cock, that had been inside him just a second ago, pressing against his ass. It felt pretty big.

“I just want to make sure I can do this for real,” said Jimmy, with a little bit of apology. He hugged Dean tight. “How are you doing? Sore? Need to take a break? Drink some water?” He circled a nipple with his thumb. “I could suck your cock a little… or massage your shoulders… Or you know. I could just fuck my husband.”

Dean twisted around so he could look at Jimmy. For a long moment, he didn’t say anything as he tried to commit every last detail to memory. Jimmy was perfect, from the way the light played across his skin to the way he couldn’t seem to go more than a few seconds without kissing Dean. Lips, hands, shoulders, the back of his neck. It didn't seem to matter as long as he could kiss him somewhere. Dean almost couldn't look at him, not when there was this much impossible softness and warmth in his eyes. These were the kinds of moments he could take with him to the end of the world.

It wasn’t clear which one of them started the slow undulating motion of their bodies, but Dean was enjoying it. If he turned slightly, he could reach up behind him and run his fingers through Jimmy’s hair. Lying back down, he turned away again and wrapped Jimmy’s arms more securely around him. Once they were cuddled up next to each other, head to toe, Dean said, “I want my husband to fuck me.”

"Your husband..." murmured Jimmy. He pressed up against Dean, and Dean felt him there and - and nothing. Jimmy exhaled.  _ "Cas. _ " He was laughing. "Cas you made this angle look so  _ easy." _ He kissed Dean's hair. "That was supposed to be all romantic." There was a double tap on his right shoulder, and Dean let Jimmy turn him over. Now, lying on his stomach, he heard the clicky sound of a lube bottle opening, and felt hands running along his back.

"Okay. I'm going for it," said Jimmy. He kissed between Dean's shoulder blades and then... nudged his way inside.

The hands on Dean's shoulders - tightened. Jimmy made a little noise that was pleasure and thankfulness and  _ love _ and was so, so  _ vulnerable _ that it made Dean just want to hold him.

But Jimmy was holding  _ him, _ wrapping a leg around his, turning him over, curling them back to their original position. Jimmy was in him, and he was in Jimmy's arms, and Jimmy still couldn't manage to stop kissing him.

Jimmy began to move against him. Wrapped so close together, all his movements had to be soft and intimate. But also... but also that was just Jimmy. Cas was so  _ careful _ \- but he was a soldier with too much fire in him to be really gentle, too many hard edges to be soft. Being with Cas was like standing in a thunderstorm. Their angel hit him with bursts of pleasure out of nowhere that were so intense they were almost  _ pain _ \- and then let him catch his breath afterwards.

Jimmy was completely different. As Jimmy pushed into him, his hands and lips were so tender - not the security and freedom to  _ let go _ that was Cas' grip, but something else. Dean's pleasure built almost without him realizing. It didn't smash into him like a wave, it rose in him like a tide. If he were being romantic... he might say it was kind of like the way he'd fallen in love with each of them.

He and Cas were broken in so many of the same places, but not Jimmy. Jimmy deserved more. So Dean would just have to be more. And maybe - he was starting to see the outline of what that kind of  _ more _ might look like. 

"Someday, I'm gonna be the kind of man who could deserve you."

"Right back at you," said Jimmy. And his fingers curled around Dean's dick.

"We want to make you come. Please. Please tell us how to make you come." A kiss against his neck. One of many."Doesn't have to be Cas' one hand thing."

Dean's chest was a jumbled up hurricane of wings and sparks and emotions he couldn’t name. He couldn’t get his bearings, not when all the maps he’d been using for so long needed serious updating.

Jimmy stopped moving, and put his hand against Dean's chest.

"Dean honey? Talk to me."

Dean tried to speak, but no words would come. Instead, he took Jimmy's hand and kissed it, willing him to understand. 

He was surrounded by a warm, comforting feeling. Like sunrise on his back after another long night watching a house to make sure the ghosts were really dead this time. The glow of a campfire after the great marshmallow heist of '93. 

Jimmy squeezed his hand. "I'm sorry kitten. I can't do anything until I know you're okay. That's what you taught us. And you were okay, but then you were talking about not deserving us again, and now you're not saying anything so I don't know."

Dean kept up the slow, leisurely motion of their lovemaking even as he started crying again. It was just embarrassing at this point, but there was no stopping it.

He kissed Jimmy's hand again and placed it over his heart.

"I'll take that as a yes," said Jimmy. He squeezed Dean's hand and thrust into him, harder, and pulled away in a long slow drag, before coming back in.

"You told us we didn't have to earn this," he said, and his voice was low and a little intense. "You don't have to be anything more or special than just this."

Dean hiccuped slightly and squeezed Jimmy's hand.

"I like you," whispered Jimmy, body still moving insistently against Dean's. "I like who I am when I'm with you. You're the person I want to see every morning. You're the person whose arms I want to fall asleep in."

Dean's entire body was shaking as he tried to get his act together.

Eventually he gave up. There was only so much he could do with Jimmy whispering stuff like that in his ear.

"You're the most amazing man I've ever met, Dean Winchester. You're brave and kind and smart and you make terrible jokes - you're so good with Cas - and - you'll be such a good dad."

That broke him. There wasn’t another word for it. He felt like he had been broken open and all of his messy, confusing guts had spilled out. His heart was too damn full to do anything other than spill over and make a total goddamn mess.

Jimmy kissed helplessly against his neck. “I wish you could see what we see when we look at you. You'd  _ know _ why every person in your life loves you so goddamn  _ much." _ His voice was sounding heavy and choked. He buried his head in Dean's shoulder, and pushed deep inside him, as deep as he could go.

"You've got some serious stamina..." Jimmy said, as he moved. "Least I've got Cas... if I come too fast I've got him..." He laughed. "Always so close with you. Didn't really know it could feel this good...”

There was so much Dean wanted to say, but he still couldn't talk. Instead, he did the next best thing and contracted his muscles around Jimmy the same way he had with Cas. 

Jimmy made a noise like pain, but now Dean knew better. Jimmy's body got even tighter and he  _ fucked, _ hard and fast. Pressing back against him, Dean lost himself. Jimmy wanted him there. For whatever reason, he wanted him. If Jimmy saw those things were there, they were there and Dean just wasn't looking in the right place.

Dean was a total mess, as his sobs turned into moans. 

"Oh that's  _ right. _ That's right, kitten. Just like that." Dean was curled into Jimmy's lap, as Jimmy thrust up into him. "I love you when you're like this." His voice was soft, maybe a little unsure. "I love when you're in my arms like this, let me see you all soft and open. I love it so much."

Dean would have killed for even a shadow of this when he was in Hell. Forget that, he would kill for it  _ now. _ He was a man who didn’t know he was starving until he sat down at a feast. He would have sold his soul to the highest bidder if that's what it took to keep this safe. He had a husband and family and an angel to watch over them, and a reason to wake up each morning.

"I have no idea what I'm doing, but I want you anyway." Not the sexiest thing he could have said, but the most honest. "That's a threat." Dean reached back and found purchase on Jimmy's hip."You're stuck with me now. Been a long time since I wanted anything, for me, as much as this. I'm yours. For as long as you'll let me stay. I'll take what I can get. I'm not picky. I'm mostly house trained. I don't bark. I only bite if you ask nicely."

Dean broke out into a fit of laughter for reasons known only to him.

"I didn't mean to love you this much."

Jimmy pulled out gently, and rolled Dean underneath him. He was blinking a lot. A suspicious amount. He swallowed.

"It's okay baby." Dean reached up to cradle Jimmy's face, "You're allowed. We're all only human - except for Cas. And even he's allowed to cry."

Jimmy nodded. He was smiling, making choked sounds, trying to get the words out.

"Needed... to see your face. You know?" He looked down at Dean, and his eyes were shiny. "Your eyes. Got to kiss you, when you say that kind of thing."

And then he  _ was _ kissing, with his arms so tight around him. Dean was getting a few of Jimmy's tears caught in his eyelashes.

And then Dean was laughing. Couldn't seem to stop. It felt a bit like his first time as getaway driver. Exhilarating, more than a little stupid, totally worth it. He was scared, but they were going places.

Jimmy snuggled down between Dean's legs, and slid their dicks together. “Could just right now - go into you. And I'd be okay. And you'd be okay.” Little bit of wonder there. "I could wake you up tomorrow morning with a blow job. That's a thing I could do."

Dean kept one arm hooked around Jimmy, but the other reached down to play with his husband’s cock. "Baby, you can have me however you want, but I was really hoping you'd come inside me. It's more cleanup, but we're kinda gross now anyways."

Jimmy smiled at him. “Sounds like an excuse for another bath. Cas can carry you in like a princess so your feet never have to touch the ground."

"Fuck. Kitten  _ and _ princess?" Dean was totally screwed. He'd said that out loud and there was no taking it back. "I guess I look the part now, with the new duds you bought me."

Jimmy kissed Dean once more before getting up on his elbows. "You know it."

"You did  _ buy _ it, right? Not steal it after the lady at the store was so nice?" Dean had a policy of not mixing sex with stolen goods if at all possible. It was more fun getting dirty with a clean conscience.

Jimmy made a face. "You know, I do have a 401k. And it's not like I'm going to need that money for retirement or medical expenses anymore."

"I don't even know what that is. I mean, I do know about medical expenses, but I'm not the guy who forges the paperwork."

"Do you really want me to explain what a 401k is, or will you just believe that it's real, and it's where the disposable income to buy you pretty lingerie is coming from?"

"I know they  _ exist. _ I watch movies. As long as you've got money that we can put away in a savings fund for the kid, I'm happy."

"Who do you think I am!? Claire has her college fund  _ sorted out. _ "

"Hey!" It took Dean a second to realize Jimmy hadn't meant anything by it. "Good... I'm glad."

"I put aside some money to pay for her  _ wedding. _ "

"I....Oh. That's... Hey, Jimmy?"

Jimmy turned his head to the side.

"Promise me something." Dean was dead serious. Still smiling, but subdued. "Never give me access to that account. I don't want to think I'd touch a penny of it - but I won’t risk it."

Jimmy looked at him, levelly. "All right."

They'd started burning through his college fund the day Dean convinced his dad he was serious about not wanting to go to school a second longer than he legally had to. Less, considering he'd skipped a few grades as soon as he could convincingly lie about his age. Pretty much all of it had gone to ammunition and motel rooms. Credit card fraud was one thing at the grocery store, but a whole other ball game when you were buying guns. And then they'd started in on Sammy's, once Dean's ran out. 

"I've got a kid," Dean whispered against Jimmy, "and she's got a  _ future. _ I don't... I never dreamed, you know?"

Jimmy was so close that he could whisper almost impossibly soft. "I love that I can give this to you. I really, really do."

Dean blinked. "Holy crud, I'm not homeless anymore? Like... if we can all find a way to make this work, there's a  _ house _ I could maybe live in someday. With four walls and a roof and everything." He tried to imagine it. "I'll get to mow the lawn. And take out trash and check the mail at an actual mailbox! I mean... I wouldn't want to bring work home with me but - I'm not crazy? This could happen? I know we'd have to make sure it was okay with your wife but -"

"We'll work something out with Amelia. That house is nearly paid off. And if you really want to mow the lawn and take out the trash that bad - yeah. Yeah, we can make it work.”

Jimmy wrapped his hand around Dean’s dick, and his own, and began to leisurely tease. A thumb just under the head of Dean’s cock. A forefinger across the slit.

“I like that it took you  _ this long _ to realize I might have some money and assets tucked away."

“I was boring and miserable with an office job once. Sort of. I know things." It wasn’t Dean’s fault that he couldn’t trust himself to talk, not while Jimmy was touching where he was leaking, not when he was so hard it ached.

"You can look at my stock portfolio, tell me if I've got too much invested in tech."

"I’ll love you anyway, Scrooge McDuck."

Jimmy laughed, and took his hand away. "What do you say princess? Because I am still a very human guy with a very hard dick, and I can't get your voice saying 'come inside me' out of my head."

"Okay - I take it back. You don't get to call me princess. It makes you sound too much like Han Solo. If anyone in this relationship is Han, it's me. Cas can call me princess if he wants, but I'm your kitten."

Jimmy touched noses. "I like that better anyway. You are my kitten. But what do you say?"

"Just ah, first - how is Cas doing?" Sometimes Dean really hated being responsible. "Like, it's okay to skip the details, we’re both insanely hard. I just wanted to check on him."

Jimmy blinked. And then the body lying over Dean was about three degrees warmer. 

"Hey, sweetheart,” Dean said. “Looking sexy as always.” Seemed like the two of them were switching a lot easier these days.

Cas' eyes crinkled in a pleased sort of way.

"I'm serious. It's something about your posture. It's hot."

"You are always beautiful, of course. I am glad you find the way I hold this body appealing.”

"It's how you’re holding your head. Like you're not going to take shit from anyone. You don't take orders anymore. It's sexy."

Cas smiled a real sort of slow smile. Like a cowboy from a spaghetti western. The kind who wanders into town with no name, saves everybody, and then rides off into the sunset. "I suppose... I do not." 

"I'm still hard. I still want you,” said Dean. 

Cas stared down at him, eyes dark. 

"How."

"I want you to make love to me." Dean wasn't sure what that meant to an angel. If Cas even understood the distinction. But he wanted to find out.


	12. Being Good

Cas’ arms circled Dean. "Will you allow me to take you someplace beautiful? I will return you to your brother and your car after."

Dean kissed his cheek. “What’s the problem with right here?”

"You refuse to let me show off for you. Which I suppose I do understand."

Just this idea that Cas was  _ wanting _ something had him so turned on. Cas needed to know he could have the things he asked for. And Cas' hands were even lower, cupping his ass. "I have wanted to make love to you like this for a long time."

"Yeah. It... got distracting with you standing so close all the time."

Cas sat back on his ankles and gathered Dean into his lap, one of those fluid movements only he could do. "I stood too close?"' He kissed Dean's eyebrow. "I was a distraction?"

Dean's hands traced the lines of a coat collar onto Cas' skin. "Wanted to know what you looked like under that trench coat."

"A few thousand years ago, keeping your vessel nude was very fashionable."

Dean kissed up his neck. "Jimmy looks great in a suit. Birthday suit included."

"Wrap your legs around my waist, Dean."

“Copy that." Didn't have to be told twice, not as Cas moved to sit on the edge of the bed, rubbing appreciative hands over Dean’s thighs, slowly wrapping fingers around their cocks. Dean closed his eyes and leaned back, confident that Cas' arms would be there. They felt more solid than should have been possible - which was also a huge turn on. Not even physics got to tell Cas what to do.

Cas hummed in approval. He spread his own thighs apart, and Dean's spread too. Little bit of a dangerous area, but he still felt safe. Mostly in control of things.

"Lean into me,” said Cas. “I need to - wait. No. I can sense your muscles using my larger self.”

"Wait.” Dean was confused. “Do lean, or don’t lean?"

The arm along Dean's back tipped him forward, and held him. A pause, while Cas stroked his spine, and then his dick. Not a handjob so much as absentminded petting. 

"I would like you to breathe for me, please," he said.

"Can’t help it. You're still breathtaking."

Cas kissed just the corner of Dean's lips. "Breathe."

"Right. I trust you. I’m breathing. All ready to be taken somewhere beautiful. Like underneath you. Up against the wall. On the desk." 

"I did consider taking you to the mountains of Nepal. But my vessel thinks that 'taken somewhere' is meant to be understood metaphorically."

Dean smiled. "Come on. Taken as in  _ taken _ . Fucked. I'm not exactly a poet, guys."

Cas was able to get a finger inside him easily, and wasn't able to stop himself from leaning forward and kissing.

"I will take you." A second finger was playing around his rim. "You are astonishingly capable and brave, to be able to do this for us. I am glad that you have regained access to this kind of connection." Now Cas was delicately fucking him with two fingers.

"You sound like you're talking about the weather. It's weird and sexy and I love it. Never change. Not unless you want to. I like you just like this." More confident, less controlled, but also not swimming in booze, women, and drugs. "Tell me how much you want me?" He was allowed to be direct about things without it being weird. After all, Cas was Cas.

"Before…” he said. “All I could think of was holding you. Now I think of your body around mine, while I twine into your soul, listening to the noises you make of pleasure or abandon. One day I will not let you stop me until you come in my mouth."

Dean made one of those noises Cas thought so highly of.

"I will make you come tonight, Dean. If I have to cheat for it. If I have to stay hard for longer than any human could, exploit the knowledge I have of all the nerve endings in your body."

"Woah, hey. I don't want to put Jimmy through all that. It sounds kinda painful. You know it's okay if you come first, right? It’s not like I’ll be offended.”

Maybe Dean should have mentioned that little detail earlier. That there was  _ no  _ way he was going to be able to persuade his body into  _ coming first _ . Not with ten years of muscle memory telling him different. So instead he hugged Cas, rested his chin on his angel's shoulder. Just thinking about it made him feel small in ways he didn't like, but Cas was holding him. Cas made feeling small a lot better. Cas was smushing his face, but he didn’t mind. In fact, he had started to feel strangely quiet. Kind of at peace, in a way he wasn't really expecting. Nice. Just kind of unusual.

"Heads up - feeling sort of weird. Not sure if it's good or bad or what. But I should be okay."

"Standard precautions are in place. If you need me to speak. If you need me to stop." Cas stroked Dean's back, and arranged him against his chest.

"Love you." Dean had heard what Cas said, but saying that felt more important right now.

"And I you," Cas answered.

"Pretty sure helping you figure out what that means is in the top ten best things I'll ever do with my life."

Cas kissed his hair. "Thank you."

"Don’t thank me for that, Cas. Makes me feel kinda slimy. I did what any half decent person would’ve. The fact I even needed to is seriously screwed up. Good on you for getting yourself out.” He paused. This was all just - a lot. “You never know, maybe some of the others will figure it out, same as you did?"

"If this apocalypse does not happen, many of them will doubt. There was an angel from my old flight. Benjamin. He was regarded as strange because of his unusually close relationship with his vessel. He was stripped of his commission, and went to live with her on earth. I should find him."

"We'll make a honeymoon out of it. You can take me to Nepal."

"I do want to take you, beloved.”

Dean played dumb. "To Nepal? Not even sure what continent that's on. Asia? South America?"

Cas got hands under Dean's thighs, then lifted his hips up off his lap. He didn't break eye contact.

"I think they have sherpas there?” Jimmy was right, Dean was a pretty little asshole and he knew it. “Don’t know if that's a person or a kind of clothing." 

Cas didn't say a word. But, with a combination of gravity and his own insane strength, he began to lower Dean onto Jimmy's cock.

"Ah...ha uh. A-Asia. Definitely Asia. Wow, is that Mt. Everest in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" Dean laughed at his own joke before kissing Cas. Which would have been easier if he weren't smiling so much.

"To think that I thought this would rob you of words." Cas was all tiny sweet kisses along his cheek as Dean sunk down.

"Not… my fault... People say love... makes you stupid. Wasn't exactly a genius to begin with."

Cas settled Dean all the way down into his lap, cock tight inside him. He ran hands over Dean's thighs. "Still yes?"

"A million times.” Dean pushed Cas back into the mattress. “You've been so brave today, sweetheart. You always are, but today especially.” He started riding Cas as he talked. A controlled, gentle pace to match his even gentler words. “I love knowing you don’t just want this because I want it.” He was getting into it, raising himself up and slowly sinking back down onto Cas. Could play with those nipples again. Cas swallowed, and it was such a human expression. Dean was entranced.

“Come on, let me make you feel good. I’m so proud of you, Cas. You’re so much happier than you were just a few days ago. You did that. That was all you.”

Using the backs of his fingers, Dean lightly traced the path of the jugular vein. A gentle nudge to tip Cas’ chin back so Dean could kiss him, right over his pulse point. Just enough to feel a faster-than-normal-heartbeat on his lips. For all that Cas looked calm and put together, he was as affected as the rest of them.

Pulling back, Dean met his gaze, “What would make you feel good right now, sweetheart?”

Cas’ lips parted, as he blinked up at him.

“I’m not in this for the orgasm. Not real sure what happened last time. Could have been a one time thing. Don’t need superhuman endurance, don’t need some special type of sex. Don’t really even need to come. Jimmy and I want to make you feel loved.” Dean slowly adjusted until just the head of his husbands’ cock was inside him. He stayed there a few seconds before easing his way back down. It would be so easy to close his eyes and ignore everything other than how damn good they felt. “How do you want me?”

“Dean, I - Dean please.” Cas’ hand gripped his wrist. “Use me. For your pleasure, use me. Please. You won’t hurt me. I won’t hurt you. I know the safeword, Dean."

Dean sure as heck wasn’t expecting that.

"I'm going to need you to get... specific." His voice a mix of serious and playful, gently scolding. "You  _ know  _ I need you to get specific." He didn't give Cas much time to respond, and he didn't stop moving. "Is this okay? What I'm doing right now? We can figure out what you like, but I  _ am _ going to make you ask. You good with that?" Without totally meaning to, he’d switched into his FBI agent voice.

Cas whined and his head fell back. "Yes.  _ Yes _ ."

Dean dropped character for a second. "Hey. Cas, I think I need - I’m gonna need to talk to Jimmy for a sec? Love your idea, don’t get me wrong. But I can be pretty stupid sometimes, and this would - make me feel a lot better. I trust you, I do. It’s me I’m not too sure about. And I’ve already put you through way too much today.”

Cas looked at him, just intense. What kind of intense was hard to be sure.

And then those eyes relaxed into Jimmy's unbearably human ones.

"Hey, babe,” Dean said softly. “Are we being stupid?"

Jimmy closed his eyes, and breathed. He shook his head.

"Cas isn’t doing the sort of thing I did earlier? Still sorry about that, by the way." He took the opportunity to steal a kiss. Jimmy smiled against his lips. 

"Nope. That was you... running I think. Cas is - right now, he feels safe. That's what I'm getting from him. Safe."

"Maybe I just wanted to kiss you?"

"I know, but... seriously. He shouldn’t have to tell you what it’s like to be - scared of yourself. And how good it is to have someone you love just, fearlessly use you like that. He shouldn’t have to tell you that at all.”

" _ Jimmy. _ I thought for sure _ you _ would get this. I've started already. I'm not just asking him to tell me what he wants. I'm going to make him  _ beg _ for it."

Jimmy sighed in relief. "Oh thank fuck. I thought I was going to have to do way more talking you into this. Okay that sounded - sorry, I'm not making you do anything - "

Dean shut him up with a kiss. And started slowly riding his dick. "It's only fair he should get to, since I can't anymore."

"Never... say never."

"Okay, but it's a long way off." 

"Don't... stress about... it."

"We'll figure out something. But right now.  _ Right now _ , there’s a very attractive angel I'm trying to make talk." If Dean could joke about it, he would be okay.

Jimmy just smiled. Stretched luxuriantly under Dean's body. "I’ll enjoy this."

"Don't enjoy it  _ too _ much. You know he gets overwhelmed." Dean was already slipping back to his FBI agent voice.

"Oh, forget that. I'm going to enjoy  _ watching _ ."

"You're on standby for Good Cop if I need to call for backup. Keep an eye on him for me, Novak." Dean played it up for Jimmy's benefit, and Jimmy pressed up against him for a kiss.

Dean winked. "Go get our angel for me."

Jimmy nodded eagerly, just having so much fun being in on the joke.

He relaxed back in Dean's arms. And Dean waited, hiding his smile in their hair.

Cas came back on line a little slowly, a little unsure. 

"Dean?"

"We're good. I just wanted to make sure I wouldn’t mess this up.“ Dean kissed them, half in half out of character. “Before we do this, I want to lay out a few things, okay? I will never mock you for anything you say here. None of this is a punishment. If it starts to feel like one, even if you don’t know why, I need you to let me know. Doesn’t mean we have to stop, just need to know how you’re doing. Nothing you say will be used against you. Do you understand?” Dean felt like he was reading Cas his Miranda rights. Even though this was... literally the opposite of that.

"I understand," Cas said.

“You’re doing great, sweetheart.”

"You would never punish me, or mock me."

"Probably not even if you asked me. Pretty sure that's a hard limit for me right now."

Cas nodded again. Dean could hear his breathing get shallower. "I don't want that."

“Me neither. Right. Now.” Dean honestly felt like a bit of a creep. His smile was almost predatory. “There’s something about having an angel at my mercy that really does it for me.” He wanted to speed things up, chase this feeling to its conclusion. But that would spoil the fun. Instead, he started riding Cas’ cock with the same agonizingly slow pace as before. Cas was going to have to ask for what he wanted. Positive reinforcement could be used for more than just training dogs. It was also a pretty good way to teach a person.

And Dean was having fun just doing this. He was at a really great angle and mostly it was just an exercise in pacing himself. 

"Let’s try this again. How do you want me?” He folded some  _ threat  _ into his voice. “You want me to use you. How. Paint me a picture. What’s this fantasy of yours?"

"I... this, you are so tight around me. And rock... so confidently against me."

"You can want more."

"You could... go harder. You could bite me, like you did my vessel. You could use my mouth, like you would not use his. You could fuck me."

Dean stopped moving and frowned, with his best serious face. The kind of face you didn’t question even if you weren’t buying his alias. Only, his eyes gave him away.

"I didn't ask what I could do. I asked what you  _ wanted _ ."

Cas pulled at the sheets unconsciously.

"I want  _ everything _ Dean."

"Cas, you know I can't do that. You  _ will _ give me a starting point." A request masquerading as an order. Dean kept a soothing hand running up and down Cas' arm, just to make sure he knew that. Petting, to reassure Cas. And himself. 

"I know it's hard. And I know it's new. I know it can feel like giving me orders, but I promise it's not." He put more warmth in his voice. And picked up the pace, fucking himself for real now, instead of leisurely grinding. Still slow. Not quite as slow as before.

"It’s good. You’re closer. And I’m having so much fun watching you learn this stuff. Usually I go for people with more experience. Less hassle. But you're different. You're worth it.”

Cas sighed. His nervous fidgeting quieted.

"Treat this cock like it is yours. Like you are alone and playing with yourself. Guide it against your prostate and tease yourself."

That was what Dean needed to hear.

Like an ambush predator falling on its prey, Dean fell forward to kiss his way from Cas’ collarbone to his ear, leaving beautiful pink skin in his wake, letting his stubble scrape along Jimmy’s neck. Dean kissed his way along their jawline, ran his teeth over the shell of the ear. “By the time this is over?” He paused for effect, arousal thick, “I’m going to make you sing for me, little piano man. Ready to talk? Think you can do that for me?”

Cas was shaking under him already, sucking in long breaths.

"I understand. I understand... what you are asking of me. Can you tell me... what I should say to you?"

In what was either the best, or the worst idea of Dean's life, he looked Cas in the eye and answered - "Beg."

And then immediately backpedaled. "You remember the safeword, right?"

But Cas had arched his back. "I remember. Dean, please. Play on our cock. As hard... as you like. Let us hear how our body pleases you. I beg of you. Please." 

Cas always had a kind of rhythm as he talked, but now it followed the pace of Dean's fucking, as though he were forcing these words out of him. Every time he used Cas to fuck himself, the head of Jimmy’s cock slid past all the exact right places inside him. Sitting back, Dean took both of Cas' hands in his. After a moment's indecision, he placed them where his tits would be if he were a chick. He flexed his pecs, then his stomach. He wasn't exactly sure where the line was between a lap dance and fucking, but if this weren't clearly on the fucking side of things... Dean would have said it was the best lap dance he'd ever given. 

Cas massaged the nipples beneath his fingers. "I can feel... how you use us. I can feel... how aroused you are." 

“I could tie you up,” said Dean. “We’ve got the robe ties and Jimmy’s actual tie. Though ah… Oh wow. That feels... good. I.... Cas.” Dean stopped talking and just felt for a bit. "How are you.... Fuck. Yes."

"You don't have to tie me,” Cas said softly. “Tell me not to move. I would not."

Eyes closed, head bowed, mouth hanging open in pleasure, Dean didn't get to see Cas when he said that. "No, that's..." He hummed, contented - rose up on his knees and guided Cas' cock into him, enjoying the pressure of the head tugging against his rim. He hovered there, clenched before sinking back down again. Cas had asked him to use him like a toy. "Holyfuckingshitballs I'm in love with your dick."

Their angel was rolling and writhing under him, and when he opened his eyes there was Cas - mesmerized by the sight of his cock sinking into Dean's body.

"Jimmy needs to see you like this."

"You think... my vessel does not see me...?"

Dean leaned forwards and captured Cas' lips in a messy kiss. “Not from where I'm sitting." He rocked his hips to illustrate."Best seat in the house."

Cas closed his eyes in pleasure. "May I touch you?"

"Thought you'd never ask. Touching is encouraged."

Cas reached forward with one hand, eyes still closed, and stroked the tips of his fingers along Dean's dick.

Dean stopped moving. Trembling slightly, though not from fear, he pressed a feather-light kiss to Cas' lips.

Cas sighed into his mouth."I want... I am so wanted."

“I do want to tie you up someday. Just because I think you’d look beautiful.” Dean said it like a marriage proposal. Hopeful, sincere, a declaration.

"I would never break a rope you used to tie me," Cas said back, exactly the same.

"We’ll get something fancy and pretend it's binding magic. I know you said you wanted that." Dean kissed him more deeply this time, because Cas looked a little overwhelmed at just the idea.

His arms came up around Dean's shoulders. He twisted up to kiss the handprint. 

"Cas..." Dean was at a loss for words. There was so much he wanted to say, but in the end he settled on, "Thank you."

Cas settled back, looked up at him. "Why are you thanking me?"

"I didn't think I could have this."

"You can have everything. I will learn everything for you.” He was looking up into Dean’s eyes, and there was a brief pause where his muscles contracted before he said, quieter – “Will you tell me I have done well? Do I... begin to understand?"

The arms around Dean's shoulders got tighter, and the body he was lying against more rigid. Cas didn't get embarrassed. But this...

“Oh sweetheart,” He was melting from the inside out, under all the warmth and love Cas was directing his way. “You’ve done so well.” The FBI voice was gone. He’d slipped into the voice he only used talking to Baby. “I’m so proud of you. I’ll be just as proud of you if you need to stop. Look at you. You're so gorgeous. If you could see yourself..." Dean kept riding him, "Asking for what you want, making me feel safe. You’re being so good for me. So brave.”

Dean wasn’t done, but he was overcome with the urge to kiss Cas. Something about their angel made him into a lovesick fool, but he wouldn't have it any other way. “You’re doing such a good job, little angel. I know this is hard for you.”

His words were one tangled stream-of-consciousness mess, soft breaths and kisses peppered all over Cas' face and neck. "You feel so good inside me. I'm so lucky to have you. You have such a beautiful sexy voice." Dean kissed him with every new example. "You opened me up so careful. You're so patient." Dean shrugged out of the embrace, placed his hands on Cas' shoulders, pinned him to the bed in a way that implied command. Then he took Cas’ wrists, brought them above his head. "There's stuff out there you want that you don't even know about yet. When we find it, I want to give it to you. I want to give you everything."

Under his hands, Cas' body was so soft, and Dean moved him into place so easily. Cas' hips pressed up, and his lips came after him with helpless little nips.

_ "Dean." _ When Cas said his name - it was a prayer, it was a vow. It was something he was saying like he couldn't quite believe it. His eyes had fluttered closed, his lips - swollen from kissing - slightly parted. He was even harder, if that was possible. And the cute pink nipples - they were hard too. Their little angel's body, laid out before him. Vulnerable and trusting.

"Look at you," Dean breathed. Cas was a marvel. Beautiful and powerful beyond understanding, and yet here he was, letting Dean make him helpless.

He wanted to push him a bit more. He trusted Cas could take it, but he still had to be careful. Cas didn't have the same frame of reference as a human. So any playful teasing would have to be clearly play, or it wasn't worth the risk.

“Do I have your consent to include Jimmy for a minute? I promise the focus is still going to be you. Remember, the answer I’m looking for is the most honest one. That can be yes, no or maybe. You’re allowed to ask questions and change your mind.”He kept the words weirdly formal on purpose. Seemed like the kind of thing Cas would be more comfortable with. 

Dean lay down next to him. "You don't have to talk. You can just nod yes or no. May I talk to Jimmy, tell him how good you've been?" Wrapping his hand around Cas' dick, he started giving him a lazy handjob, completely ignoring his own erection for now. Kissed Cas on the cheek, and waited.

This was the part where, if they were in separate bodies, Dean would turn to Jimmy and they'd just admire Cas for a minute. Or he'd invite Jimmy to have a turn. They'd try to decide if Cas had been good enough to deserve a reward, and decide he had been. Then they'd pick what that was, based on which suggestion Cas seemed most into. Dean couldn't quite do that - but he trusted he’d be able to figure something out.

Cas shuddered as slowly, bit by bit, the way he held the body changed, and Jimmy began to push his way through. It was Jimmy who flexed his hands closed, and then open again, but kept his wrists exactly where Dean had put them. 

Dean leaned in to kiss hello. "You can move if you want. Just put him back where I left him."

Jimmy gave him a slow smile, and opened his eyes properly. Had to lick his lips and swallow, before he could talk.

"He’s like... sparks. Only... only light. Symmetrical. No chaos. Covering us..." Jimmy’s face scrunched, and he looked almost like he was about to  _ cry _ . Rested his forehead against Dean’s. "He used to be... all angles. Walls. Walls that were a knot, all twisted up together..."

"Hey, baby. It's okay. I've got you." Dean moved on top of Jimmy, laying his body across him like a heavy blanket. "You need me? You've got me. Okay?" He gave him a soft peck on the cheek. "You're here now. We're not going to let things get that bad again. No more angel brainwashing. For anybody."

Jimmy kissed him. And then his hands were in Dean’s hair, bringing him closer.

This wasn't going at all how Dean thought it would. But that was okay. "I'm proud of you too.” 

Jimmy just held him. "I'm okay. I mean - we're okay. We're okay. Just wish you could see him, is all."

"Since we’re too much for him at once, maybe we take turns? Like I hold him while you go to town on the bits of him I can't see?"

Jimmy nodded, slowly. "It would be easy now. He's so open. Normally I have to be kind of careful."

"I can tell him how sexy he is while you go down on him. You know. Angel version of going down on him." Dean kissed their forehead. "Wouldn't be allowed to touch himself until I gave him permission? If you think he could handle being told no a couple times?"

Jimmy reached up to grope Dean's ass, apparently just because he could. "Not to be telling secrets, but  _ handle _ that? Cas would  _ love _ that.”

"That doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be too much. I uh... made that mistake earlier. About... myself. With you. I was into the begging, it was just -"

Jimmy gave him a swift it’s-all-right kiss. "I can shut it down if it goes too far. I don't even think I'd even have to, that’s the neat thing.  _ Cas  _ can. Which is such a huge deal, you don't even know."

"I uh... think I know." At least Dean wasn't ashamed about that, anymore.

And Jimmy blushed hot. "Sorry. Right. Of course - you get it."

"Just glad you don't. At least one of us knows how this is supposed to work." 

"Hey..." Jimmy cuddled down close to him. "Kitten. I’m here. Now how am I going to know when to back off? Some sort of signal? I feel better than I hear in there - except when sounds are touch - I don't know it's weird - "

Dean was trying to think. It was hard to problem solve when he couldn't really understand or picture what Jimmy was saying. “I was going to make him tell me what he wants, then tell me all the ways he’s good and deserves to be happy before he  _ gets  _ it. So he needs to be able to talk."

"I don’t know, it's like he talks... through me? Like I'm the talking? Ah, I wish I could explain this better -" Jimmy sighed in mild frustration. "The closer I am to him... the easier talking is? That's why he can only do a few words when he goes full-on angel-form. Or when you made him come before. I wasn't, I mean..." Jimmy looked actually embarrassed. "...I wasn't as around as I _could_ have been. That first time you had sex."

"So if I fuck him,” said Dean slowly, “You’re gonna feel that too? I mean, more than you did."

Jimmy nodded.

"I do want to get a little rough with him, don’t get me wrong. But I want your first time to be gentle, baby."

Dean got a kiss for that. And then was quiet for a second. The muscles in his neck and jaw got tense, breathing even. A little too even.

“It would help  _ me _ , if I get to make sure your first time is gentle.”

"Sorry to make things complicated,” Jimmy was saying. “I know the talking is important and it's tricky for Cas on his own. But he can always give you a non-verbal answer."

"I know,” said Dean, quietly, focusing back in. “That’s why making him talk is so fun. It's adorable, and sexy. I wish you could see him.” 

"Check us into one of those places with the mirrored ceilings next time." Jimmy's tone was light and flirty, but the hand he stroked down Dean's back was heavy and deliberate.

"If I can find one he hasn't destroyed while angel-naked."

Jimmy wiggled his hips underneath him. "So. You want to fuck us?"

"I  _ really _ do." Dean was almost apologetic.

"Good."

"You sure about that? Isn't it... you know, scary? When it's not you in control in there?"

Jimmy looked up with just, so much adoration. Then he looked around the room, and since it was only blackness, Dean figured that he was probably looking at Cas. 

"I promise you. Now? It's not scary."

Good. It wasn’t scary.

_ … now. _

Things slowed down as Dean felt that one word break over him like an ice cold wave. A hundred feet, a thousand feet tall. 

Closing his eyes, he bowed his head. Rested it against Jimmy's shoulder. 

_ "Jimmy _ . I am- so sorry. I didn't… I wouldn't have…” His voice shook. “If I'd known. Jimmy. The first time would never have happened if I’d thought..."

"Dean, what are you saying?"

"Did I - " He was starting to hyperventilate. "Are you saying I - "

He  _ couldn't say it _ , and he hated himself for it.

"The whole time I was in Hell, that was the  _ one thing _ . I hurt people but I never.... and then I came back and... and..." Dean wasn't just trying not to cry. He was fighting to hold back a  _ scream _ .

"Dean, breathe, stay with me. You haven't hurt me. You’ve only ever been so careful and... You're acting like, like - like you raped me or something. And just - just  _ no _ ."

"Oh thank God!" Dean hid his face in Jimmy's neck and held on tight, a high pitched keening noise coming from somewhere deep. "When you said - I thought - " He couldn't seem to breathe. "You said you weren't scared  _ now _ , and I..."

"I meant - early days with Cas it was scary. It’s better now." Jimmy gathered him into his arms, but Dean couldn't calm down. He looked at Jimmy but all he could see was torture room after torture room after torture room after torture room.

"Lilith. Shit, guys. Lilith. I can't. Fuck, I'm sorry. I need to talk to Cas."

Instantly, he was in Cas' warmer arms.

"I can't breathe." His voice was so tiny. "Don't let me out of your sight tonight. Okay?"

"I won't leave you," said Cas, in that deep rumble.

"If I'm dead, there's no one to say yes, no one to fight the devil in a Sam-suit. The world can’t end if the fight doesn’t go down. Help, Cas. I need to stick around long enough to find a better plan."

"Your being dead would solve nothing. Michael would only bring you back."

Dean's lower lip began to tremble. "T-Thanks, sweetheart. I was... I... I'm trying to be okay. But I'm not.” And he had a kid now, but she was still just an abstract, not someone who would actually miss him if he were gone. “You think we can stick to vanilla? Just for tonight?”

"My vessel remembers how you made love to him. How he begged you for more, and you still said no. How you protected him, by doing that."

"Didn’t do it for Jimmy. Had to make sure my hands could do more than- more than hurt people. Sounds stupid, when I say it out loud."

"No." said Cas, the calm statement of fact bringing Dean’s anxiety to a standstill.

"Thought you might get it," Dean mumbled. 

Being scared like that should have killed his hard on, but it hadn't. Apparently, he was just that used to sex while terrified. "Shit. I probably have a secret knife kink." Hadn’t meant to say that out loud. "Sorry."

Cas rolled over Dean to cover him with his body. "This was helpful to you, before." He bent his head to kiss the pulse point on Dean’s throat. And Dean could feel himself calming down.

"Let me check in on Jimmy again? Make sure he's okay?"

"Hey." Jimmy's voice. He kissed Dean's nose.

Dean squeezed his eyes shut for a minute, managing a small, shaky smile. "Can we get under the covers?"

Wordlessly, Jimmy lay next to him.

Dean felt like someone's idea of a bad joke. "You thought I was some sexy bad boy mysterious stranger. Turns out I’m an emotional braincase who wants to do missionary under the covers with the lights off."

Jimmy pulled the blankets completely over their heads, cocooning them in a warm little pocket. Dean had a brief mental image of little animals that burrow under the ground during winter. He’d been at the bottom of a grave before, and this wasn’t like that. This was restful. Safe. Not dead.

"Have I got to say it?" Jimmy whispered. "You think I'd be marrying you if you really  _ were _ some mysterious bad boy? You think I could have let  _ that _ guy make love to me, outside a fantasy? I know exactly who you are, Dean Winchester. You want a family and you want to mow the lawn, and you absolutely  _ love  _ vanilla sex. And I  _ love _ that about you. No, honestly. I get plenty of the kinky stuff from Cas. And all I see from where I'm standing is how much  _ better  _ you're doing. How you're not letting anything get in the way of - you know, paying attention. Being careful."

" _ So careful _ ,” said Dean. “I have cockblocked myself so much it  _ hurts _ . I swear, if I fuck this up one more time I'm gonna damage something. But I feel gross saying that. I don't want to pressure you or anything."

Jimmy rolled underneath him, and spread his legs so Dean was squeezed between his thighs.

"Answer your question?"

"I'd settle for a handjob. You’ve got really nice hands." He started feeling around for the bottle of lube, lost somewhere in the covers.

"Dean, shut up. I'll beg. Cas will  _ definitely _ beg."

Dean took one look at Jimmy’s determined face, and grinned. "Okay. You got it. How about we do this face down, so I can see what happens when I lick your shoulder blades when you’ve got  _ this _ inside you?" He rubbed himself on Jimmy's thigh, didn't bother to try and hide the eagerness in his voice. Sounding cool was... low priority. 

Jimmy did a pleased whole-body shiver and untangled his legs to lie on his front.

"I want a turn with both you and Cas." Dean was teasing now. They'd be okay.

"Cas first. It'll be easier to get him open, and I'm seriously concerned that you'll pass out from blood loss if that cock gets any harder.” 

Dean finally managed to find the lube hiding in the pillows.

"Stick around for a sec. I want to try something. Something I wanted to do last time." Getting right to it, he crawled down Jimmy’s body, placed a slow kiss on his lower back.

"Ah, you... going up or down?"

"That even a question?" Dean squeezed Jimmy's ass. " _ Down _ .You don't taste like gross fake apples this time. I want to enjoy this."

"Oh," breathed Jimmy.

"Yeah. Oh." Dean blew a raspberry on Jimmy’s back. It was loud, wet, disgusting and hilarious. 

Jimmy startled.

"Relax, babe. I got you."

And now Jimmy was laughing. Trying and failing to get it under control. Dean smacked his ass lightly, not enough to hurt. Used it to muffle his own laugh. Which just made them both laugh harder. Jimmy wiggled his butt. "Let's see what you got."

Dean took his time. Massaging Jimmy's thighs, peppering kisses along the curve of his ass. Each time he kissed one cheek, he'd mirror it on the other. "Can't have them getting jealous."

And then, once Jimmy got used to having him back there, Dean started gently spreading him apart, leaving a trail of closed mouth kisses as he moved towards his destination. After a little trial and error, he was able to do it one handed - leaving his fingers free to play with Jimmy's balls. 

He heard a sharp inhale, a pleased hum. "You know, I’m still pretty relaxed from what you were doing with Cas earlier..."

"You won't be if I go too fast." Dean spread Jimmy further this time, and instead of touching him, just let his breath play against the sensitive skin. "I've wanted to do this since the first time I saw you without that trench coat. So, pretty much since the day I met you. You-you. _ Cas _ never took off the damn coat."

Jimmy laughed. Dean kissed. Light, gentle kisses all around the outside of his asshole. The skin beneath his lips was warm, and soft, and Dean used it to muffle a sudden involuntary moan. Jimmy echoed him, with a sound low in his throat.

This was officially the hottest thing he'd ever done. Probably the hottest ass he'd ever done too. Moving both hands, Dean used his thumbs to spread it out of the way, massaging as he went. Dean made a satisfied hum and kissed Jimmy's hole directly. He mostly kept his tongue to himself, not wanting to try anything too invasive just yet, and risk making things weird.

"Want to switch to Cas like this?" 

"Oh..." said Jimmy. "You're a  _ genius. _ "

And Dean felt the ass in his hands - the ass he was kissing - get a little more still, a little warmer. And the balls in hand contracted.  _ Cas  _ pushed back into him, and Dean kissed a little deeper than intended.

"How does... my vessel do this for you so  _ quickly _ ?" Cas sounded partly impressed, partly annoyed. Mostly just thick and heavy and turned on.

"Hmm?" Dean wasn't entirely sure what Cas meant, but he was going to keep his face right where it was unless _ specifically _ told to stop. He shifted his attentions to the rest of that insanely perfect ass, running his teeth over the globe of one cheek while still paying gentle attention to Cas' balls.

"I have a new favorite food. You." Dean pretended like he was going to take a bite out of Cas. "If it was between never doing this again and never eating pie, your ass wins, hands down. I can live without pie. Not sure how I lived without this."

"Dean. It is good that you enjoy playing with my vessel's body. If you could fuck us at some point before the heat death of the universe, that would be ideal."

Oh, that was cute. Cas was asking  _ and _ being adorable about it. That deserved some kind of reward. But he would fuck Cas in a minute. He had important things to do first.

Scooting a bit further down the bed, Dean found a better angle, spread apart those two delicious handfuls of ass, ran the flat of his tongue from the sensitive skin behind Cas' balls, right across his hole, all the way to the top. Kissed it before going back to kissing that adorable asshole's asshole. This time with added tongue.

Cas  _ hissed _ . Dean felt the muscles in his ass tighten, then relax.

" _ More. _ "

Dean kissed, not holding back now. Making love to every inch of that delicate skin. And Cas squirmed against him, until Dean had to use two hands to keep that beautiful ass steady.

"We are  _ ready _ for you." Okay, now he was just whining.

"Oh, fuck Cas. Wish I could keep doing this forever but I'm seriously so hard it hurts." He double checked the label to make sure it wasn't the flavored crap. It was just regular-ass lube, so he squirted some onto his hand and waited a few seconds for it to warm up.

"Someday, I’m going to do this and really take my time." Dean slipped a lube coated finger inside Cas, went back to kissing the surrounding area. Kissing the skin around the place where he disappeared into Cas was… 

" _ Look at you, _ " he whispered in awe. “I can't believe I get to do this."

"Give us your cock, Dean Winchester. You can compose sonnets for us  _ later. _ " 

Cas  _ was  _ relaxed, but not nearly as much as Dean would have expected from someone using their angel-only factory override codes. “Are you doing this the old fashioned way? You  _ are _ !”

He let Cas know he was in  _ full  _ support of this decision by going back in for another kiss to the soft ring of muscle surrounding his finger. “Thank you.” A softer kiss now, on the small of Cas’ back. “Feels like we skipped straight past all the fun parts the first time." Dean added more lube and worked in a second finger. “Sweetheart. You… look at how beautifully you take my fingers. You’re going to look even more beautiful when you take my cock.”

Cas was almost ready. There was just one thing he needed to do first.

Dean ducked down to kiss Cas behind the balls, pressing his finger along his soft inner walls in search of his prostate. He knew the general area, but a little extra recon was still useful. Voice muffled by that gorgeous ass he asked, "Send Jimmy back out for a sec?  _ This _ is what I wanted to do to him before." 

He was expecting some sort of complaint, or resistance, an annoyed huff, but there wasn't any. All he heard was a soft, helpless little sound as the body in his hands pushed up against his fingers.

"Your  _ hands. _ Dammit, Dean.  _ Your hands. _ "

Jimmy was  _ desperate _ , and that was affecting Dean in ways he didn't think he could take much more of. But Jimmy didn't have to know that. 

"You said you were okay with begging? Because Cas deserves a reward, but he's also being kind of a brat right now. Want to convince me why I should go easy?"

In case he wasn't clear, Dean made sure to  _ unambiguously _ state what he was asking for. "Tell me what a good boy Cas has been. And then maybe, if you beg for it enough, I'll fuck him." Dean removed his hands from Jimmy entirely. "Or you could decide to be a brat too. Your choice." 

It took every bit of self restraint not to go back to kissing them. He  _ loved _ them like this. He  _ loved  _ seeing Cas so outspoken about his own desires. 

Jimmy flipped himself over. Now that he was lying on his back, Dean could see just how hard, red, and leaking his cock really was. "Not me," he said, as he curled fingers around it. "I'm good."

"You're  _ very _ good."

Jimmy tipped his head back to look at the ceiling. "You know, he's so  _ old _ , and he knows so  _ much _ , but he has to be a kid here. Got to feel the power of saying no. Got to figure out who he is by asking for things. We all did it." Jimmy was starting to give himself a gentle handjob. "He's not brute-forcing open the body. He could. But he knows it's better for me this way. Better for you. He's listening. He's listening to every single thing you say. Everything your body responds to. He's learning. He's remembering."

Dean’s expression went from vaguely scolding to deeply smitten without him really noticing.

"He's trusting you. To protect him. To protect  _ me. _ That's hard. That's really hard for him. He'd rather just protect you."

“That…” Dean swallowed. “Was so much more than I was expecting, or even asking for, but thanks, for telling me.”

He crawled back up the bed and leaned in for a kiss. “I’ll talk to you later. Right now, we have another husband to make love to.” He corrected himself. "Or  _ I  _ do. He's not ready for us both yet. When he is, he'll be able to ask."

"Yes," said Jimmy. And he melted away, and it was Cas' eyes.

"Hello, little angel." Dean kissed him softly, "I'm ready to give you what you want now, if you still want it?"

"Yes," said Cas. And his eyes were steady.

"Jimmy and I are so proud of you," Dean said, coating himself in lube and positioning himself so the head of his cock pressed against Cas' entrance. He had to close his eyes for a second and take a few deep breaths, or risk things being over embarrassingly fast. "Look what you do to me."

Cas reached up, and folded a hand over the brand on Dean's shoulder.

There was some pressure in his touch. Just the hint of a suggestion.

Cas had gotten so good about asking. It hadn't even been a full day since he found out he could, and now he was finding ways to ask without words. It was more than a little breathtaking.

But... not as much as that slow push inside that tight ring of muscle. 

Dean let Cas control things, and used the pressure of that hand to determine his speed.

Cas rearranged his body around Dean. Pulled his legs wider. Tilted his pelvis up. Pulled Dean down into him… so much more slowly than he had the first time.

His breath was slow. The fingers that stroked along the back of Dean's shoulder were slow. 

Everything was slow.

Dean's entire body trembled with the effort of holding still. Every instinct was telling him to thrust into the amazing warmth and pressure surrounding his dick, but every instinct was  _ wrong _ . So he stayed still.

He would move how Cas told him to  _ when  _ he told him to. Not a moment sooner.

Around halfway, Cas paused. Then, like coming to a realization - "Our body is accustomed to you now." His fingers tightened. "Take us."

And like that, Dean's hips jolted forward of their own accord without any input from his brain.

He felt helpless and out of control in a way he wasn't used to, in a way he hadn't been in a very long time. Not trying to prove something to himself. Not trying to earn something. He wasn't half expecting a knife plunged into his side. It was just sex. But it was also  _ so much more. _

Dean did his best to gather Cas into his arms. No orders other than  _ stay close.  _ Cas' legs wrapped around his waist, pulled him even closer.

Dean plunged back in for another kiss. Messy, and unpracticed and fiercely hungry in a way previous ones hadn't been. He was being undone, taken apart in places he didn't know were part of him to begin with. And Cas was right there with him, hands in his hair, kissing him back.

"Cas - I'm - not sure how much longer I can...." His words were lost and forgotten in another searing kiss.

He curled his fingers through Cas' hair and tugged. Angling his head enough to leave a line of hickies down his neck. A distant part of him remembered that they were planning to stop and see Jimmy's family. He didn't care. He was tired of seeing threats around every corner. There were no threats here.

He wasn’t thinking rationally. He was barely thinking at all. But he had a decade's worth of conditioning telling him he'd be punished for coming too soon, and he was scared about how  _ fast _ he could feel his climax approaching. He'd held off for so long. He'd kept himself like this  _ for so long _ .

He wasn't entirely aware of what he was saying, but he could hear himself begging to be allowed to come. He was pretty sure he called Cas "Daddy," but didn't focus on it. Every movement and every gasping breath went towards trying to find the angle he needed to please Cas.

“Come for us,” said Jimmy’s voice, soft. “Dean. We want you to. You’re allowed. I feel you. Feel him... around me. So close for  _ so long _ . I'm  _ so close. _ I’m only human." Jimmy's open lips ghosted over Dean’s in the lightest kiss possible, just as his hand reached to touch the place where they were joined.

Dean shook his head, bit his lip so hard he tasted blood.  _ A good dog follows behind its master. _

He  _ couldn’t _ . He felt like crying.

"Come for us. You feel  _ so good _ . You are  _ so good _ . Come inside us, kitten."

Dean’s orgasm tore through him like a car crash or a shotgun blast. It was violent and sudden and all encompassing. He tried to hold on to Jimmy, but it was like he’d caught hold of something... else. He didn't have any better way to explain it.

And right as he began to come down from that first high, Dean - felt like he was being turned inside out - used as a lightning rod by something bent on wrenching a  _ second  _ orgasm out of him

This was an electric current made of liquid fireworks and noise was pouring into his veins. He wasn't usually loud. He wasn't a screamer. But this time, he screamed. Dean’s arms buckled as he lost the strength to support himself. He was a senseless, sweaty, shaking mess just trying to hold on to consciousness, but that only made it harder when a  _ third _ devastating orgasm hit.

It was the snowflake-like spider web ache extending through his body that cued him in. With what coherent thought he could muster, he managed to make whatever-it-was inside him  _ let go _ long enough to avoid grabbing hold again - 

As the  _ next _ aftershock hit.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Find us on tumblr at [niche-pastiche](https://niche-pastiche.tumblr.com) and [wisteria-lodge](https://wisteria-lodge.tumblr.com).


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